No sense

Millenniumlady:
Girl this is 2020 and if a man ain't ready to do all you want then boy bye.

Never judge or condemn someone that you don't know what he is going through, she will say things at her favor, before you judge listen to the guys point of view 1st. Youre a man, if youre not from a wealthy family you would understand how things are for strugglers and for d federal job, he has his reasons for turning d job down so don't judge him. We have every right to live the way we want, we lose or gain all fall on us. She wants d guy to start business because of herself, because she wants to be respected with class, has she considered the guys family too. he owns a car, will the guy not fuel the car, will the guy not eat , she said na 2k he dey give her u go see say d guy sef dey calculate. No judge her na her mind she dey talk she no wan reason wit wot d guy is passing tru Bcox she grow up poor.

VictorBode:
Even though I've advised acmepreneur on the best approach to her relationship,

I'm SERIOSLY disappointed in her bf. Your woman is striving you to be great and you have zero plans to becoming a better person.


Men that are not hardworking disgust me. He has siblings and as a first son, he is relaxed.

Let's not pretend like she's the only one at fault.

Even the guy has MESSED UP BIG TIME.

Anyways acmepreneur just do as I have told you. Just meet him where he's at and support him a bit more.

Encourage him to start new productive habits small small.


Lalasticlala abeg come, I'm angry

jagaban002:
Over ambicios women made some man goes into ritual and illegal stuff like yahoo , please don’t make up with him and let him be whatever he want to be with the little he’s having and go and build ur own dangote with ur nagging .
The guy don suffer gan oooo , how will he be coping with someone like u .
You can never be satisfy and u will always want more till you push him to death and breaking up with him is like saving is life please leave the poor boy alone aunty. Please is mom need him alive and is dad is dead don kill him use ur nagging on ur brothers .

You are wrong. Ambitious people don't do illegal things to make money. They want to be respected for what they have worked hard for.

Starz825:

You know what...
At first I actually thought it was my girlfriend that wrote this whole thing Abt me.... the issue we have right now looks similar with yours...we are temporarily on hold...
I love ladies who push you into doing things that will help your life...
Infact you are just like my Esther...

See, i understand everything you wrote up there....and I also understand all that ur guy is going through...all this I hate Nigeria blah blah blah, I don't want masters it's a waste of money and time....thats exactly what I have been singing since 2yrs now...
Ok listen to my advice
There are four things that bothers you right now
*Your guy
*His future (your future with him)
*Your age
*Marriage
Now...don't pressure him...but one thing I need you to do right since you also ambitious about your future and all...
Why don't you guys join hands and create a biz....
Because I can categorically tell you that your guy doesn't have interest in furthering his education into masters level(for now)...if he wants it he wants it abroad....it's like an excuse to avoid doing masters now... he knows going abroad won't be easy or won't be now...
I can tell you that abroad sef , he doesn't have strong interest in it again as he used to...yes tell him that I said it...the Corona virus is changing his mind and presently he is going through a lot ...
However, out of the below
*Going for courses
*Starting a biz
*Learning a skill

He is likely to go for starting a biz... because this is the point where I am right now...
So pls you guys can join hands to get a biz...
And then since he is a computer science guy...he should try to put up some skills in that line and push for other jobs while you his gf go about your feasibility study about a viable biz you both can lay your hands on...you understand me ..
So he is making money and you both are contributing toward creating your biz...

I won't lie to you acmepreneur nobody wants courses for now with the whole thing going on in Nigeria...nobody wants to waste fund starting a course so it's better to start a biz(as in be an employer of labor).. that's what I am working towards now...
Thanks

I appreciate your response.. Very wise

chigoizie7:


There is a difference between supporting a man and forcing a man to do your bidding even when it doesn’t make him happy. Contentment is real bro.

Some want to be richer than dangote. Some just want to be able to afford their basic needs. Some can’t cope working for someone, some can’t do business because they have a zero PR. While dealing with people, always know what they want in life. You can give a man who is not passionate about doing any form of business N100m and the money will go down the drain in 1 year. You can also give someone who is so passionate about doing business N1m and in 1 year, he is doing well already.

I do not want to be famous no matter how rich I am, I just love that low key life. While some will do anything to be famous even when they do not have money.

People are different. This man is okay or should I say comfortable with the way he is living his life. If it doesn’t suit the young lady, let her leave him and if she can’t leave him, let her make the billions for the both of them. It’s a simple as that.

don't get it twisted bro, any man that want to grow must have a very focus and ambitious lady as partner. I won't lie this affect me a lot because I've no one to ginger me


my second degree for example couldn't happened on time because my gf tried to discourage me which I did later without her notice. some partner are lazy intellectually, as a human you can never be contented with your present position hence you won't move forward in life


The Op just need to redress her manner of approaches and understand different between suggestion and opinions. she was giving opinions which is wrong, what she should have done is to suggest, like bring out ideas.


Op's bf is a true African man, let Op seek a redress in her approaches, I foreseen turnaround

Acmepreneur:

I'm a witch? Lol
Money is very important to me and to everyone. My siblings and I suffered due to poverty and we shouldn't be where we are today if not for poverty. My siblings won lots of things at junior level that was snatched away from us at our very own eyes. I don't want that for my children, I pray they are intelligent though

Then nothing stops you from making the money yourself, you are human with both hands and legs intact, make use of it. If you want a billion dollar life, work for it. That is what your family believes, you are holding your family’s doctrines up. But it will be so selfish of you to ignore his own personal doctrines of being contented they way things are going for him.

Millenniumlady:
Girl this is 2020 and if a man ain't ready to do all you want then boy bye.

Mumu

Nah your type Dem dey used for blood money..

pls do

She’s working according to the expectations of the family and society. Go out there and find another man. There are women out there looking for his type.

padi94:
I swear, this OP is the true definition of a *witch*.
Allow the guy to be nd go and find a man that checks all your boxes, if he is splitting ur tits this much. If you think he is this useless or unserious, why are you still with him?

when you do, you will then know that its not all about money nd perfection, that makes a good man.
Its this type of your thinking that may keep you single all your life. Its not a curse o.

You can't always see all before you take a descision, you just have to see that the most important things are there... you need to just lighten up, ur too uptight.

africandictator:
Allow your partner to see how successful you are business wise before shoving your opinions down his throat. You breaking up with him at this crucial point would be doing him a favour. Some people find fulfilment working for others. You should be glad he has a job that pays about $250 monthly. Love him for all his imperfections and stop trying to control him if you really love him. We have alakijas and other successful business women, you too can become one rather than pushing your partner to be successful at all costs for your own personal gains!

You have said it all, Op used pattern to justify herself by saying she has dreams, ambitions yen yen yen..... but has already mapped out plans of marriage 2021 as deadline....
So i keep wondering what type of ambition comes after marriage apart from making babies....
Observing things from her bossy and egocentric write up, I think she's the one with the problems here even tho her BF ain't maximizing the availabilities of current opportunities

Buzz me let's talk about this situation you are in 07067484230

[Qquote author=Acmepreneur post=89791962]This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect [/quote]

Not trying to be judgemental, but where is your Dad today? What does he do?

Acmepreneur:

Lol, funny guy. Yes, my ambition is on him because I love him. In my family, wives are very important in making husband's grow, my dad won't be where he is today if not my mum, some people need the push.
I as well do not appreciate wives with husband that is not progressing, we tell our women to be a pusher

Jaspaman:


Anit no ship to steer. This is 2020 yoo.This babe is full of wisdom. This dude gone regret his life if he doesn't change and another good dude who got his sh*t together like him takes his girl!!!.Damn..The kind of woman every man should pray for.

Oga e never late collect her number na then marry her before next year we dash u free if charge..

Shes less concerned of what the guy his passing through. She doesn't know that the guy can't tell him everything no matter how much he love her somethings are just kept within and done within. Its not easy for d guy he dey try his best, what if the advice backfires what if the business fails, he doesn't have money to start up a business, he no get money to go abroad. Youre not helping him financially she just want the guy to rob has she forgot that business fail. Which business you expect someone who earns 90k wit a family rent and car to maintain to venture in, how much can he save monthly. Pls dis gal na small pikin dey worry her

chigoizie7:



Then nothing stops you from making the money yourself, you are human with both hands and legs intact, make use of it. If you want a billion dollar life, work for it. That is what your family believes, you are holding your family’s doctrines up. But it will be so selfish of you to ignore his own personal doctrines of being contented they way things are going for him.

Acmepreneur:

Lol, I finished my masters 1year, 8months ago at age 22.
I have many skills that I have a business plan on. Currently, I'm planning to launch my business very soon but I have no money to do that. I'm planning my travelling to Canada, I'm applying for scholarships because I made a an excellent grade in both Msc & Bsc and was the best student in my class in both. I can start a business with my little skills, but that would be too low of me since I have siblings who are on my neck for me to travel out to Canada, just that the process is too slow. My life plan is set, which means once God answer my prayers, I would rise in a very high speed. I want to marry him before travelling so I would just process his own easily

Many serious guys here on Nairaland would like to marry your kind of person because of your purpose-driven progressive propensity. I wanted to request for your mail, but’s it’s ok, I’ll comment here, too.

The word says iron sharpens iron. You are trying to save your union at the same desiring fundamental change. I would say be gentle in your approach to make him change his attitude towards desiring material and psychic progress. Better still, be patient to find someone who is compatible with you. This is very important.

The number one condition for harmonious union is compatibility, then genuine love, so keep to that. It is also important that the two should strive to work shoulder to shoulder. Most people connect only at the physical, baser level, I.e the sexual instinct level, few connect on emotional level, fewer still connect on intellectual level, very rare are those Vibrating on the same astral and spiritual frequency. I can’t say all here.

I guess you are born around September though.

Godoverevery:
hmmn....too much pressure.
I hope you also doing your masters aswell.

Maybe you should channel all this you are telling him to yourself.
Is not cool Wen a lady is pushing her guy to work harder , complaining about him not earning enough while she is doing nothing herself..
if the 90k is too small what are u adding financially or u just want to be a leech.

No man likes a nagging woman.

Stop pointing him where the money at....why not go get the money yourself.

Baba You just bursted my brain...Same things goes to my relationship as well..my woman nah a lot and she keep putting pressure on me to get a job when she knows there is nothing now..I told her straight up that if she is not contented with me and she can't support me financially then let's end up the relationship.. Thank God she accepted and I'm cool with it now

I feel some panic on behalf of the OP’s boyfriend . OP you are kinda scary, with all that “drive”. In my picturing of you versus your boyfriend, from your post, I deduce:
.Choleric versus phlegmatic
.Control freak versus easy/mellow/happy-go-lucky
.Domineering versus ??
.Someone who lives for the future and planning for it versus one that more or less takes each day as it comes.
.Fear of poverty versus ease/contentment with available money.
Please leave the guy alone, as in, jilt him please, for his own sake mostly, there is little or no fit here. Cut and join won’t work because control freaks don’t (cannot) even manage joinwork.
I also see some ?grandiosity/egocentrism.
You need something I don’t know now- some weed, a heart break, some “flaky”, fun girlfriends (that party might just be it), to loosen you up some. You are wound so tight darling. And for one so young. (Maybe the order and organisation in Canada would do it for you).

Google desert cube ladder horse test, and do it for fun. Your boyfriend should do it too. It is a very fun (often and variously and I daresay rightfully disparaged) psychological assessment. You may like it, or not. But at least you guys can see if you are on the same page in a loopy psychological assessment. And it is fun, trust me. Maybe show this thread to your boyfriend too? It might wake him up or chase him further inside his cocoon.

This was hard especially as I am more on your boyfriend’s side here. I also acknowledge I might be wrong with my assessment.
Either way, good luck.

Acmepreneur:

I'm a witch? Lol
Money is very important to me and to everyone. My siblings and I suffered due to poverty and we shouldn't be where we are today if not for poverty. My siblings won lots of things at junior level that was snatched away from us at our very own eyes. I don't want that for my children, I pray they are intelligent though

Don't pay attention to those negative comments. Any matured person can easily tell that you are a wife material.
All you want is the best for you and your guy's future. A future void of suffering.
That is your duty as a wife. Kudos!

Please, make up and talk sense to him. I believe he wants the best but just handicapped like so many of us. I mean, we have bright ideas but no zeal or fund to execute it.
Teach him to start from little. Stay with him and I wish you guys the best.

That's the same problem I am facing with my wife now.and I think divorce is the only option for me now. She wants me to continue the nonsense government job I am doing, while I am saving enough money to start up what IAM good at and derive much pleasure in doing. She likes to see me wear nice long sleeve and tie every morning to work. While on the other hand I love to get my hands dirty.

check my signature to start earning 2-3k daily

merahki:
I feel some panic on behalf of the OP’s boyfriend . OP you are kinda scary, with all that “drive”. In my picturing of you versus your boyfriend, from your post, I deduce:
.Choleric versus phlegmatic
.Control freak versus easy/mellow/happy-go-lucky
.Domineering versus ??
.Someone who lives for the future and planning for it versus one that more or less takes each day as it comes.
.Fear of poverty versus ease around money.
Please leave the guy alone, as in, jilt him please, for his own sake mostly, there is little or no fit here. Cut and join won’t work because control freaks don’t (cannot) even manage joinwork.
I also see some ?grandiosity/egocentrism.
You need something I don’t know now- some weed, a heart break, some “flaky”, fun girlfriends (that party might just be it), to loosen you up some. You are wound so tight darling. And for one so young. (Maybe the order and organisation in Canada would do it for you).

Google desert cube ladder horse test, and do it for fun. Your boyfriend should do it too. It is a very fun (often and variously and I daresay rightfully disparaged) psychological assessment. You may like it, or not. But at least you guys can see if you are on the same page in a loopy psychological assessment. And it is fun, trust me. Maybe show this thread to your boyfriend too? It might wake him up or chase him further inside his cocoon.

This was hard especially as I am more on your boyfriend’s side here. I also acknowledge I might be wrong with my assessment.
Either way, good luck.

This is not phlegmatic of a thing. My perception is that the guy is not willing to improve on himself even when there is someone to help him. This habit is common anyway. The best path is the middle way, not too fast and furious , and not too slow and sluggish.

Aunty allow this young man breathe abeg!!

You are his gf, not his mother. Do this, do that.

I totally understand his position because I know someone like you. I had to tell him to give me a break. Yes, you guys don’t do it intentionally or with bad intentions, but you are damn overwhelming.

With the epistle you typed sef, I know you will be giving that young man headache. Appreciate the one he is doing first, then mildly chip your suggestions in. Na wetin!!!

I believe there was sufficient wisdom for you in the comments, it may not be as it seem, how does he even feels, what kind of pressure he is dealing with, what kind of person is he, and you are aware he may not be you type.

You have you own philosophy, he has his own philosophy, what unites two of you together, are you aware some men do not like to be controlled, or ordered, how do you speak to him, l hope not as a superior speaker, the way you approach things are important, hahaha.
Sometimes people who do not like to be told what to do, will do opposite what you told them, so it will make things worse, you have to make it seem like they know so much, and give them credit for taking wise steps

Also i hope you are building yourself up, you seem very smart, so take your own advise

funmisticqueen2:
Aunty, yoy see the handwriting on the wall, BREAKUP, DUST YOUR SANDALS AND RUN!!

People like your boyfriend are why i bash men on nairaland, so that they don't end up like him.


Your boyfriend will only drag you down with him into mediocrity, he will most likely want to use pregnancy to trap you.

Meet someone who is going in tye same direction as you are, who can match you in terms of ambition.


Would like to hear his own side of the story too though.

Miss Adviser...I would want to know if your boyfriend is making up to 90k or probably do you even have a degree? Do you believe breaking up is the best solution? the complainant only as big dreams but is she really showing it? No man want a woman with dreams instead let her show it to the physical and by then it would motivate her boyfriend..is she breakup she might not even get a good guy who earn up to 90k ah swear

Acmepreneur:
This my guy is not serious at all.

I used to tell myself change is the only permanent thing in life bla bla bla. And I really believe that once you take the right steps, you can be anything you want to be. This made me to be very soft with people.

When I started dating my Boyfriend, I really was not choosy or judgy. I accepted him without a second thought. I'm not the type of lady that actually do all those lady stuff, I'm a very serious person and I don't play games at all.
My BF is very cool, like not bad looking, normal behaviour etc and I like him a lot.

I'm a very ambitious person, with an extremely big dreams, my boyfriend is also hard working, but I'm not seeing any future at all with his career/prospects/life. When I say I'm with big dreams, it's means I'm working on discovering (new innovations), planning big business that would compete with top brands etc. I'm that big in dreams.

My children is also very important to me, I don't plan for their sufferings at all.
I'm an introvert, I find solace in my aspirations, dreams. I have books I work out those formulas (I mean how I would execute my business plans), I research a lot, think a lot etc

Our fight now

Since day 1, I do tell him to do this and that. I really hate company works, so I would tell him to have savings, and be building something sideways where he works. Also, I wanted him to do Masters, since he said he would love to travel out, he's always saying he hates Nigeria bla bla bla. His dad also wanted him to do Masters, but he's in the crew of Masters is a waste of time, and he can't do Masters in Nigeria bla bla bla

Baby try this business, he would say he doesn't have money, he needs 2 million to start a business etc.

Meanwhile, he doesn't have money to travel out of the country to do Masters, nor 2m to start any business. So I would tell him to manage what he has first, and that would propelled him later, but he likes to talk like illiterates that Masters is meaningless.

Meanwhile, while that is true, those things are just like investment, you don't know when you will see an opportunity to use your Masters certificate, and since he studied computer science, I told him that it can even help him get a job outside Nigeria when he leaves, that it can be useful there. I understand the situation of the country, but not having masters doesn't mean you will get a job as well, so why don't you just have it.

My bf would shut me off, and also his dad, the dad even asked him to take job at the federal university where he works, but my bf said he can't work in that place, this is a federal government job o, he would say the salary is too small and people there already knows him, because his dad is in a big office in the university.

So it won't seem like I'm disturbing him, I went quiet, but might chip it in in discussions, but I don't fight him on those things. He works in a small company, and he rose to the position of a Manager, he spent all his time in office, the little time to waste with his friends. It's a good thing but I'm not comfortable with that, the pay is about 90k, which is not enough for his expenses, also he's the first born.

Fast forward to last year, his dad died, it looks like a film trick to him, he now have to take care of his siblings and mum (mum is nurse, but retired long time ago, her pay is little because it wasn't normal retirement). Everything I was telling him finally came to pass.

He rented an apartment with His friends, he later hated it, and said he wants his own, he went to rent an apartment of 600k (he gathered it from different places and he borrowed), which I really hate and we fought on that as well. Because he could have used the money to secure his life in a better way, since his complain when I told him to start a business is that he doesn't have money bla bla bla

He will not apply for better jobs as well
He's practically doing nothing to grow, and would say he hates Nigeria and he would like to leave, but he can't even apply for scholarships or even google schools.

So this 2020, Jan 1, I started fighting him, that I'm not going to continue with him like that, that he should go apply for MSC, start a business or just do something. He now started saying that he has responsibilities which are his siblings, I told him this is the nonsense, he would do till the year ends, we will fight and later resolve it.

He won't even talk about it, or get reminded, he makes me feel Hus boss is using him. I have told him several times how he would be used and dumped, in fact, he makes me say negatives sometimes, and that's because I have seen people that get dumped while working with companies and they fall back to grass, my mum won't even accept him because he works in a company, small company, not cocacola or big companies. My mum hates company works like shits because we've heard and seen people falling to zero due to company jobs.

The problem
1. He says I'm disturbing his life, and not allowing him to rest

2. I'm not happy with him living that way, with no future, no investment, hes not building himself while working, hes not doing courses, not learning any skills, and I think its too risky.
His current salary is not enough for him, not to talk of me collecting part of it. But he gives me money though, has not been more than 1k, 2k and data subscription which I really appreciate.

3. I can't introduce him to my family because I want him respected. Truth is I don't know what he would say to impress my parents because I'm not even impressed with him. And I want him to be superloved and respected. I believe in first impression would last very long. He has introduced me to his family and all friends

4. He never ask me about my own life, aspirations, advice me etc, I'm always the one to do that. Yesterday he had the gut to tell me I'm not caring because of just two days of not showing care

5. Corona has turned his company outside down and he's highly affected. Just like all what I was telling him finally happened, and he has nothing to fall back at. He has a car,

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

7. Right now, we have temporarily break up, so I'm asking if I should break up or make up? Because he was saying rubbish last night

Note: I'm not a fan of dating and rubbish, I love him very much and I don't want to leave him at all. I don't think there's any man I can date as I do not like dishonesty at all and 95% of men are dishonest. My BF is very honest and good I'm every other aspect

a man who doesn't desire change cannot be forced or cajoled into changing...

change comes from within, you have to be willing to change, then effort follows...for a computer graduate to be earning only 90k per month shows he lacks ambition and forward thinking...
this is the internet age, a computer graduate should have extra skills or certification that will be bringing him extra cash and the 90k will be like pocket money to him.
ask serious programmers on this platform...or network engineers.

Myhusband:



don't get it twisted bro, any man that want to grow must have a very focus and ambitious lady as partner. I won't lie this affect me a lot because I've no one to ginger me


my second degree for example couldn't happened on time because my gf tried to discourage me which I did later without her notice. some partner are lazy intellectually, as a human you can never be contented with your present position hence you won't move forward in life


The Op just need to redress her manner of approaches and understand different between suggestion and opinions. she was giving opinions which is wrong, what she should have done is to suggest, like bring out ideas.


Op's bf is a true African man, let Op seek a redress in her approaches, I foreseen turnaround

I like what you said, any man that wants to grow, needs a woman to ginger him. You might be correct in some ways, for some people. For example, I do not have a masters, I worked in a naija bank after graduation for a year, then I left Nigeria, I do not have a girlfriend from when I left until now, I do not need anyone to ginger me so as to achieve the type of life I want. So far, I have sponsored my two brothers to leave naija as well as a friend of mine. I know what I want, I do not need anyone to ginger me, just like most people I see here.

If you are waiting for a woman to ginger you, then you certainly do not want to grow.

My point is, always k ow the type of people you are dealing with before forcing your own opinions on them. This man might have a rethink tomorrow to improve himself. Allow him to do it at his own pace. If the young lady is all about the money. Let her make the billions for both of them. Better still , let her leave the young man. Simple. From all the long epistle, all I see was, I want him to do this and that, I never heard her say what the young man really want for himself. I offered to bring a friend of mine outside naija but he said that he loves his business in naija and he is making it and happy doing it. Some love the 8-5 kinda job. Some love the celebrity life, some love the business line. Does this lady think it is everyone that can do business? If it is so easy, let her embark on all those things she wants the boy to achieve for herself. It is very easy to sit at the line and be issuing orders, I want this, I want that. That is not how this life works. Just like we have technocrats and politicians in most economies of the world. People will be tailors, people will be drivers, an Uber driver here makes morethan a million naira equivalent per month. It all boils down to what makes you happy . We need money , yes. But you can’t be drake because you want to be as rich as he is, at the same time drake can’t be dangote as dangote is far richer than him, neither can he be c Ronaldo who is a footballer, dangote is so rich but he can’t be Jeff bezos. Amongst the owners of YouTube, one of them sold his shares to his friends to go live in a remote area and travel the world low key.

Instead of just sitting there ordering him what to do and what not to do.

Why not sit down , suggest some of those businesses for him and also suggest to him how to raise the money required for someone who earns only 90k. Does she think businesses do not fail? For sure, he can’t be working and at the same time doing businesses for someone with the position of a manager. For someone who doesn’t know much about businesses. The young man might be thinking so many things, he could be thinking, for this business to be efficiently run, I need to be present, does that mean he will quit his job? What if the business fails? Where will he fall back on? The money that will be used for the business, where will it come from? Loans? How will he pay back if he quits his job and the business fails? Those could be what the young man is thinking. But that girl doesn’t care how it is done, she thinks businesses grow over night. As a credits and loan officer back then, I know better when funding businesses, it is not easy. She thinks a man earning 90k can just go to a bank for a loan of N1m without a solid collateral?

The truth is that if a rich daddy comes tomorrow for your hand in marriage, you will follow. DONT COME AND TELL US YOU LOVE HIM WHILE YOUR STORY SAY "YOU LOVE MONEY.
Mind you: the mother will always go on her kneels and ask GOD this questions you are asking here.
just leave and let some1 who appreciates comes in.

Strech:
That's the same problem I am facing with my wife now.and I think divorce is the only option for me now. She wants me to continue the nonsense government job I am doing, while I am saving enough money to start up what IAM good at and derive much pleasure in doing. She likes to see me wear nice long sleeve and tie every morning to work. While on the other hand I love to get my hands dirty.

Bros, please, don’t disappoint madam Tina oh... work things out amicably sir. Let the love that made you to set her conspicuously on social media page not wane. Stay strong , sir.

girl you r busy dreaming your big dream and forgetting that u live in nigeria u better wake up nd enjoy life bfor its too late

Acmepreneur:

6. I can't marry him or anyone this way, and I'm getting old, though and I want marriage next year. He said he wants too, but I can't marry him like this. And I don't want to get to late twenties, and he breaks up and I start looking for husband, people would be thinking maybe I have a problem that is why I'm yet to marry, they won't know that its him that caused my delay. Plus I have a very high esteem, so I would hate to be desperate for marriage with a man or be the one to be wanting marriage so much in a relationship

My people, una dey see women and their wahala so?

Is the nigga forcing you to be with him?

If you can't take it anymore, why not go and find your way?

Na wa o!

Your papa no waste school fees, kneel down make I pray for you. ..

Tripitaka:
"I told him to"
"I want him to"
"I warned him not to"
"I advised him to"
"He wouldn't listen to me" and all the other stuffs.

It appears to me that you are foisting your opinion, choices and wishes on your partner. You want him to live his life your way, pursue his dreams following your chart and run his race with you as guide. Perhaps you want to be the Kapellmeister while you lead the orchestra that is his life.

If he were to follow your advise and it backfires or doesnt yield the expected fruit, who would take responsibility? There is something some of us do not acknowledge which is that not everyone wants to be wealthy, some people just want to be successful at what they do, some people just want to lead a simple and fulfilled life.

I also find your intentions questionable. Do you have all those "nice thoughts" for him because you love and wish him well, or because you want him wealthy enough to marry you next year and give you "the life"? Its a shame that you say you're not proud of someone ou claim to love and painting him as some loser.

There comes a time in the life of a man when he wants to do things his own way, steer his own ship, make his own mistakes and celebrate his own little victories.

I would have asked you to talk to him, but I believe you guys have talked about this over and over. So, the choice is yours to walk or stay