I need good advice pls, cos this is not even funny anymore


I dated this guy 2 yrs ago,lets just say he was /is the love of my life, ,but we broke up becos he felt i wasnt totally myself(which was true),but the truth was ,i had never felt that way about a guy before n i just didnt know how to act,cos i didnt want it to go wrong,so it was basically,like i was on egg shells around him, n that is soooo not me,but anyway,we broke up ,went our different ways ,he started dating someone ,i started dating another person,it both didnt work out for us,n we got intouch again ,thru IM,we saw each other a few times,but then he told me ,he wants us to be friends blah blah,as me n him are better off as friends,i said that was fine with me(which wasnt ,but i just wanted to be intouch with him,for some weird reasons,hoping something will come out of it)

So we stayed friends,he met someone ,told me he wants to get married n he's thinking of proposing to her(in my head ,am like ,i want to get married to,but realised this guy just dosent want me ),anyway i  went on with the process of PRETENDING to be happy for him,advising him on rings,and the guy will just go on and on about it,like waiting for me to snap,and i finally did,i was like u know what,i'm sick n tired of this n i feel u r taunting me,he went "No i'm not ,i just felt we were friends,beside i dont know whats going thru your mind anyway,u dont say anything" and he said just say whats on your mind!

I went ok,u know how i feel about u,like no one compares and i've tried to get over u,i listen to your Bulls*it,hoping ,it will help me move on,but its the viceversa,and it just makes me mad" and he went ,i appreciate u telling me the truth n kept quiet,so i was like ,see this is not a fight,i understand u have to live your life,u cant help who u like,but i cant be friends with u,i'm sorry,i've tried ,but i like u to much to just be friends,so i'm goin to do what is sane,and stop this communication btw me n u,cos its just torture,and i ll remove u from my FB,BB,and IM and i wish u the best.

so i removed him from my list and moved on ,or so i thought,i started seeing this guy ,that has been on my case for a while now,and things have been going good, only for my phone to ring this MORNING, and guess who ,yeah HIM

Said stuff about needing my help at some contacts and hope am good,and started about his girl,stopped and i told him to go on,and he said ,they might be breaking up,as hes just not feeling her anymore,cos of clash of behaviours,
though he met some other girl that likes him,and he's not yet sure what he wants to do yet, i went ,well take your time,cos the new girl might be worse,but then again ,the old girl should accept u for who u r and not try to make u severe ties with your friends.and he goes,have i met someone,i kept quiet and he was like ,maybe if i meet someone,me and him can be friends as in,we can advice each other,and then he goes ,this thng called love sef,very complicated ,and said,i miss u and i dont want to stop been friends with u,any of my ex,i'll have stopped talking to them but not u,so i was like,i do still think about u too,but its goin to be hard to friends, and he was like, take care i'll call u another time, so i said OK,do u still want me to get intouch with the contacts and he was like yeah(but it seemed like he had even forgotten about that)

So right now ,i'm back to square one,i moved on to 5,but i've just come back now,and i'm mad ,cos i dont know what he wants,there were some discreptances in his story(the girl he was dating,was not the girl he told me he wanted to break up with,its like he forgot what he told me),so i dont know what to think,y does he keep coming back to stay in touch with me?

I've had trey songz,"Cant be friends" on repeat all morning, dont know what to do,.

forgive my typos but Pls sound advice needed,i'm just restless,

Hey lady,if u nid advice,just try and summarise.I just hav to stop half way coz itz damn too long.May be am nt the only one.Just saying though

*yawns* hey babe this rigmarole is damn boring. Well follow your heart gal.

i understand your story and might have found myself in same situation sometime. My advice: you two should meet again, talk about all of this. Yea, talk about whether you want to date or not. Ask him if he wants to and ask him good. It will go two ways: if he is, then goodluck, botj of you can date and even then, if a breakup comes along, you'd easily forget all that had happened and would easily move on. However, if he isn't (interested in dating), better to advice not seeing each other once again and meaning it. If he calls then, dont pick. or if you do not knowing it's him, hang up. that will seal the message.

passing tru

am sorry i could n't finish ur story, waz 2 long 2 read.

That dude is simplying "Mind F@%king" you and you are letting him. when are you going to seriously move on? if you haven't moved on and you happen to be with someone else why not just break it off and get with him ? i say that because you keep allowing his issues to compromise your faithfulness to the person you are seeing.

he gave you an opening by asking if you were seeing someone why not say yes i am but i will end it to give us a try. For God sake that will be doing the other guy a favor. Anyway sha you are both the same in the sense that you emotinally cheat on the person you are with with each other.

Trust me guys,this is a summary,if i was to write the whole story,dont think nairaland will have enough space for it,

25omega:

That dude is simplying "Mind F@%king" you and you are letting him. when are you going to seriously move on? if you haven't moved on and you happen to be with someone else why not just break it off and get with him ? i say that because you keep allowing his issues to compromise your faithfulness to the person you are seeing.

he gave you an opening by asking if you were seeing someone why not say yes i am but i will end it to give us a try. For God sake that will be doing the other guy a favor. Anyway sha you are both the same in the sense that you emotinally cheat on the person you are with with each other.

i know he's "Mind F@%king" me , but the question is how do i break from it,  i've tried the cool approach,i've done the crazy approcah n the the silence one,but he still manages to get thru, i actually thought ,i was on my way to been done with him,cos i'm dating someone i like,but since our convo this morning,my mind has been all over the place,i cant concentrate

y didnt i say ,i was dating someone?,i've done that bit already,i try to throw ppl i'm dating in his face ,maybe to get a reaction ,but it hasnt worked,i end up breaking with those guys and then i look unstable to him,

@soorytoo

u r beautiful 4rm wot I can see on ur profile pic. Why dnt u b my girl frnd so u can 4gt this guy cos am gonna gv u all d luv u need 2pull thru

sorrytoo:


i know he's "Mind F@%king" me , but the question is how do i break from it, i've tried the cool approach,i've done the crazy approcah n the the silence one,but he still manages to get thru, i actually thought ,i was on my way to been done with him,cos i'm dating someone i like,but since our convo this morning,my mind has been all over the place,i cant concentrate

y didnt i say ,i was dating someone?,i've done that bit already,i try to throw ppl i'm dating in his face ,maybe to get a reaction ,but it hasnt worked,i end up breaking with those guys and then i look unstable to him,

well sweetie you have to do something drastic like putting your man on the phone to tell him to back off or when ever you talk to him and he starts sayingall that mushy crap just say "i gotta man" use that to answer any question he asks you. The most drastic thing will be to change your number which i wont advice but you have to get rid of this guy

you shouldn't be dating anyone right now. Not while your mind is with someone else. It is not fair to you or the other person.
You should sit down and both bare your minds. You did earlier but he didn't. I think he still likes you, and not just as a friend but he
is looking for an opportunity to bring it up and still save face. All that talk about you being an invaluable friend is crap.
So break up with your bf, sit down with the ex and thrash things out. Even if it doesn't work out the way you hope, you should
enjoy being single for a while.

A piece of advice to you and others in your shoes, you NEVER start a relationship while you are not totally over an old one.
Entering a relationship with another guy is no way to get over an old flame/relationship. It is counterproductive.

gbam!!!

25omega:

well sweetie you have to do something drastic like putting your man on the phone to tell him to back off or when ever you talk to him and he starts sayingall that mushy crap just say "i gotta man" use that to answer any question he asks you. The most drastic thing will be to change your number which i wont advice but you have to get rid of this guy

the thing is ,i cant do something drastic ,like that ,cos i'm not over him,I want to be with him, so i cant bring myself to do that,especially,if i feel there's an opening,

Will me dropping the phone on him,get him out of mind?, ,will that make me hate him?,cos trust me,i've tried drastic measures,called him pyscho ,a mess,but i'm the one that picks the phone next morning apologising ,

deniyor:

you shouldn't be dating anyone right now. Not while your mind is with someone else. It is not fair to you or the other person.
You should sit down and both bare your minds. You did earlier but he didn't. I think he still likes you, and not just as a friend but he
is looking for an opportunity to bring it up and still save face. All that talk about you being an invaluable friend is crap.
So break up with your bf, sit down with the ex and thrash things out. Even if it doesn't work out the way you hope, you should
enjoy being single for a while.

A piece of advice to you and others in your shoes, you NEVER start a relationship while you are not totally over an old one.
Entering a relationship with another guy is no way to get over an old flame/relationship. It is counterproductive.

Thanks,this makes a lot of sense,and i've tried,i've been single for a while,just to see what happens,but thats when i obsess over him, i thought,if i at least try to focus on someone else,i'll try to get over him,

All that talk about you being an invaluable friend is crap.

i think so too, cos the way he says it ,dont sound like he wants just friends,but then ,maybe i just dont understand men,

[b]The question now is,do i call him to initiate another talk?[/b]though i cant handle another rejection,my heart has had enough , 

Follow your head, thats all i can add

You are simply the fall back option and the sad thing is you are playing along hoping that one day he will come back for you.
When a man genuinely likes a girl they don't beat around the bush. They go straight to the point.
I sincerely hope you are still pretty young to be entertaining such.

It will do you a whole lotta good to cut communication with this dude if being friends with him will keep bringing back memories

Additional to what Jaybee said if a man using you he will string you along thinking that you have no clue and until he gets what he wants he will leave you. BUT a man that WANTS YOU WILL make you feel 100 and reassured.

jay bee:

You are simply the fall back option and the sad thing is you are playing along hoping that one day he will come back for you.
When a man genuinely likes a girl they don't beat around the bush. They go straight to the point.
I sincerely hope you are still pretty young to be entertaining such.

It will do you a whole lotta good to cut communication with this dude if being friends with him will keep bringing back memories

Mrs.Chima:

Additional to what Jaybee said if a man using you he will string you along thinking that you have no clue and until he gets what he wants he will leave you. BUT a man that WANTS YOU WILL make you feel 100 and reassured.

thanks i caught that bit, that if a man likes u,nothing will make him stay away" fair point

i've severed all communications with him,i've deleted him from every network that links us together,deleted his number, i Moved on,or so i thought.

he called me this morning,didnt even realise it was him,till i heard his voice, and it took just hearing his voice to take me back there again, I dont want to feel that way ,but i do,


and i dont know what it will take for me to get over him

You are feeling the way u do cos 100% of you still wish you are with him. Fact is dude probably doesn't feel the same way about you.

You have to find that inner strength no matter how hard it is to get this dude outta ya head.
Go on dates, make new friends, do new things, concentrate more on whatever relationship you may find yourself in and DON'T waste any more of your time.

It's kool/somewhat acceptable for us men to fool around cos frankly time is always on our hands. You are a woman and if someone doesn't wanna be with you then don't push it or keep holding on.

Ask him not to call you again and if he does CUT the phone (It's really that simple).

jay bee:

You are feeling the way u do cos 100% of you still wish you are with him. Fact is dude probably doesn't feel the same way about you.

You have to find that inner strength no matter how hard it is to get this dude outta ya head.
Go on dates, make new friends, do new things, concentrate more on whatever relationship you may find yourself in and DON'T waste any more of your time.

It's kool/somewhat acceptable for us men to fool around cos frankly time is always on our hands. You are a woman and if someone doesn't wanna be with you then don't push it or keep holding on.

Ask him not to call you again and if he does CUT the phone (It's really that simple).

Thanks ,

U summed everything up accurately and 100% right !,    I'll find the inner strength ,no matter how hard, !

Jaybee is right about ending all contact with this guy period. No more phone calls, text, FB etc. with him because all it's doing is keeping you in bondage to this guy.  If you need to, change your number so he can stop calling you.  I know it's hard when you genuinely care for a person, but it's not impossible.  It's only impossible when you make it impossible.   Please listen to what your ex told you.  He told you how he felt about you.  He told you that he is not interested in a romantic relationship with you and see's you as a "friend".  Why continue to waste anymore of your time in hopes he will make-up his mind and come back to you?  Why keep prolonging the heartache.  Because to be realistic, you are the only one sitting here with a broken-heart.  You don't deserve this.  You deserve someone who will know what he wants and emotionally available to be that man you yearn to be with.  Someone who is on the same page or wave length as you.  All the while life is still moving on without you.  He is living his life dating and so on and you should be doing the same.  Time is something you can NEVER get back.  As always, you can always pray to GOD to help you, to mend your broken heart, to release this guy from out of your spirit and out of your life.  Because he will do that if you go to HIM with a genuine heart.  But all contact has to cease in order for you to heal and truly move on with your life.  Know in your heart and in your mind that you deserve the best.  And frankly, you're not getting it right now from this guy.  It hurts, I know. It may hurt for a while, because the longer you stay in this situation the harder it will get to get over him.   You don't want to wake up 30yrs from now wondering what the heck happened to your life.  You don't have to miss out on anything else life has to bring your way.  Just try to keep moving forward and DON'T look back.  Because tomorrow isn't promised to no one.  Live your life to the fullest.

Now I know I'm not the only who has been in this kinda situation, Thank God I'm out of it now. Gosh! the feeling is terrible.

Trust me, I've been there before. Other peeps see you as a strong and i-know-what-i-want person, but before this guy, you dont have control over yourself. You always wanna please him and make him see why you are right for him, lol, Can I tell you the truth? This is why the guy got fed up with you.

Babe, do you want the honest truth? That dude does not want you intimate anymore.

Also, If anybody tells you there is a straight formula to wriggle out of this, it's a lie.

Like they: "TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS". Yes, even self-inflicted wounds. Just give it time, you'll get over it. However, my fear is that as a woman, you may not have as much tyme as you need to get over it.

.NET

There is a time to cut all communication but I do not think the time is now. You say you are scared of rejection, now you see how men feel when you reject them. Its a part of life.
If you cut all communication with him now, you will always wonder if he really wanted you back without having the balls to say so. My opinion is ask him out for a date( maybe lunch, coffee or whatever it is you do). Have a good time with him (I'm not talking sex here ) to break the ice et al. Then seriously talk about how you both feel and what you both want. Be open to having things go either way, but let me say exactly what he wants.
If he wants to be with you, or willing to give things a try again, so be it. But it will be in your best interests to remember that he is an ex for a reason.
If he says he wants to be friends, don't make the mistake you made earlier, tell him you can be friends but not now. You want to heal first, and you will contact him when you can stand being friends. Then cut all communications with him. Remain single for as long as you are not over him. Don't worry, it takes time, and don't be afraid to give yourself all the time you need. You won't regret it.
But to repeat a point I made earlier, If you are not over a guy, don't start another relationship.

Eitherways, you should give your current bf the boot cos he does not deserve to be your collateral/backup option.

its tough,but follow ur heart, ,it could go either way

Blood of Jeeeezus!
, See long story o?! Down to d minutest detail, wtf?! I'm tired! We give up!

thanks for all ur advice

Get another guy, u wuld get him out of your head

Omolola1:

Get another guy, u wuld get him out of your head

oh i wish i can be patient enuff to read thru, oh am lazy!

poster tell God he has listening hears

Omolola1:

Get another guy, u wuld get him out of your head

Dating someone already,

What an epistle . . .
Who read through,be a good sport and summarize.