bankeaj:

abi ooo na to be a MRS by all means even when things aren't working.

OP,
Pls hang in there! The Lord is your strength

The good Lord is her strength indeed!

chaircover:

Ive just gone back and read the few things that I missed. . . . Somebody please buy me a BB torch please na only half screen I dey see for my this my old BB 

To me, It's clear that the poster isn't in love with her hubby and so everything he does will annoy her; which could be anything from the night bath, the way he cracks bones or the way he ties his towel and so on.

We could advise her to stay and lie on the bed that she made, but they will both be unhappy together unless she is prepared to think like someone who is from a culture which subscribe to arranged marriages and therefore learn to love her husband over time; this is entirely her decision.

At the end of the day, the ball is in her court. She is the one who has to weigh up all her options. She is the one who is living with the man.

BB I dont think that he is having an affair with baby mama number 1, I think he senses that he is not flavor of the month at home and he is just going out to give himself & her a break.
I also dont think baby mama no 1 is in the picture or the poster would have picked that up much earlier in the relationship. just my thoughts anyway.

This is another opportunity to plead with our sisters out there to please please please only marry for the right reasons

I still insist the man is up to something. Why is he going out only on weekends to give himself some yeye break Weekend breaks packages are always cheaper if two people book by the way so OP needs to add his lack of money management skills to the mix

And IMHO i think what the OP is driving at with the nightly bathing is she suspects he is cheating but has not clue or lead to work on. I don't think the OP or anyone could be that nitpicky otherwise to complain someone only baths at certain times jare. And her other reasons are valid reasons to give anyone heart attack inducing concern jare.

.

Busy_body:


And IMHO i think what the OP is driving at with the nightly bathing is she suspects he is cheating but has not clue or lead to work on. I don't think the OP or anyone could be that nitpicky otherwise to complain someone only baths at certain times jare. And her other reasons are valid reasons to give anyone heart attack inducing concern jare.

Especially not clapping in church

I got to know the truth from his younger brother he lied about his state of origin to me claiming he is from Osun instead
of Ogun though he was born and bread in Osun they even have a family house there and all his certificates is shown
Osun.

not sure why this is a problem but i guess you're upset he didnt reveal this aspect of his ancestry beforehand. . . . . . . . . .


as per the rest, dont forget to pray well.




and please do not bring a story of how you met your former boyfriend who mysteriously travelled overseas before your wedding but is now around and wants you back. . . . . . . . . . . . .

tpiah!:

not sure why this is a problem but i guess you're upset he didnt reveal this aspect of his ancestry beforehand. . . . . . . . . .


as per the rest, dont forget to pray well.

and please do not bring a story of how you met your former boyfriend who mysteriously travelled overseas before your wedding but is now around and wants you back. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Lets pretend we dont know thats where the story is heading

tpiah!:

. . . and please do not bring a story of how you met your former boyfriend who mysteriously travelled overseas before your wedding but is now around and wants you back. . . . . . . . . . . . .

dayokanu:

Lets pretend we dont know thats where the story is heading

Not everyone wishing to quit a marriage is looking for the next cockles to start warming or have one lined up

dayokanu:

Especially not clapping in church

Before, it is only on Sundays that my other half would sulk that he wants to stop and eat breakfast at Mcdonalds, it is on Sundays that he will sulk he can't find his socks, belt, shoes, etc. We eventually get to Church half an hour late or more and no sooner would we be shown to our seat that he would start falling asleep, with me trying to rouse him by elbowing him. Some times when we are told to stand for praise and worship he will refuse and start grumbling that he is Catholic and they don't do all this singing and dancing and clapping and madness in his Church. (And his only claim to the Catholic faith and religion - wait for it - he schooled there about 30 years ago)I used to call him the devil's incarnate even in Church, and would be fighting and cursing him instead of listening to the preaching.


This was the same dude who used to attend House on the rock with me when I was a devout Christian who used to attend Church at least 3 times a week and was a member of the Ushering team, the Choir, a Sunday School Teacher, Protocol department and every department going oh. And his reason for "misbehaving" - he hates the other Churches and finds their Pastors boring, and would criticise their preaching, accent, etc. I just wonder how I managed not to strangle him to death back then, well i guess my Pastor intervening that he used to be Catholic too before and they are set in their ways and advising me to just pray instead saved his neck So I fully understand where this lady is coming from in this aspect

chaircover:

BB I dont know what is happening here; some things seem to have changed in the thread. Maybe the poster has edited her post

us women are very special creatures and never in a thousand years will we put a husbands cheating and his not passing his bible class in the same sentence

Note that she mentioned the baby as the first grievance. If she suspected cheating, that will be the second grievance (or maybe even the first) and she will not mention things like he doesn't clap in church or he no longer wants to talk until 3am in the morning.

I dont think she suspects him cheating; she just cant tolerate him anymore.

Na she didn't edit the post, thats why I gave myself a slap on the wrist too for jumping the gun It is simply the haphazardly way she poured out the story And her moaning about his lack of interest in communication is valid too as we all know how important communication is in a relationship, who knows even if that was one of the deal breakers that made her fall for him in the first instance when the going was still good

This was the same dude who used to attend House on the rock with me when I was a devout Christian who used to attend Church at least 3 times a week and was a member of the Ushering team, the Choir, a Sunday School Teacher, Protocol department and every department going oh

when you no go gree foram if im no do am like that.

tpiah!:

when you no go gree foram if im no do am like that.

What are we greeing to oh, this family section people sef nor go corrupt my innocent new chasis virgin self

gree to whatever he wants.

please dont corrupt me- i dont know anything about sex.

and i did not say sex oh!!

i meant wife.

Busy_body:



Before, it is only on Sundays that my other half would sulk that he wants to stop and eat breakfast at Mcdonalds, it is on Sundays that he will sulk he can't find his socks, belt, shoes, etc. We eventually get to Church half an hour late or more and no sooner would we be shown to our seat that he would start falling asleep, with me trying to rouse him by elbowing him. Some times when we are told to stand for praise and worship he will refuse and start grumbling that he is Catholic and they don't do all this singing and dancing and clapping and madness in his Church. (And his only claim to the Catholic faith and religion - wait for it - he schooled there about 30 years ago)I used to call him the devil's incarnate even in Church, and would be fighting and cursing him instead of listening to the preaching.


This was the same dude who used to attend House on the rock with me when I was a devout Christian who used to attend Church at least 3 times a week and was a member of the Ushering team, the Choir, a Sunday School Teacher, Protocol department and every department going oh. And his reason for "misbehaving" - he hates the other Churches and finds their Pastors boring, and would criticise their preaching, accent, etc. I just wonder how I managed not to strangle him to death back then, well i guess my Pastor intervening that he used to be Catholic too before and they are set in their ways and advising me to just pray instead saved his neck So I fully understand where this lady is coming from in this aspect

LMFAO!!

@Poster
Your case is redeemable Ojare. The weapon you need is "soft word", that weapon is soft but real mighty.
If he is spiritually below you then start bringing him up to your level, don't let the level/class he is in your church define your man for you. You are lucky that he goes to church at all because in some parts of the world the youth do not know about fellowshipping in church at all.

He prefers to shower only at night, you can get him to start showering in the morning too. Soft words girl! Promise him gifts if he can humour you and take a morning shower, better still lure him into the shower one morning and give him a shower yourself. Many a great women have married men who are very much below them in knowledge/class/wisdom and they have humbly brushed them into Gents with great finesse, where did I hear about a lady lecturer/head of department that married the lab attendant in her department and supported him till he got a degree? Many women are helping their men get degrees, certifications etc Some women's husbands clean cesspits for a living and carry all kinds of stuff on their body home and their wife still love them along with the dirts.

For the other parts
That he beats a child to coma, that is serious and should be discouraged. Your pastor or your mother or father should rebuke him on that before he splashes your family on the faces of newspaper or something, nobody wants her husband locked up and serving time for murder neither do you want your child dead. Pray for and with him too that God may grant him a heart soft enough to tolerate kid's misdemeanors.

It's not nice of him to have misled you with such issues as the state he is from or his other child. In a society like ours where people run four forty from a single person when he/she mentions baby mamas and baby fathers, it is forgivable that he did not tell you about the child in order not to lose you but for him to tell you that he is from where he isn't IS REAL HUGE yet it shows how much you did not know him/relate with him before you married him. Our "you-are-worth-nothing-if-you-ain't-married" Nigerian society sure influenced you into it all yet [/b]you can still make it work for you just like you can throw it away and walk out of it. I encourage you to humbly work at it and make it work for you, [b]arm yourself with UTMOST EQUANIMITY, ENDURANCE, PATIENCE and never forget SOFT WORDS.

Sisi_Kill:

LMFAO!!

See me see trouble my Sisthren, it used to be so embarassing, when he eventually grudgingly stands whilst the singing and clapping session is going on, he will fold his hands with a scowl on his face and then i will shift gear and start begging him to sit down that at least less people will see him that way, i tire  

tpiah!:

gree to whatever he wants.

please dont corrupt me- i dont know anything about sex.

and i did not say sex oh!!

i meant wife.

Phew, good you weren't talking sex, my mind was getting carried away for a moment Now I feel dirty and  have to go wash my hands cos you made me type the "s" word, yuck

tpiah!:

gree to whatever he wants.

please dont corrupt me- i dont know anything about sex.

and i did not say sex oh!!

i meant wife.

Busy_body:

Phew, good you weren't talking sex, my mind was getting carried away for a moment Now I feel dirty and have to go wash my hands cos you made me type the "s" word, yuck

i already beat you to it.

i've thoroughly scrubbed my hands, bathed, gargled, did it all over again this time with baking soda, and in addition will commence my 10 day prayer and fasting because it seems you want to corrupt my pureness with all your sex minded talk.


since when did gree foram start to mean sex.

tpiah!:

i already beat you to it.

i've thoroughly scrubbed my hands, bathed, gargled, did it all over again this time with baking soda, and in addition will commence my 10 day prayer and fasting because it seems you want to corrupt my pureness with all your sex minded talk.


since when did gree foram start to mean sex.

Ok sorry gree for am nor necessarily mean sex, this kinda misinterpretation would never happen again i swear, but er . . . er . . . explain how you did it i.e. did those multiple rounds you just described above using baking soda, you know i have always wanted to try incorporate food into the routine, now where do you put the baking soda, in the mortar or on the pestle, how long for, what pleasure is derived from this, do you get tingly feelings, does one soar to unmeasureable pleasurable heights,  this are innocent queries from a genuinely inquisitive mind, mind you so hopefully we wouldn't get our wires crossed this time around, and please don't colour the air blue and corrupt my pure mind abeg  

^e be like say you want to spoil me.

i dont understand anything you typed there.

please, i did not come to nl to open eye, thank you.

i'm a responsible woman- i dont do stuff like that.

sounds nasty.

tpiah!:

^e be like say you want to spoil me.

i dont understand anything you typed there.

please, i did not come to nl to open eye, thank you.

i'm a responsible woman- i dont do stuff like that.

sounds nasty.

Tpia ewele fun ara e How you wan take understand, I recognise you are innocent like me sha Ogbologbo area Mother I salute una But you for share this thing na, e nor good oh

Busy_body:

Ok sorry gree for am nor necessarily mean sex, this kinda misinterpretation would never happen again i swear, but er . . . er . . . explain how you did it i.e. did those multiple rounds you just described above using baking soda, you know i have always wanted to try incorporate food into the routine, now where do you put the baking soda, in the mortar or on the pestle, how long for, what pleasure is derived from this, do you get tingly feelings, does one soar to unmeasureable pleasurable heights,  this are innocent queries from a genuinely inquisitive mind, mind you so hopefully we wouldn't get our wires crossed this time around, and please don't colour the air blue and corrupt my pure mind abeg  

Walahi! You are a case! 

SMH at all these women that want to corrupt me. God no go gree una

chaircover:

BB I dont know what is happening here; some things seem to have changed in the thread. Maybe the poster has edited her post

us women are very special creatures and never in a thousand years will we put a husbands cheating and his not passing his bible class in the same sentence

Note that she mentioned the baby as the first grievance. If she suspected cheating, that will be the second grievance (or maybe even the first) and she will not mention things like he doesn't clap in church or he no longer wants to talk until 3am in the morning.

I dont think she suspects him cheating; she just cant tolerate him anymore.

I also got lost . . .Never saw anything abt beating her or the child initially

The guy told her he wanted to marry her and she deviously agreed when she knew she didn’t love the guy what more could be worse?

[quote]Thank you for that, May God also provide another man who doesn’t love you but just agrees to marry you because he respects that you are willing to share your life.

Its is unfortunate that I get to be blame for all that has happen. well I forgive you,
before that marriage; at a point I realise I went into this for the wrong reason and I discussed it with him ,but he & my mum pleaded. To think of it, why will I be desperate to get married at that age?

What more ridiculous excuse can one hear.

To you they are ridiculous, but the fact still remain they annoy me.
I remember mention how much of effort I had put to get this moving but it just wont work.

PLEASE NOTE: I am not in that category of women who give excuse about their marriage just because they have someone else they consider is better than their spouse

[/quote]

In everything I would love to do the reverse psychology test.

Assuming a man comes here and said he wants out of a union with his woman after a kid because

1. He never loved the woman, but just married her out of pity
His wife is from Ogun and not Osun as she claimed,
She takes her bath at night only,
When she should beat the child she ignores and when she should ignore she beats
Finally the wife doesnt clap in church, sits when others are standing and failed Bible school for a yr.

Lets see what the responses of the female here would be.

ifyalways:

I also got lost . . .Never saw anything abt beating her or the child initially

Ify,

Can anyone here tell me whats wrong with this

[size=18pt]In cases where a child misbehave and his parents is expected to correct him, he ignore that, and when he does thing
that normally you as a parent is to ignore he beat the boy almost in to coma[/size].

and how many of us as kids were spared for bigger offences yet beaten for lesser offences

I dont really understand the poster`s story anyway.

tpiah!:

I dont really understand the poster`s story anyway.

She wants out of her union after a child because she never loved the man just married him for other reasons and most importantly he baths at night and doesnt clap in church.

Geddit?

dayokanu:

She wants out of her union after a child because she never loved the man just married him for other reasons and most importantly he baths at night and doesnt clap in church.

Geddit?

Dayo sef . . .How u go on these days na wao.
Did Toyo treat u so bad,u sometimes come across as a closet chauvinist.

@Topic,I think the OP's main problem was that she married a man she felt NO love for whatsoever.Every and any thing the man does is always negative and leaves a sour taste in her mouth.
Im wondering If she has actually tried to love the man Its never too late,she can always go IF she thinks it won't work.

@Dayo,I think that part of beating a child till he fals into coma is wayyyy off exaggerated.

ifyalways:

Dayo sef . . .How u go on these days na wao.
Did Toyo treat u so bad,u sometimes come across as a closet chauvinist.

What is chauvinistic about my opinion here?

Point it out o

ifyalways:

@Dayo,I think that part of beating a child till he fals into coma is wayyyy off exaggerated.

So what do you think the problem is. And the guy is to blame for not clapping in church and bathing at night

.

I felt it pays to settle down than to be jumping from one mans bed to another

poster did you change your mind or something?

OAM4J:

Walahi! You are a case!

At least I am not a mental case or basket case like your darling wifey Jenny Infact where is that my praise and worship hymn book, for this fact alone, God's name deserves to be praised

lola sammy:

Its is unfortunate that I get to be blame for all that has happen. well I forgive you,
before that marriage; at a point I realise I went into this for the wrong reason and I discussed it with him ,but he & my mum pleaded. To think of it, why will I be desperate to get married at that age?

To you they are ridiculous, but the fact still remain they annoy me.
I remember mention how much of effort I had put to get this moving but it just wont work.

PLEASE NOTE: I am not in that category of women who give excuse about their marriage just because they have someone else they consider is better than their spouse

Abegi feel free to ignore us abe ile Dokitas, overnight Shrinks and Psychologist apapandodos jare, it is not as if you just woke up to discover all these, you have been living through it for the past 3 years and have suddenly come to your wits end. I commend you, you have gone through and are going through so much, too much for one person, you are a strong person, would have said strong woman but don't want Shrink Dayokanu to come bandying his reverse psychology test down my lane

Eeyah, and by the look of things I bet you don't even know one single bit about this babymama and the baby since your darling Husband has overnight become a selective mute with a limited vocabulary consisting only of yes, no, and ok

Gosh, this scenario is like all my worst nightmare rolled into one, shuddering, brrrrrrrr At least your Mum is aware of your true feelings so keep talking to her and using her as an outlet as it is not nice keeping such things inside. God is your strength

ifyalways:

I also got lost . . .Never saw anything abt beating her or the child initially

It was all there in her detailed second post, it was just the way she framed it. Sometimes when a woman is fed up of giving her all, they tend to just wanna pour everything out and if some key points don't prick the listener's ears, they tend to think "so what are you going through that you nor want make we hear word, abegi go siddon", similar to what we are doing here.

I've always been a silent reader but today I am compelled to register and speak out in defence of an innocent child that gets beaten to a near coma and as though he were an adult.
Why does this seem ok with most people on here? If the OP had said 'He beats me to a near coma for the slightest of offences' you would have seen so many people insisting that she leave asap but becos its a mere defenseless child nobody considers that as a deal breaker in fact someone suggested she remove the child not for his safety but so that OP can have time to play romance with this child abuser!

@OP
Leave now! If not for any other reason than to save your boy from this trauma.

.