Hi Nairalanders!

I've been a member of this forum for quite a long time but rather read silently than take part in the discussions here.
I must confess that it's mainly curiosity that makes me spend time on this site since i don't really have anything to share with you. I'm neither Nigerian myself, nor do i actually have any kind of relationship to a Nigerian.
But my love for Africa started in Nigeria and that's maybe a reason why i still feel connected to the music, movies and people. So i silently try to remain up to date.

After hesitating for a while i finally decided to ask for your opinion on my topic.
An article on facebook made me think about the whole issue again today and so i thought i might get back to you.

During the last years i've made the experience that interrracial relationships don't use to last for a long time.
I still ask myself what the reason therefore is.
Something that really worries me and makes me sad is the fact, that there are too many prejudices on both sides.
But i can see that especially on the african side they really grow big.
I hear lots of Africans say that a white man/woman would never be a possibility when it comes to having a real family.
What do you think are the main facts why black and white people don't fit together in a relationship?
I'd love to hear the honest, maybe hard reality.

I'm 24 and live in an interracial marriage for almost 3 years now.
We get along well, since we see us as human beings, but I also had to experience racism from my husband's family's side. They would definately prefer a black woman on my husband's side. Not all of them, but there are definately some of them that can hardly agree with his decision to have chosen a white girl.

I hope that i don't offend anybody here and moreover i hope that i don't repeat an often posed question.
If so, I'd be happy with a link to a similar discussion on here.

Thanks to you all in advance, have a blessed day!

There is a thread similar to yours that is in full thrive you may find your answers there.

Racism is everywhere and there is nothing we can do about it.

I m neither Black or White but I m proud of my African heritage and continent but ashamed of what happened to you and not surprised Racism is evil and doesn't exist only among Africans but in every race community and continent but those who still judge people on their skin colors or features rather than their characters are ignorants and narrow minded
Madam I m sorry you run into this problem and good that you are making statement but remember after every difficulty there
is an ease

People are very protective sometimes and would gladly reject the "unknown" rather than giving it a try for something as special as marriage/relationship.

As a black man, I have experienced some form of racism or another, since the day I was born, so it doesn't affect me any longer but I know its there (although very minimal).
Every country I have lived in are not any different. Scandinavian/asians/latin parents and family being strongly against my r/ship with their daughters SOLELY because of the color of my skin. So it surely aint an African thing.

I clearly remember the parents of my Chinese gf calling our r/ship "the biggest disgrace in their lives" or the Norwegian ones saying that if we ever have children, they would be miserable and bullied in school. IGNORANCE, that's what it is.

Having a relationship with a different race apart from your own is very very challenging and difficult.I dont know about Black and White as Im not white but I most definitely know about Black and Yellow as my bf is black and I am Yellow.

Every single time when we both walk at the street, everyone will look at us like as if we killed their mother. And everytime I get my own local people telling me in my language that I am a disgrace for dating someone whom is not my own kind. And when i go home, my entire family asking me why do I have to disgrace them and insult them indirectly. And wherever I went, I can hear it all so clearly at the back of my head people asking themselves why on earth does she (me that is) have to fall for a black guy? Are they no more Asian guys for her? Are they no Asian guys wanting to love her?

Than its the cultural differences. To my culture, it is okay to smell the food before eating but for his culture, its very offensive to smell the food. To his culture, its okay to dig your teeth with a tooth pick while opening your mouth but its very offensive for my culture to be doin that. They are so many cultural differences that had actually caused both to fight over it.

The third one is perhaps the distance. One might not know when he/she will be moving back to his.her own country,When that time comes, than it will be a very big problem. Alot of people think its ok to be in a long distance relationship but how long can one wait when both are very serious? Its not as easy as many think it is.

These three alone is enough to not last a relationship but once everything has been faced together and both still manages to go on with the relationship, than love conquers all.

MRbrownJAY:

People are very protective sometimes and would gladly reject the "unknown" rather than giving it a try for something as special as marriage/relationship.

As a black man, I have experienced some form of racism or another, since the day I was born, so it doesn't affect me any longer but I know its there (although very minimal).
Every country I have lived in are not any different. Scandinavian/asians/latin parents and family being strongly against my r/ship with their daughters SOLELY because of the color of my skin. So it surely aint an African thing.

I clearly remember the parents of my Chinese gf calling our r/ship "the biggest disgrace in their lives" or the Norwegian ones saying that if we ever have children, they would be miserable and bullied in school. IGNORANCE, that's what it is.

Thats what my family told me too. And they say my babies are going to be the ugliest thing ever. . . Mehnnn. . . . Was I so upset that day . . .

What we all have to remember is that for all the r/ship with racist parents/family/friends, I can equally have 10 times that amount of happy interracial r/ship where family and friends blessed our union, so let us all not use the tip of the iceberg to lose faith in interracial r/ships.

MRbrownJAY:

What we all have to remember is that for all the r/ship with racist parents/family/friends, I can equally have 10 times that amount of happy interracial r/ship where family and friends blessed our union, so let us all not use the tip of the iceberg to lose faith in interracial r/ships.

Mr. Jay, please tell me what did you do and say to her parents when they told u that?

And is that the reason why your relationship ended with her?

Jay, Im so lost but I really really would appreciate it if you could enlighten me with this.

@ms potato
Yes I have experienced that asians or muslims are the most vocal (and physical) about this issue!
Who do you think came up with honor killing?

Ms. Potato

Thats what my family told me too. And they say my babies are going to be the ugliest thing ever. . . Mehnnn. . . . Was I so upset that day . . .

haha is that your kid on your profile? definatly not ugly

This is the reason why i have promised myself that i will never get in a interracial relationship.
just to much adversity and stress, not to mention the steryotypes (black man/ white women). But i guess if you love someone it doesnt matter,

MRbrownJAY:

@ms potato
Yes I have experienced that asians or muslims are the most vocal (and physical) about this issue!
Who do you think came up with honor killing?

Muslims and honor killing yes but Asians? WHich Asians do honor killing  

Jay, I really need your enlightment on your relationship with your chinese gf. pleaseee.  

pleep:

Ms. Potato
haha is that your kid on your profile? definatly not ugly

no, she is not my child but she is my friend's baby. That girl is very rare cause its the first time Im seeing a half Nigerian half Malaysian baby where her genes followed almost 80% of her mother's (Malaysian) genes if compared to the father.

Mrs.Chima:

There is a thread similar to yours that is in full thrive you may find your answers there.

Racism is everywhere and there is nothing we can do about it.

Mrs. Chima, I have taken the liberty of adding emphasis to part of your posting, as I'd like to address that particular part of it, if I may.

You are, indeed, correct that racism is everywhere.  However, I must, with all due respect, take issue with your assertion that "there is nothing we can do about it."  If anything, we ALL MUST do something about it.  I would suggest that we first define the elusive term "race."  The term, in everyday usage, is far too vague to have a meaning of any consequence.  
Indeed, it is only by each of our doing something that the problem can be most ably addressed.  I, too, have been involved in mixed relationships.  It grieves me that we live in the 21st century and still have to overcome thinking that has long ago been shown to be in error in this regard.  

Your children will not be ugly.  Only the children whose parents bring them up in homes where prejudice and hate are encouraged to thrive will be ugly.  There will be no disgrace.  Only those who choose to live with closed minds will be disgraced and will bring disgrace.

hmm, oh well.


stuff happens.

if you love yourselves, then that's what matters i suppose.

Ms potato
My r/ship with this particular girl was very special. We were in love so when the parents were telling her all that crap, she didn't mind because we thought love would conquer all(she was even beaten to comply by uncles and father). Then they asked her to choose between them and me, she chose me and ran away to move in with me that same day. We thought that with time etc, her family would see that they were wrong about us. Oh, how stoopid we were!!!
Being a very affluent and rich family of Beijing, they instead kidnapped her and threatened me to stay well away from her, if I wanted to live another day. They even had cops knocking at my door threatening to deport me if I didn't comply. My gal called their bluff but when her father angrily threatened to have me killed if she didn't comply(she knew her parents were capable) she complied to their demand and was quickly sent to Canada for "studies"! We still great friends but it was an EXPERIENCE like none other.

^^^ holy SHIZ

MRbrownJAY:

Ms potato
My r/ship with this particular girl was very special. We were in love so when the parents were telling her all that crap, she didn't mind because we thought love would conquer all(she was even beaten to comply by uncles and father). Then they asked her to choose between them and me, she chose me and ran away to move in with me that same day. We thought that with time etc, her family would see that they were wrong about us. Oh, how stoopid we were!!!
Being a very affluent and rich family of Beijing, they instead kidnapped her and threatened me to stay well away from her, if I wanted to live another day. They even had cops knocking at my door threatening to deport me if I didn't comply. My gal called their bluff but when her father angrily threatened to have me killed if she didn't comply(she knew her parents were capable) she complied to their demand and was quickly sent to Canada for "studies"! We still great friends but it was an EXPERIENCE like none other.

Jay, reading your story only makes me cry even more. Now Im actually glad that I am not alone. My father is not an influential person but they are many times he locked me in the house and made sure I dont go out. Now that Im a littl more rebellious, I know my ways and if he threatens me, Im going to threaten him even more. U know, it came to a time where I even swear I would run away from this country and not be with my family like forever. I chose love over family too and I will stick to it. Just that it makes me fall and cry most of the days. I didnt know what to do most of the time.

drrionelli:

Mrs. Chima, I have taken the liberty of adding emphasis to part of your posting, as I'd like to address that particular part of it, if I may.

You are, indeed, correct that racism is everywhere.  However, I must, with all due respect, take issue with your assertion that "there is nothing we can do about it."  If anything, we ALL MUST do something about it.  I would suggest that we first define the elusive term "race."  The term, in everyday usage, is far too vague to have a meaning of any consequence.  
Indeed, it is only by each of our doing something that the problem can be most ably addressed.  I, too, have been involved in mixed relationships.  It grieves me that we live in the 21st century and still have to overcome thinking that has long ago been shown to be in error in this regard.  

Your children will not be ugly.  Only the children whose parents bring them up in homes where prejudice and hate are encouraged to thrive will be ugly.  There will be no disgrace.  Only those who choose to live with closed minds will be disgraced and will bring disgrace.

I hear you. Racism still exist and there is nothing we can do about it. You can either stress about it or live your life. It is your choice.

@ms potato
As much as I was thinking like you do(back then), today I feel that:" how can I ask someone to "cut her arm" for our happiness". She loved her parents and therefore we would have been happy at a very high cost. Running away will ostracize you from brothers/sisters/couson etc. It definitely aint easy because you just never know how stubborn some parents can be. In Asia, it goes deeper than 2people, parents feel the shame and "loose face in the community" so they are ready to do any craziness!
you got to try your hardest to have their blessing.

MRbrownJAY:

@ms potato
As much as I was thinking like you do(back then), today I feel that:" how can I ask someone to "cut her arm" for our happiness". She loved her parents and therefore we would have been happy at a very high cost. Running away will ostracize you from brothers/sisters/couson etc. It definitely aint easy because you just never know how stubborn some parents can be. In Asia, it goes deeper  than 2people, parents feel the shame and "loose face in the community" so they are ready to do any craziness!
you got to try your hardest to have their blessing.

Mr Jay I kinda gave up hope on my entire family. You know there was a few times they made a gathering and I purposely invited my bf over and he also insisted on coming. They got angry they chased him away and my father lock me up in the basement. I remember it cause that was the first time my father ever slap me. Jay, since than I am very bitter. My father even brought his friend's son to toast me and almost force me to marry him I had to run away from home for a month just to not marry this 1mb3cil3! My mother pleaded with me to come back and I made them promise not force me into marriage. I thank God now I had a job that takes me around travelling so that I dont have to really see my family's face! It gives me more opportunity to even be with my bf. I dont know how long more do I have to keep up this way. My bf told me that when he really makes it and is well prepared he will go to my house and tell my parents that he wants to marry me but I told him I dont want that cause I know they will never accept him. He doesnt seem to care and thats whats bothering me. Jay, do you still have feelings for your gf?

And Jay, when you say how can I ask someone to "cut her arm" for our happiness I actually dont agree to it. The reason why I keep fighting everyday its because I know one day when my parents are dead in their grave, I will always feel uphappy for not making decisions based on my own free will before. When my parents die, they are not the ones whom is going to live a lifetime of regret but I will. The guy whom I actually love in the end has not ended up with me and It s my fault for not fighting for it. If my father threatens to kill him, Im sorry to say this but I will threaten him back till he will have no choice but to let me do what I want to do. Im kinda sick and tired of being in a Chinese home to be honest and it only makes me feel like I want to rebel even more.

Ms.potato
Hey how u doing, gurl? it been a while, where hv u been cos i rarely see your post for some days now.

I cannot believe you are here talking to me after the insult of Asians being ugly and they all look the same.

subscribing

Cmon girl, lets forget the past, i was only mad at that moment you know & whenever you're, wouldn't even care whether its your family or not, u already know i love u & asian ppl. I didn't mean all those fcukk up things i said to u before 4real, k i'm sorry.

Ms potato
One thing that you and your bf should never do is FORCE confrontation. So unless the coast is clear, having your bf coming to your house to talk to your parents may be viewed by them as a big lack of respect.
May I ask if you are muslim? Is your bf? Is being black your parents only problem?
Your family is your family and although you will grow to have your own family it doesn't change the fact that they are very important in ones life. We all love our parents and to suddenly drop them like a bad rash would not be easy for any loving child. Also, if/when that r/ship ends, that person would have almost no one to turn to. Think about it carefully!

As for me, although we still chat on msn and laugh about the past, we understand that this exotic jungle love won't be possible (her parents mind hasnt changed)
We have moved on with our respective lives, its been 6/7yrs since we last met physically.

MzDarkSkin:

redundant topic.

racism exist and will always be here.
ppl have their preferences and some don't like how others live their lives.
i say be happy with your life and move on. end of story.

nothing special about interracial dating than same race dating.
man-woman or gay it's no different. end the hype.

Sister, easy for u to say. Ots not as easy as you think it is. Although I am not happy about this love life of mine but I just dont wanna stop going on. I will keep going untill the day they kill me. I dont care.

Tosinville:

Cmon girl, lets forget the past, i was only mad at that moment you know & whenever you're, wouldn't even care whether its your family or not, u already know i love u & asian ppl. I didn't mean all those fcukk up things i said to u before 4real, k i'm sorry.

Ok Apology accepted.

***Tosinville kisses ms.potato***

MRbrownJAY:

Ms potato
One thing that you and your bf should never do is FORCE confrontation. So unless the coast is clear, having your bf coming to your house to talk to your parents may be viewed by them as a big lack of respect.
May I ask if you are muslim? Is your bf? Is being black your parents only problem?
Your family is your family and although you will grow to have your own family it doesn't change the fact that they are very important in ones life. We all love our parents and to suddenly drop them like a bad rash would not be easy for any loving child. Also, if/when that r/ship ends, that person would have almost no one to turn to. Think about it carefully!

As for me, although we still chat on msn and laugh about the past, we understand that this exotic jungle love won't be possible (her parents mind hasnt changed)
We have moved on with our respective lives, its been 6/7yrs since we last met physically.

No, Im not a Muslim. We both (my bf and I are Chirstians) and yes, the only issue my family have with him is his skin colour.  One of my aunt which is my mother's elder sister got married to a Jamaican. I called her the other day crying on the phone about my relationship. She told me to fight for it if I want my own happiness and that life is a risk and its like a lottery. She told me that she ran away to Jamaica with her bf (which is her husband) cause her parents (that is my grandparents) treaten to kill her husband if they are going out together so she made the decision to marry him without her parents conscent. They have been married for 26 years and have 4 children which are my cousins. She told me that if I really wanted to be with my bf, I should make decisions for my own self and not to care about what other people thinks. She said she never regretted one day being married to her Jamaican husband.

Jay, to be honest with you, my parents only cares about money. (which chinese parent or any chinese blooded parent dont?) They are not the parents whom will always be there for their kids when their kids needed them. My parents are both workaholics, That is the kinda prents I have and I was raised mostly in the convent. So whether or not I dont end up with my husband for long or not for long, it doesnt make any difference. I still have to go on with my life.

I was thinking more like since your chinese gf is in Canada, amybe it would be easier for you both to have a relationship there