Before delving into my thoughts, properly, I'd make reference to an experience I shared here a while back- on how, during my service year, my flat mate was maltreating his naive, young girlfriend sexually and emotionally, and how the innocent young girl lied to be camped in school during the coronavirus lockdown, to her parents- and honestly, words cannot describe how much of abusive messages I received in my DM, all bordering on why I didn't advise the lady before I left the state after service.

Well, I'd say it again. Women are the reason for many of the unjust resents they get from men. A mixed feeling of anger and pity are what brew in me whenever I read stories on here, on how women would come out to allege they've been dating a man for donkey years without any sign of marriage.

Well, everyone deserves pity in their days of adversaries, but honestly, if you are a lady in that kind of situation, you deserve no pity. In fact, serves you right that the man pumels you well on his bed and later jilts you for another fresh, wise lady.

From my years of study of the psychology of both genders, I have discovered that men derive gratification more from their current attachments, rather than what lies ahead.

There's a lesson I feel ladies should have learnt but unfortunately, they haven't. They have failed to realize that, the more value they place on themselves , the more valuable others see them.

THAT REMINDS ME :
During service, I used to have a female friend- I had female friends but this one in particular was so attached to me. She was quite beautiful, very fair, but not really brainy (complete turnoff.) We schooled in different institutions in my state before service brought us together in 2019. This lady was so attached to me that it almost cost me my service year as my LI's buddy who was greatly into her almost truncated my aspirations (a story for another day). On weekends especially, this lady would come to my apartment to chill with me and we'll do all sort of things. I'd occasionally give her money to go to the the market to get stuff. She'd cook for me and even clean my room. The two things we didn't do was sex and I did not allow her wash my cloths. I abstained completely from copulating with her, even though nobody, not even my Co Corp members believed. The reason for this is, as much as the flesh is weak, I got to later know she had a boyfriend back at home, and that the guy was a devoted church guy who served God genuinely: he was even a keyboardist. In myself, I thought the guy didn't deserve that. Bros should watch each other's back, not stab it.

Well, not to bore you. While all this was going on, I felt utmost satisfaction. If I had wanted to establish myself judging from that fact, then I'd see no reason for marriage. Why? She was ready to give me everything a married woman would give her husband.

The one I read here recently was what left me jaw-dropped. A lady claimed she has been dating a guy for seven years with no readiness for marriage. Seven whole years! Cooking, washing, cleaning, free sex, for seven years? Here, this is my analysis.

In this case, as the guy, there's no way I'd be moved to ring her finger. Why? I am already deriving every marital enjoyment even without being married.

Ladies, I know many of you will not listen for reasons unknown to me, but please, speak some senses into your skuls and give yourself some self-worth. There's no point staying with a man showing no sign of marital commitment towards you. Stay in your father's house until you are both ready for marriage. When you date a man for months and you notice he cannot man up to his responsibilities, talk more of starting a family, my sister, run.

I have seen guys chain down ladies with great potentials with vain marital promises. These guys mayn't be serious with life. All they do is lie to the lady about "not being established yet " which they may never be, and sadly, the gullible lady too will hang on, holding unto vain bombast.

Ladies, we cannot value you until you value yourselves. Develop your self-worth and stop wasting your precious youthful days away.

Remember:
"I've known him for 8 years." Na OYO be your case
"He knows my family." Sister, na OYO be your case.
"He has promised to marry me." Sis, na OYO be your case.
"My mum likes him. " Na OYO be your case.
Sis, until he marries you completely, na OYO be your case.

Girls who know their WORTH do not run things that way. And to the girls who yield themselves to this foolishness, I hope all you will bear your regret alone when they come eating you up.

That's my one kobo, I come in Peace.


Cc: Lalasticlala | Seun | Mynd44 | Dominique

Worthy advice, nice of you.Somehow,I find you judgemental in the case of the lady who was attached to you during NYSC. You mentioned that that guy didn't deserve her, you never can tell what attracted him to her. People look out for different attributes in relationships, yours could be intellectual competence

JaneYave:
Worthy advice, nice of you.Somehow,I find you judgemental in the case of the lady who was attached to you during NYSC. You mentioned that that guy didn't deserve her, you never can tell what attracted him to her. People look out for different attributes in relationships, yours could be intellectual competence

Thank you, but I wrote the guy "didn't deserve that," meaning that I see him as good man who didn't deserve that I get intimate with his woman.

No lies. I honestly don't know how ready-to-marry adults date for more than two years? Why exactly?

Why would a ready-to-marry adult also consciously date someone who doesn't look or act ready to get married? Why?

It defeats common sense and intelligence.

You guys started dating from school, and by NYSC time you start dropping subtle hints that he should marry you. How nau?

You're dating a man who's at the club every weekend, who turns his head 360° at the sight of anything with boobs, who spends money like an exuberant teenager, and you're waiting for that one to come and marry you.

It is not a thing of pride to come out that you've been dating someone for 8- 10 years o. I don't know how people chant that like it's an achievement.

Whenever I hear stories like that, I always feel they eventually got married out of pity... or pressure... or they tried seeing other people and got badly heartbroken.

When you meet people who are ready to settle down, you won't second-guess their intentions.

And all that over-niceness makes no sense either... trying to be sweet and agreeable... better be your authentic self and don't start anything you know you can't finish.

Sammmyyyy:


Thank you, but I wrote the guy "didn't deserve that," meaning that I see him as good man who didn't deserve that I get intimate with his woman.

ok, well understood. Thank you

Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

Nigerian girls are useless...All of them

PrimadonnaO:
No lies. I honestly don't know how ready-to-marry adults date for more than two years? Why exactly?

Why would a ready-to-marry adult also consciously date someone who doesn't look or act ready to get married? Why?

It defeats common sense and intelligence.

You guys started dating from school, and by NYSC time you start dropping subtle hints that he should marry you. How nau?

You're dating a man who's at the club every weekend, who turns his head 360° at the sight of anything with boobs, who spends money like an exuberant teenager, and you're waiting for that one to come and marry you.

It is not a thing of pride to come out that you've been dating someone for 8- 10 years o. I don't know how people chant that like it's an achievement.

Whenever I hear stories like that, I always feel they eventually got married out of pity... or pressure... or they tried seeing other people and got badly heartbroken.

When you meet people who are ready to settle down, you won't second-guess their intentions.

And all those over-niceness make no sense either... trying to be sweet and agreeable... better be your authentic self and don't start anything you know you can't finish.

You are very correct and logical. I just wish every young adult will get baptized in that truth. In the end, it doesn't favour the women more. I hope they realize that on time.

JaneYave:
ok, well understood. Thank you

You are welcome.

*Kisses

I learned this the hard way.

UyaiIncomparabl:
I learned this the hard way.

Care to share?

Jack005:
Care to share?

Maybe not. I know too many people here and vice versa, personally. That will be an infringement on my privacy. I will rather be mute.

Nice write up OP

mosdii:
Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

This isn't needed here, boss

SeekerofTruth1:
Nigerian girls are useless...All of them

Not here, please

Well Op, you have said it all. I really salute you for your principles with the lady in ur story. I have personally made up my mind not to have any long distance relationship with any lady because of this. May God help our generation oo.

marriage is a dangerous thing in present day Nigeria, with the frequency of divorce nobody deserve to Marry out of pity or because they've dated for 100years.
back to your topic, you did well not copulating with her but you also gave her a faint hope by allowing her perform wifely duties .

UyaiIncomparabl:
I learned this the hard way.

Hmn... You've learnt, that's all that matters. You're wiser now too.

JaneYave:
Worthy advice, nice of you.Somehow,I find you judgemental in the case of the lady who was attached to you during NYSC. You mentioned that that guy didn't deserve her, you never can tell what attracted him to her. People look out for different attributes in relationships, yours could be intellectual competence

Yes people look at some attribute before dating each other....some guys don't, they are only interested in the sex part. why some ladies na money....

JaneYave:
Worthy advice, nice of you.Somehow,I find you judgemental in the case of the lady who was attached to you during NYSC. You mentioned that that guy didn't deserve her, you never can tell what attracted him to her. People look out for different attributes in relationships, yours could be intellectual competence

RE~READ THE THREAD DEAR. HE SAID THE GUY DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE CHEATED.

mosdii:
Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

DNT U GET TIRED OF THIS NONESENSE ?

UyaiIncomparabl:
I learned this the hard way.

THANK GOD U LEARND , AND ITS NT LATE.

Magnoliaa:
Thank God it is your opinion oh. If not, watin Daughter of Woman go do? Hmm!

Shey there'll be consequences for wrong doings, and more of them will continue to get defined abi? No problem.

I DNT UNDERSTAND SIS

Thanks bro. Our sisters need this ur thread alot

The shocking discovery is that some of the ladies told me that nobody had proposed to them. Then I asked, did you not see anyone that you liked? Some said yes, but they could not go to the man because it is against African culture. That is the area we are now looking into.
He said: “In those days, because you could not touch a woman before you married her, it encouraged a man to desire to marry. But what is happening today is not good for the ears at all.
He also blamed some of the women for living care-free life. “Some of the women do not have self control, and if you do not have self control, somebody will come and get what he wants to get from you and find his way out. Then another person will come and it goes on like that in a vicious circle. At the end of the day you find out that nobody wants to marry you.

Seen...next

mosdii:
Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

mosdii:
Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

Ny Guy.. I dn miss you for nairaland oo
Welcome..
As for Op.. until Dem girls stop demanding for urgent 2k if not no value for them..

This na just my opinion from wetin i don see oo, before una gather come beat me

Sammmyyyy:
.....

It is not really about self-worth, the thing is that most girls don’t have sense. Two scenarios made me reach this conclusion

First - We had a get together. My guy (he dresses simple and he is very calm) walked up to this babe (something he almost never does as per serious-minded guy). This girl was just forming, in my mind i said “chai, this my guy wey get money, get everything dey fin serious relationship na hin this babe dey wash like this”. He followed up the matter for weeks the babe no gree for am, he respected him and ended the matter. The worst part is that the boy currently controlling this babe dey enjoy everything for her body. Treats her like lower than garbage and of cuz has no intention of marrying her. She chose disrespect, being treated like garbage over respect and love.

Second - A cousin’s girlfriend always acting up, you see better guy, you no dey give am peace, sex she gives freely to her whole street, she refuse giving it to the better bobo she has. Always nagging. If this guy should leave her there is a very high probability that the next set of guys are “chop and go”. I don clear am, if you marry this girl, you are finished. Don’t never near me with your future problems.

With these few points of mine @OP you can see that most of these girl deserve every nonsense happening in their life.

Sammmy,

1) You said you and the chick who came to spend the weekend at your place ‘will do all sort of things’ I interpret that to be making out, smooching? But you didn’t have sex with her because you didn’t want to hurt her boyfriend?

2) I thought only women pressured women into getting married, men are now joining the pressure gang? I think you should leave women matters for women.

3) You talk like women have an array of choices, they can just go to the market, point at a man who is ready to marry and take him home. The reason why women stay with men who are not ready to marry is the same reason men stay in dead end jobs, lack of options. If a better offer shows up they would leave.

4) There are lot of relationships far better than many marriages you see, is marriage the ultimate or happiness? A girl should leave a guy who cares about her, doesn’t cheat, great career, never hits her all in the name of searching for marriage? 90% of the time she won’t get such good deal elsewhere and after marrying someone else she will run back to his bed.

5) Lastly, learn to remove eye from other people’s relationships, you don’t know the half of it. Girls have the ability to weigh the pros and cons of their relationships, if the pro outweighs the cons they decide to stay but you only see the cons. Even if she’s being treated unfairly as you stated, it will count as a lesson to her in future. She knows what bad looks like now and she can do better with her next guy.

PrimadonnaO:
No lies. I honestly don't know how ready-to-marry adults date for more than two years? Why exactly?

Why would a ready-to-marry adult also consciously date someone who doesn't look or act ready to get married? Why?

It defeats common sense and intelligence.

You guys started dating from school, and by NYSC time you start dropping subtle hints that he should marry you. How nau?

You're dating a man who's at the club every weekend, who turns his head 360° at the sight of anything with boobs, who spends money like an exuberant teenager, and you're waiting for that one to come and marry you.

It is not a thing of pride to come out that you've been dating someone for 8- 10 years o. I don't know how people chant that like it's an achievement.

Whenever I hear stories like that, I always feel they eventually got married out of pity... or pressure... or they tried seeing other people and got badly heartbroken.

When you meet people who are ready to settle down, you won't second-guess their intentions.

And all that over-niceness makes no sense either... trying to be sweet and agreeable... better be your authentic self and don't start anything you know you can't finish.

It shocked me to read this! Had to double check your moniker to be sure you are a lady! Kudos...you need to write more and feed your fellow ladies with more correct data on what to do when it comes to relationship because obviously your eyes and ears are open.
It hurts me when I see girls being toyed with by guys just because she's not wise enough to discern quickly what she's walking into! Please speak more...the girls need it...