Next time, you should Learn to treat people with dignity and respect…your employees, driver, house help and ordinary person outside there…realising that if some of them had same opportunity as you had, they probably would have turned out better than you.
This shows that you had treated your ex-nanny very badly when she was your nanny, hence the reason you were busy afraid in her being your new mother in law.
Be expecting your own return of all your bad treatment or you quickly succum and show her love and respect now, otherwise you will loose an honour of being a good housewife to the family.

Biglittlelois:
[s][/s]


How will you feel if your mother gets pregnant for your driver and end up marrying him

Never compare this situation with that.Thats why some people don't move forward.Always comparing this and that.

She should be happy the nanny did not snatch her own husband ,lazy married woman ,

This is not something to worry about
You have to apply intelligence over your emotion

The best thing for you is to make her your friend, form a team with her, and gain her trust, together you both will control everything.

Reaction hardly will destroy your marriage since your husband is supporting his dad.

chachanga:


You shouldn't stress yourself with decidedly unreasonable dumbos and their foolish monochromatic views on life.

Their almost violent tones in projecting so much needless bile against a faithful, dutiful wife in favour of Baba with his indiscretions and a maid in violation of rules of engagement just reminds one of how they were in support of that Ijesa guy against his victim, the lady guardian and iyabo Ojo in that molestation saga that trended earlier this year. It seems Naija fellas will always gladly back the wrong horse whenever issues of illicit sexx comes up.

See them all braying like donkeys in support of this housemaid, who they forgot, came into that household on a work contract with the Madam as her boss and benefactor.
And of course, such contract though unexpressed must not have included the possibilities of sexual romps with Madam's family members as one of her job duties and functions.

The very idea of her unprofessional misconduct escaping these mugus tells you lots about the stinky imbecilic insularity of many home-based Nigerians' minds. That's why when they're lucky enough to leave the jungle they call a country, the wise amongst them learn to talk less while the other foolish ones who ventilate their cavemen retarded ideologies soon learn the hard way if they don't even get themselves into jams that'd get them deported back to their stinky hell holes villages.

Any rational and decent mind should, while acknowledging the maid's personal freedoms as an adult also see the foolishness of Madam's family in trying to ram the maid's new status down her throat, would they accept such if they were faced with similar odds? Why couldn't the family do their utmost best in breaking the news to Madam gently instead of wagging the maid in her face like a fck-U finger? That family don't look like a very good or nice family / inlaws to be around.

Even her hubby, who's still technically living at home's, has got his senses beclouded and loyalties all twisted. He doesn't seem to have much regard for his wife. He's suddenly the chief persecutor of his wife of his wife of 10 years in favour of a maid carrying a baby they can't even be sure of yet? What if the maid, having seen their little coins, planned the whole "falling in love with grandpa routine"to get her own share of the family inheritance anytime grandpa kicks the bucket soon?

These Naija dudes support nonsense with too much gragra abeg.


You underestimate the power of poverty in shaping hood psychology into all sorts of twisted oddities that pple call their mindset and existence. They speak out of their ghetto mentality. Seun and his mods seem to be on vacation otherwise I don't know why the crude sorts have been so completely allowed to drown out cultured voices. Any time one visits this forum, it's been the same of late, thrash, thrash and more thrash.

Thank you for your comment, this sorts of things displayed on this forum is what basically most sane people are used to here, Seun and the rest won't do nothing about it.

And a comment of mine was actually removed from the front page, a comment that i castigated a male moniker that termed the reaction of the wife in the Op's narration as the usual "women hating fellow women" on display, yet the mod allowed the sexist display against women to remain there, that is what this forum has become now, anything goes here, the most important thing is that money must be made, that's the sad e-reality.

Biglittlelois:


Who said they shouldn't enjoy their choices?

Get it, making ones opinion known on an issue positively or negatively as in the case of the Op, and expressing it is not a bad thing, this shouldn't be too hard to understand.

Aunty please shut up and let's hear word Abeg
Must you reply every comment?

Biglittlelois:



Thank you, I don't know why so many people pretend to love it when in fact it hurts, I got over 70 mentions cos of my comment lol.

if i were you, i won't sum up yet, more mentions held in traffick

MrPresent:
This is a true life story.

The lady in question is so confused on what to do.

Please advise her responsibly:

(Matured Minds Only)

*************************************

Good morning, I am married into a very wealthy home, my husband is the eldest child, they are four, 3 male and a female.

Last two years I got a nanny, she's 32 years, my husband is in charge of his father company, his father has houses everywhere around the world but he's leaving with us, because of loneliness, he lost his wife 12yrs ago and since then he refused to marry again, he's 65years old but still young, I have a supermarket, so my nanny cook and takes care of the home while I'm away, my nanny has been sleeping with my father in-law but I didn't know, March this year we found out she's pregnant and she said it was papa that was responsible, when I ask her how long she has been sleeping with him she said since last year.

I was shouting at her when my husband shut me up that I shouldn't talk to her like that, that she's not a child, my own house help! When my husband talk to his father about it, he said the girl, that is my nanny has been his companion that he wants to marry her, mogbe I said over my dead body, my own maid, instead of my husband to be on my side he said if marrying the girl will make his father Happy that he has his support, the house we are living is build by my father in-law, it's a duplex, Mummy as am writing you my husband and his brothers followed my father in-law to pay my nanny dowry, they came back yesterday.

I didn't go with the children because I can't Believe my father in-law stoop so low to marry my maid when there are other women out there, last night I was talking to my husband and he told me to stop referring her as my nanny that she's now Married to his father therefore I should be calling her "Aunty mi", and my kids who usually call her Aunty should start calling her "Mummy", and I asked him what will she be calling me, he said anything she likes.

I am just here crying, someone I brought into my home has now turned madam over me, what should I do, and I can't tell my husband to rent another apartment when he has a duplex, papa can't leave either because he want to be close to his son, how long can I take this, please I need advice. Thanks. Married for 10years.

What a Life!

******************
What Are Your Thoughts?

She would be in the comment section reading.

Pride will destroy you and soon you will be thrown out of that house!
Silly woman

Biglittlelois:



See ehn, the hypocrisy of people especially men on this form ehn

Once a narrative doesn't conform with their responses on a thread, they forget all they supported or their previous idealogy, see all of them coming to my mentions forming saints and do-gooders, same people that preach against dating broke girls, class mixing, or marrying someone of lesser level of education as you said, it's the double mouth hypocrisy for me, I got over 70 mentions because of my comment, you can imagine.

. See I am a Woman too even If I may not av Preferred d Father-inlaw to have impregnated the Nanny But Shit happens!!!and So We shud get over it Besides who is she 2 dictate for Her Father-inlaw or Her Husby na Her House or Property? Love Can be found frm any Body be it a Gardener,Nanny or a Maid.The Woman dey very Selfish .
The Yoruba adage will say 'Eni ti a ba Sun ti ni a n jarunpa lu' at that Her Father-in-laws age I don't think He will b that Highly mobile to Scout for other Lady's outside 2 marry So He Used the Opportunity that was Closer to Him.We should Put ourselves in His Shoes too(E je ka fi Oran to ara eni wo) and this is not about following d Crowd if u Check my Past Comments on this forum even As I don't make many,U will see that I don't Subscribe to Public Opinion I am a Deviant not A Conformist. So I Use my thinking Faculty b4 Commenting.

MrPresent:
This is a true life story.

The lady in question is so confused on what to do.

Please advise her responsibly:

(Matured Minds Only)

*************************************

Good morning, I am married into a very wealthy home, my husband is the eldest child, they are four, 3 male and a female.

Last two years I got a nanny, she's 32 years, my husband is in charge of his father company, his father has houses everywhere around the world but he's leaving with us, because of loneliness, he lost his wife 12yrs ago and since then he refused to marry again, he's 65years old but still young, I have a supermarket, so my nanny cook and takes care of the home while I'm away, my nanny has been sleeping with my father in-law but I didn't know, March this year we found out she's pregnant and she said it was papa that was responsible, when I ask her how long she has been sleeping with him she said since last year.

I was shouting at her when my husband shut me up that I shouldn't talk to her like that, that she's not a child, my own house help! When my husband talk to his father about it, he said the girl, that is my nanny has been his companion that he wants to marry her, mogbe I said over my dead body, my own maid, instead of my husband to be on my side he said if marrying the girl will make his father Happy that he has his support, the house we are living is build by my father in-law, it's a duplex, Mummy as am writing you my husband and his brothers followed my father in-law to pay my nanny dowry, they came back yesterday.

I didn't go with the children because I can't Believe my father in-law stoop so low to marry my maid when there are other women out there, last night I was talking to my husband and he told me to stop referring her as my nanny that she's now Married to his father therefore I should be calling her "Aunty mi", and my kids who usually call her Aunty should start calling her "Mummy", and I asked him what will she be calling me, he said anything she likes.

I am just here crying, someone I brought into my home has now turned madam over me, what should I do, and I can't tell my husband to rent another apartment when he has a duplex, papa can't leave either because he want to be close to his son, how long can I take this, please I need advice. Thanks. Married for 10years.

What a Life!

******************
What Are Your Thoughts?

She would be in the comment section reading.

Sorry for what you're going through. Truth be told, your husband had no respect for you right from the start, and you sef,you get anger issues from the sound of it. This issue is too complicated to get solutions on NL. Seek advice from your Mom or siblings, na them know your family well.

MADAM POSTER WATCH OUT, UR PRIDE GOETH BEFORE A LOUD CRASH!

tayoccu:


Hope you read the write up properly?
Did you see anywhere that the lady said anything bad about the “nanny’s work ethics? Or say anything about the content of her character?
The lady is just envious, she’s a bitter person who doesn’t want her “nanny” to step up.

Yes I did....the rush to accuse her is just out of this world...

daddytime:
Lol

Overtake don overtake, overtake.

Overtaking is allowed, madam.

The first shall be the last, and the last.....?

Lmao...This thing the pain women eeh..


Being with a lady she underrates, always hit home.

This isn't overtake self, the nanny married her FIL..and not her own hubby..

OyekuMeji:
What are the lessons to be learnt here. When you decide to hire a nanny, do not hire an adult nanny with black bush, big bakassi & big, succulent boobs.

You see, the Preek & Toto are designed ELECTROMAGNETICALLY to transmit surface waves that communicate even without the consent & awareness of the owners.

Now, let us use a mathematical example to explain the variables.

If the ratio of two variables (x and y) is equal to a constant ( Temptation = Preek / Toto), then the variable in the numerator of the ratio (y) can be product of the other variable and the constant ( Preek = Temptation + Toto ).

In this case Toto is said to be directly proportional to Preek with proportionality constant K (which is Temptation).

Now, if you do not understand the equation about and need a demonstration, I need 3 female volunteers from the major tribes: Hausa, Yoruba & Igbo - with bakassi & black bushes.

Sir, your equation ii (Preek = Temptation + Toto) is NOT correct.

It should have been; Preek = Temptation x Toto.

I guess it's a Typo error.

Drakkernoir:


Humans are naturally selfish..see ehn..this life is too short...whatever makes you happy..by all means do it. If the nanny makes the man happy..then because of status of pride..no one has a right to deprive him.

I swear...not even when the said man has made his wealth.

RealAdewole:
Another thread about ladies bitter about fellow lady progress...
so you did not want your father-in-law happiness? Afterall we find love in unexpected places.

She wants to be the one in charge...And doesn't want competitions.

Story....The old man found a legit companion which is the best thing to happen to him after 12years....And it is awesome his intelligent eldest son who couldn't be blackmailed by his wife,stood by him...If not, na so family problem they start...Before you know it, the old man will now will his fortunes to the new bride who brought him peace of mind.

See how she reasons... You no want a better thing for the nanny so you keep oppressing her. They.

This woman should be grateful that her father inlaw stood in the gap, what if it were her husband that the nanny got pregnant for Let her chill joor!

So whats your stress, your husband liked the nanny, is that a problem?
Did he sent you out?
He just got another partner, you should get along with that, and stop stressing us here.
If a wall open the lizard will get into it,
allowing a nanny in the home is a small crack, you didnt notice it, the lizard got into it before you realise.
So, the damage has been done, try to manage it, that the best you can do now,
just try to cope with your husbands new wife and move on like that.
Any other move apart from this will have a negative effect in that family.

The lady should let it be, God used her already, she should keep praying for her family, talk to her husband to build a new apartment
Since her father in-law wants to be seeing his son, he can always visit

GboyegaD:


Aren't adults old enough to make their decisions?

But Madam,you were there right and you saw all these drama coming!
Or don't tell us that it just came like an ambushed lion over it's prey!
Well,the deed have been done!
My respect to women as they are the most sensitive being in the World, especially when it comes to issues of relationship,so why should your own be different now that you claim you didn't know that this will be the outcome!

She is getting worked up over nothing, her father in-law found love and companionship in the weirdest place, the least she can do is be happy. Her husband knows supporting his father's decision means they keep living the luxury life they have. Sometimes you just have to know what side of your bread is being buttered and SHUSH

MrPresent:
This is a true life story.

The lady in question is so confused on what to do.

Please advise her responsibly:

(Matured Minds Only)

*************************************

Good morning, I am married into a very wealthy home, my husband is the eldest child, they are four, 3 male and a female.

Last two years I got a nanny, she's 32 years, my husband is in charge of his father company, his father has houses everywhere around the world but he's leaving with us, because of loneliness, he lost his wife 12yrs ago and since then he refused to marry again, he's 65years old but still young, I have a supermarket, so my nanny cook and takes care of the home while I'm away, my nanny has been sleeping with my father in-law but I didn't know, March this year we found out she's pregnant and she said it was papa that was responsible, when I ask her how long she has been sleeping with him she said since last year.

I was shouting at her when my husband shut me up that I shouldn't talk to her like that, that she's not a child, my own house help! When my husband talk to his father about it, he said the girl, that is my nanny has been his companion that he wants to marry her, mogbe I said over my dead body, my own maid, instead of my husband to be on my side he said if marrying the girl will make his father Happy that he has his support, the house we are living is build by my father in-law, it's a duplex, Mummy as am writing you my husband and his brothers followed my father in-law to pay my nanny dowry, they came back yesterday.

I didn't go with the children because I can't Believe my father in-law stoop so low to marry my maid when there are other women out there, last night I was talking to my husband and he told me to stop referring her as my nanny that she's now Married to his father therefore I should be calling her "Aunty mi", and my kids who usually call her Aunty should start calling her "Mummy", and I asked him what will she be calling me, he said anything she likes.

I am just here crying, someone I brought into my home has now turned madam over me, what should I do, and I can't tell my husband to rent another apartment when he has a duplex, papa can't leave either because he want to be close to his son, how long can I take this, please I need advice. Thanks. Married for 10years.

What a Life!

******************
What Are Your Thoughts?

She would be in the comment section reading.

FROM THIS STORY, YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT IS STRESSED OVER NOTHING.
IF YOU WERE A GOOD DAUGHTY INLAW YOU WILL BE HAPPY FOR THE OLD MAN, BUT YOU HAVE ALLOWED YOUR SELFISH EGO TO RULE OVER YOU.

ON A SECOND THOUGHT; YOU SHOULD BE EVEN GRATEFUL THAT ITS YOUR FATHER INLAW, NOT YOUR HUSBAND THAT IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH HER.

Biglittlelois:
[s][/s]


How will you feel if your mother gets pregnant for your driver and end up marrying him

I know someone will twist the story.


Fear women.

Greed, Opportunity, man inhumanity to man, disrespect, ego, boss man and boss lady. Everything i mentioned played itself in the whole story. This days people can praise bad thing and wish it continues until the world ends. We dont abhor wrong doings and condemn inhuman acts that is tantamount to suicide, death and depression. This woman right here complained about her maid getting pregnant for Papa and you guys thinks thats cool that she did huh! I think some of us here are sick and need to be checked. This Nanny could be very smart and aptly applied intelligent in making sure she has got to this level she is now. That was what happened when Tonto declared that Churchill was cheating with his PA then and lo and behold the PA is now a Churchill's wife. May be this woman never thought of this and would have resolved using any means to stop if she was told earlier by anyone. Whats wrong with women...?what is wrong with the world? Where is our decency and self-discipline? What went wrong with this 20th century! The nanny saw that the old man has massive wealth and probably would have sought advise from someone that advised her to lay with the old man...of course, in her rightful sense she would have first thought about her position in the house, and also her madam whom she came into the house through her. That what if her madam pan evil against her? What idf the plan went south? What if died in the process? All these were not in her head rather to accomplish the mission. Please dont get it wrong, we still regard them as ''maid'' and ''nanny'' until they prove to be meek and humble in their duties then you can either convert them as family or increase their position to anything, else they remain where they are as unemployed and needs help. Look now she has got a job to do Nanny and she raised herself to another level forgetting someone brought her. have you even think if there was nor RICHES if this so called maid would have been sleeping with the old man since last year? She disrespected her madam obviously, lets call a spade a spade, eventhough the woman could exhibit some sort of jealousy and envy, its normal thing, becos she cant be the first lady and want a woman she brought ot her house and offered a job to start looking at her should..the maid is not even her friend :So, the maid for going that mile to get pregnant, its a calculated act with so much intent to achieve a desired result...not a mistake. Then, the old man knew he is in his son's house and chose to disrespect his son and family because he feels he owns everything...damn! Am not against the marriage between him and poor nanny who has climbed to the level of madam and might even go and get another nanny who would come and might sleep the upgraded nanny's son someday lol because its already running in the lineage lol. The world is collapsing trust me. I totally condemn what the Nanny did. She would have thought about the danger that might come after her sharp move by her madam. She get luck sha the woman na calm woman...she for don get serious injury. God help the woman get peace of mind anyways.

crackhaus:

Are you jealous?

Biglittlelois:
[s][/s]


How will you feel if your mother gets pregnant for your driver and end up marrying him

All well and good , as long as my dad isn't alive or they are divorced , nothing do mama. Let her get her groove on

Biglittlelois:
[s][/s]


How will you feel if your mother gets pregnant for your driver and end up marrying him

driver not a human being? if every body is a billionaire, who will be the driver, cleaner, messenger, maid? etc, but when opportunity comes your status can change at any time.

Biglittlelois:



I'm not asking of your mum's decisions, I'm asking of your outward emotions and reaction to what she did,

The wife the Op talked about expressed her feelings on what her father in law did, which in her right she is justified, no one will be happy of such a scenario except we want to deceive ourselves, and I for one do not like to deceive myself.

If your mother gets pregnant for your driver, you will not be happy about it, but you just have to accept her decision to marry him.

Madam she's not justified , she doesn't have say over who the nanny sees or who her father in-law dates

1forall:


In order to be able to deal with the situation, you should consider and analyze it from the following different perspectives:

1. Your father-in-law (FIL) demonstrated irresponsibility by his actions. He may have his reasons such as being single and lonely, and was possibly getting more attention from the maid than from anyone else before the romance kicked in, but it doesn't justify him sleeping with his son's maid in his son's matrimonial home. But unfortunately, he owns the house and probably doesn't see it so much as his son's matrimonial home, but rather as his house where his son is living with his wife and so feels he can do whatever he wants.

2. It appears you married a Daddy's boy for him to tolerate, accept and even defend his Dad's wrongdoing in his own home. Again, unfortunately, the house belongs to his Dad so it will be difficult; if not impossible, for him to see the situation objectively because he compromised already by living in his father's house. Him asking you to show respect to a staff you hired and who has worked for you for some time tells me that he is trying to please his Dad (maybe he has inheritance somewhere on his mind?). However, a concern this should present to you is that if it is acceptable to him (your husband), then maybe there is a slight chance that he could do something similar in the future.

3. The maid is an opportunist but it is difficult to blame her because in Nigeria, most people are looking for ways to improve their lives and escape poverty. From living under your roof, she saw an opportunity and grabbed it with both hands but put you in an awkward situation in the process.

4. You did not tell us the position of your husband's siblings on this matter.

5. You did not share with us how you may have contributed to the situation; deliberately or otherwise, which is another perspective to view things from.

Having said all that, I should add that I understand and empathize with you on the situation you find yourself. However I believe your living situation (living with your husband and your FIL, in your FIL's house) is mainly responsible for this because:
- if your father lived elsewhere and impregnated his own maid it wouldn't be such a big problem to you,
- if the house was your husband's, either owned or rented, your FIL may have been reluctant to move in with you in the first place and if he did, he may have been more cautious with his affairs in YOUR house.

My advise:
There is no solution to this, you can only try to minimize the effects it has on you/your home since they have already paid dowry. The best mitigation step will be to separate both homes now that Papa has found a wife and loneliness is no longer a problem, and it is left to you to find a way to make that happen.

My suggestions:
1. Since your FIL has many houses all over, he should move with his new wife into one of them so they can 'have their own privacy' and the new wife can 'have her own home'; afterall, they're expecting a baby. You should do all you can to prevent the baby being born into your own place though.

2. Move your home elsewhere. Encourage your husband to build/buy his own house, although I feel he may think it's unnecessary since his father has many, which is a immature mindset. And someone like him won't even be open to the idea of renting a place and being a tenant, so I wish you luck in trying to convince him to buy or build.

3. Get to terms with the situation and find ways to manage your new step-MIL because she's not going anywhere; unfortunately for you, she has become a part of your family. Your husband's compromises will force you to compromise too and the sooner you accept and deal with it, the better for you and your home. Decide on what to call her that will neither upset you, nor offend your husband and FIL. Something neutral like 'our wife', or 'iyawo', or something. Use local language.

PS:
I think your husband is (ignorantly) setting himself up for future problems in his own nuclear family because when Papa's time comes and God calls him home, I foresee your husband and his siblings having problems with their step-mother over inheritance. You say the family is very wealthy - will they be able to handle it when she tries to claim her husband's estate? When your FIL whom your husband is doing everything to please now is no more, that's typically when he will remember that his step-mother was only a maid who his father took from the gutter. And by that time she would have been established in the home with a grown child or children.opefully the Papa writes a will that meets every family. member's expectations. But it won't be easy.

PS2:
Majority of the comments I have read here show just low how values have sunk as a people, and it is so very unfortunate. I dare say virtually every single one of those saying it's OK will react in pretty much the same way as the OP, or even worse, if they find themselves in similar shoes.

. See Entitlement Mentality Abeg!!!She should tell Her Husband to move out of his Dad House and go buy His own or build His own as if She will Contribute to d Cost of Building it?Like U don't knw Nigeria Inflation and Cost of Living now? If Her Husby Can't afford another House She shud Pressure Him 2 go enter debt nah if its d Woman who will shoulder d Cost then not my Palaver.

What is even d wisdom in Erecting Houses Up and down Nigeria when u wont live in more than One? His Dad Already has numerous Houses He should still go build another One So He Can Choke Nigerian Environment More?Yet we complain of Food Scarcity and Low Agricultural Productivity when we av already used all the available Land which shd have been used for Agriculture to build Plenty Houses of which One Can't live in Two of them at Once in His /Her Lifetime.
U even Said The Father-inlaw shd move to another House to live with His Pregnant Nanny Since He has Several Houses as if its the DIL who built the House See if anyone is to leave that House for another One the Father-inlaw built,it should be the aggrieved Lady.bcs,d FIL worked for His Money and He Can do anything with It.We all knw the Woman's grouse isn't about Her formal Nanny being Preggy 4 Her FIL but bcs Women hates anything that didn't Spring Out frm them,are bitchy,Envious and detest anyone getting elevated to their Status too that is why they maltreat anyone not frm dia Loins I am also a woman so I knw better.
Don't Call d Nanny an Opportunist bcs d DIL won't also be better as we weren't involved in Her Thought Process.and the DIL isn't even the Mans Biological Daughter so who is She 2 dictate who Her FIL is to marry?Even Her Husband Siblings aren't Complaining See Gbege O As She was Brought in2 dt House to enjoy wealth so is that Nanny also brought in too.
I don't know how to quote a little Section if ur Post that is why I had to reply after ur whole Comment

Biglittlelois:
[s][/s]


How will you feel if your mother gets pregnant for your driver and end up marrying him

before I will answer your queation I will like to ask this question, is my mum lonely, and need companion ? is she a widow if yes , I will let her continue her journey

thats aside she is a wife in the house not a daughter , and so far the children are not seeing anything wrong in the Nanny move so who is she to now get angry abi she wan marry baba join too ni

Thats why power is not in the hand of women because they are too wicked... how can you be beefing a woman like you .... shes only afraid that when ever papa go beyond the nanny will partake from the inheretance