I bow for some of the shallow responses here. I come from a solid family parents married for 40yrs, my ex husband comes from a similar family. Even though his parents are together when we were growing up he used to tell me he wished they were apart. As for the response from someone who said parents who are together will not welcome back a daughter who is divorced, my parents were only too happy to have me back alive and divorced dan married and dead. When I think about the hell I went tru and and I hear from ma exes mum and d hell she went tru and is still going tru I am glad I worked away. That someones parents are together is not a guaranty of happiness, dat a couple stays together doesn't mean they will raise a great husband or wife, if I had kids with my ex, will I want to stay and watch them nurse me from constant beatings? Will I want ma boys to turn out wife beaters like their dad? No. My ex didn't understand why I left afterall his mom stayed and bared it all, so to him it was normal to cheat, beat and publicly insult your wife and expect her to stay and bare it. Now will I want to raise a son who thinks like that? No

I tell my mother in law that I blame her for not leaving and raising her kids better, my ex bore most of the brunt of his parents issues growing up so its hard for me and everyone to understand why he chose to follow the same steps. He was d one who stayed with his mom in the hospital while she was almost alway recuporating from abuse while I stayed with his siblings to be sure they were ok, he started caring for his mom at 13. If she had left then, am sure he wouldn't have had d neghative influence his dad had on him later in life. Howeever when you see dis couple in town or church they look perfect and happy only us knpw d truth. Now dat was the kind of show I was expected to put up with and stay in an unhappy marriage cos according to him I am close to him mom so I should learn fron her how to cope.

debrief08:

I bow for some of the shallow responses here. I come from a solid family parents married for 40yrs, my ex husband comes from a similar family. Even though his parents are together when we were growing up he used to tell me he wished they were apart. As for the response from someone who said parents who are together will not welcome back a daughter who is divorced, my parents were only too happy to have me back alive and divorced dan married and dead. When I think about the hell I went tru and and I hear from ma exes mum and d hell she went tru and is still going tru I am glad I worked away. That someones parents are together is not a guaranty of happiness, dat a couple stays together doesn't mean they will raise a great husband or wife, if I had kids with my ex, will I want to stay and watch them nurse me from constant beatings? Will I want ma boys to turn out wife beaters like their dad? No. My ex didn't understand why I left afterall his mom stayed and bared it all, so to him it was normal to cheat, beat and publicly insult your wife and expect her to stay and bare it. Now will I want to raise a son who thinks like that? No

I appreciate your honesty and openness on the topic.  I asked a question no one answered: is it better to be brought up by dysfunctional parents or come from broken home?  Maybe they didn't understand what "dysfunctional" means 

You've proven by example what I've tried to say - parents still being together is not a good enough reason to assume that it's a "good" relationship and that their children will form healthy relationships with others.

One of the reasons why we have so many divorces these days is because some people bring their parents' issues into marriage.

I bow for some of the shallow responses here

i  try not to argue with such people.

i think most of it is fear, which may or may not be unjustified.

its also unfortunate that people are fixating on such instead of determining what's causing the extremely high divorce rate we see today among nigerians and their partners.

it's escalating and nobody is interested in finding out why.

maybe it's inevitable?

Its really hard to hear and see what pple go through to answer d title married. Cos of sterotypes like this, pple need great courage to walk out of a bad marriage

I have seen my day cry 3 times in my life, one at d death of a family member, second time was when he came to see me at the hospital, I was drugged but heard him asking my ex mother in law if he was d only one who beat me or there were others who helped him. My exes mother broke down in tears and I heard him crying too, last time was when my ex came to beg mt dad to allow me back home, my dad looked at him and started crying told him that he loved him like a son but doesn't know what has happened to him, and that this decision was like choosing what's better in a matter concerning two of his favorite children. There and den I increased my reslove to leave, I knew the beatings will go on and didn't want my dad to share another tear or die from bp worrying about me. People no one wants a broken home but sometimes situations are necessary, we see in recent times what staying at all costs has done to some people, ambassodr Wiwge, Titi and Tola, please let's stop stigmatising divorcees so people living in bad marriages can walk away before it destroys them. See Ambasador wiwge, he knew he had no marriage but asked his wife back to save face, now she has destroyed hhis 40 year career and respect. We expect people to pretend and put up a happy couple mode when they are not just so they can satisfy our expectations at what expense?

@Debrief08

I feel for you, but I believe that your husband needs help. advice him to go get help.

i really hate topics like these.

@Debrief08, your story is touching and inspiring! I have to say that admire your courage to leave because for most women in Naija, Marriage is a do or die affair! They do not know any better anyway and sometimes I do not blame them because of the culture, financial capability etc like a lot of people have mentioned earlier. I think divorces are more prevalent today because most men and women especially women, do not want to go through brutality for the sake of "staying happily or should I say unhappily married" In the West, there are structures in place to help women deal with the emotional, financial and other aspects of life after a divorce or death of a spouse that is absent in Nigeria. My thing is women need to start being more financially capable/independent of handling things themselves, wether through having a small business or job. Its extremely important and builds self esteem for the woman and her kids over time regardless of wether a divorce or separation occurs or not,

debrief08:

My ex didn't understand why I left afterall his mom stayed and bared it all, so to him it was normal to cheat, beat and publicly insult your wife and expect her to stay and bare it.

He needs to be beaten till he is fcked up.

That is my opinion.

I came from a 'dysfxnal' home,my mother having had to leave twice,each for a period spanning at least 5 yrs apiece. Mum is the docile,quiet type,and I think it was partly responsible 4 much of her woes. Dad capitalized on this to tell the whole world what a bad wife he married. As kids without our mother around,it was hell. U can't imagine what missing ur mum does to a child. We were always too happy to see her when she came visiting,and wept like we lost a loved one each time she wanted to leave.
But as small as we were,we knew it was necessary she stayed under another roof. This was because my dad beat her mercilessly almost daily,there was never peace in the house. He accused her of every evil on earth,from infidelity(mum can never do that),to poisoning. He was never satisfied with anything she did and openly told us he hated her. He had his fair share of affairs too. What I hated most was people,friends and relatives alike,telling us what a bad mother we had,simply becos mum preferred not to tell her own side of the story. The 2nd time mum left, I ran away from home to join her,because dad transferred his aggression to me,because I looked like my mum!!!
Growing up,I resolved on 2 things,
1. To never ever leave my husband's house since I'll be labelled bad woman.
2. To never marry a man who has no respect for women.
My parents later got back together,only tolerating each other for the sake of our education. Today,we're all grown up and have left the house,and they're stuck with themselves. Dad has come to his senses,he recently told me he thinks his family had a hand in his marital squabbles thru diabolic means.
My sister and I are happily married now,and I pray my brothers don't toe the steps of our dad when it's their turn. We've been thru a lot,but we're all better 4 it.

When I saw this post,I was really shocked that so many people could discriminate against us. until i read this i have been a bit confused as to why my guyz father wont let him marry me despite all the pleading from relatives n friends. Just because I am from a broken home. I have never been discriminated with it for any reason before so it was strange when this one came. i have spoken with my family and friends about it and i keep getting the same advice ''leave if they dont want you''. plus my guy acts like he is doing me a favour,which he never did until this challenge came up. he keeps long distance and doesnt call unless i call him. maybe he has strated looking down on me like the rest of his family. but leaving ll make his family say ''i told you so, if u had married her she wouldnt have stayed''

For a guy that did not stand with u, i will advice u to take a walk, or a brake, if he wants u let him stand by u and not distance himself. My wife is from a broken home and we don't have any issue at all.

Chines, don't mind Nigerians with their small minds. Broken home koo, broken home ni.

In fact on the contrary, ladies from broken homes have a better tendency to make better wives especially in Nigeria. Just like children from poor homes have a better tendency to be good financial managers.

They have suffered the pains of not being with both their parents. They have seen their friends from stable homes. They lived their lives wishing to have stable homes. They learnt the hard way what stable homes can provide to the psyche of children. They swore that they would do everything possible not to repeat the mistakes of their parents.

Children from stable homes are more likely to take too many things for granted. They are more likely to grow up not understanding the amount of sacrifice needed to keep a home together. Most people commenting so far are only doing so because in Nigeria, we have been conditioned to believe in the superstitions of ancient times. In Europe, America and other developed countries where divorce is very common, ask this same question and you will see a different class of opinions from respondents.

At the end of the day, it boils down to the individual and not the background of the individual per se! Too many things will come to play.

Arsenal is better than Man U!

Does this argument hold any sense? Depending on what your bias is, you can always make a case either for or against the above statement.

Eba is sweeter than amala! Depending on what you prefer, you can argue for or against.

Children whose parents did not beat them can never make good fathers! What nonsense! My parents never, ever, beat me, I am 34 presently with 4 kids, and I can boast of being one of the best Nigerian dads ever to pass through this world.

Some of my uncles and aunts once told me that Edo girls are all LovePeddlers and never make good wives! I married from Edo state, and she is from a double broken home, she did not even know her father until she was 21 years old, yet she remains a blessing and an angel to me. I am from not from Edo state.

I read some posts above and people were saying, "the girl is likely to follow her mother's footsteps and break her own home". For your information, men cause 85% of broken homes, either directly or indirectly. The girl's mother might have been an angel which her father never appreciated due to, say, drunkenness, womanising, gambling and all what not. Does it mean that her mother, having divorced the father for such irresponsible behaviours after enduring it for many years, will not be able to bring her children up properly to be good, godly and fit for marriage? No!

Guys, read my earlier post on this issue, there are things you look out for in a lady you intend to marry, and her coming from a broken home or not is certainly not one of them.

Yoruba girls are dirty, so don't marry them.
Ibo girls will finish your money, so don't marry them.
Calabar and Edo girls are promiscous, so don't marry them.
Ebira and igala girls will use juju on you so don't marry them.
Hausa girls will train their children to be bokoharamists so don't marry them.
Port harcourt girls will kill you to inherit your property, so don't marry them.
etc etc etc!!

Absolute nonsense, all these statements. Whatever characteristics you see in any lady from one tribe, you will get thousands from another tribe with such habits as well.

For as many girls who come from broken homes that make bad wives, you will see just as many from stable homes who are bad too!

End of discussion!

yes END OF THE DAMN DISCUSSION!!!

debrief08:

I bow for some of the shallow responses here. I come from a solid family parents married for 40yrs, my ex husband comes from a similar family. Even though his parents are together when we were growing up he used to tell me he wished they were apart. As for the response from someone who said parents who are together will not welcome back a daughter who is divorced, my parents were only too happy to have me back alive and divorced dan married and dead. When I think about the hell I went tru and and I hear from ma exes mum and d hell she went tru and is still going tru I am glad I worked away. That someones parents are together is not a guaranty of happiness, dat a couple stays together doesn't mean they will raise a great husband or wife, if I had kids with my ex, will I want to stay and watch them nurse me from constant beatings? Will I want ma boys to turn out wife beaters like their dad? No. My ex didn't understand why I left afterall his mom stayed and bared it all, so to him it was normal to cheat, beat and publicly insult your wife and expect her to stay and bare it. Now will I want to raise a son who thinks like that? No

TO ME YOU ARE A SUPER-WOMAN!!

people keep saying marriage is not a bed of roses
IS IT A BED OF THORNS?

moHot:

people keep saying marriage is not a bed of roses
IS IT A BED OF THORNS?

lol.

moHot:

people keep saying marriage is not a bed of roses
IS IT A BED OF THORNS?

It is a bed of roses with thorns at corners.

moHot:

people keep saying marriage is not a bed of roses
IS IT A BED OF THORNS?

LOL!

I have come to realize that most Nigerians are wicked, negative people who discriminate too much. It is always something. Tribalism today, religious fanatism tomorrow, gender discrimination the next, marital status discrimination another day. Prejudice and stereotyping seems to be the order of the day. It is no wonder we as a people are HATED all over the world everywhere we go by Africans and non Africans alike. It is also no wonder that Nigeria continues to go down the path of tyranny and destruction. We need to check ourselves because we are such negative people with a demon of oppression inhabiting within us that all we know how to do is to make others unneccessarily miserable by our blank stereotypes and unwarranted critiscm. I will ONLY deal with Nigerians online but that is how far I will go. Nigerians are a no go area for me in real life because the mindset of the avearge Nigerian is just totally messed up.


Allanohize has excellently articulated my thoughts already so I will leave it at that.

^why not quote allanohize so we dont have to start scrolling everywhere looking for his/her post.



as per the rest of your comment- i also used to insist broken homes have no effect on a person's psyche and relationships, but that's not strictly true. And neither should it be used as a general rule.



if the individual refuses to understand he or she has indeed been affected by the broken home, or the circumstances surrounding it, then it will affect his or her coping ability in life in general.

no man is an island- we are all products of our environment, but if you dont admit/understand there is a problem, then chances are the problem will remain or keep repeating itself with no solution in sight.


saying this does not in any way mean other homes which remained unbroken, could not still produce the same effect on the offspring, as a broken one.

it all depends. There's just no kosher by default in such matters.

@ Fhemmmy thx for asking r231 to analysis is 80% true.

I will advise we don't debate on this issue. Though am not from a broken home but I want to let u know dat no lady prays for it but it's d ups & downs of life. Let me tell u no man or woman will want to go into marriage with d aim of divorce at the end but na condition make crayfish bend...........

've witness an elderly man gives testimony in Church on how d parents parted (he was almost weeping) and came back after some (25) years or thereabout. Let me tell u it's d children dat suffers when dis happens.

@ moHot "men cause 85% of broken homes, either directly or indirectly" This is a good point, pls tell dem.

Is it not in dis nairaland "after d children had made it and d man at old age goes back - after thinking with his dick", what else for d children "FORGIVE". Am not from broken home but I've witnessed friends goes thru. it and am often feeling for dem. U've a dad yet it's like one dat dad had died.

I'll like d poster to go thru. dis lady's story "Can He Be Ma Father Again? by laminaria"
It's on dis nairaland and all does saying 85% true. thx

Either of both extremes are possible.
they could resolve to do it better than their parents and see things through in a relationship or
They could dwell on the assumption that since their parents couldn't do it, neither can they.

hey guys, check out on broken family and the major causes https://www.teachalearner.com/broken-family/