REALITY101:

What's African American? A kind of food?

I see someone has a sense of humor, google it

smootheb:

OKKK, so the real reason I don't know if I can trust him is because I found out that a few years ago when he visited home a woman apparently put something funny in his drink that caused him to pass out and when he woke up he was in bed with her, didn't remember anything about the night before or how he got there. Fast forward a few months, the girl claimed to be pregnant with his child. The girls parents and his parents forced him to "marry" the woman, but it wasn't a "legal" marriage because he refused to do so until he found out the paternity of the baby. So the marriage was just to save face. To make a long story short, he found out a short while later that the girl was lying about the whole thing because she lost the baby and confessed what she had done. Then he supposedly got whatever marriage ceremony or whatever he went through annulled.

Now is it just me or does this sound like a great plot for a movie?  

lol 
please don't make me choke on my drink.

if you have to create a thread on nairaland to ask strangers for "the truth" about your partner ,  then sorry to inform you, you seem like a desperate woman. why don't you go find yourself someone more trustworthy? or wait for the right time?


God I hope my life doesn't become like this.

Why do we women tend give our hearts away before a guy gains our trust? If you would go halfway around the world to see if he is trustworthy, then it is obvious that you are willing to invest too much. You should be focused on getting to know him as a person. He could be a great person that is serious about being in a relationship but what if he is not right for you? When you focus on where the relationship is headed before you are comfortable with who he is then it seems like you just want any guy that will settle down, and not him specifically.

smootheb:

So I'm an AA female who is dating a Naija guy and we've had a mostly smooth, fun relationship. I like him and want it to work but at the same time have many question marks about his true intentions towards me. His career keeps him quite busy and he is super hard-working but he always makes time for me. He's only been here a few years and claims that he has his green card.

I have some reasons to think it wouldn't be out of this world to find out that he does have a girlfriend or wife back home or is hiding something else from me because he does travel back home 3-4 times per year, and I know he was in a relationship with someone last year. He tells me his trips home are for business. I already told him that if things get really serious I would not accept him traveling back home that frequently - without me - so that he needs to bear that in mind if he wants be with me.

He has no problems bringing me around his friends, and I've met a few family members so far who were cordial/polite towards me. He has family members that will be visiting in a few months and he says that he's told them about me and wants me to meet them. When I ask him if he really is hiding something from me in terms of having a girl back home, he gets a bit upset and keeps inviting me to come visit and see for myself what he does when he goes home. I don't feel comfortable yet to just hop on a plane and visit by myself.

Does meeting the whole family give me any reason to feel more secure about his intentions? When a guy is after a green card or something is it common for the whole family to be in on it - does it matter if they are devout Christians? Do you think he would offer up to bring me back home if he had anything to hide now?

I really hate stereotypes but you hear lots of horror stories. What are the best ways to find out if he is being truthful?

Suga, you should have listened to Koyoke when he first warned you. He is a NL veteran and he knows the audience well.

He is right. You will not get the answers you are looking for ON THIS SITE. Visit the country FIRST and see what it about then draw your own conclusions base on your OWN FINDINGS.

Life is the best tutor.

Mrs.Chima:

Life is the best tutor.

check these out:

"Experience is the best teacher, but the tuition is high."
"Learn from other people's mistakes, you don't have time to make all of them yourself"

I like that. I agree.

Nekai:

Why do we women tend give our hearts away before a guy gains our trust? If you would go halfway around the world to see if he is trustworthy, then it is obvious that you are willing to invest too much. You should be focused on getting to know him as a person. He could be a great person that is serious about being in a relationship but what if he is not right for you? When you focus on where the relationship is headed before you are comfortable with who he is then it seems like you just want any guy that will settle down, and not him specifically.

I haven't given my heart away yet, I'm very protective of my heart so he won't get it fully until I know for sure he deserves it. I will not go to Nigeria with him at this point, no way. Not until I understand more about his family situation. I'm still getting to know him, just don't want to waste my time.

shelylilly:

Lets be sincere to ourselves, there are bad eggs among the white men likewise among the blacks
or Nigerians, why should all these white ladies think Nigerian are scammers or liers? there are bad men even
among the white men themselves, nobody can decide for you, you are the one to have a deep thought,
call your man ask him again for the last time, to tell the the truth he has been hiding for you,
but for somebody who wants you to come to africa to meet his family and see for youselves, i dont think
he has anything to hide, but if he once had a relationship, if you go with him, you can request to go to registry
together and confirm ,
if he intends travelling home and hes ready to take u along on every trip, i dont think hes hiding from you,
only Nigerians have been labelled and people find it hard to trust,
if you truely love him, keep your love life going, and time will tell, but dont let anyone decide for you,
people with bitter experience will always give you wrong advice

Thanks for your opinion hun. Some heartfelt advice there. I needed to hear that.

Jenifa_:

check these out:

"Experience is the best teacher, but the tuition is high."
"Learn from other people's mistakes, you don't have time to make all of them yourself"

I agree whole-heartedly, but getting too old to waste my time on having "experiences" so I have the attitude that I have no problem walking away from a situation that isn't working but I do like to exhaust all opportunities to make it work.

Sorry. . I'm from the USA and we don't have google here. .

REALITY101:

Sorry. . I'm from the USA and we don't have google here. .

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again! I'm sure you will be victorious in the end my dear.

Which part of the US are you maybe I need to come over there to use google

Poster,

I hope in a few years, you dont come back here bashing the women of your naija boy's ethnicity.

Yoruba men tend to do that ish to us. They romance non-yoruba women, bounce after a few weeks, then those women come here typing ish about Yoruba women.

So as a Nigerian and Yoruba woman, I'll be str8forward with you; DONT WASTE YOUR TIME.

And your point is - - - -?

Ileke-IdI:

Poster,

I hope in a few years, you dont come back here bashing the women of your naija boy's ethnicity.

Yoruba men tend to do that ish to us. They romance non-yoruba women, bounce after a few weeks, then those women come here typing ish about Yoruba women.

So as a Nigerian and Yoruba woman, I'll be str8forward with you; DONT WASTE YOUR TIME.

I will never blame a woman for a man's selfish ways, no matter what if he is supposed to be committed to me and he steps out, HIS FAULT, period. If my dude's story is true that is some trifling ish the woman did but men need to learn not to put themselves in situations where women with sly intentions can take advantage of them.

But for a man to cheat and say oh darling she just seduced me I couldn't resist, eff outta here. You mean your penis just happened to fall inside of her? Really? LOL.

I like the OP she is hmm, Stimulative. Girl do whatever you want btu I will still advise you to see his failt and do a little Sherlock Holmes. Try asking to meet his child( Nigerian men don't mess with those) meet his sisters who are likely to be the family gossips and if by then you cannot find the truth you seek, then your are beyond help.
Gosh can't believe I am staying up to reply on this

And who said a traditional marriage is not binding? Did you not do social studies in primary school? And if you did how many types did your teacher tell you we have in Nigeria?

I guess to whomever that said it, if there aren't a legal contract of marriage then the marriage is not valid which is BULLSHIT because there are MILLIONS of people who are traditionally married around the world even in America but only recognized in SEVERAL states that supports Common Law marriages.

Please safe yourself all the stress ask him to show you the green card you do not trust him.

andromida:

Please safe yourself all the stress ask him to show you the green card you do not trust him.

You are right, I will find the right way to do this.

I hate it when grandma's can't make decision on their own. .

REALITY101:

I hate it when grandma's can't make decision on their own. .

{{IGNORE}}

Hmmm