I am a 38 year old Nigerian American citizen dating a 26 year old Nigeria girl.
I grew up in Nigeria but travelled out to the USA when I was 25 years old, I am a citizen now and doing really well for myself.
I met a beautiful and godly Nigerian girl on facebook and we have been dating for some months now we are now thinking of marriage, she is in Nigeria while I am in the USA.

Some weeks ago my dad asked me to do some tests and send to him, (He is a medical doctor), I did them, turns out to be fertility tests and all was perfect.
I just told him about my fiance and my plans to get married in some months time and he said she has to do fertility test before he can agree to the marriage.

This was very shocking for me as he insisted that it is his position, I haven't told my fiance cos I dont know how to and my fiance is scheduled to pay my parents a visit for the first time in Port Harcourt in 2 weeks time.
My fiance is from Delta but lives in Portharcout as my parents while we are from Port harcourt.

My dad has said if I cannot tell her that he will, what do you guys think ?

Honest advise please and admin kindly push to front page for wider advise.

Thanks.

What are you still asking? Your OWN DAD said fertility test and you are still asking??!! Something you should have completed looong ago, and you are here asking strangers! Children of these days eh! SMH
FTC FTC FTC FTV FTV FRADIO

PoliteActivist:
How e take consign your pap? Suppose you or she no want children nko? Na by force?

Guy please don't address my dad like that.

Let’s hope once you are ready to consummate your marriage you wouldn’t invite your father over as well because what in the father and son duo is going on here?

beekind:
I am a 38 year old Nigerian American citizen dating a 26 year old Nigeria girl.
I grew up in Nigeria but travelled out to the USA when I was 25 years old, I am a citizen now and doing really well for myself.
I met a beautiful and godly Nigerian girl on facebook and we have been dating for some months now we are now thinking of marriage, she is in Nigeria while I am in the USA.

Some weeks ago my dad asked me to do some tests and send to him, (He is a medical doctor), I did them, turns out to be fertility tests and all was perfect.
I just told him about my fiance and my plans to get married in some months time and he said she has to do fertility test before he can agree to the marriage.

This was very shocking for me as he insisted that it is his position, I haven't told my fiance cos I dont know how to and my fiance is scheduled to pay my parents a visit for the first time in Port Harcourt in 2 weeks time.
My fiance is from Delta but lives in Portharcout as my parents while we are from Port harcourt.

My dad has said if I cannot tell her that he will, what do you guys think ?

Honest advise please and admin kindly push to front page for wider advise.

Thanks.

Well, this shouldn't be a debate considering the fact that you're 38!!! That makes no much sense to me.
By no problem all the same, it is no bug deal for her to do fertility test but just know that you have strained the relationship even before marriage and i wonder how you'll convince her that your parents won't control you in your marriage when you're 40!!!

As a Doctor and as your Dad, he has your best interests at heart. He's in the best position to guide and advise you accordingly, and is trying to do just that. It's up to you to listen.

Besides, these are normal pre-marriage protocols and he asked you to do them first, so it only makes sense that she does the same. I don't see the big deal in asking her to also do them, unless you're afraid to ask.

dawnomike:
Well, this shouldn't be a debate considering the fact that you're 38!!! That makes no much sense to me.
By no problem all the same, it is no bug deal for her to do fertility test but just know that you have strained the relationship even before marriage and i wonder how you'll convince her that your parents won't control you in your marriage when you're 40!!!

Let me explain, he says he is not forcing her but if she does not take the fertility test he will not attend the wedding, and he is very likely to prohibit my mom from also attending the wedding and maybe other family members too.

That puts me in a very difficult spot, very difficult spot.

beekind:

Let me explain, he says he is not forcing her but if she does not take the fertility test he will not attend the wedding, and he is very likely to prohibit my mom from also attending the wedding and maybe other family members too.

That puts me in a very difficult spot, very difficult spot.

You can convince her to do it as one of the routine test in preparation for your marriage. Seeing that you have also done yours,it shouldn't be a big deal to her. Afterall some churches subject intending couples to do some medical test before they can join them together. If it were her pastor wouldn't she obey? The angle I don't agree to is your father imposing it on you both,it should be an advice to you as he is in the medical line and he shouldn't make it look like a threat!

It’s a good advice, if you both are serious about kids. STD and Fertility test is a must. Even mental check up since it’s long distance relationship. Your father knows how girls are moving these days and wants you to be cautious. Youngsters both male and female are sexually reckless. Listen to your father. If she also wants what you want, it’s not a big deal. You can also send your results to her to reassure her.

Young man, listen to your father and stop arguing.

Sometimes these old folks see something we don't see and think the best way to convey their message is by making us see things for ourselves.

You need to understand that he is not doing this for himself but for you.

He might have come up with it because he has seen something in your girlfriend, something he thinks you're currently not seeing.

If she really wants to marry you and has nothing to hide, she will not object to a fertility test.

Have you met the girl in real life How well do you know this girl that you are talking marriage. Can a 38 years old man really be asking these kind of questions You just went to the hospital to do fertility tests in the usa while not trying to conceive with a woman.

ednut1:
Have you met the girl in real life How well do you know this girl that you are talking marriage. Can a 38 years old man really be asking these kind of questions You just went to the hospital to do fertility tests in the usa while not trying to conceive with a woman.

What exactly is your point ?
What does it take to do a fertility test in the USA, is it not what you tell the doctor he will act on ?
Does he have to follow you home to watch you have sex before giving you a requisition to the lab ?

And what exactly do you mean by a 38 year old asking these kind of questions, I didn't know when you are 38 years old you are above learning from others.

beekind:

What exactly is your point ?
What does it take to do a fertility test in the USA, is it not what you tell the doctor he will act on ?
Does he have to follow you home to watch you have sex before giving you a requisition to the lab ?

And what exactly do you mean by a 38 year old asking these kind of questions, I didn't know when you are 38 years old you are above learning from others.

well if this your story is true. Your dad’s request is unreasonable, stand yourself ground. By the way have you met this girl before in real life 😬

ednut1:
well if this your story is true. Your dad’s request is unreasonable, stand yourself ground. By the way have you met this girl before in real life 😬

Standing my ground will mean my dad, mom and other members of my own family will not attend the wedding cos my dad said he will not attend the wedding if she does not do a fertility test.
No I haven't met her physically yet, we have only been dating online for 10 months now and haven't had a chance to visit Naija but I am visiting naija and will spend 4 months in naija when I visit later this month.

beekind:
I am a 38 year old Nigerian American citizen dating a 26 year old Nigeria girl.
I grew up in Nigeria but travelled out to the USA when I was 25 years old, I am a citizen now and doing really well for myself.
I met a beautiful and godly Nigerian girl on facebook and we have been dating for some months now we are now thinking of marriage, she is in Nigeria while I am in the USA.

Some weeks ago my dad asked me to do some tests and send to him, (He is a medical doctor), I did them, turns out to be fertility tests and all was perfect.
I just told him about my fiance and my plans to get married in some months time and he said she has to do fertility test before he can agree to the marriage.

This was very shocking for me as he insisted that it is his position, I haven't told my fiance cos I dont know how to and my fiance is scheduled to pay my parents a visit for the first time in Port Harcourt in 2 weeks time.
My fiance is from Delta but lives in Portharcout as my parents while we are from Port harcourt.

My dad has said if I cannot tell her that he will, what do you guys think ?

Honest advise please and admin kindly push to front page for wider advise.

Thanks.

Your dad wants the best for you, that’s all I can say. I’m sure you didn’t question why he sent to the states (to better position to face this cruel life). Asides your dad asking you to ensure your wife (to be) takes a fertility test, it’s something you both ought to do regardless.

Even if your dad isn't a medic person as a learned person those are the text you and your girl should have talks about before this day, so that if their is any issues related to gynecology .thumb up for your dad and don't let your dad say it to your girl man enough to discuss it with her by asking of genotype

beekind:

Standing my ground will mean my dad, mom and other members of my own family will not attend the wedding cos my dad said he will not attend the wedding if she does not do a fertility test.
No I haven't met her physically yet, we have only been dating online for 10 months now and haven't had a chance to visit Naija but I am visiting naija and will spend 4 months in naija when I visit later this month.

red flag. How can you be planning marriage with someone you have never met or even know if you guys are compatible 🤣🤣. Even if you decide to marry her all you need is court marriage your parents are not required to be there

ednut1:
red flag. How can you be planning marriage with someone you have never met or even know if you guys are compatible 🤣🤣. Even if you decide to marry her all you need is court marriage your parents are not required to be there

Na your type Ashake dey take sing, (agbongbon ju).
Even those that grew up together and dated for 20 years still have trouble in marriage, some even divorce sef.
I have seen the important ingredient I consider non-negotiable in a marriage in this lady and I love her.

Even if you know someone from birth, its not a fool proof assurance that the marriage will work.

It's not a bad idea, you can just tell her politely.

Well I'd like to ask if you are the one marrying or your dad?

Your dad's role in your marriage at 38, should me advisory.

Does your dad want you to get married for the purpose of happiness and companionship or for the purpose of reproduction?

What do you want for yourself?.

Forcing or coercing the prospective wife to do a fertility test, might send the wrong reasons about the marriage to her. And trust me she will discuss it with people who will put such thoughts in her head, even if she wasn't that kind of person.

Equally be assured that if you choose to go ahead with ur marriage plans, and encounter fertility issues tomorrow, you won't dare speak to your family about it, it's your cross alone.

It all boils down to taking your decision for or against it, and standing by your decision. That's what makes you a man

Tell her you want her to do series of test in preparation for getting married, don't mention only fertility test

Btw I thought people are meant to go for medical tests to check for compatibility before getting married, why is it now hard for 38 yo man to ask his 25 to old fiancee to go for test,are you beclouded by beauty that you can't ask her to do what is right or is it because your dad asked

beekind:
I am a 38 year old Nigerian American citizen dating a 26 year old Nigeria girl.
I grew up in Nigeria but travelled out to the USA when I was 25 years old, I am a citizen now and doing really well for myself.
I met a beautiful and godly Nigerian girl on facebook and we have been dating for some months now we are now thinking of marriage, she is in Nigeria while I am in the USA.

Some weeks ago my dad asked me to do some tests and send to him, (He is a medical doctor), I did them, turns out to be fertility tests and all was perfect.
I just told him about my fiance and my plans to get married in some months time and he said she has to do fertility test before he can agree to the marriage.

This was very shocking for me as he insisted that it is his position, I haven't told my fiance cos I dont know how to and my fiance is scheduled to pay my parents a visit for the first time in Port Harcourt in 2 weeks time.
My fiance is from Delta but lives in Portharcout as my parents while we are from Port harcourt.

My dad has said if I cannot tell her that he will, what do you guys think ?

Honest advise please and admin kindly push to front page for wider advise.

Thanks.

For better life and peace of mind, go with what your dad said.
He can't lead you to a wrong way, he must have seen something or know something you don't know.

As Lab scientist, you must maintain the confidentiality of your patient at all time
What this means is that; you must not expose or report the result of your client to a third party.
If your fiance is HIV positive, your father have no right to inform you about it But as a father, he will ask to go for medical examination in any trusted Laboratory and from there, you will know the truth yourself and decide whether to go ahead with the marriage or not.

beekind:


Some weeks ago my dad asked me to do some tests and send to him, (He is a medical doctor), I did them, turns out to be fertility tests and all was perfect.
I just told him about my fiance and my plans to get married in some months time and he said she has to do fertility test before he can agree to the marriage.

You've done the tests all is fine...marry the girl like that; against your dad's wishes if you don't want her to get tested. At least you know your own fertility status. Not a front page material, but then they keep pushing everything there these days

Houseontherock1:
You've done the tests all is fine...just move on!

It's not about me, its about my dad wanting my fiance to do the test as well.

God bless your dad

That your father fit don see shege from patients results. He just wanna make sure that the pandemic no reach him family and intending inlaws

Not bad, just that you, too, will undergo the same test to give a sense of fairness and equity.

Both of you should have the test together, your dad shouldn't be the one to tell her that. Also you're preparing for marriage with a lady you've never met in person, hmm...

Your parents' demand is even good, unlike my late dad that instructed that year that any babe I wanted to marry must get pregnant for me first before any ceremony

Sounds like your father wants to get your girlfriend pregnant on your behalf.

Don't be surprised next time he asks you how many times you guys have sex in a week and and kind of sex positions you guys do..

Anyway, I don't have any respect for a guy who claims to be ready for marriage but still lives under his parents shadow... How will you be able to make your own decisions in your house if you're still daddy's pet

beekind:

Standing my ground will mean my dad, mom and other members of my own family will not attend the wedding cos my dad said he will not attend the wedding if she does not do a fertility test.
No I haven't met her physically yet, we have only been dating online for 10 months now and haven't had a chance to visit Naija but I am visiting naija and will spend 4 months in naija when I visit later this month.

You guys have been dating online, have only known each other for 10 months and she has already agreed to marry you.

Lord have mercy.😮

You really need to slow down, dude. No wonder your dad feels uncomfortable. I'm sure you are currently lying to him about knowing your woman so well and all that sh1t just like I lied to my folks too.😄

Been there, done that and I have a feeling you're headed the same path that I did. Thanks to heavens, things fell apart and it was like the shells in my eyes fell off.

You may not be as lucky as I was and once you're all in, your clock of destruction starts ticking.

This is what makes us unique as Africans. Your father should be obeyed. He wasn't descriminatory, he started with you so that's enough to convince the babe