This is interesting and very different - What do you think about this? Temporary marriage for 2 years - at the end of 2 years if you are getting along and still happy the marriage becomes permanent. If at the end of 2 years you are not happy you can go your separate ways and end the marriage without having to undergo a divorce.

I'm not sure how I feel about this - I just wanted to share it with NL and hear what different people feel about it and get your feedback on why it is or isn't a good idea.

--------------------------------------------------------

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Mexico City lawmakers want to help newlyweds avoid the hassle of divorce by giving them an easy exit strategy: temporary marriage licenses.
Leftists in the city's assembly -- who have already riled conservatives by legalizing gay marriage -- proposed a reform to the civil code this week that would allow couples to decide on the length of their commitment, opting out of a lifetime.

The minimum marriage contract would be for two years and could be renewed if the couple stays happy. The contracts would include provisions on how children and property would be handled if the couple splits.

"The proposal is, when the two-year period is up, if the relationship is not stable or harmonious, the contract simply ends," said Leonel Luna, the Mexico City assemblyman who co-authored the bill.

"You wouldn't have to go through the tortuous process of divorce," said Luna, from the leftist Party of the Democratic Revolution, which has the most seats in the 66-member chamber.

Luna says the proposed law is gaining support and he expects a vote by the end of this year.

Around half of Mexico City marriages end in divorce, usually in the first two years.

http://news.yahoo.com/til-2013-us-part-mexico-mulls-2-marriage-232608285.html

Hmmmm. Renewing marriage licenses huh? Interesting. Almost like a conditional marriage where the condition is removed after the 2 year probabtionary period.

Well, as a christian, I would say it is a slap in the face to the true meaning of marriage. It is leaning more towards marriage being a contract than a covenant. My opinion.

I know, I sort of  had 2 conflicting views as well.

One part of me liked the "temporary aspect" - it gives you the option to end a "bad mating" - lots of people marry too fast or for the "wrong reason" and yet at the time "it seemed so right" - and then further along into the marriage - they become increasingly aware that they just cannot continue to suffer "the bastardo" that they married.  So they start cheating, playing mind games, become staid, bitter and full of vengenance.

Also the "temporary aspect" - deletes the necessity of "playing house" - many people live together instead of marry - they think that living together will give them an idea of whether or not they can marry each other.  It also deletes the "rose colored glasses" - many people don't really know each other until they live together.  In the "engagement stage" - they usually are in school or working and only see each other for limited periods of time and have their "best foot forward" so you don't see them during times that are negative, stressful or challenging.  You can unknowingly be engaged to a "screamer of a woman" or a "coward of a man" or a "control freak" - you knew they were controlling to a degree, but you were not aware that they were "freakishly controlling" - until after the vows have been made and room assignments have been issued after crossing the residential threshold.

Also the "temporary aspect" - allows you to marry instead of fornicate. 

So I really like the "temporary with the option to permanize the union" aspect that is going on here.

But the flip side of that coin - my thought ruminates, wondering on exactly "how would God" view this?  The bible is full of God being a God of vengenance - but it is also full of God being a loving and an understanding God as well.

So - I just am not really sure on how I view this.  I need to let this marinate some more and hear NL's views.

I do think it would be good in many areas - but also could be bad.  I can envision Year 2 being full of one or the other spouse "lording the deadline against the other," those type of scenarios.

Shy-One:

I know, I sort of  had 2 conflicting views as well.

One part of me liked the "temporary aspect" - it gives you the option to end a "bad mating" - lots of people marry too fast or for the "wrong reason" and yet at the time "it seemed so right" - and then further along into the marriage - they become increasingly aware that they just cannot continue to suffer "the bastardo" that they married.  So they start cheating, playing mind games, become staid, bitter and full of vengenance.

Also the "temporary aspect" - deletes the necessity of "playing house" - many people live together instead of marry - they think that living together will give them an idea of whether or not they can marry each other.  It also deletes the "rose colored glasses" - many people don't really know each other until they live together.  In the "engagement stage" - they usually are in school or working and only see each other for limited periods of time and have their "best foot forward" so you don't see them during times that are negative, stressful or challenging.  You can be engaged to a "screamer of a woman" or a "coward of a man" or a "control freak" - you knew they were controlling to a degree, but you were not aware that they were "freakishly controlling" - until after the vows have been made and room assignments have been issued after crossing the residential threshold.

Also the "temporary aspect" - allows you to marry instead of fornicate. 

So I really like the "temporary with the option to permanize the union" aspect that is going on here.

But the flip side of that coin - my thought ruminates, wondering on exactly "how would God" view this?  The bible is full of God being a God of vengenance - but it is also full of God being a loving and an understanding God as well.

So - I just am not really sure on how I view this.  I need to let this marinate some more and hear NL's views.

I do think it would be good in many areas - but also could be bad.  I can envision Year 2 being full of one or the other spouse "lording the deadline against the other," those type of scenarios.

Very interesting perspective. Talking about your appraisal of the advantages of the "temporary aspect." This could also help those rich men who are afraid that their spouses might take half of their goods if they divorced. Hmmm. Almost like an implied pre-nup.

Then again, women have more game than the entire NBA. I see a woman in this situation (mentioned above) being on her best behaviour for those 2 years. Hahahaha!

Lax75:

Very interesting perspective. Talking about your appraisal of the advantages of the "temporary aspect." This could also help those rich men who are afraid that their spouses might take half of their goods if they divorced. Hmmm. Almost like an implied pre-nup.

Then again, women have more game than the entire NBA. I see a woman in this situation (mentioned above) being on her best behaviour for those 2 years. Hahahaha!

then you simply make the marriage license a 2-yr renewable license. A couple that truly wants to stay for a lifetime should have a waiver to apply for a permanent license.

Lax75:

Very interesting perspective. Talking about your appraisal of the advantages of the "temporary aspect." This could also help those rich men who are afraid that their spouses might take half of their goods if they divorced. Hmmm. Almost like an implied pre-nup.

Then again, women have more game than the entire NBA. I see a woman in this situation (mentioned above) being on her best behaviour for those 2 years. Hahahaha!

A very good path you took in your line of thinking.  Sooo true.

But it is very difficult to live together for 2 years and not come "unveiled" unless your mate works ALL THE TIME.  From what I see of Nigerian men - that actually could be the case.

If you have a hard and long working husband or wife - they actually could go for 2 years or longer living together and you not see many of their faults.  I have an Igbo male friend here in the U.S. and a Malawian male friend who are both married and they work 17 hours a day or longer most times - so their relationship with their mates - the side effect of those long hours is they do see each other much - so keeping a "good behavior" when in each other's presence could last for years.

They may not truly know each other and can keep "pretenses" ongoing for quite some time.  Maybe using the word pretenses is inaccurate.  Let's say that their income is of such that they aren't placed in situations that would "allow them to see each other in challenging situations" - so they won't really know each others "less than desirable sides" in that 2 year period.

I don't think its a good idea,there would be a lot of pretending in the marriage and what happens if the couple want kids?would they wait till after two years?

davidylan:

then you simply make the marriage license a 2-yr renewable license. A couple that truly wants to stay for a lifetime should have a waiver to apply for a permanent license.

wow - that is a great idea on top of the great ideas I have heard to this point.

I wonder if I can get married in Mexico and live in Nigeria and would Nigeria honor my Mexican Union?

Can we get some NIGERIAN petitions going to this effect?



I think this would be grand.

freecocoa:

I don't think its a good idea,there would be a lot of pretending in the marriage and what happens if the couple want kids?would they wait till after two years?  

If you are a very young couple just starting out - I think that kids - should wait - but that is ONLY MY THOUGHT - I think that when you marry - you need to focus on each other for a while - make sure that you are both growing as a couple and enjoying each other fully before you start crowding your space and your relationship with others - that includes children.

BABIES change EVERYTHING they require constant care and constant attention - I WOULD want to enjoy my husband for a while. The memories you make with your husband you will look back on those first few years 50 years later.

You have plenty of time to start having children. Get the marriage off to the right start FIRST.

Still doesn't work for me.

Shy-One:



A very good path you took in your line of thinking.  Sooo true.

But it is very difficult to live together for 2 years and not come "unveiled" unless your mate works ALL THE TIME.  From what I see of Nigerian men - that actually could be the case.

If you have a hard and long working husband or wife - they actually could go for 2 years or longer living together and you not see many of their faults.  I have an Igbo male friend here in the U.S. and a Malawian male friend who are both married and they work 17 hours a day or longer most times - so their relationship with their mates - the side effect of those long hours is they do see each other much - so keeping a "good behavior" when in each other's presence could last for years.

They may not truly know each other and can keep "pretenses" ongoing for quite some time.  Maybe using the word pretenses is inaccurate.  Let's say that their income is of such that they aren't placed in situations that would "allow them to see each other in challenging situations" - so they won't really know each others "less than desirable sides" in that 2 year period.

I'll tell you something. A woman has more game than the entire NFL. She can put on her best behaviour for 50 years IF she has an agenda!

Bloody unbelievable!

I think the "temporary" could be good

Your wife or husband would work harder NOT TO BE:

lazy
eager to lose their shape (become over weight)
complacent towards each other (keep each other FIRST in the marriage)
argumentative
so judgmental and overbearing
controlling
un-caring
ALL ABOUT SELF



the more I think about it - I really like this idea - I wonder will my guy be ok with this?

Lax75:


I'll tell you something. A woman has more game than the entire NFL. She can put on her best behaviour for 50 years IF she has an agenda!

Bloody unbelievable!

you're giving women way too much credit here. Keeping up appearances for 50 yrs?   The man must be chronically unable to understand simple nuances.

Lax75:


I'll tell you something. A woman has more game than the entire NFL. She can put on her best behaviour for 50 years IF she has an agenda!

Bloody unbelievable!

What happened?  WTH did she do?  Tell Shy - I will contact her and tell her to "straighten up her ish"

davidylan:

you're giving women way too much credit here. Keeping up appearances for 50 yrs?   The man must be chronically unable to understand simple nuances.

I think you may be onto something - I don't think you can keep up appearance for 50 years - but I do understand what Lax is saying about keeping up appearances.

I have observed very close associates who work constantly - they are spread so thin that they really don't know their mates because they spend too little time together and can go for years - and not really know each other and then when they retire - do they get to see each other FULLY.

I have heard of couples wanting a divorce and they are 50, 60 or 70 years old - they now have enough time to sit down across the table from each other and spend time together and can't stomach the product that looks back at them.

I know I am over exaggerating a bit - done for effect - but do you get my drift?

Shy-One:



What happened?  WTH did she do?  Tell Shy - I will contact her and tell her to "straighten up her ish"  

Can you whoop her @ss in the process too? Hahahaha. No, but on the real tho' this temporary marriage license will never work with a Naija woman who has an agenda!!! The FBI doesn't have ish on a Naija woman with an Agenda. Hahahaha. American women tend to think Naija women are weak and stupid because they play the submissive role. Little do they know that the Naija women understand that to catch bees, you have to use honey, not vinegar.

I think the 2 year marriage license would be best in the US/UK where women tend to show themselves.

Lax75:

Can you whoop her @ss in the process too? Hahahaha. No, but on the real tho' this temporary marriage license will never work with a Naija woman who has an agenda!!! The FBI doesn't have ish on a Naija woman with an Agenda. Hahahaha. American women tend to think Naija women are weak and silly because they play the submissive role. Little do they know that the Naija women understand that to catch bees, you have to use honey, not vinegar.

I think the 2 year marriage license would be best in the US/UK where women tend to show themselves.

She will probably beat me to a pulp - but I won't run - I will still defend myself as best I can. I can promise you that. I actually akin to the "chihuahua" - my bark is more ferocious than my bite. And similar to the "chihuahua" - I fear NO ONE.

Wow, I need to learn from those Nigerian women - really? I didn't know. Shy is learning more and more.

In the U.S. huh? Oooo OK - the pictures are becoming clearer.

Shy-One:



She will probably beat me to a pulp - but I won't run - I will still defend myself as best I can. I can promise you that. I actually akin to the "chihuahua" - my bark is more ferocious than my bite. And similar to the "chihuahua" - I fear NO ONE.

Wow, I need to learn from those Nigerian women - really? I didn't know. Shy is learning more and more.

In the U.S. huh? Oooo OK - the pictures are becoming clearer.

Here I was all excited because I thought you were my homie. Thought you were volunteering to whoop the b'jesus out of that chicken-biscuit!

Lax75:

Here I was all excited because I thought you were my homie. Thought you were volunteering to whoop the b'jesus out of that chicken-biscuit!

ahahahahah - your homie? you are soo funny

All I can do is fight next to you or on your behalf - I never said I WOULD WIN. ahahahahaha

Shy can't fight - but as in MOST THINGS IN LIFE - I WILL GIVE IT MY ALL.

"Chicken Biscuit" - what kind of name is that?

Shy-One:

ahahahahah - your homie? you are soo funny

All I can do is fight next to you or on your behalf - I never said I WOULD WIN. ahahahahaha

Shy can't fight - but as in MOST THINGS IN LIFE - I WILL GIVE IT MY ALL.

"Chicken Biscuit" - what kind of name is that?

Chicken Biscuit = fickle-minded chicks with no substance. May "they" sorry @sses be baked to crumbs! (Amen!)

cool

am on my way to mexico.

pendo89:

cool

Am on my way to mexico.

Pendo-baby,

No need to shop outside these borders the good stuff is over here waiting in Lax baby. Come here.

Park your sexy @ss next to the prince of wine-n-dine

I even think 2 years is too long to waste on a relationship that is dead or dying. And do not talk patience.I have seen people getting patient to their early death.
Its obvious nobody enters marriage expecting to divorce 2 yrs later.poo happens and people part ways.
Here I come Mexico!

Pendo Love-light,

So is Mexico the chosen place where we are gonna make this chosen one? Please no passing gas during our night because I heard mexican food can make you do this

pendo89:

cool

am on my way to mexico.

I agree

Lax75:

Pendo Love-light,

So is Mexico the chosen place where we are gonna make this chosen one? Please no passing gas during our night because I heard mexican food can make you do this

This is exactly what I am talking about - in the dating stage you don't "Pass Gas" in front of each other

In the lacksaidaisical stages of permanent marriage with no "temporary tag attached" - we are killing each other with "gas" that will knock a cow to its knees.

Not brushing our teeth any longer or dressing to impress each other.

All romance just leaves and excuses and apologies take precedence.

I love the "temporary tag" and Davidylan's suggestion to keep renewing the 2 year tag - works fine by me.

Shy-One:



I agree

This is exactly what I am talking about - in the dating stage you don't "Pass Gas" in front of each other

In the lacksaidaisical stages of permanent marriage with no "temporary tag attached" - we are killing each other with "gas" that will knock a cow to its knees.

Not brushing our teeth any longer or dressing to impress each other.

All romance just leaves and excuses and apologies take precedence.

I love the "temporary tag" and Davidylan's suggestion to keep renewing the 2 year tag - works fine by me.

Sister Shy,

Are you implying that we should all put a remix to our sexy after every two years? Hmmm. Almost like taking an exam every two years to renew your real estate license.

Brilliant!

@Pendo Love-boat,

With me, you won't have to worry about my sexy fading. I'd radiate my sexy. Represent sexy and remix my sexy everyday on this earth with you.

This is word to your fore-father's god father baby!

mexican food is the best.

And now this mexican law is just ok. Wouldnt mind and am serious about it.

I see not much difference btwn this and prenup cz both are meant to avoid the hustles that come with divorce.
If you dislike this kind of arrangement then you would not settle for prenup either because no one like I said has divorce in mind at the time of tying the knot.
keep it with the laywr and keep renewing the contract. who knows you two could last forever!
What is the big deal.

Lax75:

Sister Shy,

Are you implying that we should all put a remix to our sexy after every two years? Hmmm. Almost like taking an exam every two years to renew your real estate license.

Brilliant!

@Pendo Love-boat,

With me, you won't have to worry about my sexy fading. I'd radiate my sexy. Represent sexy and remix my sexy everyday on this earth with you.

This is word to your fore-father's god father baby!

yes - definitely - always work to keep things "fresh" - couples "renew" their vows every 10 years and have "renewal ceremonies"

There is a completely idioti.c " Basketball wife - smh - though I "call names in my descriptions" - I don't like calling them - though I do

This id.iot gets married EVERY SINGLE YEAR - THIS YEAR IS HER 15th or 16th wedding.  Her philosophy is "if we are always busy getting married, we don't have time to divorce"

That is good and all but A SERIOUS WASTE OF RESOURCES - just throwing money down the drain - her husband pays for each wedding, the dress, the minister, the hall, the reception.  I wonder do they get different rings and do they pay for a honeymoon as well?

SMH - unbelieveable

I definitely don't mean go to that extreme.  But if my relationship goes to the level of marriage, I would like my guy and I to have a renewal ceremony every 2 years and a 3-5 day getaway to a romantic location for some "us time."

pendo89:



mexican food is the best.

And now this mexican law is just ok. Wouldnt mind and am serious about it.

I see not much difference btwn this and prenup cz both are meant to avoid the hustles that come with divorce.
If you dislike this kind of arrangement then you would not settle for prenup either because no one like I said has divorce in mind at the time of tying the knot.
keep it with the laywr and keep renewing the contract. who knows you two could last forever!
What is the big deal.

I like your thought process in this vein.

But there is a different between prenup and this - prenup still entails going through a divorce.

This agreement - there is no divorce - you just go your separate ways after the end of the 2 year period. It ends expensive, lengthy court battles and long drawn out episodes that involve families, attorneys, 1-2 years in court, etc.

That is the beauty of this arrangement.

But I definitely do see where you are going with the prenup thought.

Shy-One:

I like your thought process in this vein.

But there is a different between prenup and this - prenup still entails going through a divorce.

This agreement - there is no divorce - you just go your separate ways after the end of the 2 year period. It ends expensive, lengthy court battles and long drawn out episodes that involve families, attorneys, 1-2 years in court, etc.

That is the beauty of this arrangement.

But I definitely do see where you are going with the prenup thought.

Sister Shy,

What package would you recommend for us Naija men who have to deal with those women that have more game than the entire NBA (group/species name witheld )

Lax75:

Sister Shy,

What package would you recommend for us Naija men who have to deal with those women that have more game than the entire NBA (group/species name witheld  )

Game is a turn off to me - totally

I guess that is what seems attractive to me about the 2 year agreement - I don't want to co-habitate without being married so I don't want to live together w/o marriage.

As soon as I sniff it - I'm gone like the wind.  It's such a mood killer both sexually and financially and logically.  No reasoning at all.  Calling game a time waster is an under-estimation of its VERY DEEP REACHING negative effects.

Life is for the living - and "quality of life" is so important to me.  How do you plan or work towards anything AT ALL if one partner is "playing games" and the other partner is "seriously involved in furthering the relationship"?

I don't think there are any plans of engagement that can be undertaken with a "game player"

I think all contact should end.  If the game player 'finally wakes up' to realize that you exist no longer in the relationship and finds that they really "do love you" - I think that the relationship should be revisited by both parties and start anew "if possible"

However - me, personally?  I just cross the game player off completely and move on - not to another person - but to my own growth.

I have never been one to jump from person to person - I always allow for separation time between any relationship - you can't focus or bring your "ultimate talents" to a new relationship if you just left a previous one a few weeks or even months earlier.

Well that's my 2 cents anyway.

However:

A package in a mate? Would dictate what each person needs in their own video.

I think however, that universally speaking everyone should have:

a basic education that includes college

a sincere relationship with God (should draw lines that aren't crossed - and encourage a high level of ethics that would exist in your acts and deeds)

a base of income (job or entrepreneurial spirit that is actively bringing in income)

similar likes and dislikes (I cannot marry or date a man that doesn't enjoy physical exercise, owning their own business, educational advancement, reading, humorous and lively interchange, like to talk, home construction, travel) - those are areas that I enjoy and have been actively involved with for quite some time.