Try to take time off the relationship you currently have with the guy and see where it goes. I mean it may not be much but I would advise that you stop hanging with him for a while and get your own heart together. Focus on yourself and issues God may want you to deal with in your life. Distance yourself from him for a while so you can get yourself in shape. Focus on God, your career, you family , your education, anything but that area and let God mold you as he will in this time.

I mean I can tell you this, you are not alone. Many people out there even many married people walk around with a broken heart and put up a shell when approached about it as if they are impenetrable but reality is they hurt themselves from some past heartbreak.

Anyways, if you have  not forgiven him or yourself, please do so and find a way to get yourself busy and away from him and his galfriends and you find happiness apart from him and then you can decide what to do next from there. I am not going to tell you to move on cause I have come to believe that is code for "hide the pain and pretend nothing is wrong". I do not buy into that at all. I believe in accepting the pain and then working to heal. Which is my advise to have God heal me.



KoboJunkie

Cheer up baby! you think you cannot get him off your heart? come on, do something worthwhile ok.
And don't forget to give him this (from me) grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr a big kick in the balls and forge on with life.
It is painful, yes! but honey, maintain your dignity as a WOMAN and don't chicken out ok. Life is gooooood!
Monkey come, monkey go. That's my theory when dealing with them.

You will definitely find another 'monkey' who will love and respect you as a woman.

KoboJunkie - I feel u o jare!!

Am a guy and guys are supposed to be stronger wen it cums to Relationships BUT dont be deceived we also find it difficuly moving on or letting go how much more a girl.

Am in the Middle of Such right now and its not very easy i tell U!! 2yrs of Giving my very Best to a girl and its coming to nothing!!

@ POSTER
My Advise- Acknowledge the PAIN, Write down a list of all that U will Miss about the Person and at the end of the Day U will Realise that there are probably a thousand and one guys/girls out there willing and waiting to share their Love WITH AND FOR U BETTER THAN D PERSON U ARE FINDNG HARD TO LEAVE!!!

NOBODY IS INDISPENSABLE!!!! THANK GOD I LEARNT THAT EARLY ENOUGH IN LIFE

thank you all for your replies. they r very helpful. its hard, but i am honestly going to try to get over him once and for all.

and in response to some questions, i dont live with him. just visit him frequently.

@ flexjada
You better do forget him ooh jare. Quick, quick!
Can you smile for me now?

@poster,

Leave the jerk and move on. You would be proud of yourself in the future if you don't linger on too much about the jerk.

There are so many guys out there that you can choose from - including me   Heartbreak happens all-day everyday. Keep your head up and be strong!

Do you have another guy in mind?   You can choose me, leave the jerk  

Baby girl, once bitten twice shy, I don't really understand the whole stuff, but I will like to advice you to back off from that guy, don't go and tie yourself to something that will be difficult for you to break up, to me that guy does;t give a Bleep about you, why killing yourself for him, compose yourself, forget about him, is a matter of time everything will normalise, take care

@poster, peops av said a lot yu can grab from, as dey say;a word is enugh for a wise one,

Note:yur d one in d rough, yu kno betta dan anyone here, so be carefull with yur decision, so as not to be misled, rememba true boyfriends
ar difficult to com bye, be true 2yurself nd move on!

@ poster:

R u waitin for d guy to put a gun to ur head and walk u out b4 u take d hint? Wats wrong wit u girls anyway?!! Listen girl, i feel ur pain having put a lot into d relationship and all, but u see, dats d actual problem, u've bin d one doin all d "putting in" he's just bin a "taker" from ur story, ur relationship has bin over for a while so if i were u, I'll gather my dignity (or what's left of it) and use d door right now. get out of dat psychologically abusive relationship and move on with ur life before it becomes a physically abusive one.

see, u're the one putting yourself in this problems, guys are not worth crying over for!
y'all broke up 2 yrs, then one month and all that sh!t
HONEY, FORGET HIM AND MOVE THE FREAK ON WITH UR LIFE!
u're a lady, pls u need to do something about ur life, his door has been open, now it's shut, let it stay shut, hope for a better guy to come ur way
just forget about him, y'all break up so manytimes, u should know that if y'all get back together again, IT WILL NEVER WORK OUT!
move on with ur life, guys are not worth it, really!, it's hard to get over someone u really love, but u gotta do what u gotta do, u'll be surprised the kind of guy u meet afdter him, b4 u say Yar'Adua, u won't even remember his middle name
abeg move on with ur life~!

@flexjada

i am just glad you replied and least it showed you were brave enough to hear/read the truth

Be strong girl okay

emotions maybe strong but they will pass for something more real and sure.

dont pine for him any longer

you are so much more than to grovel for any man's attention

Pull yourself together take it as on of life's lessons
This wont kill you

Miss him alright, but open your eyes and heart for much more

Look dear, I'm sorry if this is going to sound harsh but i think that u are due for a rude awakening!!! Are u trying to say that 2years after breaking up with him, you are still living in his house? Girlie, wateva u try to do dont be a man's doormat that is never an assurance that he will love you. For now, please meet with friends, join a book club, watch movies, create business ideas, look after children, wateva it takes to keep you bizzy, I believe the man who's going to love you is on his way.

sometimes, relationship (love) is like a pact we all took to stay together and when such a pact is broken, it takes allot of courage for one to get over it.

Take heart dear. A relationship (love) can come to an end but you are never an end to your self.

Sis move on with your life, Judging from your post, We know, Yes you love him but you obviously knew he had another girlfriend so why are you still living together? You need to free yourself, Though it's kind of hard but There is no option for you, If you guys are meant for each other, then he will definitely come back to you. But don't be a fool by calling him or something, Wake Up please !!!

Babygirl, If u are not careful you will develop stress releatd ulcer like i had when i was obsessed with one stupid guy.
i could not do anything if i dont see him.
I knew he had other girls, i meet them at his place but yet still i couldnt say bye to him.
until when i had the ulcer cos i was thinking so much when we quareled and he wont pick my calls.
i went to all his friends to beg him he still said no.
i spent so much to get my health fully recovered.

my dear be wise, Leave this guy.
Let him go.
They are not worththe trouble.
If hes yours he will always pamper u.
Trust God, yours is on the way.

passion says i should stay, but wisdom says i might die there.
Move up like Access bank.

i disagree that the guy was using her. using a girl is abt lies and manipulation. the guy was very truthful telling u u give him a headache. the only problem is that he didn't appreciate u but u clung to him all d same.

forget abt him. beleive me with time u would get over him.

u would easily get a better guy than him. but don't go telling people he used and dumped u. i really don't think that is fair to the guy

Flex,


Do not embark on the I MUST GET OVER HIM TOMMOROW trip, it should be a gradual process and let it be to yourself. Anyways, take your time, you are not running awhere. It is not like you have to get over him today so you can get married tommorow. If that is the case, I can tell you now that you are in for some really big walls. Just take a breather and take it little by little and you will get there, someday but be sure that WE ALL HAVE EM.


KoboJunkie

I would like to add-

A lot of people are neglecting the fact that she knew this guy was 'hooked' and she was still stealing another girls game (aka True PLAYER) so she is far from innocent. I am sure one person in the world will be saying 'she deserves all the pain she is getting and more'

Secondly, sometimes the guy is the real victim (trust me I know. I have been there. I personally find it hard to say no to a beautiful woman, who knows I have a 'long term', but says she thinks the world of me, gives me her attention (movies, dates etc) then goes home with me, gets undressed in front of me, gets into my best t-shirt and boxers, gets into bed with me, cuddles up to me, has sex with me regularly (and gives good conversation afterwards). I really find it hard to say NO! but maybe thats just me - but I do try though ). Guys always like to think that they have got the game wrapped up but we often fail to notice that we are the prey and these girls gat game like a mofo ! What was she getting in this relationship that made it OK then but now she is not getting anymore? Money, 'trips', comfort, 'a mugun', 'a driver'. Definitely not LOVE- that would require EXCLUSIVITY !!!!! wouldnt it?

Thirdly, Girls girls girls, get it into your pretty, 'so beautiful I stop traffic' heads, a guy is not going to respect you if you know he is cheating with you and you still hang around (My best quote is - If they will do it with you, they will do it to you). You can only ever be either his 'f**k' buddy (buddy being very relative here) or you are his 'ho'. No one wants to marry his buddy (eww) or a ho !!!!

The bottom line is that someone that is doing something bad in the first place should not start shouting when things get hot. Up your game GURL or get out of the KITCHEN,  PLAYER !!!

Thats all I have to say.

i would beg to differ in that he has no blame. yes i have a lot of blame. but in the past, when i have suggested that we take a break in order for me to get ova him, he would always say that how is not speaking to each other or communicating going to help the problem. We would take a break for a while and then he would call me and start acting all nice and attentive again. we would maybe go to a movie or sumthin and i would be all cordial and not overly friendly and brother is aacting all sweet and stuff. he's calling me lata that nite to "[b]make sure i got home safe". somthing he hadnt done in over a year. so its when he starts doing stuff like that, that i fall all over again. and we will be cool for a little bit and then all the problems would start again. And i do not live with him, only visit.

Hey Flex,
I aint tryna put you on the spot but ? You know what I'm trying to say right. Give us brothers a break. You are scarcely going to give any red blooded guy the option of having what you guys had and he'ld say no. He probably has just found another person (probaby not too different from you) who is ready to accomodate the fact that he has a long term AND he also has you but she dont mind. You are the one rocking the boat by trying to change the rules midgame.

Wetin happen to ur heart? If your heart is broken, why not go to general hospital to have the POP I dont like hearing words like this.there lots of single men out there, just grab ur copy
Hajifaty

What do you expect from the guy, the other babe made herself scarce to the guy and she became his darling, you made yourself abundant and available all the time and you got dissed and you are crying foul.

I guessed the lesson in this to all is that you have to create some scarcity about yourself before you can create some importance for yourself.

Like many have said, MOVE ON WITH LIFE, your ultimate happinness obviously is not with this guy, shikena!

What do you expect from the guy, the other babe made herself scarce to the guy and she became his darling, you made yourself abundant and available all the time and you got dissed and you are crying foul.

I guessed the lesson in this to all is that you have to create some scarcity about yourself before you can create some importance for yourself.

Like many have said, MOVE ON WITH LIFE, your ultimate happinness obviously is not with this guy, shikena!

life stinks what u think ?
i find my self playin same role alot.

girl i dont blame u if ur like me its not easy to fall out of love.

why you need to start a thread on nairaland to get the message that its over is what beats me hollow!

baby, i knew how u fell. provided u play ur best game to the guy and he did not catch u with any body. Keep away from him before he do that. It pains guy 4 girl friend leaving him first. If u have any body now, make sure that he is not aware b/cos he may come back again. The ways u handle him determine his coming back. he may like to dirty other girls but the end justified the means. He may likely met a girl that knew how to suck that thing and after some months, he must drop that girl.If he jam rock,he must come back again to u and appologize again 4 last chance.then, it may be commitment/marriage issue. just hope that his life is safe.Don't let him know ur filling.
Make sure u enter university by all means so that u can make ur best choice. It may be reason he drop u or u are not intelligent and bright.Even if u know his present girl don't react to him or she. Just keep cam.

Wow, as a side note, I must say how impressed I am with a lot of these answers.

I know a majority of the posters if not all are very young, but the advice is so strong and wise.

(Except "get over it", that's a cruel thing to say, and it's not human to do that, the heart isn't a machine or toy with an on/off switch)

But point is, It's true that people will only respect you as much as you respect yourself. Don't play the game of waiting on the side. This guy used you, plain and simple.

Now don't feel bad or sad. People asked were you a nag, clingy, etc?

Maybe you were or weren't, but no one is perfect right? Just learn from mistakes/character flaws, and work on those things so you don't drive other people away.

Having said THAT, there's never a good excuse for disrespect from someone in your life. This guy had no excuse to disrespect her, I don't care if she was hell on wheels, there was, and there is a better way things could have been dealt with.

I learned a saying when I was young, and I kept it close: "I don't treat people like a gentleman or a lady because THEY are. I treat people like a gentleman or a lady because I AM".

The meaning: A good person treats people with dignity and respect as much as humanly possible.

Sometimes, people have to grow up a little to do this. And sometimes, people never grow in this area. And sometimes, a person is just a bad person, and you can't change them.

I know you don't know me, but I do wish you well, and be glad you have people who care about you as a person, and that you learned some good lessons while you are still young. Everyday is a new opportunity to change and start over fresh. 

@Kobojunkie

I like your advice the most, when you told her to forgive herself. I know I have this problem, and so many women blame themselves, and they take all the blame, and people blame them. Blame is like poison, and serves no purpose. Even if you messed up, so what? I know it hurts, I hate messing up. But you can only grow from it. We don't grow from success, we grow from failure. Forgive yourself for not being the perfect woman; no one is perfect. Either way, I still say he had no right to disrespect you. You could have done everything right, and he still would have disrespected you, because that's the kind of person he is. Nothing you can do.

awesome advice people. thx. henchmark asked for ma email addy. its oinda1@hotmail.com. i definately appreciate all ur thots and comments as harsh as some are.

Hey galfriend, can't you see the hand-writing clearly written on the wall? If you can't see it, then I will read it to you; YOU'VE BEEN USED, PUNKED AND DUMPED. The guy is tired of you and the relationship if geniuely there was one before now. The bitter truth is to forget him completely and move on with your life. Don't even think it is hard to live without him because you were really into him but he didn't give a shit about u and now he doesn't want you anymore. As a matter of fact delete everything that connect you with the guy, so that you can keep and have your peace. Sorry about this dearie, Life goes on.

OLANOJIM u are great , i love the question you asked her. since we are not there we cant really say wats happening between them. keep it up
TO ME RELATIONSHIP IS ALL ABOUT ENJOYMENT AND NOT ABOUT ENDURANCE. so think about it very well am enjoying my self when am with him? or am i try to endure till when things will change ? aswer ur self that question and keep on, cos the only thing we can do for u is to advise you! we can not change ur decision. so be good to your self.