I apologize if this may be kind of long.

I really don't know what to do at this point. There is this guy and we have been broken up for about 2 years now and he has a galfriend now (long distance) and al that. but we r still cool, still hang out, and all that stuff. I still really like him and it tears me apart when i see him talking to other girls and his girlfriend. He has a serious problem with commitment.

He also tends to get jealous bout some things i do sometimes. Ordinarily, we usually get along. we watch tv/sports/go to the movies, Recemtly his actions began to bug me alot and we just couldnt get along. he is always talking to girls and in my presence sometimes. He said out of all his friends, the only times he gets a headache is when i am there. the day he told me that, i felt so upset about it that i woke him up at 6.00 in the morning to discuss it and he goes on to say i am selfish because i know he has to get up for work at 6.30. i know it was kind of wrong, but it hurt because even after he made that comment the night before, he knew i was upset, but instead he began a conversation with his girlfriend in the livingroom, while i was in the bedroom.

I know i am not perfect and don't have a right to complain,but it hurts me. we were fighting all the time and eventully he said he needed a break and that i had become a nag. i felt like a break as well. we even began the break amicably. Now its been ova a month and there has been no word from him. im scared that he doesnt want to talk to me anymore. usually when we try for break, (usually at my suggestion and it never lasts because i always breakdown and call him in the 2nd week), We have tried the break thing several times and it never works and this is the first time that he is suggesting it. During these breaks, he would usually block his no and call me, but ths time, there has been nuthin like that. i don't want to be the one to call him, because it would be like i can't do without him.

I know i should forget about him, but i wonder if the break he asked for may be never wantin to talk to me again. please i need any advice you can give me. i find myself feeling sad constantly all the time.

Hun move on, let the past be the past, whatelse do you want from a guy that has a girlfriend. you can't expect him to put you first all the time when there is someone else in his life, find someone else or something else to put all ur emotions and time into, trust me its not worth it calling him, if he hasn't called you in a month then hunny, HE'S NOT THAT INTO YOU, MOVE ON.

It is rather unfortunate, but this guy has used and dumped you, he doesn't need you anymore. All these while you were filling the vacuum the absence of his girl friend created and because you knew about her and how he feels, he took you for granted. You were always there for him physically while his heart belonged to someone else.
If you are sincere with yourself, you'll agree that somewhere deep down in your heart, you wished, hoped and even convinced yourself that he might just forget his long distance relationship and settle for you.
You became clinging, demanding and appeared desperate, you were playing with your own emotions in a game that you were bound to loose and girl, didn't you loose!
You were too available to him, so he treated you like dirt.
When you have feelings for a guy, there's no point hanging out with him if he's not willing to make commitments with you, just let go already and don't punish yourself.
Now that he has suggested this break up and gone, please get up, dust yourself and get along with life without him. Free up your heart and mind to love someone else. Your world does not revolve round him. I wouldn't even advice you go back to him if he comes begging, unless of course he's ready to make commitments.

FIRSTLY,YU GUYS AV BROKEN UP,
"HELLO"
HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND NOW,
WATS RUNG WIT YU LADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AGH aGH!!!!!
y cant yu just WAKE UP SISTER!!!!!!!!!!
see the issue here is simple INSECURITY, yur feeling dt maybe yu cant get anybody better dan this guy so yur clinging to him, but that is a b****y LIE!!!!!!!
yu are very beautiful, yu are GOD'S PERFECT creation!!!!!!!!
HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND, MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!
and i ASSURE yu yu will be happy yu did!!
please dnt feel dejected or neglected,
i can understand yu perfectly am a lady too, and i know we can get all mushy and stuff, but madam pls dnt give him the impression dt yur his "pick up" girl he can call up anytime, he should respect yu,
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEE ooh!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARRANGE YOURSELF!!!!!!

@ poster

plz jus TAKE A WAKA.

@ poster

can't you see the writing on the wall plz TAKE A WAKA, meaning dust your self and leaveeeeeeeeeeeee.

He, baby  i know what it means to fall in love with a guy , common u have to move on with ur live u know if u overstress urself with dis issue u may be scaring some other good guys away and if care is not taken u will wear out. baby ,i want u 2 look good all times ,try and forget dis  guy he does not worth all d stress  ,stay away from him, make friends , occupy urself with what u love doing most.by dis i believe u will soon get over him

I have a few questions for POSTER.

When you said you are not perfect, what did you mean by that? Could you be honest enough to tell us a little about your imperfection? Is it nagging? Possessiveness? Overdemanding? Please specify.

2, you are obviously living with him in the same room. How long had that been? Has he introduced you to any of his family? Or have you introduced him to any of yours?

3, Did both of you have mutual expectation of settling down in marriage? If NO, why are you living with him? (your account above clearly show that you live together)

4, you said both of you has had a break "several" times and you are always the first to call him. Are you also the cause of those breaks?

5, has he been flirting before, or he started when both of you starting having rift?

6, are you working? Schooling? Or just waiting for a big deal?

I asked all these questions because they are important. Since we are not there, we must be interested in analysing the causative factors. That is the only way you can get a meaningful response. It would also help you to do a little personal soul searching that can help you make a lasting decision.

If you ask me my personal opinion. I would say that a man that show no commitment in relationship does not love you. Maybe he love having "fun" with you and you "love hanging with him".

Over to you.

I have a few questions for POSTER.

When you said you are not perfect, what did you mean by that? Could you be honest enough to tell us a little about your imperfection? Is it nagging? Possessiveness? Overdemanding? Please specify.

2, you are obviously living with him in the same room. How long had that been? Has he introduced you to any of his family? Or have you introduced him to any of yours?

3, Did both of you have mutual expectation of settling down in marriage? If NO, why are you living with him? (your account above clearly show that you live together)

4, you said both of you has had a break "several" times and you are always the first to call him. Are you also the cause of those breaks?

5, has he been flirting before, or he started when both of you starting having rift?

6, are you working? Schooling? Or just waiting for a big deal?

I asked all these questions because they are important. Since we are not there, we must be interested in analysing the causative factors. That is the only way you can get a meaningful response. It would also help you to do a little personal soul searching that can help you make a lasting decision.

If you ask me my personal opinion. I would say that a man that show no commitment in relationship does not love you. Maybe he love having "fun" with you and you "love hanging with him".

Over to you.

Sister, i guess u should move on with your life, it was over why did u bother going back and u know he has a girlfriend long or short and from what u said he calls her all the time, my dear open ur eyes, he was just keepind u for his selfish interest. don't worry with time u wil get over it. All the best dear, cheers

I have a few questions for POSTER.

When you said you are not perfect, what did you mean by that? Could you be honest enough to tell us a little about your imperfection? Is it nagging? Possessiveness? Overdemanding? Please specify.

2, you are obviously living with him in the same room. How long had that been? Has he introduced you to any of his family? Or have you introduced him to any of yours?

3, Did both of you have mutual expectation of settling down in marriage? If NO, why are you living with him? (your account above clearly show that you live together)

4, you said both of you has had a break "several" times and you are always the first to call him. Are you also the cause of those breaks?

5, has he been flirting before, or he started when both of you starting having rift?

6, are you working? Schooling? Or just waiting for a big deal?

I asked all these questions because they are important. Since we are not there, we must be interested in analysing the causative factors. That is the only way you can get a meaningful response. It would also help you to do a little personal soul searching that can help you make a lasting decision.

If you ask me my personal opinion. I would say that a man that show no commitment in relationship does not love you. Maybe he love having "fun" with you and you "love hanging with him".

Over to you.

If i may ask are you married to him? If no what are you doing in his house?
He has a girlfriend and you are still hanging out with him, he says among all his friends you are the one who gives him headache.

Infact look at that phrase among my friends, so you are just a friend and he is using you as a second hand material.

Why not just bow your head and leave for good, you have a bright future waiting for you out there and here you are wasting your time on onw guy who doesnt seem to have any feelings for you.

wetin na u want make we put rope for your neck draw you comot?

my dear sister abeg make u ''WAKE UP''i know say e no dey easy o like dem dey say ''love is blind'' abeg make u let ur own ''shine eyes'' o like my own for here.
i knw how much u feel bad,all u went tru for him and all that,as well as the comitments and sacrifices that u must av done,but gUrL u need to move on.
It is not the end of the world,who knws , u can find som1 u is million times better than him,one who will respect u and ur feelings.
ABEG forget him.take it like u were not meant to be 2gether.

My Dear, its hard, been there, done that cried a lot but my sister you are stronger than you think. You can survive without him it seems hard now but you will get through this. It will be hard but you just have to let go.
Someone will love you but you need to give yourself time to heal, relax do things you enjoy, spoil yourself. Things will get better, I promise

Hi everybody, am just going thru d same thing right now though am a guy. A girl i have given my all ds past 2 yrs just decided we didnt have anything in common and she saw me as a brother not a lover! Imagine!! As of JUNE ds yr i was still d best thing dat has ever happend to her (quoting her exact words now).

Am thinking of just telling her we shuld break up instead of tryng 2 make it work cos there is no guarantee dat she wont wake up 1 day again and say d same thing.

SHULD I JUST QUIT NOW!!!

flexjada:

He has a serious problem with commitment.

Recemtly his actions began to bug me alot and we just couldnt get along. he is always talking to girls and in my presence sometimes. He said out of all his friends, the only times he gets a headache is when i am there. the day he told me that, i felt so upset about it that i woke him up at 6.00 in the morning to discuss it and he goes on to say i am selfish because i know he has to get up for work at 6.30. i know it was kind of wrong, but it hurt because even after he made that comment the night before, he knew i was upset, but instead he began a conversation with his girlfriend in the livingroom, while i was in the bedroom.

we were fighting all the time and eventully he said he needed a break and that i had become a nag. Now its been ova a month and there has been no word from him.

During these breaks, he would usually block his no and call me, but ths time, there has been nuthin like that. i don't want to be the one to call him, because it would be like i can't do without him.

I know i should forget about him, but i wonder if the break he asked for may be never wantin to talk to me again.

baby girl. why are u doing this to yourself? In all what you wrote, the above are the things am seeing (sorry for that) and it clearly shows this guy doesnt need you ANYMORE. See the way he is treating you like rag, u know what rag is "u need it only when the ground needs cleaning up". Please rise and stop disappointing me. I know what it means to be in love but please do it with your head as well. Please get yourself busy doing something very interesting like coming to nairaland (the nairaland forum) and laugh your tears away
Why do you want to kill yourself for someone that may not even deserve you in the first place. abi im charm u? For once flex open your eyes and you will see a thousand and one other guys who will forever make u happy. yoruba proverb says "iru olorun nikan niko si o, iru eyan po repete" Its only God that doesnt have a clone, humans have more enough duplicate. Someone can never be like him, na lie oooooo. One walked out of my life some years back, i was so faithfull that even after the break, anyman that doesnt look like him, no luck. He is married now, but he is regreting not marrying me, he begs me just to call and say hello to him now. Why is this? Its because i dint sit down one place and be mourning him for nothing. Wo maje ki paso mi ko soroju.
Even in the animal kingdom it is the male that does the running.

@toyin1709

thanks for answering this babe jare.i jut tire for some people.


Nairaland people drop credible and worthy topics you don't upload them.What with this load of s****?please oh!

hello my dear, I t seems like the guy has moved and you are not ready to move on. I think you should try and keep yourself busy stay on nairaland, go to the cinema, hang out with ur other friends. Y would u be with ur xboyfriend and his girlfriend in the bedroom and all that.


Meet other people there are some ncie people here online (e.g myself just listen to what he says and when he is ready u guys will be friends again but this is the perfect opportunity to gain ur life back again. try and make use of it, be strong .

it's amazing the lengths a girl will go to just to please a guy, i have always believed you have to feel good about yourself and appreciate yourself before others will. sweetheart you have to let go of this guy, there are better and more appreciating guys out there just waiting for you. i know it hurts when you are just coming out of a relationship but life goes on and when there is life there is hope. cheers

what mo do you need?move on wit your life n pls don't turn yourself to a pest or cheapen yourself.i wish you d best.

- Viewing from Topic from FORUM INDEX. . . . . I think this WORDS re OK 4 this POSTER.

. . . . . . . . . passing by, you una well done oh??

hi,
you do not need to be heartbroken, you were never in a relationship, there were no agreements, so no contract, it cud be terminated by any party, at any time without due consultations, you were only 'making out', and you knew it.  so just keep cool.

you are feeling bad because he got tired of you first ,so you feel you were dumped. there is a away out though, i will advice you  better, just let me know how i can reach you via email or whatever.

make out time to be out with friends (MALES), interact with them , you wll lessen your thought, take care.

Flexjada dear, am truly sorry, I can see u really love this guy, but relationships entails RESPECT, UNDERSTANDING, CARING, LOVE. If a guy truly love you, he won’t be picking other calls in ur presence , and ladies we should always learn to accept the fact that guys/men will always be who they are, there is know way u will ever be the only gurl, there will always be concubines somewhere somehow, what u have to fight for is his heart, for u to be on the top list not to tell him not to, it has always been like that and will continue to be, except th grace of God, but that does not mean he shouldn’t respect u, a guy that dose not show u respect is not worth to be with, so gurl move on with your life there are better guys out there looking out for a pretty gurl like u, let him go if he doesn’t know ur worth okay. U deserve better than that.

Girl, It shouldnt have taken you this long. " No guy is worth you tears, a guy that's worth it wont even make you cry". You have to love with all your senses wide awake. He doesnt even respect you, if he does he wont be calling his girlfriend when you are with him (what are u doing with him when he told you he has a girlfriend anyway). So get up girl, and move on, dont forget to pick up the lessons you learnt in this along with you so you dont fall into this kind of mess anymore. Goodluck.

So so nice to hear so many sincere and honest response,sista i mean i cant understand why you cant have a little dignity and respect for yourself. I really dont think you are in love you are just plain stupid and dumb,i mean you said so many things that your boyfriend does right in your presence so i am wondering what you are still waiting for, There are so so many wonderful brothers out there that would treat right ,so instead of trying to resurrect a dead relationship why not go out there and enjoy your freedom.For everybody in this world there is a perfect match just keeping on searching ok.
Always remember this song---- you are beautiful no matter what they say words cant bring you down.

Kabish

forget the guy and stop trying to hard, he's obviously not for you.

@poster, no guy is worth u killing urself! u say he has a girlfriend, then what in God's name are u doing in his house?!!!! are u hoping that he will propose marriage to u? if for instance u guys even get married, can u cope with all his habits and all u've been complaining abt? NO NO NO.
i know u are afraid of being alone. but girl, pls come out of this relationship (it seems u'r the only one in the relationship anyway!) , clear ur head properly, take time to let ur heart heal, and u'll be ready for someone better. pls put urself together ok. its not the end of the world. it happens everyday.  

@ poster

The sistas in the house have given you sound advice already so, as one said WAKA!

but I seriously doubt that you can do that. See, while i may understand that one cannot reason with emotion, it is also true that you are the master of your fate. And thank God that nowhere in your post did you say he forced you to do anything so in my book the guy has no blame whatsoever.

And to all those who are saying stuff like 'no guy is worth your tears and all, pls realise that this guy has not asked anyone to cry for him! Rather our sista is the one refusing to seee the light.

I cannot for the life of me understand this cry of victimisation from babes when in reality they, like all other species, are the stronger sex!!! besides, hasn't feminism moved beyond this point? aren't more are more women making their own decisions boldly today? ABEG WAKA OR STAY THERE AND CRY HIM A RIVER I NO FI SHOUT

U guys are just saying it like its easy! My Bothas and Sistas ITS NOT DAT EASY TO MOVE ON!

IT CAN BE DONE BUT IT TAKES TIIME AND EFFORT!!!

kaydkay:

You guys are just saying it like its easy! My Bothas and Sistas ITS NOT DAT EASY TO MOVE ON!

IT CAN BE DONE BUT IT TAKES TIIME AND EFFORT!!!

u have just said it! yes its not easy but then it takes effort. the poster has to be ready to make the effort and strenght will come for her to move on and complete it. God will not come down from heaven and carry her out of the relationship! but if she stays there, she'll keep getting hurt while the guy in question is moving on and having the nice time of his life. Once again i say, move on plsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

@kaydkay

kaydkay:

You guys are just saying it like its easy! My Bothas and Sistas ITS NOT DAT EASY TO MOVE ON!

IT CAN BE DONE BUT IT TAKES TIIME AND EFFORT!!!

Bro, we have to keep saying it like it's easy so that poster can realize that it's possible because when one is (blindly)in love, as the case is here,  it's always easier to wish away the hurt than face the hurt and damn the consequences. It's hard but it is possible.IMPOSSIBILITY ONLY EXISTS in the dictionary of fools.

@ Poster
Many times, when u find a lady dying over a guy even when it seems or it's obvious the guy doesn't give a hoot about what happens to her, there are three basic reasons for such:

1.    She doesn't value herself enough to expect being treated with dignity and respect that is due to her as a human being and as a WOMAN. she has a low self esteem. She will take any s***t from any man. Give your self value. U are God's WONDER- FULL creation. Only the best deserve u.

2.     She thinks there is no guy as good as this one. Where am I going to get a guy as good as this guy?. A lie from the pit of HELL!!!

3.      I have gone too far with this guy, there's no turning back. Xcuse me??

In any relationship, mutual respect is core. Sista, that guy has nothing to do with ur life. 5 years down the line, when u bump into him, u'll be glad u took leave of him. Trust me, i speak from experience. I've gone through it and i'm all the better for it today.

Bidy:


Girl, It shouldnt have taken you this long. " No guy is worth you tears, a guy that's worth it wont even make you cry". You have to love with all your senses wide awake. He doesnt even respect you, if he does he wont be calling his girlfriend when you are with him (what are u doing with him when he told you he has a girlfriend anyway). So get up girl, and move on, don't forget to pick up the lessons you learnt in this along with you so you don't fall into this kind of mess anymore. Goodluck.

LOL

It's not easy getting up and leaving, but dear u have to make up ur mind to leave the guy he is just wasting ur time and energy.give up get something doing to occupy ur time, talk and spend time with friends and commit it to God.