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How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship - Romance (2) - Nairaland

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Etisalat Sales Girl Has Put My Relationship in Trouble / Black Men: We Must Regain Control Of Our Women. / How Can I Regain Trust With My Girlfriend? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by onlinedee(m): 4:36pm On Nov 21, 2011
I have been with my fiance for more than 3 years now and we are still together now. I lost my job about 4months ago and nothing has changed between us.

@poster, almost everyone here has told you to dump her, i am of the same opinion too. Its not the end of the world if you dont have a job and does dis mean the girl was staying with you because you had a job? or because you had money ? Forget her and get a girl that will love you wether you have a job or not. Assuming you are married and you lost your job is this how the girl will leave you cos you have lost your job?

A married friend of mine who also lost his job at the same time as me told me his wife told him that , "i married you and not your job" . I love that statement.
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by stepo707: 4:37pm On Nov 21, 2011
I hate that statement its ok by me
"its ok by me" = "whatever"
Get a job man! Give her less attention.
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by thehunted(m): 4:39pm On Nov 21, 2011
chaircover:

Half the time, You guys are the problem and then you cry foul when you get burnt

Yes spoil the special lady in your life occasionaly with gifts; there is nothing wrong with that & I subscribe to it.

[size=15pt]Be romantic & show her that you care  that she is special to you etc but why must you give a girlfriend money on demand or pay her school fees etc? Are you her parents?

The girl gets used to it and when you cant deliver she starts behaving funny. Many men cant stand on their own personal qualities and attributes and have to use money to entice and keep a girl . . .of course another man with a larger pocket will entice her too.[/size]

You dont have a job, yet you still give her money? WHATEVER FOR? shouldnt you be using the little money that you have to better yourself & searching for jobs?



REPLY OF THE DAY. I WANTED TO GIVE U A KISS FOR THAT REPLY BUT SEUN TOLD ME THAT  U`VE BEEN TAKEN. I DONT UNDERTSTAND THE REASON SOME GUYS PAY WAGES AND COMMISSION TO THEIR GIRLFRIENDS. I HAVE NEVER DONE IT,HAVE NEVER MEET SOMEONE WHO WANTS ME TO DO SUCH AND WOULD NOT DO IT. SOME GUYS WHO HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER THE BABES USE THIS TO KEEP THEM.  
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by dammytosh: 4:44pm On Nov 21, 2011
onuora87:

@ sauer : am pweety sure it's not that am not showing her enough love. i think it's cos am showing her too much love and i unconsciously started doing that cos i couldn't meet up to some financial needs. but don't get me wrong am buying her gifts and all HONEST. i just don't know how all of a sudden she's gotten so ungrateful and disrespectful. My birthday was on the 7th and she didn't wish me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY until 4pm that day (and the sick thing is we slept in the same house and on the same bed) but last night she called some dude in my presence @ 12am and said she calling to make sure she was the first to wish him a Happy birthday. Am confused on so many levels cos her friends are like she really loves me but they don't know why she's acting up.


@ slimyem: That's why am asking for advise cos no job seems to be coming my way. Can't i regain it without having a job? cos the thing is i still buy her gifts and give her money. I've asked her over and over again if she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore and she says "ANYTHING U WANT IS OK BY ME", what do i do?


@ basildon1: mate it goes beyond the financial issue ooh. but I'm not doing anything wrong that i know for sure and she doesn't want to talk. anytime i want to talk she just says "AM NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD". we have good day's but we can't go a day without an issue and i keep trying to prevent it but she just trigger's something. Am so in love with her i don't know what to do.



MY GUY,

  WHEN I READ YOUR POST INITIALLY , I FELT YOU WERE JUST FEELING INSECURE BECAUSE OF YOUR JOBLESS STATE BUT AFTER READING THE SECOND POST MY DEAR.

SHE IS ON HER WAY OUT !!!!!!. ASK HER THE SAME QUESTION AGAIN, IF YOU GET THE SAME ANSWER "ANYTHING IS OK BY ME." TELL HER YOU NEED A BREAK SO THAT YOU CAN CONCENTRATE ON YOUR LIFE AND MOVE CLOSER TO GOD.

FORGET HER AND CONCENTRATE ON GETTING A JOB. YOU KNOW WHAT ? YOU WILL MAKE HER COME SEVERAL TIMES AND NOT GET A JOB OR DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL WITH YOUR LIFE AND END UP ATTENDING AN INTERVIEW ON HER WEDDING DAY.

LEST I FORGET, WHAT IS SHE LOOKING FOR IN YOUR HOUSE BY 12:00 AM. TRUST ME, U ARE HURTING YOURSELF BY BEING THAT CLOSE UP TILL NOW. SHE DOES NOT DESERVE IT. IT WILL BE VERY DISASTROUS BY THE TIME U GET SO USED TO HER AND SHE TAKES A WALK.

- MY OPINION.
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by Nobody: 4:45pm On Nov 21, 2011
chaircover:

Half the time, You guys are the problem and then you cry foul when you get burnt

Yes spoil the special lady in your life occasionaly with gifts; there is nothing wrong with that & I subscribe to it.

Be romantic & show her that you care  that she is special to you etc but why must you give a girlfriend money on demand or pay her school fees etc? Are you her parents?

The girl gets used to it and when you cant deliver she starts behaving funny. Many men cant stand on their own personal qualities and attributes and have to use money to entice and keep a girl . . .of course another man with a larger pocket will entice her too.

You dont have a job, yet you still give her money? WHATEVER FOR? shouldnt you be using the little money that you have to better yourself & searching for jobs?

Anyway the advice I have for you is to look for a job, repackage yourself quality wise and find yourself a girl who will stick you through thick and thin. There are some girls out there who see past a mans walllet. Its just a case of looking for and finding them.


+100
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by y3mz1(f): 5:15pm On Nov 21, 2011
Start by securing job.
& we need more details on how you lost control.
Consider a give & take situation, you don't necessarily need 'control', but it sounds like you need more respect from her.
Have you tried talking to her about the relationship?
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by titsqueez(m): 5:24pm On Nov 21, 2011
you people are saying he should first get a job like the job is waiting patiently for him. Guy first get rid of that gold digger. That will put u in a better place to concentrate on getting a job. If she cannot see that she is suppose to be a help to you especially in your time of need then my friend you are loving the wrong person.
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by emcaluv(m): 5:36pm On Nov 21, 2011
@OP, please move on.

I agree with pendo89.

As long as you keep whining, you will never get her respect. trust me on this. There is someone out there she respects a lot. Not because of his money but charisma, appeal or personality. Please step up your game bros. Guy, i know a lot of guys that live off women. Have you asked yourself how they accomplished that feat? Ladies run to them. The worst thing you can do is to whine. It's possible that she is still in love with you but you have to be a man.

Don't ask her anything. Pretend as if you don't even notice her. Don't allow your countenance to betray you. Don't ask her stupid questions like; who are you talking with on phone? where are you going to? where are you coming from? Who are you seeing? etc. Don't check her phone.

Minimize your expenses. Stop lavishing money on her. Use your money for better things. You don't have a job yet.

Allow her to do whatever thing she likes to do. free her. Give her space. You are choking her.

If she does not love you, she won't even dare to sleep on the same bed with you. Remember that the last thing she will ever do is to call it quit.

This is the right time for you to work on yourself. Devote your time to job search. Even if she leaves you, just step up your game and she will still crawl back to you as if she is your prisoner. cry cry cry cry cry

You can go online and search for materials on rlationships.

I wish you the best. smiley smiley smiley smiley smiley
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by 27naira(m): 5:51pm On Nov 21, 2011
That's just the way the cookie crumbles.

The harder you try to win her, the more you'll hurt yourself.

Get a job!

Your idleness is making you to take notice of every slight provocation. Kick her out!
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by Finecat(m): 6:18pm On Nov 21, 2011
It's funny how all the women on this post are berating the girlfriend as if they will not do the same thing if it happens to them. %99.99999 of modern Nigerian women don't fall in love for love's sake, they fall in love because of the guy's class and status. Nigerian women of today equate status to love. Some of the women here hyperventilating would bailed on the poor guy.

@OP
Move on to the next bus stop, this girl was in love cause you had a job. And it's unfortunate that most Naija girls are like that. Take a break from love until you get your life back in control. This is the sad reality of the world we live in today.
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by Princek12(m): 6:36pm On Nov 21, 2011
Finecat:

It's funny how all the women on this post are berating the girlfriend as if they will not do the same thing if it happens to them[b]. %99.99999 of modern Nigerian women don't fall in love for love's sake, they fall in love because of the guy's class and status[/b]. Nigerian women of today equate status to love. Some of the women here hyperventilating would bailed on the poor guy.

@OP
Move on to the next bus stop, this girl was in love cause you had a job. And it's unfortunate that most Naija girls are like that. Take a break from love until you get your life back in control. This is the sad reality of the world we live in today.

GBAM!

I have even heard some Naija girls brag to their friends about how they are dating a guy who hails from a reputable family. For example, they may say, I am dating Wale--he is an Obasanjo.

Naija girls are very useless and have no ounce of reason or logic in their brain. All they fall in love is with money and status. The guys character and integrity, and their compatibility with the guy are all secondary.
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by Nobody: 6:38pm On Nov 21, 2011
@OP: Firstly, I would like to ask why you've decided to make your relationship public? No Nlder was there when it you both started and nobody knows what it was like between you guys until now. Judging by what you wrote, it appears you love the lady quite much, so ignore what all these people have said/would say, if at all you have to involve/seek a third party's advice - try to get one of her friends whom you can trust or her relative - have that person help you find out the honest truth, then you can use the information to analyze her behaviour and stuff and after having done that you can then decide what you want to do - all these guys and ladies saying you should dump her make it sound/seem easy to do and I'm sure most of them wouldn't pick that idea if they were in your shoes, so just ignore. No need to make your relationship public with this opinions you're seeking - take your time to give it all a thought or seek someone close to her to help you find what has changed then you can decide. Good luck to you sir. I hope it gets better for you.
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by Akanbiedu(m): 6:43pm On Nov 21, 2011
@Poster.

You have been well advised to leave the girl. Just to add that you don't need to sit her down to discuss this issue.

Just stop every form of communication. No calls, emails etc And NEVER wish she would come back to you. Ok. How I wish parents especially fathers take the time to teach their boys about women. You lost your job, so you have no right to a woman at this time. If you get one that loves you, it should be seen as bonus.
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by rman: 7:11pm On Nov 21, 2011
onuora87:

@ sauer : am pweety sure it's not that am not showing her enough love. i think it's cos am showing her too much love and i unconsciously started doing that cos i couldn't meet up to some financial needs. but don't get me wrong am buying her gifts and all HONEST. i just don't know how all of a sudden she's gotten so ungrateful and disrespectful. My birthday was on the 7th and she didn't wish me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY until 4pm that day (and the sick thing is we slept in the same house and on the same bed) but last night she called some dude in my presence @ 12am and said she calling to make sure she was the first to wish him a Happy birthday. Am confused on so many levels cos her friends are like she really loves me but they don't know why she's acting up.

This is as disrespectful as it can get. Can't believe you still need advice after this very obvious
Signs in your post above. YOU NEED TO LEAVE HER ASAP!

@ slimyem: That's why am asking for advise cos no job seems to be coming my way. Can't i regain it without having a job? cos the thing is i still buy her gifts and give her money. I've asked her over and over again if she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore and she says "ANYTHING U WANT IS OK BY ME", what do i do?

Guy you have been dumped already, she just wants you to feel responsible for the break up


@ basildon1: mate it goes beyond the financial issue ooh. but I'm not doing anything wrong that i know for sure and she doesn't want to talk. anytime i want to talk she just says "AM NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD". we have good day's but we can't go a day without an issue and i keep trying to prevent it but she just trigger's something. Am so in love with her i don't know what to do.


@ omega25red: that was deep but totally honest thanks.

Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by zebudaya(m): 7:16pm On Nov 21, 2011
onuora87:

@ sauer : am pweety sure it's not that am not showing her enough love. i think it's cos am showing her too much love and i unconsciously started doing that cos i couldn't meet up to some financial needs. but don't get me wrong am buying her gifts and all HONEST. i just don't know how all of a sudden she's gotten so ungrateful and disrespectful. My birthday was on the 7th and she didn't wish me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY until 4pm that day (and the sick thing is we slept in the same house and on the same bed) but last night she called some dude in my presence @ 12am and said she calling to make sure she was the first to wish him a Happy birthday. Am confused on so many levels cos her friends are like she really loves me but they don't know why she's acting up.

It has nothing to do with your lack of job. Your woman has very little interest in being with you. If you had a job she would still be undermining you. The only thing is it would not be as blatant as it is now.The more you buy her gifts and tell her you love her etc the more she loses respect for you. She calls a dude at midnight in your house to wish him happy birthday, but she forgot yours. Plus you mention she gets money from other guys. Why the hell are you discussing your relationship with your girlfriend's friends? where is your pride? At this point I am pretty sure you are not getting any sex. If you are, she is not enthusiastic about it. It's a power thing. You lost it.

Let it go dawg, it's over. Next time pick a better woman. Dem dey. Or let it go, focus on your career and she'll come back. Everybody loves a comeback. No pun intended  grin

Also, your identity should NOT be based on having a job. That's why you feel like trash and act like a loser (buying gifts after her bad behavior, chatting with her friends about your relationship etc).
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by johncasey1(m): 7:20pm On Nov 21, 2011
9jacrip:

@OP: Firstly, I would like to ask why you've decided to make your relationship public? No Nlder was there when it you both started and nobody knows what it was like between you guys until now. Judging by what you wrote, it appears you love the lady quite much, so ignore what all these people have said/would say, if at all you have to involve/seek a third party's advice - try to get one of her friends whom you can trust or her relative - have that person help you find out the honest truth, then you can use the information to analyze her behaviour and stuff and after having done that you can then decide what you want to do - all these guys and ladies saying you should dump her make it sound/seem easy to do and I'm sure most of them wouldn't pick that idea if they were in your shoes, so just ignore.  No need to make your relationship public with this opinions you're seeking - take your time to give it all a thought or seek someone close to her to help you find what has changed then you can decide. Good luck to you sir. I hope it gets better for you.
abeg free the guy jawe ,Don't u think her friends know about it ? They just keep stringing him along .MY ADVICE:-) DUMP THE DIAMOND DIGGER &GET URSELF A JOB
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by tlops(m): 7:23pm On Nov 21, 2011
Guy, a friend in need is a friend indeed! and get urself something to do,
http://www.getnaijajobs.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=10618
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by BCuZiMBlaCk(m): 7:24pm On Nov 21, 2011
john casey:

abeg free the guy jawe ,Don't u think her friends know about it ? They just keep stringing him along .MY ADVICE:-) DUMP THE DIAMOND DIGGER &GET URSELF A JOB
OP your situation is so disastrously pitiable
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by ocelot2006(m): 7:29pm On Nov 21, 2011
@ Poster

DUMP THE GOLD DIGGER. She ain't worth it.
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by campbell05: 7:36pm On Nov 21, 2011
@Poster, No amount of advise you receive that would be enough for you. I know how hard it is for you to let go, Because you feel you've invested so much in her financially,emotionally,attention etc, and you'd love to see the end! just assume this relationship is over. Try play along with her. This is hard but if you can do it you will take control of your relationship! don't get involve with her EMOTIONALLY, Don't often call, try hangout with some friends and if possible find a very pretty girl you can always spend time don't have any intercoursee with her else you will be reminded of your problems, also i think age has important role as this regards, she's probably between 19-24.
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by oraclefemi(m): 7:58pm On Nov 21, 2011
its all about the money money money ! dump her , if you have a range rover she will wish you happy birthday everyday, look the girl that is meant for you will complement your life not downgrade you kapeech ?
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by http(m): 8:16pm On Nov 21, 2011
Like i use to pray everyday, God pls provide for me cos i never want to experience poverty, no job cos i know that is a turn off on ladies, not that i make this prayer inorder to feel protected, its the fact, majority of ladies love for money and security.

What do you think ladies usually says when you toast them? I will think about it even if she likes you alot; what are they thinking about? am i better of with him, can he provide for me, can i be reasonably okay financially, that is how they think. They only know what they are eating, alot of them have this fish brain in default.

@ poster, concentrate on your life and free urself of the dead weight, u will be glad you did, most ladies are scavengers looking for carcass; i really don't know if there is any integrity in most of them, haba! why must you relly on someone else for your survival.
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by violent(m): 8:24pm On Nov 21, 2011
whenever a girlfriend deliberately and apologetically says/does something disrespectful, it means it's time to whip her back in shape, if she can't be tamed, it means it's time to let go!

People should realize that relationships must not always lead to happily ever after. . . you must make her realize  that you wouldn't lose sleep for once nor miss your breakfast  if the relationship breaks up, you must let her know this in your actions.

I personally don't succumb to the idea that people should ever give away their lives and risk going through emotional traumas if a relationship breaks up.  Relationships are meant to "see" if "this will work". . .if it's not working, let the **** go!. . .good riddance i'd say!
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by olajide8(m): 8:25pm On Nov 21, 2011
God tell me she not my Ex coz it sounds all to familiar the same answers after 5 years when did you meet her and what letter does her name start with
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by Nextworldnx(m): 8:27pm On Nov 21, 2011
OP, SHE HAS GIVEN U ALL D RED LIGHT IN D WORLD TELLING U "AM OUT DUDE", IF U LIKE, SIT DOWN THERE, SO THAT SHE CAN SHIT,PISS ON U BEFORE YOUR EYES OPEN. SOME GUYS HAVE MASTERED HOW TO HANDLE A LADY, U BETTER LEARN FAST BEFORE SHE TURN U TO "SUEGBE". DONT TALK ANYTHING OVER WITH HER, 'COS SHE IS OVER WITH U. A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE. lipsrsealed lipsrsealed
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by bestofthisyear(m): 10:40pm On Nov 21, 2011
Impossible to in naija. Start afresh
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by seedord247(m): 10:46pm On Nov 21, 2011
Na the thing wey keep yawning be this . . . If you don't have car don't date naija Girl not to talk of you don't have a JOb.

Brooo . . I will advice you to wait for your neighbour daughter to grow Up, grin grin
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by dabrake(m): 12:14am On Nov 22, 2011
tlops:

Guy, a friend in need is a friend indeed! and get urself something to do,
http://www.getnaijajobs.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=10618
God bless you jooh. A helping hand is far better than a praying lips.
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by Outstrip(f): 12:24am On Nov 22, 2011
Are you saying that you are dating a girl that accepts money from men? Why not respect yourself and move on
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by skfa1: 12:24am On Nov 22, 2011
MRbrownJAY  is completely right.

I dnt think that is love,she is just using you,wake up bro.

See,love is when u have or dont have,she still loves you and go thru watever u r going thru. I remember my school days,my chick love me,showed great care and commitment despite the fact that I dont work and had little or no money,today God don elevate me and she is still the same person to me. I understand that you love her but u have to open your eyes to reality,dont be used!
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by activities: 12:54am On Nov 22, 2011
This is My advise to u,
Stop wasting Ur time on her.
Get a job, keep yourself busy and try to build yourself financially and otherwise.
The truth about women is that they don't love one who cannot take of care of the family financially,
Re: How Do I Regain Control Or My Relationship by Ilekokonit: 1:06am On Nov 22, 2011
onlinedee
Forget her and get a girl that will love you whether you have a job or not. Assuming you are married and you lost your job is this how the girl will leave you cos you have lost your job ?


Listen to the advice given by onlinedee above.

That's some deep advice especially in these days of Global recession where job insecurity is the order of the day all the way from Abakaliki to New York.

Rebuild your future with a lady that will not kick you when you are down but will try to lift you up.

At least you helped her when she was down.

You are lucky you are not married to her yet because some wives also behave like her.

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