Should I Stay Or Walk Away? - Romance - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Should I Stay Or Walk Away? (5131 Views)
Should I Confront Him Or Walk Away Quietly? / If Your Husband Slaps You A Few Weeks After The Wedding Will You Stay Or Leave / Cheating Partner: Do I Confront Him Or Walk Away? (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (Reply) (Go Down)
| Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Gidisbug: 1:13am On Dec 06, 2011 |
Please nairalanders, I've been in a confused state for some weeks now, I just need help! Ok to my story. Through the regular group activities most of us do on BBM, I met a guy who was actually fun whenever we chat and we got so used to each other, he's based in the US while i live in London. He always comes back home during festive periods but I don't. So last year I decided to come home since he was to visit Nigeria and it was a good opportunity for me to come home as well. getting home to Nigeria, I met him and we started a proper relationship, but I was shocked when most of the other girls on the bb group told me they had something with my new bf. When I confronted him, he didn't deny but told me he saw me differently which I stupidly fell, and all through the holiday was fun for us. Even after we both travelled back to our different countries, I always. Travelled to the states to visit him, but he never came to the uk because of reasons best known to him. To cut the story short, I love this guy I did so many things I can't mention but I can't find a pin I got as a gift from him. Whenever I miss him and need to talk, he's either partying or in strip clubs and when I ask him why he goes to such places, he says to me he doesn't wanna lie to me so he tells me where he goes.and he just loves the sight. I have cried and begged him several times to show me some respect and love but all he keeps doing is make me cry. Now my mother has promised to cut me off if I continue with this guy and she hates him so much all of a sudden. Recently, I went to NY with my mum and I tried keeping away from him, but I went ahead to let him know I was in the states just cos I didn't think he was gonn come there since he is based in Atlanta and I had 2 days left to stay. He actually came and has been begging me to forgive him and he wants us to start on a clean slate. He has hurt me so much, cheating and lying to me and most of all my mum disapproves of our relationship now. But the truth is I still love him, so I'm just confused, Your advice can actually help, do I stay or walk away  Cos I'm scared of getting hurt again! He has been begging and I just hope it's not a scam. Well, insults and advice is allowed, it's nairaland after all, |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by coogar: 1:17am On Dec 06, 2011 |
Gidisbug: you better stay! there's no promise the next guy you date is going to be better. he's not just going to change his ways because he met you. it doesn't just happen that way. you want a fly guy, be prepared to share him with hordes of women all over the world. if you want a faithful, stay-at-home guy. . . . .go to mountain of fire church on lagos-ibadan expressway. you will find dedicated faithful and religious men who are virgins and will not even look at another woman till they die. |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Gidisbug: 1:23am On Dec 06, 2011 |
Thanks , Noted . |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Nobody: 2:24am On Dec 06, 2011 |
I totally disagree with Mr. Coogar's opinion. There is no reason you should stay when you have such enormous two-thoughts about this. Why should you even consider such limiting recommendation only because there is no promise the next guy you date will be better. I dare say, what if the next guy you date promises to be better? I'd suggest you engage your thoughts here. Do you like him for him? Are you merely attracted to the supposedly fly nature of this young man? Of course, he's not going to change, thus are you rather young and are willing to explore? It's up to you, really. But if you considered it properly, since his partying and clubbing does not go down well with you and you are neither prepared to live with it, you would do better taking a walk from this "relationship". You go out, don't you? Find a more appropriate guy within your circle. Stop entertaining the thought that you might never find someone else, if you leave this nightcrawler. 'Tis probably what's been holding you back. . . ,isn't it?  Come on! Aie confiance en toi-meme! gaddemit!  |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Ranoscky(m): 3:17am On Dec 06, 2011 |
sauer:True tellin, my broda. The REAL deal! Aint got shit else to say! |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Nobody: 4:37am On Dec 06, 2011 |
poster, one important issue i see here is d distance btwn d two of u. If u must go back to him, u guys must live in d same country and state. If not, my hand nor dey oh |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Nobody: 5:05am On Dec 06, 2011 |
the ONLY problem i see here is the distance, nothing more. you dont expect him to live like a priest just because YOU live like a nun, do you? this guy is HONEST and is NOT trying to bullshiit you with phoney stories (sadly you dont find many men like this these days). he has fully shown you what kind of man he is, what he likes, where he likes to hang out etc, so you can decide if you want to be in such r/ship with him or not. he "may change" in the long run but if he doesnt, then that would be no big deal because you KNEW perfectly well that he was like that. btw: since your mum is about to squeeze the funding, do you really think you can survive, if you decide to continue with this r/ship? |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Mynd44: 5:20am On Dec 06, 2011 |
What is the assurance that he will change. You can't just quote the Angel you know line here cos it does not apply. He had his chance to change and he did not he'd rather cause you harm and I am betting he will do it again. An girl, him telling you he visits Strip clubs is not a sign of honestly, it is the level of the respect he has for you and by telling you and not trying to hide he is saying he does not intend to stop. Well who am I to talk cos I can bet by reading your first post that you will go back to him no matter what we say here |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Nobody: 7:59am On Dec 06, 2011 |
[size=14pt]If i want to sound like a helpless romantic, i'll ask you to stay, that he'll change blah, he is honest blah blah, because you love him blah blah blah. I'll talk to you the way i would my blood sister. . . And i'm assuming you want to marry him. If you dont, just pick out the ones that suit you! How old are you? At your age, should you or should you not be thinking of settling down? If yes, you have gotten to the stage of settling down, what kind of man should he be? Lemme ask you something. Are you looking for a "Man" or a you looking for a "Husband?" If you are looking for a "Man", go with him and stop reading. If you are looking for a "Man to call husband" continue reading. You fell in love with a player, that was no fault of yours because you never knew he was a player. But if after finding out he is a player and you are still lusting after him or loving him, then anything that happens to you is purely your fault! These kind of men dont change. And in reality, it is soft hearted ladies like you that they want to end up with. Why? Because he has honestly told you who he is and you are hoping he'll change! He'll go on breaking your heart, and keep asking for forgiveness, and you in your benevolence would keep forgiving him, and crying all the time! Do you deserve that kind of husband?You see ehn, the people asking you to go for him, would still be the ones to come out and tell you that you are a foool for marrying a man well versed in the art of playing ladies heart like soccer! Forget what your mum is saying, for now and think deeply about what you really want. Flash your mind to the future, where do you honestly see your self with this Man? What will happen to you when he decides to go back to his lifestyle? Who would you run to for complaints? There's an adage from where i come from, that "what a child cannot see while standing, an elderly person has seen it while sitting down". Your mom has seen the outcome of this. But maybe she doesnt want to hurt your feelings, she did not give you further reasons. How would a man you want to marry be always found in the strip clubs? If you were the one that clubs so much, what would his idea of you be? There are too many hypocrites on this forum. If it was a man that posted this story, and the girl he wants to marry frequents strip clubs, you'll see insults on the girl. They believe it's a man's world so men can do whatsoever?. . . Bullshit in High definition!(HD). Call a spade a spade! That guy doesnt deserve you, and you know it. You have begged him several times to show you respect and love. Gawd! What kind of nonsense is that? LOVE is reciprocal! You DONT beg someone to love you! It's either he loves you or he doesnt! And since love is a verb, an action word, by his actions, he has proven that he DOESNT love you! Love is not a WORD of mouth! It sounds sweet coming from the mouth, but hey, that is not all there is to it. He has hurt you so much, cheating and lying to you, and you still love him. That's not love, that's catastrophic discombobulation. . . Obfuscation in high definition! You need to be very HARD on yourself. This is your future here. Not mine, not anyone else. Dont make a decision you will regret. Make a decision, and stick to it! If you allow yourself to be swayed by his winsome words, you'll only have yourself to blame. . . It wont be easy, but WALK AWAY, AND STAY AWAY! It's his loss, NOT YOURS! *This was directed to the OP, if you are not the OP, and it's too long for you, read my signature before you comment*  [/size] |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Flashaldrin(m): 8:05am On Dec 06, 2011 |
^^ dude i swear, you've got time  |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Gidisbug: 8:25am On Dec 06, 2011 |
@sexkillz, thanks a lot, I totally agree with u. I just didn't mention some other things. I've just been real scared. 6 months into the relationship he told me he had a son from another girl,they are also in the US! He lives with another girl which I also found out and his reason is that she is helping with his papers and all, I couldn't visit Atlanta whenever I go to the states, we always end up in Boston, LA or NY. I think my mum doesn't like the fact he has a son and says it's good for every girl to start on a clean note. For those asking about my age, I'm 24 and he's 27. It's not as if I didn't know who he was buh I just thought he was real. The main reason I feel so hurt is because he was my first and I feel robbed. I never felt distance was an issue cos I always travel to see him at least every month. I wanna thank you all for your advice, they are really helpful. It's not as if I am looking for a guy who's a saint, I just found love in the wrong place I guess and found out so much after a long time into the relationship. |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by slimyem: 8:40am On Dec 06, 2011 |
sexkillz,i hail o!u get time.u try! Op,he's your first at 24? if you've waited this long,then i think you deserve better. That guy doesnt sound like one who's ready for anything serious.he sounds like he's still all out for fun-times. Killz has talked it all and your mum,she seeing him better than you see him.hear hear and save yourself now! |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Nobody: 8:41am On Dec 06, 2011 |
Gidisbug:[size=14pt]You might think that leaving him would devastate you, but in actuality, staying would devastate you catastrophically, in all its totality. He was your first and naturally, you would think you should end up with your first love, but believe me, NO HUMAN deserves this kind of treatment! Lets Analyze: He has no papers. . . He has a son with a girl He lives with another girl ( for papers) he wants another girl (You) He cheats He lies He is a party freak He frequents strip clubs He is a player He makes you cry He doesnt respect you He doesnt love you He hurts you severally Haba!  Only one person? See CV! Who wants such for a husband? No one is a saint, yes, but then some are more saint than others. . . How many people would advice their sister's to end up with crooks such as this one? If they cant advise their sister to hope on this kind of fellow, it's hypocritical giving you hope on this guy!Thunder fire this kain love o jare. . . [/size] |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Kx: 8:49am On Dec 06, 2011 |
Gidisbug: Indeed love is blind. Is this not the international version of what guys do in relationships in Naija? |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by tuaregx(m): 9:06am On Dec 06, 2011 |
i think u u are older than this guy the way u talk, nd its wen old ladies fall for small boyz younger than them that they sound this desperate and f, o, lish, |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by slimyem: 9:44am On Dec 06, 2011 |
^^you missed the part where she spelt out her age? Well,i guess you didnt read the whole thread. |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Nobody: 9:59am On Dec 06, 2011 |
What do you want from him?? just a relationship? or marriage? He is my first love is overrated !! Leave that guy alone. He is still playing you, he has no intention to change and will make a terrible husbands unfortunately is nice girls like you that usually fall victim. Then look at the trend living with a girl, has a kid with another girl, is a liar. Everything about him screams irresponsible. leave him alone if you really want to be happy. |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by tuaregx(m): 10:49am On Dec 06, 2011 |
i think the issue here with this "girlllllllllllll" is dat SHE DOSENT KNOW HER SELF WELL, she the type of chick that SPENDS HER LIVE LIVING FOR SOMEONE at the detriment of hers, there is a void somewhere she trying to fill, BUT she herself has not been able to decode what her problem is, maybe she is used to fanatsies, and prefers a U.S based nigerian,potentially unfaithful,wifebeater to other normal nigerian guys that must have been toasting her.A NORMAL WOMAN IS NOT SUPPOSED TO LOVE A GUY TILL THE GUY LOVES HER, IT NOT A "GUY" A WOMAN LOVES, RATHER IT IS THE GUY'S LOVE THAT A WOMAN LOVES,  |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by iice(f): 4:36pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
tuaregx: End of. How she no go confuse? Cannot even find her own self much more, herself with someone in the mix. |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Basildon1(m): 5:27pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
At first, i was gonna say, he's not that bad but now all I cay say is you need to start withdrawing from this gradually! He has done his part in teaching you about life, seex and love, use these lessons to get the right one. To get sentimental about him being the first is just delaying the inevitable. Better to break off on your own terms - less painful. |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Eiregirl(f): 5:44pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
sexkillz:WELL SAID!!!!!!!! @OP-Walk away!!!!!! |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by MrsChima1(f): 6:21pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
sexkillz: Thank you brotha!  OP Don't be the stuped other woman. It is bleeped up when YOU KNOW he is bleeped up and YOU STILL wants to be with him. SMH. |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by 195(f): 6:28pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
OP Have you met NL user called BABE U both share in the same story I think u should WALK - Arent there good boys like 190, mr.cork etc in london with you @coogar I hate u for that response |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Gidisbug: 6:57pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
Really grateful to u all for your advice, at least almost everyone shares the same view, will do just that, thanks guys. |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by coogar: 7:01pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
Gidisbug: you never told me the dude is a baby father. . . . . next time, try as much as possible to let it all out in one go so one can advise based on the totality of the problems. he's one irresponsible chap! if @ 27, he's got a son + he lives with another woman + he is still playing a game of checkers with you, then you should leave. check out mr. cork and 190 they are nairaland's most eligible |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by 195(f): 7:11pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
check out OP - my contact is in my profile I'll wait to hear from you All those tins u suffered would soon be in the past OK Wipe your tears 190 is here for u |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Nobody: 8:32pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
hold on a minute, whats this?! look down on your brotha because he has a past?! i am sorry i have to disagree with my two compadres sexkillz/Coogar (oh lawd, them two again, lol!!!!!) ok lets get it rolling and analyze this indeed, bros: sexkillz: coogar: what has anything got to do with being responsible?! so a responsible man cannot have a child and then divorce/break up?! let's be realistic here, yes living with a woman is wrong BUT, unless we can CONFIRM that she is his gf, we cant blame the guy yet. it could be some paper arrangement like there are many all over the world. |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Nobody: 9:21pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
[size=14pt]@OP I gave you advice as a brother would to his sister. This is what i would tell my blood sister straight up, without mincing words or trying to defend a player. . . It's up to you really! I dont tolerate bullshit from bullshitters. . . Players are bullshitters, ALL of them![/size] |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by coogar: 10:05pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
MRbrownJAY: the genesis of irresponsibility. if a man cannot take control of his home - then he's irresponsible. he's only 27 now. . . . .maybe he had the baby at 21. so when did he marry? put one n one together. the dude is irresponsible.
so you actually believe he's living with this woman without sleeping with her? naija dude? that loves to party? gimme a break! |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Gidisbug: 10:24pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
@coogar! I feel like u know it all already, u r right u know. Well as for the child, he's 2 years old, from his ex girl who is somewhere in America,while the other girl he stays with is also his ex whom he says they don't have anything going on and she's just assisting on getting his papers, |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Nobody: 10:33pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
coogar: bro, the fact that he has a baby is irrelevant. look at it this way: if you were married with a great lady, you guys have a kid and suddenly she cant cope and starts to act crazy (postnatal depression), or she just starts to fukc around after the marriage blues is over. so, eventually you divorce her, would that make you an irresponsible man for the rest of your life?! also, you had sex with a damsel, condom broke, she got pregnant and she kept the baby (since she was against abortion), should that ALSO make you an irresponsible man for the rest of your life (even though you are caring FULLY for that kid)? . so you actually believe he's living with this woman without sleeping with her? no no, i am just saying that it is "POSSIBLE" that he could live with her simply for the papers. is it not?! does "loving to party" or being Nigerian automatically means that he is fukcing the gal he is living with?! bro, many of these desperate broke gals this days are willingly marrying 9ja men for MONEY and have no contact with these guys. they just live together to make sure it looks real for immigration. i am not saying that this is what is happening here, i am just saying that it is "POSSIBLE". |
| Re: Should I Stay Or Walk Away? by Nobody: 10:44pm On Dec 06, 2011 |
[size=14pt]^^^ For God's sake That is not the point on this thread! What if what if's. . . They dont relate to her situation! Advise her according to what she posted. . . Jeez![/size] |
Should I Marry My African American Girlfriend? / Am I The Most Handsome Dude On Nairaland? / Am Hurt And Disappointed At Him, Ur Advice Pls.
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 118 |