What Is The Key To A Happy And Lasting Relationship? - Romance - Nairaland
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| What Is The Key To A Happy And Lasting Relationship? by Cruzgee: 1:30pm On Feb 14, 2012 |
I declined my partner's offer for marriage because I feel he doesnt respect me. Each time he shouts and yells at me, I cry my eyes and strength out but now, am tired of the whole thing because I have tried all I could to be good and be simple with him but he is not changing. Is it because am older than him by two years? Am so confused |
| Re: What Is The Key To A Happy And Lasting Relationship? by Killz3(m): 4:05pm On Feb 14, 2012 |
You took a very bold step. Shrewd is the one that has seen calamity, and proceeded to conceal her face. Anyone who hurts you to the extent of you losing your strength, as a result of shedding tears does not love you, neither does he deserve you. Proceeding further into marriage with the conditions you are already used to from him will only lead into physical abuse in the long run! Age has nothing to do with it. A beast is a beast. You've tried and he did not change, so the best line of action to take is to move on. You have done so already, but i really hope that you specifically told him why you rejected his marriage proposal, else he may not come to the realization that his attitude, if kept up, would be detrimental to his future relationships. Coming to your question proper, my experience has taught me that a Happy and lasting relationship requires effort. . . Forget the love stories, forget the movies, forget the "Happily ever after Syndrome". You put in effort every blessed day to make sure your relationship stays afloat! Essential vitamins of a happy and lasting relationship to me is: ~Communication: I'm not talking about phone communication alone, or the face to face conversation. I'm talking about heartfelt mutual communication. Talk about the root of the quarrel, accept where you made a mistake, tell him where he made a mistake, discuss ways in which a future occurrence would be avoided, and then make up in whatever way possible you deem fit! Kiss and make up after you have thoroughly trashed out the problem. If you kiss and make up without trashing it out, there's a chance that the same problem would resurface, and will keep reoccurring. If properly trashed, the chance of a recurrence is very slim! ~Understanding: To me, this simply means trying to figure out why your partner had to act in such an abrasive manner in the first place. Put yourself in his shoes, try to analyze the situation from his eyes, and then ask yourself sincerely what you would have done if you were him. If you can successfully do that, you'll know precisely how to channel either your blame, or your encouragement. Remember, humans are imperfect and make mistakes. When someone realizes his mistakes and begs you for forgiveness, understanding plays a vital part! ~Respect: Very important too. It has to be mutual and i'm not talking of morbid fear kind of respect. Respect that entails you do not keep track of all activities of your partner, you do not stalk his phone log, and you realize when he needs his privacy, and you give it to him. Dont rush into conclusions on your assumptions about anything you feel worth complaining. Dont put him down in front of your friends or family members. . . ~Trust: [/b]Overrated sometimes. People use this to accomplish more harm than good. But trusting him leads to respecting him, and understanding him. When you trust him, your mind is more at peace. If you have reasons to doubt him, communicate with him, understand him, and then forgive him! [b]~Love: This overused, overrated, most abused , most misused 4 letter word in the world, is the string that ties everything together. There cant be communication and understanding if you dont love the person in the first place! I dont think i'll listen to you at all if there was no chance of me trying to make sense out of your blabbing, and then forgiving you. Love, covers a multitude of sins. But then you have to love in the right way. Forgiving anyone without making them realize their mistake is NOT love. Love makes you put that extra effort to make sure that a recurrence doesnt happen. Loving someone means acknowledging who they really are, behaviorally and otherwise, and accepting them that way. No one is perfect. Realize also that love is not jealous, and most important, Love does NOT take into account Injury. What that means is that when you truly love someone and they offend you, you forgive them and make sure you dont recall that offense committed against you. That's Love. It's that kind of love that keeps a relationship going strong, sturdy, and steady. Dont forget though the earlier points about love. Dont you ever say I LOVE YOU if you dont mean it. Dont mistake Lust for love. And dont you ever ever mistake sex for love. . . In all things, be who you are and not what anyone wants you to be. Accept him for who he is and not who you want him to be. Try your best to communicate, understand and forgive. If you've made your stance clear, and your wish gets violated, you are in a better position to make a rational decision devoid of sentiments. . . |
| Re: What Is The Key To A Happy And Lasting Relationship? by Cruzgee: 4:46pm On Feb 14, 2012 |
Thanks Killz, you really are a wonderful councillor. I actually decided to be humble and good with this guy but most times, I regret being good and soft hearted. He tells me at times that I dont get angry and that am too gentle which I found a bit funny. I thougt because of the age difference and because he wants to lord over me hence the behaviour. I will be 36 and he just turned 33 this year. My people all over have been disturbing me about marriage and what they tell me ususally is ''are you selecting or waiting for a rich and a complete man'' and the likes. They even told me not to look out for anything that I should just accept whoever comes my way. I think this is going the extreme for me so I decided to play along with him but at this jucture, the fear of accepting his marriage proposal is over me as I do not want to make an eternal mistake after waiting this long. Thanks Killz, I embrace your concern and advice. |
| Re: What Is The Key To A Happy And Lasting Relationship? by JUNE12(m): 5:34pm On Feb 14, 2012 |
nice write up. A abusive boyfriend is a murderer-husband just waiting to happen |
| Re: What Is The Key To A Happy And Lasting Relationship? by Killz3(m): 8:51pm On Feb 14, 2012 |
Cruz-gee:Just be yourself. The fact that you rejected a proposal at 36 means that your thinking faculties are aligned as far as i am concerned. Dont regret being kind and soft hearted. There's no vice in cultivating good character and manners. He doesnt deserve you. . . Glad to be of help anyway.  |
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