alosiby92:

Ok, so there is a guy I've been friends with for a while. . .problem is I now feel like I'm falling for him. . . and don't know whether or not to tell him as I have been hurt in the past (i.e afraid of rejection) . Any suggestions how to go about doing it? I'm also afraid it may ruin our friendship but at the same time seeing him with another girl drives me mad. Advice please NLanders!

alosiby92:

Ok, so there is a guy I've been friends with for a while. . .problem is I now feel like I'm falling for him. . . and don't know whether or not to tell him as I have been hurt in the past (i.e afraid of rejection) . Any suggestions how to go about doing it? I'm also afraid it may ruin our friendship but at the same time seeing him with another girl drives me mad. Advice please NLanders!

Aww. I know that feeling too.
You are not sure if you have fallen for him cos you said "I now feel like I'm falling for him". There is a difference between feelings. Some are surfaced, while some are deep rooted. Find out how exactly to compartmentalize those feelings, before you proceed. Are your feelings for him real? Or is it as a result of loneliness, or the need to feel "loved" and not "liked"? Be honest to yourself first my dear!
Whether or not to tell him depends on the honest deductions and evaluations you have made within your self. Pls understand that a platonic friendship and a full blown relationship are miles apart in terms of similarity. Define what you really want. Where do you see yourself and this guy in the next couple of years? How are you going to cope with your academics? Are you really ready for a relationship, or is it really because of the time he spends with the other girl? If seeing him with another girl makes you mad, do you not think that's a sign of Jealousy? If it is, have you thought of ways to control your jealous feelings?
If you have answered the questions honestly, and you sincerely believe that the likeness you have for this guy may be equated to love, then you can tell him. Mind you, the fear of rejection remains. He could either say yes or no. If he says no, your friendship with him will never remain the same. You'll even be more hurt than you anticipated. Therefore, prepare your mind like i always do. Have a Plan B! Dont always expect things to pan out the way you planned them. You are here planning on how to tell him, but what if he honestly does not feel he same way about you? What do you do? Great disappointment comes when you were not expecting a particular line of action. Ask your self what's the worst thing that can happen to you if he says no, and start planning towards it, so that you will not feel the effects as much! It works for me. Dont be surprised that you wont feel bad if he does reject you. Put your self in a 50/50 position. . .
I have to admit that the friendship will not remain the same irrespective of whether he says yes or not. If he says yes, you are officially his girlfriend and you will expect him to minimize his friendship with those girls that drive you mad! What happens when you see him with other girls? How would you react? Are you really ready for this relationship? How will you react when you both argue, cos naturally, the optimism and level of confidence in a platonic friendship turned relationship is very high. They believe it will be happily ever after simply because they have been friends. . . Well, that notion is what? WRONG!!
Be ready! Be ready!! Be ready!!! I cant over emphasize that! Be emotionally ready! Since you cannot hold the feelings and you had to ask for help, by all means tell him! Tell him how you really feel about him, and make sure you let him understand that he is NOT under obligations to say yes just because you asked! You have to allow him make that choice too. it will be easier if he had previous feelings for you, but then, what if he didnt?

No two situations are the same, it depends on the level of effort you put in to make it work. I really hope it ends well, and in your favor. But if it doesnt, say to yourself "Life goes on".

~Killz~:

Aww. I know that feeling too.
You are not sure if you have fallen for him cos you said "I now feel like I'm falling for him". There is a difference between feelings. Some are surfaced, while some are deep rooted. Find out how exactly to compartmentalize those feelings, before you proceed. Are your feelings for him real? Or is it as a result of loneliness, or the need to feel "loved" and not "liked"? Be honest to yourself first my dear!
Whether or not to tell him depends on the honest deductions and evaluations you have made within your self. Pls understand that a platonic friendship and a full blown relationship are miles apart in terms of similarity. Define what you really want. Where do you see yourself and this guy in the next couple of years? How are you going to cope with your academics? Are you really ready for a relationship, or is it really because of the time he spends with the other girl? If seeing him with another girl makes you mad, do you not think that's a sign of Jealousy? If it is, have you thought of ways to control your jealous feelings?
If you have answered the questions honestly, and you sincerely believe that the likeness you have for this guy may be equated to love, then you can tell him. Mind you, the fear of rejection remains. He could either say yes or no. If he says no, your friendship with him will never remain the same. You'll even be more hurt than you anticipated. Therefore, prepare your mind like i always do. Have a Plan B! Dont always expect things to pan out the way you planned them. You are here planning on how to tell him, but what if he honestly does not feel he same way about you? What do you do? Great disappointment comes when you were not expecting a particular line of action. Ask your self what's the worst thing that can happen to you if he says no, and start planning towards it, so that you will not feel the effects as much! It works for me. Dont be surprised that you wont feel bad if he does reject you. Put your self in a 50/50 position. . .
I have to admit that the friendship will not remain the same irrespective of whether he says yes or not. If he says yes, you are officially his girlfriend and you will expect him to minimize his friendship with those girls that drive you mad! What happens when you see him with other girls? How would you react? Are you really ready for this relationship? How will you react when you both argue, cos naturally, the optimism and level of confidence in a platonic friendship turned relationship is very high. They believe it will be happily ever after simply because they have been friends. . . Well, that notion is what? WRONG!!
Be ready! Be ready!! Be ready!!! I cant over emphasize that! Be emotionally ready! Since you cannot hold the feelings and you had to ask for help, by all means tell him! Tell him how you really feel about him, and make sure you let him understand that he is NOT under obligations to say yes just because you asked! You have to allow him make that choice too. it will be easier if he had previous feelings for you, but then, what if he didnt?

No two situations are the same, it depends on the level of effort you put in to make it work. I really hope it ends well, and in your favor. But if it doesnt, say to yourself "Life goes on".

Mobinga:




What an ldiot.

On a Thursday morning, at  09:47 AM, you sat down to write all that.

Don't you have a job and a life?