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What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. - Family - Nairaland

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What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by deols(f): 6:59pm On Feb 26, 2012
I have always thought submission in marriage is a thing of the past. that men of the younger generation see a woman as a partner and would most likely discuss issues with her, hear her views before taking decisions. But my recent interaction with certain pple proved otherwise. So, I have brought this to a larger populace and have the following questions to ask.

what exactly does it mean to be submissive?

In what circumstances is that required or can it be foregone?

to what extent is it a requirement for a successful marriage

DO men demand it even before tying the knot?
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by coogar: 7:05pm On Feb 26, 2012
when you let your man to call the shots
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by deols(f): 7:15pm On Feb 26, 2012
^^thanks. how about the other questions
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by coogar: 7:32pm On Feb 26, 2012
a woman should be submissive to her husband at all times.
being submissive is not idiocy - it's just a way of letting the man know he's the boss and he makes the final say.

for any marriage to be successful, the woman must be submissive.
the moment a woman feels like the boss, the boat rocks and it would be the death of the union.

yes, men demand a woman's submissiveness before marriage.
who would marry a female tout?
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by agiboma(f): 8:12pm On Feb 26, 2012
coogar:

a woman should be submissive to her husband at all times.
being submissive is not idiocy - it's just a way of letting the man know he's the boss and he makes the final say.

for any marriage to be successful, the woman must be submissive.
the moment a woman feels like the boss, the boat rocks and it would be the death of the union.

yes, men demand a woman's submissiveness before marriage.
who would marry a female tout?

very good answers to the questions
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by MissIfe(f): 8:50pm On Feb 26, 2012
deols:

what exactly does it mean to be submissive?

In what circumstances is that required or can it be foregone?

to what extent is it a requirement for a successful marriage

DO men demand it even before tying the knot?

Being submissive, to me, means you trust the other person enough to let him take the lead (at least in some situations).

I think it is required at a level that will show enough trust to your partner, but I don't think a 100% submission would be a good thing. If you never have a say, if you don't have an opinion or you don't have a clue, then what's the whole point of you being submissive? To me, there is value in being submissive when you deliberately choose to trust your partner for the decision he is making. It means that if you see some big red flags, you'll let him know and you'll still use your free will to make decision, though it doesn't mean you'll be submissive only when you agree with him. It's a balance between a lot of things, but basically, I'd say it would be important to show this trust in situations when you wouldn't make the same decision as he does, but you still decide to trust him and follow him.

I don't think all men demand it before tying the knot, depending on the kind of man, they might expect more or less submission from their gf, and might not all mean the same thing with that word. I think it's important to be with a man who has the same understanding as you about submission.

1 Like

Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by modavi: 9:25pm On Feb 26, 2012
Miss_Ife:

Being submissive, to me, means you trust the other person enough to let him take the lead , but I don't think a 100% submission would be a good thing. shocked shocked lipsrsealed

1 Like

Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by ileobatojo: 10:06pm On Feb 26, 2012
Submission is a willingness to let the husband take the lead in the home. Taking the lead means being personally responsible and accountable for the home, not being the absolute power and authority in the home like men would like it to mean. That is surrender and domination not submission. You can’t force a woman to be submissive, it is something she does willingly.

1 Like

Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by dasparrow: 12:20am On Feb 27, 2012
Here is my 2 cents. The bible commands the man to love his wife like Christ loves the church. The problem with most Nigerian marraiges is that the man does not do that. After all, if he did, we won't keep hearing stories of domestic violence, high rates of infidelity or men leaving their wives because she has not given birth to a male child. People forget that a wife being submissive and her husband loving her like Christ loves His church go hand in hand. Unfortunately, male-dominated Nigerian society is quick to talk about the submissiveness aspect while almost entirely never mentioning the part where Christ commands the man to love his wife unconditionally. Couples should strive to make each other happy. A happy wife who is loved so much by her husband will not hesitate to do anything for him and will submit to him without being constantly reminded or told.

However, what I see in alot of Nigerian marraiges is pathetic. How can a woman submit to a serial cheat who puts her life and health at risk for HIV/AIDS and other STDS? How can a woman submit to an abuser who abuses her physically, emotionally, and verbally? How can a woman submit to a man who treats her worse than an animal? Is such a man following the stringent rule Christ gave commanding that he loves his wife like Christ loves the church? My point is, Nigerians can talk about submissiveness from today till tomorrow. If the average Nigerian male has not learnt to love his wife unconditionally like Christ loves the church, then total submissiveness on the part of the woman will forever remain an illusion and the divorce rate in Nigeria and amongst Nigerians along with domestic violence will continue to climb.

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Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by modavi: 12:37am On Feb 27, 2012
talk is cheap ooh! hmm, lipsrsealed
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by chillbabe(f): 3:58am On Feb 27, 2012
dasparrow:

Here is my 2 cents. The bible commands the man to love his wife like Christ loves the church. The problem with most Nigerian marraiges is that the man does not do that. After all, if he did, we won't keep hearing stories of domestic violence, high rates of infidelity or men leaving their wives because she has not given birth to a male child. People forget that a wife being submissive and her husband loving her like Christ loves His church go hand in hand. Unfortunately, male-dominated Nigerian society is quick to talk about the submissiveness aspect while almost entirely never mentioning the part where Christ commands the man to love his wife unconditionally. Couples should strive to make each other happy. A happy wife who is loved so much by her husband will not hesitate to do anything for him and will submit to him without being constantly reminded or told.

However, what I see in alot of Nigerian marraiges is pathetic. How can a woman submit to a serial cheat who puts her life and health at risk for HIV/AIDS and other STDS? How can a woman submit to an abuser who abuses her physically, emotionally, and verbally? How can a woman submit to a man who treats her worse than an animal? Is such a man following the stringent rule Christ gave commanding that he loves his wife like Christ loves the church? My point is, Nigerians can talk about submissiveness from today till tomorrow. If the average Nigerian male has not learnt to love his wife unconditionally like Christ loves the church, then total submissiveness on the part of the woman will forever remain an illusion and the divorce rate in Nigeria and amongst Nigerians along with domestic violence will continue to climb.

May the almighty GOD bless u well said
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by Metalgoong(m): 4:48am On Feb 27, 2012
@OP

It simply means to submit to your husband!! . . Any lady that calls her self a christian should live according to that injunction, as it is written in the bible. . . No body has the right to choose the part or chapter of the bible he/she wants to obey, and the one that needs to be disregarded or abrogated.
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by tpia5: 4:49am On Feb 27, 2012
the op is muslim, haba.
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by deols(f): 6:26am On Feb 27, 2012
thanks to u all. ur contributions are vaued wink



tpia@:

the op is muslim, haba.

abi o and I ddnt ask in the religion section.
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by Nobody: 11:06am On Feb 27, 2012
Here is my 2 cents. The bible commands the man to love his wife like Christ loves the church. The problem with most Nigerian marraiges is that the man does not do that. After all, if he did, we won't keep hearing stories of domestic violence, high rates of infidelity or men leaving their wives because she has not given birth to a male child. People forget that a wife being submissive and her husband loving her like Christ loves His church go hand in hand. Unfortunately, male-dominated Nigerian society is quick to talk about the submissiveness aspect while almost entirely never mentioning the part where Christ commands the man to love his wife unconditionally. Couples should strive to make each other happy. A happy wife who is loved so much by her husband will not hesitate to do anything for him and will submit to him without being constantly reminded or told.

However, what I see in alot of Nigerian marraiges is pathetic. How can a woman submit to a serial cheat who puts her life and health at risk for HIV/AIDS and other STDS? How can a woman submit to an abuser who abuses her physically, emotionally, and verbally? How can a woman submit to a man who treats her worse than an animal? Is such a man following the stringent rule Christ gave commanding that he loves his wife like Christ loves the church? My point is, Nigerians can talk about submissiveness from today till tomorrow. If the average Nigerian male has not learnt to love his wife unconditionally like Christ loves the church, then total submissiveness on the part of the woman will forever remain an illusion and the divorce rate in Nigeria and amongst Nigerians along with domestic violence will continue to climb.

I agree with u 100 percent

1 Like

Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by chiteny(m): 12:58pm On Feb 27, 2012
My little contribution:

Submission is a willingness to let the husband take the lead in the home. Taking the lead means being personally responsible and accountable for the home, not being the absolute power and authority in the home like men would like it to mean. That is surrender and domination not submission. You can’t force a woman to be submissive, it is something she does willingly.

In as much as it is a wilful act, it is a requirement for any married female Christian. There cannot be two captains in a ship, else there is bound to be serious issues.
Secondly submissiveness on the part of women does not mean that their voice and opinion cannot be heard in the family unlike as many people assume. She has every right to make her opinion on issues know to the husband, but submission lets her support/accept her husband's decision even if it did not include her opinion most times. I for one love to listen would to my wife's view on issues before taking my stand on most issues, even if i may not completely buy into it. You never can tell, her opinion could turn out to be the best solution to the problem.
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by Nobody: 3:56pm On Feb 27, 2012
dasparrow:

Here is my 2 cents. The bible commands the man to love his wife like Christ loves the church. The problem with most Nigerian marraiges is that the man does not do that. After all, if he did, we won't keep hearing stories of domestic violence, high rates of infidelity or men leaving their wives because she has not given birth to a male child. People forget that a wife being submissive and her husband loving her like Christ loves His church go hand in hand. Unfortunately, male-dominated Nigerian society is quick to talk about the submissiveness aspect while almost entirely never mentioning the part where Christ commands the man to love his wife unconditionally. Couples should strive to make each other happy. A happy wife who is loved so much by her husband will not hesitate to do anything for him and will submit to him without being constantly reminded or told.

However, what I see in alot of Nigerian marraiges is pathetic. How can a woman submit to a serial cheat who puts her life and health at risk for HIV/AIDS and other STDS? How can a woman submit to an abuser who abuses her physically, emotionally, and verbally? How can a woman submit to a man who treats her worse than an animal? Is such a man following the stringent rule Christ gave commanding that he loves his wife like Christ loves the church? My point is, Nigerians can talk about submissiveness from today till tomorrow. If the average Nigerian male has not learnt to love his wife unconditionally like Christ loves the church, then total submissiveness on the part of the woman will forever remain an illusion and the divorce rate in Nigeria and amongst Nigerians along with domestic violence will continue to climb.
You have said it all, there can be no total submission from the woman without total Love from the Man, infact submission is as a result of love, when he loves you as much as Christ loved the church and he is willing to die for his wife, he is not rude or arrogant, he doesnt beat her or cheat on her, he does not keep records of wrong doing, he bares all her excesses and endures all her shortcomings then she is instructed to totally submit, because if he loves her the way Christ loves the church everything he does is in her interest.
Now the differences between submission and foolishness is submitting to a wife beater, cheat, arrogant, rude husband and a man who cannot endure anything, at the slightest excuse he looks for an opportunity to hurt you and make you cry. Its a two way rule, He Loves, she submits. God's ways are perfect
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by maryini(f): 4:05pm On Feb 27, 2012
@chiteny, ur reply is just how my future hubby will think! Some nigerian men are just too agressive when it comes to the matter of submission, I will find it hard to submit to a guy who lords over me and always brings up the topic of submission.
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by Jemibee: 5:19pm On Feb 27, 2012
My hubby would say : Obey and don't object (express ur feelings).

I pray i'm able to do that all my life.
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by modavi: 5:33pm On Feb 27, 2012
It takes the grace of God to be a submissive wife. And it also takes a mature God-fearing man to appreciate a submissive wife coz most men will just see her submissiveness as a avenue to use her like a rag. May God give us the grace to continue to be submissive no matter the circumstances.hmm,
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by skirmish: 5:55pm On Feb 27, 2012
Personally, I believe submission is relative. How do you subject yourself to a person whose judgement is not sound? How do you trust him to make decisions in the interest of the family, when more often than not, the reverse has been the case? What do you do when he insists, give in so that you are labelled "submissive"?

To me, marriage is a partnership, the wife complements the husband!
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by moHot(f): 6:15pm On Feb 27, 2012
dasparrow:

Here is my 2 cents. The bible commands the man to love his wife like Christ loves the church. The problem with most Nigerian marraiges is that the man does not do that. After all, if he did, we won't keep hearing stories of domestic violence, high rates of infidelity or men leaving their wives because she has not given birth to a male child. People forget that a wife being submissive and her husband loving her like Christ loves His church go hand in hand. Unfortunately, male-dominated Nigerian society is quick to talk about the submissiveness aspect while almost entirely never mentioning the part where Christ commands the man to love his wife unconditionally. Couples should strive to make each other happy. A happy wife who is loved so much by her husband will not hesitate to do anything for him and will submit to him without being constantly reminded or told.

However, what I see in alot of Nigerian marraiges is pathetic. How can a woman submit to a serial cheat who puts her life and health at risk for HIV/AIDS and other STDS? How can a woman submit to an abuser who abuses her physically, emotionally, and verbally? How can a woman submit to a man who treats her worse than an animal? Is such a man following the stringent rule Christ gave commanding that he loves his wife like Christ loves the church? My point is, Nigerians can talk about submissiveness from today till tomorrow. If the average Nigerian male has not learnt to love his wife unconditionally like Christ loves the church, then total submissiveness on the part of the woman will forever remain an illusion and the divorce rate in Nigeria and amongst Nigerians along with domestic violence will continue to climb.

OWSHEY!!! OWSHEY!!! wink wink wink wink kiss kiss kiss kiss kissvery well said man
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by ileobatojo: 6:16pm On Feb 27, 2012
skirmish:

Personally, I believe submission is relative. How do you subject yourself to a person whose judgement is not sound? How do you trust him to make decisions in the interest of the family, when more often than not, the reverse has been the case? What do you do when he insists, give in so that you are labelled "submissive"?

To me, marriage is a partnership, the wife complements the husband!

Ose o! If a man asks me to bring all my money so he can take it on a gambling trip must I submit?

That’s why I will always encourage single women to make marrying a person with sound judgment that you can trust and respect a priority! It’s just as important as all the other common reasons for getting married, ‘I love him’, 'he’s a good man’, 'I’m getting old’ etc. Many women end up with men they are more mature than and that they are better decision makers than!
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by Jay5000(m): 6:17pm On Feb 27, 2012
D bible didn't add all these clauses my 9ja sistas r cooking up o!!! grin It's "wives submit, , den men love, " No "if, , else" clauses o! grin
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by queensmith: 6:21pm On Feb 27, 2012
words cannot describe how much I hate the term. . .
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by kokoye(m): 6:24pm On Feb 27, 2012
Submission is a relative word and like respect, should be earned rather than demanded.

Men are egoistic by nature . . blame God and the 'system' that made it so.

When a man physically abuses a woman, we (all sexes) call him an animal.

When a man is physically abused by a woman, we laugh at the man.

yea, blame the 'system'

Submission does not mean you are dumb or weak. It means you are strong enough to let others be in control when necessary.

I keep quiet to prevent an argument from escalating. It does not mean I'm a punk.

word_for_the_wise
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by maryini(f): 6:25pm On Feb 27, 2012
@queensmith
LOL! me too, I hate hearing it angry
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by queensmith: 6:39pm On Feb 27, 2012
Thank God it's a shared sentiment, its the first time I've admitted to that fact out loud. Wouldn't want the bible thumpers on my head with their quotes.

The term is degrading, *shivers* submissive wife indeed.
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by pendo89(f): 6:44pm On Feb 27, 2012
Respecting your husband and vice versa.

Knowing your role as a woman and playing it well without trying to outshine your hubby. There's no competition in marriage only compliments.If anything, if he shines you shine as well.

That's how it's supposed to be,unfortunately many spouses leave their better halves behind as they strive to excel.

I cant think of anything more to add.
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by 4ward(m): 6:52pm On Feb 27, 2012
Being Submissive does not connote u ar silly or don't a d right 2 talk but for peace 2 rain.2.Its is scriptural for women to always submit to their Husband as the Head of d Family so try it u won't regret it
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by jmoore(m): 6:53pm On Feb 27, 2012
you submit to him because he is the head of the family.  To submit is not outdated, women who submit earn respect from their husbands. If you know nothing about marriage, please do not go into.
How can you choose some characters and leave out the rest  because you think it is outdated?
Re: What Does It Mean To Be A Submissive Wife. by skirmish: 7:14pm On Feb 27, 2012
ileobatojo:

Ose o! If a man asks me to bring all my money so he can take it on a gambling trip must I submit?

That’s why I will always encourage single women to make marrying a person with sound judgment that you can trust and respect a priority! It’s just as important as all the other common reasons for getting married, ‘I love him’, 'he’s a good man’, 'I’m getting old’ etc. Many women end up with men they are more mature than and that they are better decision makers than!

That is it!!!

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