nene1: People are really downplaying the power marriage has. Why do you think many wealthy Asian, Arab and white families like to marry among their own? Marriage is where families are built and they are the foundation of any society. Blacks always share the money with others. Wealthy blacks transfer their money to nonblacks through marriage. How many black families are there that have wealth lasting through generations?

Oh and one poster said whites don't care who their children marry? Really? With the exception of poor whites, you think elite white families like the Trumps, Johnson & Johnson, Ford, Rockefeller, the Royal family n England would not bat an eye if one of their children decides to marry a black person? Seriously? They would want their children to marry another wealthy WHITE person.

My thread just confirmed what I already knew. Many black folks are in denial. Yes, personal decisions do affect your community as a whole. Oh but wait, when did black men give a damn about the black community. It is no wonder why we are bottom of the barrel people.

And instead of attacking women like Oluchi, think to yourself first. Remeber the question I asked that the black men here conveniently dodged: HOW MANY BLACK MEN ON THEIR LEVEL WOULD CHOOSE TO MARRY WOMEN OF THEIR DARK COMPLEXIONS? Maybe it is only white men that are chasing them. How many black men would want Oluchi if given the options of the lighter skinned type women. Many black men on their economic level have the option of many different women due to their wealth.

It is physics or chemistry, don't know which one, ''like terms repel, unlike terms attract'', i am dark-skinned, but don't get atracted to dark skin men, love fairer guys, but, well!!!! got married to a dark-skinned man though.:\

nene1: If a black man of any economic status wants to marry any woman he wants, he can. Nobody is saying he can't, but you cannot deny the implications of certain things. If a black man wants to transfer his wealth and success to foreign people who wouldn't have given a damn about him anyway were it not for his money, then he can go ahead. Just don't complain about racism from them when you are overlooking your own women to be with them.

@ the poster who said that women are generally fairer. That is a moot point. There is barely much of a difference among skin tone between men and womenof the same race. You can find many black women that are darker than some black men and vice versa. Also, women use a lot of lightening and brightening creams that men don't use. Plus, even though worldwide wide men prefer fair skin, the difference between black men and other races is that those men prefer fair skin among their OWN women and they still marry their own women and don't put others above them.

I notice that many black men cannot date a nonblack woman without getting defensive about it or without giving a reason about something being wrong with black women. That shows there is a problem. They usually don't say I am with X woman b/c I love her fot this and that. No, it is usually b/c black women are this and that. I think there would be much less opposition from black women if black men could date whoever they wanted without insulting black women. This is the difference between them and men of other races. Whether they are with a woman of their own background or not, they rarely will insult them or disrespect them. I have seen many threads on here about other women and Nigerian men cannot say why they like those women without insulting Nigerian women. Many black men seem to choose a nonblack woman out of disdain for black women instead of just choosing that woman b/c she was the one they loved regardless of her race. You cannot deny that many black men put nonblack women on a pedestal and it seen as a status symbol to have one on their arm when they reach success. To them a black woman is not deserving to be his wife, mother of his children (many do not want dark kids), and a life of comfort. They claim we are gold diggers as if other woman do not want a man who can provide a life of comfort for them. Please.

Awwww, I am so touched. #Really

Seriously though your points are cute but not realistic, I now understand everything well.

Why is it not realistic maclatunji? WHAT is not realistic exactly? You failed explain that.

nene1: Why is it not realistic maclatunji? WHAT is not realistic exactly? You failed explain that.

Nene1, you can analyse, whine and complain all you want but at the end of the day marrying someone is a personal decision. Hence, people will still marry based on their personal choices- no matter how stupid those are.

Hence, your attempt to make most successful black men 'see reason' and marry black women is an exercise in futility.

You can try but it won't work. Nice attempt but as long as white women are willing to marry black men those marriages will always happen.

You can make your own personal choice, that is what it will be- personal. Don't worry, your very own successful black man will not pass you by. He will find you from amongst the crowd.

Lol...I am not on a mission to stop black men from marrying white women. I am jut bringing up this topic that I and everybody else in the world can see for discussion. I cannot control what people do. Also, your white princess will find you amongst the crowd as well no matter what I say so no need to worry either. Oh and I am not bent on only finding a black man. I am going to go for whoever makes me happy and gives me love and respect and all the other good qualities of a husband whether is is black or not. Being from the same background will only be a plus as it gives us more common ground, but it will not be a deciding factor. I don't have that thinking any more that I just have to marry a black man. I am open to having a non-black spouse and mixed kids. Black men don't make black women 1st choice for mates so why should I make black men 1st choice. . Most would not choose a black woman if they have the option other women. If I found a great black man I would happily marry him, but if he was not black, I would as well.

maclatunji:

Nene1, you can analyse, whine and complain all you want but at the end of the day marrying someone is a personal decision.

apples and oranges, like i said before.

those who cant see the forest for the trees, will marry for what you term "personal preferences" and nothing more. Others who see a wider picture, dont necessarily have to do the same.

Hence, people will still marry based on their personal choices- no matter how stupid those are.

most black guys (nigerians especially) seem to not understand these issues when they're being discussed. You just veer off tangent and cant think beyond your immediate gratification. Maybe one is expecting too much of you? I've been told I often do that ie expect people to get the big picture instantly.

Hence, your attempt to make most successful black men 'see reason' and marry black women is an exercise in futility.

where or how did you infer this from her posts? Seems you're projecting your personal mindset on her.

She is referring to the black community. You are referring to something else.

You can try but it won't work. Nice attempt but as long as white women are willing to marry black men those marriages will always happen.

is she preventing anyone from marrying who they want? And it would be nice if you stepped back and reread your statement for a moment, to see how it sounds.

You can make your own personal choice, that is what it will be- personal. Don't worry, your very own successful black man will not pass you by. He will find you from amongst the crowd.

apples and oranges.

so far, I havent inferred anything in her posts that suggests she started the thread based on the reasons above? Correct me if I'm wrong.



Seriously, I barely know the poster and its not that we havent had a clash or two, but i dont know who black guys want to discuss issues relating to black people, if you get antsy and distressed anytime a black woman brings it up. Are you trying to wipe yourselves out of existence, because i can believe that based on yall's attitude and mindsets. Are you thinking of the future at all?

^Tpia, na wa O. Since the black community is 'so caring' about whom I marry, the black community had better put its resources together and pay for my wedding to a black woman. After all, our combined 'wealth' is going back to them.

@Nene1, my 'white princess'? That was funny. Now, your saying that you will now go for any responsible man from any race because black men don't take you and your kind as their first choice has bitterness written all over it. Why are you bitter?

Look, let me be honest with you since personal inferences are being made. I don't go about dreaming of marrying a white woman but you have to understand that a woman is a woman irrespective of colour. So, if I find a good white woman ahead of black women and she loves me, let the black community educate their children and work hard instead of hating us for getting married.

Tpia@, which picture should I be looking at? That of myself or a group of poor 'black people' who might waste my 'wealth' if it ever gets to them.

Nene1 is feeling vulnerable and a trifle bit unloved. I understand why she posts but your own ehn, I am not sure about that.

Nene1, I am going to surprise you in a bit.

Since the black community is 'so caring' about whom I marry

you are again missing the point.

Tpia@, which picture should I be looking at? That of myself or a group of poor 'black people' who might waste my 'wealth' if it ever gets to them

smh.

but its your prerogative to feel that way.

much of africa is dependent on foreign aid in any case.

true, the poor people might waste the wealth so why bother.



I really only wanted to just browse the topic and nl, so let me try to go back to doing that.

^Maybe I am hopelessly missing the point, educate me please.

^^that's fine- let's simply agree to disagree.


at this point, i doubt there's anything that can be done anyway. Its just that sometimes someone has to point out these things before we all find ourselves trekking to libya.

tpia@:
^^that's fine- let's simply agree to disagree.


at this point, i doubt there's anything that can be done anyway. Its just that sometimes someone has to point out these things before we all find ourselves trekking to libya.

@bolded, if that is the case what are you doing outside Nigeria?

^^my being outside nigeria today doesnt mean i'll be outside nigeria tomorrow.

and please reread my post.

@ maclatunji


there is no problem oh! No be fight.

I just think the topic is an important one as per the black community and doesnt necessarily have to be derailed by

lefulefu-type issues.[not referring to you btw. Dont get me wrong].


i believe we all agree the black community has issues and wealth creation or generation is one of the tips of the iceberg.


abeg no vex oh!

for me to even post on nl isnt easy these days- your responses just got me interested in the thread that's all.

Would start by saying I see where both the poster and the likes of DK and Mac are coming from.

I do understand Dayo's point of view when he says that the poster is knowingly or unknowingly attributing the blame to the men alone. As he says it goes both ways. The rich and famous of both sexes are doing it so it is unfair to apportion the entire blame to one group.Your Whoopis &Paula Pattons of this world are doing it and the only reason why imo it seems more common amongst male celebs is that in proportion to their female counterparts, there are more Black Male celebs.

Now the poster hits the nail on its head with fact that it is more rampant amongst Blacks than any other race. I don't even think that's up for debate. And as she rightly pointed out,the case scenario of Senegal would never materialize in any european country. That issue is even more prevalent here in the UK where the ethnic population is not as large as in the U.S. Although one might put forward the socio economic factor as an arguement in that the higher up you move up in the socio economic ladder, the less likely you are likely to encounter a black face.Hence affecting your friends dynamic and the relationships you keep. Then again I'm not using that as an excuse. As someone earlier said I think it is personally up to the individual to choose their life partners.

tpia@:
@ maclatunji


there is no problem oh! No be fight.

I just think the topic is an important one as per the black community and doesnt necessarily have to be derailed by

lefulefu-type issues.[not referring to you btw. Dont get me wrong].


i believe we all agree the black community has issues and wealth creation or generation is one of the tips of the iceberg.


abeg no vex oh!

for me to even post on nl isnt easy these days- your responses just got me interested in the thread that's all.

I no vex!

@Chic2Pimp, are you are diplomat? You managed to agree with all of us without fully agreeing. The black community will grow when majority of us drop detrimental habits and mindsets.

I like people who think like Op does. things don't have to affect you on a personal level before you think of their impacts on the socioeconomic landscape.

But there's something about most African men that makes them go for the fairer ladies even when marrying within their race.

deols:

But there's something about most African men that makes them go for the fairer ladies even when marrying within their race.

Actually, there are several factors that may induce men in general to go for fairer ladies.
I was helping someone out with her psycology and media essay about the black male body and its portrayal over the past decades, including the colonial era.

The role of the media played a big role the defining the image of black people as in-organized and brute as opposed to the white people, especially white women as pure, innocent and intelligent.

Take for example the picture below;

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/ab/'Destroy_this_mad_brute'_WWI_propaganda_poster_(US_version).jpg/170px-'Destroy_this_mad_brute'_WWI_propaganda_poster_(US_version).jpg

It portrays an innocent white, helpless woman at the mercy of a brute 'black' animal

Now compare the physique and mannerism depicted of the black animal to that of Lebron James below;

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4006/4201732155_f86c996051_o.jpg

Notice the 'innocent', 'pure' image of the white lady.

Further more, the age-long concept of identifying blackness with Evil and whitness as pure has been systematically embedded into a lot of mind knowingly and unknowingly.

Angels for instance, are usually depicted as white people in white attires covered in admonition and glory, whilst most often the devil is depicted as a evil 'black' Ogre.

Another set Images that I found in a book by Robert Dyer, was that of the a movie re-enacting the war between the British and the Zulus.
The British regiments were shown to have organised their infantry in columns and rows and smartly dressed, whilst the Zulus were shown to be all over the place, unorganised, shabbily dressed with no sense of direction or authority.

There are more examples, I'm just feeling to lazy to write and think of it.

My point is, and this is just my personal opinion, this image of purity may seem to have appealed to the black male, consciously or unconsciously. This issues are very complicated and only the individual can give the reason why he may choose a partner of a different background in favour of his own race

dare2think: Further more, the age-long concept of identifying blackness with Evil and whitness as pure has been systematically embedded into a lot of mind knowingly and unknowingly.

Angels for instance, are usually depicted as white people in white attires covered in admonition and glory, whilst most often the devil is depicted as a evil 'black' Ogre.

Another set Images that I found in a book by Robert Dyer, was that of the a movie re-enacting the war between the British and the Zulus.
The British regiments were shown to have organised their infantry in columns and rows and smartly dressed, whilst the Zulus were shown to be all over the place, unorganised, shabbily dressed with no sense of direction or authority.

There are more examples, I'm just feeling to lazy to write and think of it.

My point is, and this is just my personal opinion, this image of purity may seem to have appealed to the black male, consciously or unconsciously. This issues are very complicated and only the individual can give the reason why he may choose a partner of a different background in favour of his own race

Inasmuch as I will not marry a white woman because she is white, I will also not refuse to marry a white woman just because she is white. Genetically speaking, it is not impossible for a white person to be more linked to a black man than a black man is linked to another black man. It is ironic that the percentage of the human genome that accounts for skin colour is quite small but it has a big effect on the way we think.

I think OP and those who support her point are on the verge of reverse-racism.

deols: I like people who think like Op does. things don't have to affect you on a personal level before you think of their impacts on the socioeconomic landscape.

I agree with the bolded. In Nene1's case, I insist that she is not 100% altruistic with are position, at least at the subconscious level. I am implying that at the very best, she is biased and does not realize it because her mischievous subconscious mind is at work. (Nene1, don't get angry; our subconscious minds are 30,000 times more powerful than the conscious part and do things that we don't realize for us).

deols: But there's something about most African men that makes them go for the fairer ladies even when marrying within their race.

Coming from you, that is interesting . Might I ask why most black women think darker men are in any way better than their lighter-skinned counterparts. Hence the term; 'tall, dark and handsome'. Why don't we have 'tall, light-skinned and handsome'?

Or are light-skinned men ugly?

maclatunji:

I no vex!

@Chic2Pimp, are you are diplomat? You managed to agree with all of us without fully agreeing. The black community will grow when majority of us drop detrimental habits and mindsets.

I try to say things as I see it. I think both sides made valid points that are indeed true. And I also clearly do not agree with some of the other points made. Btw I think you'll find the "Dark" in that phrase can also mean Dark Haired(not Blonde).

chic2pimp:

I try to say things as I see it. I think both sides made valid points that are indeed true. And I also clearly do not agree with some of the other points made. Btw I think you'll find the "Dark" in that phrase can also mean Dark Haired(not Blonde).

.

@bolded, yeah right. Stop being diplomatic already. I am not amused. Okay maybe I am bemused.

deols:
But there's something about most African men that makes them go for the fairer ladies even when marrying within their race.

Deols,

Have you noticed that Black women are generally fairer than men?

Even among siblings females are usually fairer than male


So if you even want to marry your own twin sister, you would still be accused of marrying a woman fairer than you

dayokanu:

Deols,

Have you noticed that Black women are generally fairer than men?

Even among siblings females are usually fairer than male


So if you even want to marry your own twin sister, you would still be accused of marrying a woman fairer than you

Eeeerm, I am fairer than my sister. Where did you get this theory from? Dayo don't we love our black women? We do, we just don't want them to think they can tie us down with all of this black emancipation #nonsense. The overwhelming majority of African Americans have white blood running in their vains.

Do you know how many Nigerians from the South-south that have white blood in their veins? Relics of the slave trade.

Some people are more white than they know.

Black, white, does it really matter? I am more interested in the thinking of the person rather than the colour of their skin.

Mac,

you might be fairer than your sister, But in most cases black Women are fairer than black men.

Look around your friends, family etc

Even subconsciously being dark has been linked to being masculine and fair guys are often seen as "weak" and effeminate

Genetically speaking, it is not impossible for a white person to be more linked to a black man than a black man is linked to another black man

you believe that crap

maclatunji:


I think OP and those who support her point are on the verge of reverse-racism.

you're entitled to your thoughts just as others are entitled to discuss the state of the black race.


I think if you're unable to leave out your sentiments and emotion when discussing the topic then maybe you should ignore the thread.

you should consider checking out romance and dating sections instead.

dayokanu:

Deols,

Have you noticed that Black women are generally fairer than men?

Even among siblings females are usually fairer than male
So if you even want to marry your own twin sister, you would still be accused of marrying a woman fairer than you

you keep making the same stupid argument.
females are only half a shade (or less) fairer than men on average. the difference is small and it's not considered significant nor noticeable.
look at this pic of a brother and sister pair for an example


For you to have weird ideas about female skin color, I am 100% sure that your mother and sisters must be bleaching their skin. I'm sorry about that.

^^ you are definitely a m0r0n

Looking at that picture you posted, if that boy marries the girl. Has he not married a fairer woman despite that they are from same parents

So how does this contradict my point that females are generally fairer than males?

tpia@:



you're entitled to your thoughts just as others are entitled to discuss the state of the black race.


I think if you're unable to leave out your sentiments and emotion when discussing the topic then maybe you should ignore the thread.

you should consider checking out romance and dating sections instead.

Tpia, don't come here and try to claim you are debating an advanced concept that is 'too high' for me to understand. The creator of this thread is suggesting a simplistic and totally unrealistic solution to the problems that face the black race and you are here telling me I am emotional.
Let us look at it:

1 am a black man, I somehow become successful and marry a black woman, we have kids that attend the best schools and are doing well. However, in our black community, we are seen as being aloof and haughty. Why? Because we refuse to live a life of conspicuous spending and don't throw money at people who have refused to define their goals in life and only want to drink, take drugs and have endless sex. Pray, tell me how will the black community benefit from any business I create when those who are capable of feeling the top positions are not black?

If you say that my points in the last paragraph are false, then who I marry will not matter because the opposite of what I described is a black community that is successful and not dependent on its successful individuals carrying the weight of the lazy and incompetent majority.

If you say that the black man is equal to every other race, then it is hypocritical to say that marrying from another race is detrimental to the 'black community.' Are we not equals with other races when it comes to marriage such that we have to 'protect ourselves' from what? 'Extinction'?

Seriously people, 'black emancipation' is not reliant on blacks marrying blacks but on blacks doing the hard work that is required to be successful.

Majority of Nigerians marry Nigerians, how has that helped to make us a 'World Power' that we are(not)?

I totally support Mc on this topic.