please i need your criticism without fear or favour.

I met a new friend and within few days it seems as if we have known each other for a very long time though it ha not been morethan few days old.

Before we knew whats happening, we were talking of each other' s past relationship and we delve into the present and i came to an understanding that she was confused in her present relationship.

I decided to surprise her and since it was a suprise, there was no need to consult her.

I sought advice from the floor by pasting her life problem in the room for you my room mates to give me an answer and then i told her to check the site to see what i pasted.

And when she did , she was not happy about it.she felt betrayed and was dissappointed in me, up to the point that she does not want anything with me including our friendship.

All apologies went on deaf ears.Now we don't talk again and even if we see on net, we don't communicate.

Now tell me, am i wrong or did i overstep my boundries in trying to help her because she was looking to get the advice from me but i did not want to butt in her relationship yet and i decided to seek your help. Please don't be biased. kill me if i messed up real bad and i will openly apologise on the net again with hope that she will see it.

Update: Here it is: https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-89963.0.html

You took what she told you in convidence and pasted it up here for public glare, you answer you're question.

Sometimes we try to help but we do it in the wrong way. No one wants their personal life to be a public discussion especially without their consent.

I hope she forgives you man.

Can you post a link to the thread in question? If you can do that, we'll be able to answer your question.

Fine you posted the problems on Nairaland for us to share (assuming) you changed her identity.
Wrong to ask her to read her life history. What she told you in confidence.

IMHO, you should have digested the best of the solutions provided and fed it back to her,
I bet she would even love you more abi na like you with such wonderful suggestions and solution,
and i assume to want to woo this babe from her present relationship - right?

You made a mistake discussing what she told you here.

Most times when I have problem with my girl and looking for advise on Nairaland I use: "A Friend of Mine Needs Help".

If you discuss your girl here you might not know the person on that computer reading your post.

You are the man try and tell her "sweet nonsense" to cajole her

I would feel betrayed if I told someone something personal in confidence, and they shared it online (even with good intentions), then told me to look at it. Why did you tell her to look, or tell her anything at all about you seeking advise here? You should have used the suggestions here as if they were your own, she need never know you discussed it online.

Wait a while for her to calm down, then you have to work to gain her trust back. Otherwise, let her go and put it down to a lesson learned for the future.

well you acted out of ignorance which she is supposed to understand, assumming you knew it will result into this,i beleive u wouldn#t have dared it. well  i know u didn#t use her real name on the post and her identity so she should just forgive u and u guys should forge ahead, that is not enough reason for her not to have anything to do with u ,if she truely loves you, let her forgive u atleast u have learnrd ur lesson.

wishing u all the best

@poster
U made no mistakes pasting the problem here if and only if u never mentioned her name and i'm sure u cant b that dumb 2 mention her name. So whats her problem, 2 me, its still a secret since non of us know her in person and may not even know what she's going through, besides, u were just trying 2 help out in good fate

Between,
isn't that what nairaland is meant 4, sharing real life situations so that we may all learn 4rm them and b wiser?

Posting the problem

IS HE CHEATING ON ME?

I AM DATING A GUY THAT I LOVE SO MUCH AND HE LOVES ME TOO BUT I JUST GOT TRANSFERED FROM LAGOS TO ANOTHER STATE WHICH IS FAR FROM MY LOVE.

NOW , I NOTICED THAT HE DOES NOT CALL ME LIKE HE USED TO AND WE DONT CHAT LIKE WE USED TO. I CALLED HIM AND I ACCOUSTED HIM AND HE TOLD ME THAT "IT IS JUST A PHASE. THAT ITS THE DISTANCE THAT IS AFFECTING US BUT THAT APART FROM THAT, WE ARE GOOD AND THAT NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO OUR RELATIONSHIP AND THAT AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE. THAT ITS 2 OF US FOREVER"

I AM THE ONLY PERSON HE HAS EVER TAKEN TO SEE HIS PARENTS. I AM SCARED AND I DONT WANT TO LOOSE HIM BUT IFIF ITS NOT GOD'S WILL NO PROBLEM.

PLEASE NAIRA FRIENDS, THIS IS A REQUEST FROM ONE OF US AND SHE IS IN NEED OF OUR ADVICE. IS THE GUY CHEATING ON HER OR IS IT HER MIND PLAYING GAMES WITH HER OR IS IT AS THE GUY SAID, THAT THEY R GOING THROUGH A PHASE. WHAT IS UR ANSWER?

i was only trying to help and i never had an intention to go out with her. we were just good friends.

if i wanted to go out with her, i wont be looking for your help to advice her instead i can cook up something to smear the guy but instead i dont want to be biased and for that i chose u guys and girls to help in making her realise the truth.

but i guess u r right, roomates, i should not have pasted it. i guess i messed up big time.

U see what i mean, u never messed up guy,
u never mentioned her name,
and nobody knows who she is,
why the beef then?

the beef is simple,
you shouldnt hae told her to come see it

she wont seen her name not being there
as she reads , she will se her imaginay name
and seem as if you are just exposing her,

you shdnt have shown her this

I think you messed by presenting it as a suprise.  Why could you
not ask her first to see whether she wanted it posted on a chatroom
seeing as the issues are rather personal anyway.

I think you messed, even though your intentions were good.

WATS WRONG WITH ALL OF UR GUY PRETENDING 2 BE TO HOLY AND GOOD,.
HE ONLY DID THAT COS HE WANTS 2 KNOW WAT PEOPLE THINK BOUT HER CASE
HE DIDNT GIVE OUT HER  IDENTITY, HE ONLY DID IT CAUSE HE CARES BOUT HER.

TO U THE SENDER TRY 2 TALK 2 UR FRIEND, LET HER KNOW U DIDNT IT COS U WANTED 2 HELP HER .

@ Poster

Personally I value my privacy and would not want any details of my private challenges published online especially when some people's response can be very harsh: to abuse the person or pass derogatory remarks. She probably felt the whole world knows it her you wrote about. Another thing she may have friend on nairaland who could have guessed its her of even her boyfriend? How much help do you think that would have given her. She was feeling a bit insecure and vulnerable and needed a friend to listen and not necessarily a solution from you. You have broken her trust and I doubt you can speak sweet words to sort this out as she never got the chance to really know you and is in love with someone else. I hope it works out for you but please remember sometimes women (maybe men) speak to you to get it off their chest and clear their head to make a decision, at times like that just listen.

@vindoheney,

The good thing is that you now know one of her dislikes.

Is she the same one who wants you to choose between her and your female friends? Hope she hasn't seen your vacancy too?

When was the last time u bought her some gifts? I think she's indirectly asking for some.

BTW, I can't find the thread where you supposedly posted your story. Are you sure it's on nairaland?

@Engee2

Its not a question of holiness or otherwise, the guy asked
our opinion we are giving it.

I still think he should have told her before posting the question on
the forum.  You may not know her name and all, but am sure
when she reads all these opinions she feels as if the whole
world knows it is her, which is why she is not happy.

@poster

right or wrong is relative and it depends most times on the person looking at it

since the case was about ur lady friend and she found what you did offensive, then you need to apologise to her and let her understand that what you did was without malicious intent and you only wanted to help by seeking varied and diverse opinion from third parties.

it is amazing how people can dispassionately see solutions to a problem when they are not directly involved and that is the benefit of putting something like that up in a forum like this.

explain all that to her and really make her realise you would not have done it if you knew she was going to be annoyed

NAIRALAND, is a place where you can find solution
to riddles,miseries of life,opportunity etc
so for bringing the problem for nairalander:s suggestion is
good but not informing the said lady, that is where you
got it wrong.
and for coming back to the same NAIRALAND
for judgement and prosecution, that shows you
believe in us.
so here comes my judgement,
young man you are wrong for discusing her private life
in public without her consent

jendordino:

NAIRALAND, is a place where you can find solution
to riddles,miseries of life,opportunity etc
so for bringing the problem for nairalander:s suggestion is
good but not informing the said lady, that is where you
got it wrong.
and for coming back to the same NAIRALAND
for judgement and prosecution, that shows you
believe in us.
so here comes my judgement,
young man you are wrong for discusing her private life
in public without her consent

That is so so true!
Weather you called her name or not, it was her problem, not yours, so you owed it to her to get her consent before talking about it.

The land has persecuted and given judgment.

you have a right to appeal.

i guess there is nothing else to say am guilty. i have accepted and am not going to appeal.

i also believe that this has thought me a lesson, it is not everbody that should be helped , some just need u to listen to them.

well, since i have been found guilty,what am i to do to make amends?

vindoheney or what ever your name is ,

DO YOU THINK IF SHE WANTED IT ON YAHOO! SHE DOESNT KNOW WHERE NAIRALAND IS?
YOU ERRED BY TELLING HERE YOU PUT IT THERE, AS A GUY MAN YOU SHUD HAVE GONE BACK WITH THE RESPONSE FROM THE HOUSE AND MAKE HER BELIEVE ITS FROM YOU, MAY BE SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN SO IMPRESSED TO JILT HER PRESENT GUY FOR YOU, BUT YOU DON ALOW WATER PASS GARRI

nope u aint wrong!!. . buh shouldnt have showed her!

You must have been too vocal for her likening. Most women don't like men discussing them in public! They want things done privately and expect you as a man to handle things amicably without others interference! . Sorry, It happened that way, I pray God touches her to have a re-think. And next time, if at all you're going to discuss such issue with the house, you've got not to involve her, knowing her personality. _{We women are different.}

and who knows?? Someone's post must have had it hard on her??

u should've asked for her consent before going on to post her problerms. She's justified for not wanting ur frienship anymore

how could you have done that? Even on Nairaland of all places?

Oh no, u were wrong man, I'm a new member tho. & this kinda thing shouldn't be the welcome address I get. It's me Georgee the symbol of "G". When a lady confides in u, never let it known to even ur left hand. The moment u do that, u loose ur respect man, but if that is not the case then u add to ur respect, they add to ur respect and that means more feather to ur cap and once u assure them of ur ability to keep secrets it dosen't mean u want to step into that guy's shoes who dosen't handle his biz like a man, watch it man. GEORGE FROM WARRI

people sha. this is the net, nobody knows her. abeg let her go, she is over reacting. what about people that go to prayer meetings and give prayer request on behave of others without consent. the whole point is this, if they don't know u, your privacy is not infringed upon. people write books of other people's lives, as long as there is no direct info given such as true names, and true physical address etc there is nothing to worry about. una too dey do.


FYI: one reason why people are so bold online is because u don't really know them. u can have a male put female as his gender on his profile with someone's else pic. how can u prove it otherwise if u don't have a webcam chat, and that may still be compromise.

I still don't know which thread you're talking about.

phewwwwwwwwww,u blew it meynnnnnn
u shldnt have xposed her shit like dat.
BUT AINT NO PROBLEM DAT DOESNT HAVE A SOLUTION.infact solution come before da problem is been manufactured.

b da prodigal guy,beg even it will tyke u to kickin and screaming but beg.she will definately listen except if she is da devil herself.
 wish ya shit da best of luck but it aint gonna be easy.