@All...Read your views so far,and took a bit here and there,i will have that talk with her..

pele mr Jay, Sh..t happens sometimes.
This was your fault right from day 1, i cant imagine going to bed with my wife in someone else's house even if i were so mad at her. At least beg her home first then both of you can vex for each other in the 4 corners of your bedroom.

My brother, the milk has been spilled and i understand you will always look at that woman differently. Imagine having to picture your woman under your best friend, probably giving him the suggestive moans you thought was once sacred to your ears only. Chai... pele dear.

forgive her and forget. Banish your "friend" to the dustbin of history.

Jay Alex: 2yrs ago my wife and i had an issue@home,i had to pay the yearly rent and had to get an operation for a torn ligament,the cost of both was almost same..I do not like to be embarrassed about my responsibilities so i decided to pay the rent and work for a few months and save for the operation,since it wasn't dire.My wife wouldn't have non of it,she insisted i get the operation first and from a mild argument,we really started having problems,we barely talked and she really wouldn't see reasons.So i did what i had to do pay the rent so i'd maintain the cordial relationship and mutual repect i and my landlord shared,since i wasn't feeling much pain or pressure from the knee.3weeks after my wife refused to pay our daughters school fees,which she took care and instead bought a new set of kitchen cabinet,she said that's what's important.That's when we had the big falling out..i was angry and furious and shouted on her,when i came back she and my daughter had gone to my best friend's house.I went there took my little girl and left her with my friend and his wife..after 4weeks she moved back in by then parents and relations had set in(the one thing i hate).4months later i got the operation,and since then we'v been good,best friends like always..a week ago my friend said he had something to tell me that's burdened his heart for so long,one he felt he owed me as a friend,[b]i listened and after many starts he said he had 'touched' my wife while she held up with them,categorically they didn't sleep together,but then twice he said they were in each other..[/b]i left and havent said anything to him yet and my amiable wife never thot it wise to tell me all these while! The two people i love and trust apparently betrayed me..what do i do with my wife? Where do i start with her?

Jay Alex: @All...Read your views so far,and took a bit here and there,i will have that talk with her..

Yeah, you definitely need to have that talk to know what "he touched" your wife meant. Your explanation did not throw light on things properly. You said that he touched your wife but did not sleep with her and that twice they were in each other--------(each other's what?? Is it each other's arm? You left the sentence incomplete and hanging). Were they in each other's arms? If they were that may or may not fully entail expression of s-e-x-ual love as your wife may have allowed him to take her into his arms out of her unhappy state of mind over your marriage and your friend on the other hand may not or may have gone weak at that moment as to touch her etc. The fact that they did not sleep together seems to be suggesting that your wife is loyal to you if and only if she didn't engage in a s-e-xual embrace with him-------the truth lies with your wife.

How on earth did your friend and especially his wife put up with someone's wife in their house that long? Okay he was your friend and she sought solace in their house at the moment stuffs happened, after some days there without your reconciliation she should have left that place.

Are there more to your friend's confession than met the eye, why did he come confessing? Is it really his conscience or does he have ulterior motives? All these are for you to find out.

All in all you have to know how to contain this as if not properly handled can affect two marriages. It may hurt your friend's wife if she hears that. Your wife's rep may suffer if your friend's wife decides to take it up with her on hearing it. It's effect on your own marriage has already started so find out the truth and handle things right. In my opinion your wife is still loyal to you if she resisted whatever feelings that got stirred up in her when she was touched (in whatever manner your friend meant). Her unhappy state of mind might have led her into the arms of another man yet her love/loyalty led her out before she could fall to the temptation of adultery.

maclatunji: Knacking my head on the wall on your behalf. Honestly, I don't know what to say. However, one thing I know for sure is that I will not tolerate my wife sleeping in another man's house outside her immediate family members except in extreme case that I cannot control.

True!

dare2think:

1. Inform her parents that they should get ready for another wedding, because their daughter is about to get married to my friend

2. Tell my foolish friend to come and get the rest of his 2nd wife's stuff in the house.


Jokes aside, if not that the friend had ulterior motives from the onset, a good friend would make her return to her husband's house that very night with the except if she had been abused by the husband.

The last part of your post, makes the most sense!

coogar:

an eye for an eye. . . .
get busy and "touch" your friend's wife too.

Nah! Not right...

chaircover: This is what stupid ego and pride does in relationships

4 whole weeks over a silly argument. Both of you need to be flogged

Shebi you went and took your daughter; showing that the duaghter is more important to you than your wife. Koburu.

Dont blame your friend o! you people did not arrange your home and he helped you to arrange it for you. if the wall does not have a gap, how can a wall gecko get inside?

Sir, call your wife have a long heart to heart with her, forgive each other, learn ALL the lessons from the incident and move on.

As for your friend I dont need to tell you to keep a 100 mile distance between him and your family. Its not by force to keep friends!

Are u married?

Jay Alex: 2yrs ago my wife and i had an issue@home,i had to pay the yearly rent and had to get an operation for a torn ligament,the cost of both was almost same..I do not like to be embarrassed about my responsibilities so i decided to pay the rent and work for a few months and save for the operation,since it wasn't dire.My wife wouldn't have non of it,she insisted i get the operation first and from a mild argument,we really started having problems,we barely talked and she really wouldn't see reasons.So i did what i had to do pay the rent so i'd maintain the cordial relationship and mutual repect i and my landlord shared,since i wasn't feeling much pain or pressure from the knee.3weeks after my wife refused to pay our daughters school fees,which she took care and instead bought a new set of kitchen cabinet,she said that's what's important.That's when we had the big falling out..i was angry and furious and shouted on her,when i came back she and my daughter had gone to my best friend's house.I went there took my little girl and left her with my friend and his wife..after 4weeks she moved back in by then parents and relations had set in(the one thing i hate).4months later i got the operation,and since then we'v been good,best friends like always..a week ago my friend said he had something to tell me that's burdened his heart for so long,one he felt he owed me as a friend,i listened and after many starts he said he had 'touched' my wife while she held up with them,categorically they didn't sleep together,but then twice he said they were in each other..i left and havent said anything to him yet and my amiable wife never thot it wise to tell me all these while! The two people i love and trust apparently betrayed me..what do i do with my wife? Where do i start with her?

@poster Your freind was honest in telling you, which isnt bad, but now you feel very bad.so i will say it was a bad idea your freind telling you this, coz now he has stylishly fixed a hole with un-determined depth in u nd ur wifes friendship.
Meanwhile we are human nd cnt be perfect, nt women r dumbs and acts only on the present, the present situation as at then might v made her loose her guard uncocnsciously. If i were you take your time very well with this news at heart, continue your relationship with your wife as if you never heard a thing, if you can do that for a month, then you can handle whats is to come when you confront her, if you cant, the family is on its way to hit olumo rock, Be a man, look beyond what she has done especialy if this is her 1st, forgive your freind, but never forget. And dats been a man.
All d best

l wish l can hear from ur wife b4 l draw my conclusion.
u said she pack out of d house, r u sure u didnt ask her 2 leave?
l cant say much about her, less l hear frm her.
but as 4 ur friend.stay away from him.he obviously wantd 2 break ur home
so he can take ur wife aftawards.
he's got no conscience

@Op kick her out,simple as.All this talk about forgiveness won't fly.You will always have that picture of your close pal and your missus doing stuff you can't even begin to contemplate.I know this for a fact.My 2 cents anyways

first, i hav to blame you for keeping your yam in custody of a goat. Definitely, ur wife has to feel ur absence, both physically and emotionally(being lonely in another couple's house for 4weeks).
2. Your friend has definitely betrayed ur trust, though was remorseful enuf to spit it out.
3. Empty your grieviance by approaching your wife with a view of resolving it instead of wrecking your home and involving others.
4. Forgive all and move on with precaution.

Hello, it happened twice and she was still there until parents and relations intervened. First is a mistake, but twice........
And the friend didn't think to send her back when it happened??
Common, all are adults, who are we kidding. Abeg

well all i have to say is that it was not their first time of being in each other and your wife only used the squabble u had with her to try and legitimise her illigit acts thats the reason she has not told you cos she dosnt feel any iota of guilt.

Your friend has freed his conscience just forgive him and take him as just any other friend and make him understand that you have nothing against him,but keep him at arms length especially from ur daughter.

for your daughter take her for a DNA test to know whether she is yours or your friends.

As for your wife ,she remains your wife but i believe u married the wrong woman

End of marriage.
If she feels kitchen cabinet is more important than daughter's school fees, she should never be called a mother. She feels she could share her husbands friend in d mans house, probably under d roof where d wife lays, she is a silent killer, just watch 4 a bullet.

Jay Alex: ....i listened and after many starts he said he had 'touched' my wife while she held up with them,categorically they didn't sleep together,but then twice he said they were in each other..i left and havent said anything to him yet and my amiable wife never thot it wise to tell me all these while! The two people i love and trust apparently betrayed me..what do i do with my wife? Where do i start with her?

In one breath you say your friend said he 'touched' your wife, but they didn't sleep together, and then twice they were in each other. Leave all this corner corner talk and stop glorifying these acts with unnecessary euphemisms. Let us know if they actually phucked. Did they phuck? So we can better advice you.

bounce her

Comments here are nothing short of amazing

angelz: l wish l can hear from ur wife b4 l draw my conclusion.
u said she pack out of d house, r u sure u didnt ask her 2 leave?
. . .

davidylan: pele mr Jay, Sh..t happens sometimes.
This was your fault right from day 1, i cant imagine going to bed with my wife in someone else's house even if i were so mad at her. At least beg her home first then both of you can vex for each other in the 4 corners of your bedroom.

chaircover:
Actually it is ego and pride on both sides;

You for not bringing your whole family back the moment you realised that she had packed out and her for even staying that long away from her matrimonal home.

How was the OP supposed to have brought back home an unwilling adult woman - by a presidential order or should he have used a lasso?

what a friendly friend! He meant; 'I touched your wife; give her the boot so I can add her to my list.

Dialogue still remains the best option in settling any problem... Just call your wife and discuss things with her and be willing to say sorry every time in the relationship.. U know the woman u married morethan anybody..

Jay Alex: 2yrs ago my wife and i had an issue@home,i had to pay the yearly rent and had to get an operation for a torn ligament,the cost of both was almost same..I do not like to be embarrassed about my responsibilities so i decided to pay the rent and work for a few months and save for the operation,since it wasn't dire.My wife wouldn't have non of it,she insisted i get the operation first and from a mild argument,we really started having problems,we barely talked and she really wouldn't see reasons.So i did what i had to do pay the rent so i'd maintain the cordial relationship and mutual repect i and my landlord shared,since i wasn't feeling much pain or pressure from the knee.3weeks after my wife refused to pay our daughters school fees,which she took care and instead bought a new set of kitchen cabinet,she said that's what's important.That's when we had the big falling out..i was angry and furious and shouted on her,when i came back she and my daughter had gone to my best friend's house.I went there took my little girl and left her with my friend and his wife..after 4weeks she moved back in by then parents and relations had set in(the one thing i hate).4months later i got the operation,and since then we'v been good,best friends like always..a week ago my friend said he had something to tell me that's burdened his heart for so long,one he felt he owed me as a friend,i listened and after many starts he said he had 'touched' my wife while she held up with them,categorically they didn't sleep together,but then twice he said they were in each other..i left and havent said anything to him yet and my amiable wife never thot it wise to tell me all these while! The two people i love and trust apparently betrayed me..what do i do with my wife? Where do i start with her?

[b]

Jay Alex: 2yrs ago my wife and i had an issue@home,i had to pay the yearly rent and had to get an operation for a torn ligament,the cost of both was almost same..I do not like to be embarrassed about my responsibilities so i decided to pay the rent and work for a few months and save for the operation,since it wasn't dire.My wife wouldn't have non of it,she insisted i get the operation first and from a mild argument,we really started having problems,we barely talked and she really wouldn't see reasons.So i did what i had to do pay the rent so i'd maintain the cordial relationship and mutual repect i and my landlord shared,since i wasn't feeling much pain or pressure from the knee.3weeks after my wife refused to pay our daughters school fees,which she took care and instead bought a new set of kitchen cabinet,she said that's what's important.That's when we had the big falling out..i was angry and furious and shouted on her,when i came back she and my daughter had gone to my best friend's house.I went there took my little girl and left her with my friend and his wife..after 4weeks she moved back in by then parents and relations had set in(the one thing i hate).4months later i got the operation,and since then we'v been good,best friends like always..a week ago my friend said he had something to tell me that's burdened his heart for so long,one he felt he owed me as a friend,i listened and after many starts he said he had 'touched' my wife while she held up with them,categorically they didn't sleep together,but then twice he said they were in each other..i left and havent said anything to him yet and my amiable wife never thot it wise to tell me all these while! The two people i love and trust apparently betrayed me..what do i do with my wife? Where do i start with her?

[/b]

Jay Alex: 2yrs ago my wife and i had an issue@home,i had to pay the yearly rent and had to get an operation for a torn ligament,the cost of both was almost same..I do not like to be embarrassed about my responsibilities so i decided to pay the rent and work for a few months and save for the operation,since it wasn't dire.My wife wouldn't have non of it,she insisted i get the operation first and from a mild argument,we really started having problems,we barely talked and she really wouldn't see reasons.So i did what i had to do pay the rent so i'd maintain the cordial relationship and mutual repect i and my landlord shared,since i wasn't feeling much pain or pressure from the knee.3weeks after my wife refused to pay our daughters school fees,which she took care and instead bought a new set of kitchen cabinet,she said that's what's important.That's when we had the big falling out..i was angry and furious and shouted on her,when i came back she and my daughter had gone to my best friend's house.I went there took my little girl and left her with my friend and his wife..after 4weeks she moved back in by then parents and relations had set in(the one thing i hate).4months later i got the operation,and since then we'v been good,best friends like always..a week ago my friend said he had something to tell me that's burdened his heart for so long,one he felt he owed me as a friend,i listened and after many starts he said he had 'touched' my wife while she held up with them,categorically they didn't sleep together,but then twice he said they were in each other..i left and havent said anything to him yet and my amiable wife never thot it wise to tell me all these while! The two people i love and trust apparently betrayed me..what do i do with my wife? Where do i start with her?

You need to determine what exactly was/were touched. Was he talking about momentary/causal body contact or deliberate handling of the body parts. The case might simply be a momentary body contact such that happens when you hug/embrace. Find out what exactly happened and the number of times. Then you can decide where the matter goea from there

Dialogue still remains the best option in settling any problem... Just call your wife and discuss things with her and be willing to apologise and forgive anytime in your marital life.. U know the woman u married morethan anybody..

azpekuliar:

In one breath you say your friend said he 'touched' your wife, but they didn't sleep together, and then twice they were in each other. Leave all this corner corner talk and stop glorifying these acts with unnecessary euphemisms. Let us know us if they actually phucked. Did they phuck? so we can better advice you.

Highly likely or they came really close,maybe a head or 69.Judging from the op's demeanour,it aint hard to tell

Bros,i guess,this is a payback time,this is your friend of several years,definitely you were together during seeking days(you know what i mean?),i may be wrong.

My good Friend, Looking at your post and question...it's obvious you're a man of reason. A fact that both your wife and friend has taken advantage of. However, i see that there's more to the matter than you're willing to let out. Your main concern is your wife being 'touched'. Paying your house rate first before a non life threatening surgery won't cause a problem if all is well in the first place. There has been a long simmering problem you're refusing to acknowledge. Beacuse of this simmering problem, your wife has lost respect for you.

If you're still in denial, ask your wife first what aspect of you that depresses her the most...this could be a starting point before....you ask her what actually transpired or is still happening between her and your so-called friend.

Whether you understand and forgive or flare up is entirelly in your hands...somehow i have no fear that you'd come to the right descision.

Believe me, i can imagine your pain....ignorance is a bliss they say, but i think some of us can handle the truth. Be courageous and fellow your judgement.

niceprof: well all i have to say is that it was not their first time of being in each other and your wife only used the squabble u had with her to try and legitimise her illigit acts thats the reason she has not told you cos she dosnt feel any iota of guilt.

Your friend has freed his conscience just forgive him and take him as just any other friend and make him understand that you have nothing against him,but keep him at arms length especially from ur daughter.

for your daughter take her for a DNA test to know whether she is yours or your friends.

As for your wife ,she remains your wife but i believe u married the wrong woman

it is for that reason i wrote tht he should send the woman away.period.

Stuff happened twice. Friend didn't send her home nor did she return herself. She continued for 4 whole weeks & would've stayed longer if husband didn't involve family members!
All 4 weeks, friend didn't do much to make her return home. Argument didn't even warranted leaving the house in the first place, there was no physical abuse & it wasn't the first in the marriage! Mum's scale of preference was KITCHEN CABINET over daughter's school fees! I feel like I'm listening to a story with CLEAR INTENTIONS from the onset! Who's deceiving who? Why are y'all acting like this was all a mistake rather than an exposition of a 'tired to hide' affair? I.e if only it wasn't the first time. Anyway, @OP, use your head! Only you know where it pinches. We can but say anything because you asked us. Pray for wisdom & handle it the way it will never bug you after any action you take, the rest of us can't be you. Peace!

Something tells me the man is telling you this either because your wife is refusing his advances for another "being Into" now and he fears she might tell you or he is an agent of destruction. Because its not in his position to make such confession to u especially now your family is restored. Please avoid him like Egyptian plague. That your friend is wicked in all areas. After "touching" ur wife he now comes up to tell u. What a wicked man. Well you already have the knowledge, discuss it with your wife first. if she agrees to it then you are in the best position to decide your next action. Don't forgive because people said you should only to make your marriage more miserable. Search your heart and decides what makes you happy.

First n foremost, ur wife is immaturely stoopid 4 choosin 2 stay @ ur best frnd's crib,if she didn't wanna do family, doesn't she v frnds or 'best' frnd since she is lookin 4 'best'? Besides der r oda intelligent ways 2 get bak @ u if dat's wat she intended. Secondly, ur 'best' frnd is an arse 4 doin wat e did. It cud b e told u abot it 2 spite u or e was indeed remorseful, u kno ur 'best' frnd beta. Thirdly, my advice. Too bad u married, wud v told u 2 dumb both sorry arses but 'l toe d line of others, v a TALK wit her n let her kno/rmba U r d MAN. Wat impudence!!!

The only logical conclusion is that reached by you after days of reflection and reconsideration. I wish you the best.

Bawss1: Comments here are nothing short of amazing








How was the OP supposed to have brought back home an unwilling adult woman - by a presidential order or should he have used a lasso?

Smh, so why is he the head of his house if he cannot put his house in place. So if u were in this poster's shoes, you'd have done the same.

I hope you don't intend to get married with this weak mentality of yours, cos before you know it, you'll be the 'wife' in your marriage.

@Op, I honestly don't know why your friend decided to spill it now. I'm almost certain it has nothing to do with his conscience pricking him.

That being said, your wife and friend both lack morals for trying to 'touch' each other just because an opportunity presented itself.

All this issue of forgiveness, forgiveness. What if the man decides not to forgive? He's within his right. He didn't marry his wife for another man to shine her Congo. If she has any evidence that the man cheats too, she also can decide not to forgive.

How do you know that she didn't use the arguement to go to be near the family "friend" she already wanted to nyansh all along?

One reason people do all kinds of things these days is that when caught, they can always blame the devil and "repent".

If the "friend" had not confessed and by chance HIV is diagnosed in both OP & wife (heaven forbid), every body will blame the man for it and automtically assume his wife is an angel.

We should seriously review our wholesale embrace of foreign religion before our family unit becomes non-existent.