almondjoy:


Dear college students, please graduate first, get married, stay married first, then come back and tell us about reading emails oh?

davidylan:


This attitude of "be prepared for the worst" . . . will not be my own portion in marriage.

almondjoy:

Sure, go and get married first and then come back and tell us how truthful you can be. Some here cannot even keep one boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse and you are here talking about lies. You guys are really dreamers.

Please ask your parents how they survived so long without splitting. I am sure some have seen worse things than e-mails!

There are "sex, lies and videotapes" in every marriage. The ability to overcome those things make the marriage successful--so wait for your turns please and come back to Nairaland and post your experiences. Till then, just concentrate on graduating and landing your first meaningful job. The journey is far so rest well.

davidylan:

i'm not comfortable with this seemingly nonchallant attitude to marriage. I don't want to believe that my attitude to my wife's privacy should be "i just don't care" . . . i cared enough to have married her and promised to spend the rest of my life with her eh.


I wouldnt be demanding for my wife's password, i expect that she should be able to give it to me if i shld ever need it for purposes different from me wanting to snoop on her.
I shld trust my wife to be enough to give her privacy, i shld also trust her enough to know that she will never keep anything away from me.

This attitude of "be prepared for the worst" . . . will not be my own portion in marriage. The bible tells me to love my wife as Christ loves the chruch, i don't think Christ ever told the church "i just don't care".

omoge:

hehehehe

Iseeeeeee, amin

why keep email from your better half if one does not have something fishy? do they still get email from that paddy?

RichyBlacK:

The way I see it is this. When some people have seen so many marriages crumble (very common in the "home of the brave", they start to "arm" themselves for any eventualities in their own marriage. The trust is superficial at best, non-existent at worst, and the marriage reduces to "doing time" in some big house in, say, Dallas TX. When the alarm blows, the arsenals amassed will then be deployed. Many marriages have become some sort of armistice.

RichyBlacK:

That is what Hollywood wants you to believe - that all humans are dishonest, liars, cheats, and need therapy and/or rehab.

Good old traditional marriages, like those of our parents and grand-parents still exist, no matter how hard Hollywood wants you to believe otherwise.

almondjoy:

What I mean by I don't care is that--If a man does feels he does not want to be with me anymore--he needs to feel free.  Please read between the lines.  You do not need e-mails to tell you your marriage is over.

It is not a "nonchalant" attitude.  It is a way of letting you know that if you ever plan to get married, you should also plan to split--since the odds are 50/50 in the world now.  If you must be a good cook--you must have scars to show for those years you spent in the kitchen.  Experience will come to you, so be patient and stop reading too much romantic novels.

I am sure everyone who went into marriage had a "wishful portion" too. Not necessarily what they got. So who is to say what "that portion" will be.  All I am saying is be realistic and play your cards right.

davidylan:

lol trust me, the last time i indulged in romantic novels was a decade ago. i'm not going into marriage planning to split, i may as well save myself the trouble and adopt kids.
its funny how

"being realistic" is now synonymous with expecting only the negative.

almondjoy:

Who ever went into a marriage to split? People change and things change davidylan and you cannot control those. You can only do your part. You can never control people no matter how many e-mail revelations you can dig up.

It is not being negative--it is being wise about what you see happen around you and so you can be better prepared if such should be your "portion".

almondjoy:

your screen name will still be active on Nairaland in about 5 years abi? Just come back and let us know how body!

almondjoy:

Who ever went into a marriage to split? People change and things change davidylan and you cannot control those. You can only do your part. You can never control people no matter how many e-mail revelations you can dig up.

It is not being negative--it is being wise about what you see happen around you and so you can be better prepared if such should be your "portion".

Your screen name will still be active on Nairaland in about 5 years abi? Just come back and let us know how body!

almondjoy:

No long talk now. I say go and come back and let us know---no be for mouth oh! Please how many of you are paying your own fees without help from parents, government or "sugars". You will be in a better position to appreciate picking battles worth fighting for if you land your first job and successfully pay mortgages without foreclosures in the first year of rental or ownership.

almondjoy:

Please come back and report to us. Keep snooping around "current" girlfriends' and boyfriends' e-mails looking for stuff. A no blame una. When una no get any body to ask you for "cereal and nintendo". I say una no get work.

aloib:

hmmm, 3 of my friends have my mail passwords, my sister knows the passowrd i use to all my accounts,
why shuld i hide my email password from my husband,
depends on the person though, as far as i'm concerned, i wont be foolish enough to marry someone i don't trust or someone who wants to pocknose into everythn,
no big deal in people aving your passwords,

davidylan:


lol anyone reading your repostes would be tempted to think you started paying for your milk and bottle the day you were born. You didnt become married the day you were born, you went through periods where you were reliant on others too so please allow us to go through our own moments without forever reminding us that you pay your mortgage without foreclosures.

It gets boring listening to stuff like this every minute.


You are not the first person to get married. We have seen married couples, we have lived with many, we have shared experiences with our married friends, colleagues and family members. One thing i know, marriage is not a bed of roses, it is not the the bed of thorns that you describe it either.

davidylan:

@ almondjoy, i quite get your point. Even as an unmarried fellow sef there are times when i used to feel stiffled just having an ex hanging around or calling too frequently.

I believe i'll cross that bridge when i get there. I havent formed a set-in-stone idea of whether i'd like to share every single thing in my marriage or not but as at present . . .

i can only see advantages of being completely open and honest with your partner.

almondjoy:



Still on topic--good for you.  Please give your password to your pastor and all your husband's relatives too.   Why is it important to you that this your whole "village" should have your password? What exactly is the thrill here?

I no send!!!!!!

almondjoy:



No ves sir! --it does not have to be a personal matter.  I am not saying I am the first to get married.  Just advising that before anyone discusses matters of marriage, one should be careful not to take certain things for granted you have not experienced yet.  You really have no authority to do so.

I no send!!!!!!

almondjoy:


All I am saying is that leave all these ideologies and when you get married come back and let us compare notes.   If you notice here all who have worn those shoes, advocate the need for privacy in any relationship--especially marriage. Do you think they are mad?  Then single students constantly in "valentine" mood will come and be telling us about "having no privacy" in marriage and the need to share e-mails to show the world that we have nothing to hide.  The reality of it all is that by the time you have lived a successful marriage--you will have had too many skeletons in your cupboard that the cupboard will eventually fall apart.

Please when you have lived successfully in the same house for about 2 years without killing yourselves over whose turn it is to take out the thrash, then talk about sharing e-mail passwords.  Most of you cannot even spend your weekend sleep over sessions without escaping for a breath of fresh air and you are talking of "no need for privacy" and living the ideal life of dreams in your mind.


I no send!!!!!!

almondjoy:



Yes oh!  I have a lot to hide--so I can never share my e-mails with anybody.  Totally off limits.  And if you snoop--you do so at your own risk--just talk to your pastor about it not to me, since you got what you asked for.


I no send!!!!!!

hmmm,  3 of my friends have my mail passwords, my sister knows the passowrd i use to all my accounts,
why shuld i hide my email password from my husband,
depends on the person though,  as far as i'm concerned, i wont be foolish enough to marry someone i don't trust or someone who wants to pocknose into everythn,
no big deal in people aving your passwords,  

bolajibaok:

@davidonly
why do u hate women so much ? how could u hate honeys as sweet as them?
besides r u here to date any of em? , someone said u just lost your chance for a potential date, potential indeed, lol

to all the girls , your boy does not need to ask u for your password , havent yall heard about password sniffers,password revealer and password spectators, u think people cannot hack passwords , besides your passwords are all over internet sites and username databases , u guys are very funny!

aloib:

it all depends on ure relationship wid the person, i knw what my friends can do and knw which ones would read my mails, even if my best friends shuld read them no harm done, the last thing they would even do is blackmail me if we end our friendship, trust them to bits