Hello all, im 30 and my fiance is 32. we have been dating for over 5yrs now, to get a job was so difficult for both of us if not we would have been married by now with one or two kids. i got a job early last year which earns me 75k per month and i have responsibilities too as im currently undergoing my masters program and im sponsoring myself through school and i still assist at home sometimes. my fiance just got a job early this year and hes pay is 55k. i just found out that im 1 month pregnant and im not thinking of abortion at all. the problem is; we dont have up to 200,000naira in savings but we were planning on working on making it up to 400k between now and two months time to carry out a low key traditional and court wedding only. i will feel terrible moving around with a big tummy and no sign of wedlock, at work, church, anywhere i go,etc. i dont like d idea and so does my fiance. we cant afford a church wedding now as it will be too costly considering d time frame. my mum has said that none of her kids will marry without doing a church wedding as it makes d marriage look incomplete though i haven't told her about the pregnancy yet. is it really true that if one weds without doing church wedding it doesn't make it complete? though am a christain but how important is really a church wedding?

Tlk 2 ur mum

inspirenet: Tlk 2 ur mum

Talking to her is not really my main concern here, i want to know, is white wedding very very important? will our traditional and court be considered as incomplete without doing a white wedding? so that if it means looking for where to borrow funds to carry out the white aswell we will begin to work out plans for that. although theres a pending debt of 200k on our hands right now that we havent cleared but its not that pressing. we can take care of that anytime. i just need advices on that, should we go ahead and look for where to borrow to do both white and trad or just carry on with d low key trad and court as our money fit reach us?

Obviously,you/mum got no other option. Church wedding's great but since there's no money¿ Just Give life to your baby and forget what jerks have to say.

kay.cee:
looking for where to borrow funds to carry out the white aswell we will begin to work out plans for that. although theres a pending debt of 200k on our hands right now that we havent cleared but its not that pressing. we can take care of that anytime. i just need advices on that, should we go ahead and look for where to borrow to do both white and trad or just carry on

he who goes a-borrowing, goes a-sorrowing

D important tin is 2 be legaly married,nt some show off..do d tradtnal n regstry..or u tel ur mum 2 do d white wedin 4 u instead...cm 2 tink of it,ope u both can take care of dat child wen it comes?

There is ALWAYS something you guys can make up. Don't abort it because of shame, just go ahead and do what you guys can afford.
Regarding your mum, unfortunately it could no longer work that way because of the situation at hand. The mistake has been made already,
just hold your heart to fight the societal frown, go through the traditional, and for the court wedding, it costs very little.
Since you guys planned to get eventually married and are ripe for it,CARRY GO.

However, this doesn't mean i am in support of intimacy before marriage. This is the only a remedy to your present predicament.

For the singles out there, abstainance is the only way that makes sence.

Happy married life in advance!

Are you kidding me? This is not even a question to ask... White wedding is not part of our culture...traditional and civil are just fine. Your mum is not gonna make you marriage work. And a church wedding is not bulletproof that it will work either. Big splash wedding at church is a one day thing...Marriage itself is after that day you step out of church. I would rather save that 200K I need for the wedding to take care of the baby. Your mum will get over it.

@poster Church wedding is gud so far u meet the condition. But as ur case is it wil b gud u do court and d traditional.But both of u can see ur pastor for prayers. He wil understand. Give dat baby a chance.

kay.cee:
Hello all, im 30 and my fiance is 32. we have been dating for over 5yrs now, to get a job was so difficult for both of us if not we would have been married by now with one or two kids. i got a job early last year which earns me 75k per month and i have responsibilities too as im currently undergoing my masters program and im sponsoring myself through school and i still assist at home sometimes. my fiance just got a job early this year and hes pay is 55k. i just found out that im 1 month pregnant and im not thinking of abortion at all. the problem is; we dont have up to 200,000naira in savings but we were planning on working on making it up to 400k between now and two months time to carry out a low key traditional and court wedding only. i will feel terrible moving around with a big tummy and no sign of wedlock, at work, church, anywhere i go,etc. i dont like d idea and so does my fiance. we cant afford a church wedding now as it will be too costly considering d time frame. my mum has said that none of her kids will marry without doing a church wedding as it makes d marriage look incomplete though i haven't told her about the pregnancy yet. is it really true that if one weds without doing church wedding it doesn't make it complete? though am a christain but how important is really a church wedding?

Church wedding is simply having your marriage blessed in the church in front of witnesses ,yes we all would like kate and william's royal wedding but right now my dear your priority now is not reception of any kind, just package yourself with your man to your church and ask the pastor/priest whoever to bless ur union.Then march to the nearest registry and sign the papers.There is not one way of getting married some people have kids then get married and vice versa.
My friend invited me for their court wedding and after they signed the papers, the wedding party, 12 of us were invited to a pizza place where we all had pizza and called it a day, bottom line is they are married .

Children are not cheap oh,dont forget hospital bills, rent nko? wont you eat so that the child will be healthy? when the child is born nko your expenses will triple the wise thing is to save whatever money you have right now for later you will definitely need it and there's no guarantee that help will come from anywhere.

The absolute worst thing you can do is to borrow money to get married , dont do it

You can afford the church wedding if you remove food and drinks etc from the list. Few members of the family to be present

Just arrange a modest marriage.

i also used to have that idea that without a church wedding, the wedding is incomplete but i don't think its actually true, its just our mindset. Afterall in bible days there was nothing like that.

Is it by force to do (white) wedding? And again don't you know that you will get pregnant when you were fornicating with your so called fiancee? Ok maybe we should contribute money for you...

OP, refer to Obi's advice. Go to court on thursday, do your marriage (I dont really know the cost but its not expensive). Do your traditional on friday(Low key) and go for marriage blessing (Its better since you are already pregnant).

There is no need to shy away from who you have become.
The best option for you is to brace up yourself and do a very low key marriage.

Then you both start savong for the extra mouth that has been concieved.

Don't borrow money for church wedding,especially now that u r pregnant. what u need do is traditional and then court registry. u can take ur family, close friends to an eatry for drinks and snacks.

What matters most is not a church wedding, but your faithfulness and happiness. Church wedding can come whenever you can afford it. Don't borrow for church wedding.

By all means go ahead with your traditional and court wedding. You can have a pastor come and pray during your traditional wedding. You can even read your vows and exchange rings during the registry or traditional wedding.

[color=#006600]@ op, i would suggest u have a very low key wedding i.e just registry, Considering your age u are not getting younger, if you think of an abortion now its risky for you and may reduce your chances of getting pregnant when you think you have the money. what ever savings you have now kindly keep it for the upkeep of your baby, You can have a big wedding when u have money, i have a friend who just re married his wife after 5yrs just because he has money working for an oil company, my dear please do not do what you will later regret, just because you want to avoid what people would say. Consider the unborn child as a source of Joy, hope , wealth, good health and all the good things of life.

The civil and traditional wedding are both recognised so you should do that and be happy. The church wedding can be done anytime later if that's what your mum wants.
Hell tell your mum to put down the funds for the church wedding if she is so eager for one

church marriage is just ceremonial. go for trad n court, then do ur thanksgiving in d church.
if ur mother refuses, tell her u already had a dream dat u died from an abortion, (she will shout "I reject it in Jesus name")
so u aint planning to abort d pregnancy.
I can bet, she will adjust.

What are we adults for if at 30, we are still seeking people's approval? Will getting married make you love your kid more? You want to get married for yourself and not for the kid. You never even mentioned of how you want to create a loving and safe environment to grow you children, just of you don't want to be looked down on by families and strangers.

Goodluck!

michelin89: What are we adults for if at 30, we are still seeking people's approval? Will getting married make you love your kid more? You want to get married for yourself and not for the kid. You never even mentioned of how you want to create a loving and safe environment to grow you children, just of you don't want to be looked down on by families and strangers.

Goodluck!

I honestly wonder too.. the baby u are about to give birth to, should come first. Then be content with Registry and traditional marraige, until later in through the years , when you and your husband is more financially strong, then u can organize your dream white wedding, if u still wish to.

^^^

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michelin89: What are we adults for if at 30, we are still seeking people's approval? Will getting married make you love your kid more? You want to get married for yourself and not for the kid. You never even mentioned of how you want to create a loving and safe environment to grow you children, just of you don't want to be looked down on by families and strangers.

Goodluck!

No mind dem!u can have ur baby and do d fuckin wedding later. .abi u no really want ur guy. . .dis fuckin ancient naija mentality sef!