chaircover:

Youve started again abi? I see that nothing has changed & I Was expecting you to show up here sniffing around anyway, anytime a certain person posts

Well as for me guess what!! I am just going to ignore you as usual. So you can highlight, lowlight, shout, yell, use bold font 64 red or neon Green, but as far as I am concerned you remain where you always were . . . nowhere! So go back and read reverse psychology 101 all over again

Enjoy the rest of your evening Now that is sarcasm

awoloto: There has been no infidelity,when i say he knows i wont leave him, i mean that he knows my views about children having to be brought up in broken homes. I was a product of that too, and its not plesant at all. yes theres a lot that is not being said, but i have been a dutiful caring wife and wonderful mother to my four children.

he is simply nasty and abusive towards me, and reduces me to tears on a daily basis.

agiboma: @ op my heart really goes out to you cause i been in your shoes. I know there are some things you left out in your original post, but ill comment on what you have shared. Look, at the end of the day no body can tell you to go or stay. Its a decision you got to make. If you decide to stay look for ways you can survive in the marriage. Like doing your hair, reading books, playing internet poker etc. Try to find a hobby or a job if you dont have one. Also are you still interested in sharing intamacy with your husband?
Even after five years it still possible to get it back if you are wanting to go their with him again. You mentioned getting a boyfriend well when i was in your shoes i wanted to do the same thing, but i realised that it would solve nothing and i had to work on the heart of the problem to repair my marriage. I did this by communicating more with my husband and fighting less. I also started my own business and wow that was a major turning point for us, my husband began to see everything differently and he has changed. Your hubby can also change if its what you want, you just got to work on it, but first you need to work on you. Its not doing your kids any good seeing mommy sad all the time.When i was going through my difficult time i was also sad, but i recovered and found ways of making myself happy, i became my true source of joy and was not looking towards my husband for anything emotional, thats how i regained my sanity and was able to put my house back in order. Look OP you can do it too! Today my home is differnt my hubby is a wonderful father to our son that loves him dearly. Just a few days ago he told me ?you gave me a beautiful son, i did not see it before, but i see it now". I smiled and said thank you. But in my mond im thinking our son is 2 years old and you are just seeing it now. What im trying to say is that it takes some men time to realise and appreciate what they got in their home. No circumstance in marriage cannot be worked out with communication IMO.
Are you in Nigeria? Divorce with 4 kids in Nigeria is not easy!!!!! Especially if you are divorcing looking for love. If you divorcing to have your fun and not look for something serious then thats more realistic in Nigeria. Their are many men that would have you as a girlfriend, but i dont think you will find one to marry you with 4 children in this Nigeria, sorry to say. So before you leave look at the realities of your circumstances and environment.
OP what ever you decide to do, good luck

awoloto: i am married with four children, and to a man who clearly does not love me or care about me. i am 38, but dont wont to leave the marriage because of the affect it will have on my four children , the oldest being ten years old.
the marriage has broken down completely and i am living in depression, and hopelessness. i am very unhappy. he knows this but it doesnt bother him. he wants to remain married to me,i am constantly in tears over his attitude and uncaring nature towards me.
what do i do , pls advise me. i wanted to be loved , but i know it will never be by him. That is a closed chapter.
Do i stay in the marriage and date another, or do i continue to suffer. we have not had intercourse for over five years. is this life?
i have just moved to lagos and have only a few friends.i really advice.
please give me your views on this.

agiboma: @ op my heart really goes out to you cause i been in your shoes. I know there are some things you left out in your original post, but ill comment on what you have shared. Look, at the end of the day no body can tell you to go or stay. Its a decision you got to make. If you decide to stay look for ways you can survive in the marriage. Like doing your hair, reading books, playing internet poker etc. Try to find a hobby or a job if you dont have one. Also are you still interested in sharing intamacy with your husband?
Even after five years it still possible to get it back if you are wanting to go their with him again. You mentioned getting a boyfriend well when i was in your shoes i wanted to do the same thing, but i realised that it would solve nothing and i had to work on the heart of the problem to repair my marriage. I did this by communicating more with my husband and fighting less. I also started my own business and wow that was a major turning point for us, my husband began to see everything differently and he has changed. Your hubby can also change if its what you want, you just got to work on it, but first you need to work on you. Its not doing your kids any good seeing mommy sad all the time.When i was going through my difficult time i was also sad, but i recovered and found ways of making myself happy, i became my true source of joy and was not looking towards my husband for anything emotional, thats how i regained my sanity and was able to put my house back in order. Look OP you can do it too! Today my home is differnt my hubby is a wonderful father to our son that loves him dearly. Just a few days ago he told me ?you gave me a beautiful son, i did not see it before, but i see it now". I smiled and said thank you. But in my mond im thinking our son is 2 years old and you are just seeing it now. What im trying to say is that it takes some men time to realise and appreciate what they got in their home. No circumstance in marriage cannot be worked out with communication IMO.
Are you in Nigeria? Divorce with 4 kids in Nigeria is not easy!!!!! Especially if you are divorcing looking for love. If you divorcing to have your fun and not look for something serious then thats more realistic in Nigeria. Their are many men that would have you as a girlfriend, but i dont think you will find one to marry you with 4 children in this Nigeria, sorry to say. So before you leave look at the realities of your circumstances and environment.
OP what ever you decide to do, good luck

chaircover: @awoloto it seems that my question offended you and so I apologize for that

awoloto: I

coogar:
if he's not had sex for 5 yrs then he's definitely fucking someone else.
i don't think any healthy man would remain celibate in marriage unless he wallows in erectile
dysfunction....

that said, you need to put more sparks in your marriage. you said you are constantly in tears
over his attitude and uncaring nature towards you? what is his attitude? does he beat you?
does he womanize? what exactly irks you about him?

for the sake of your children, stay in your marriage. there are willing females out there ready to take over.

denitro: Something must have driven the man to that extreme.

awoloto: Marriage! no way thats out of the question, i will happily remain single . I am not looking to get married again at all. yes i live in Lagos, and i am fully aware that no guy will look at my type(four kids).
i will happily remain single, as for intimacy, no, i have passsed that stage now and am very indifferent to it, i know i dont really want to cheat so , its not an option for me.i married a man who right from the start was never really interested in being intimate anyway,and had a very low sex drive, so its never been an issue for him.
thanks for the advise, agboma i will ponder over all you have said.
I have a good job, and am doing well for myself, so i am not idle, i also have a large supportive family.
Ijust have to continue to hold on to God for now, just dont know how long i can hold on for.

chaircover:

4 kids in 5 years.

Did you have twins or triplets?

chaircover: @awoloto it seems that my question offended you and so I apologize for that

awoloto: I am married with four children to a man who clearly does not love me or care about me.
I am 38, but don't wont to leave the marriage because of the affect it will have on my four children , the oldest being ten years old.

The marriage has broken down completely and i am living in depression, and hopelessness. I am very unhappy, he knows this but it doesn't bother him. he wants to remain married to me,i am constantly in tears over his attitude and uncaring nature towards me.

What do i do ? please advise me.

I wanted to be loved , but i know it will never be by him. That is a closed chapter.

Do i stay in the marriage and date another, or do i continue to suffer. We have not had intercourse for over five years. Is this life?

I have just moved to Lagos and have only a few friends. I really need advice.

Please give me your views on this.