I could make so much more money writing if I just told people what they wanted to hear. I already know I’m going to get into trouble for writing this, so why am I doing it?

I have this compulsion to tell the truth, or at least the truth as I see it, even to my detriment. And the truth is that there are a lot of cultural trends in society that are making people miserable and it’s obvious.
Not picking on him, but Tom Kuegler posted this Tweet the other day:
Let’s stop the false belief that you need to swear away porn, drinking, sugar, Netflix, and god forbid anything else that gives life a little fucking flavor in order to be successful.

I mean, I agree with the sentiment. But it’s not as if most people just dabble in these a little bit and stop just before the point these activities make them start to hate themselves. No, a bunch of people in society are run by these habits. Programmed. It probably is a good idea to swear them off for a while and get your shit together if I’m being honest.
There’s just this growing culture that nobody should be judged. We should all get to do whatever we want and suffer zero consequences from it. It’s a nice utopian sort of thought. But like all utopian concepts, it only works in theory, not in practice.
Do what you want to do. But if you engage parts of this list too much you’ll probably end up hating yourself to varying degrees.

Watching Porn
“A little porn doesn’t hurt.” Sure, I’ll grant you that. But how many people watch just a little bit of porn? It’s a major issue, especially for men.
Constantly ejaculating into your own hand from watching videos and images of other people having sex on a screen isn’t be good for your confidence, self-esteem, sex drive, any of it. Imagine a kid with a smartphone at age 11 with unlimited access to porn while going through the most tumultuous time in their genetic development. That can’t be good.

Having a never-ending stream of dopamine hits isn’t good for your brain either. I’ve had that experience watching porn — suffering from the paradox of choice with my dick in my hand. Too many videos to choose from for the ‘ending.’
Excessive porn use and masturbation have been linked to erectile dysfunction. It’s been linked to anxiety and depression. Clearly, it can cause issues in marriages and relationships. And a lot of men use it as a scapegoat to cope with the fact they don’t think they measure up with women in the real world.

Read the rest here: https://medium.com/publishous/stop-doing-these-things-theyre-making-you-hate-yourself-265096530275

These time-tested rules are often overlooked.

You have likely consumed an enormous amount of content on this topic perhaps looking for the magic formula to more riches than some dare to dream. I suspect that after reading all the books, articles and carefully listening to the podcasts and interviews of truly successful people you have also, like me, come to the inescapable realization that there is no magic lamp to rub when it comes to creating real wealth.
Though there is no lamp to make stupendous wealth magically appear, there are some basic rules to follow. These rules are time-tested universal truths of real wealth creation and you can apply them in your unique situation, on any scale and they will work for you.
These are sacrosanct, timeless rules proclaimed by countless successful, moneyed individuals who dutifully observe them to great success. They are, therefore, the golden rules which, you should take to heart too if you wish to tread a similar path and make your dreams come true.

The rules

The most important rule is: knowing where not to venture into. Like those get-rich-quick schemes that promise you fantastic gains. The smart ones resist the urge to jump into these schemes. Rather, they invest in reliable and growing ventures that will ensure a steady return even if the amount is not as fantastic as the get-rich-quick schemes.
They know that those schemes are designed to enrich their creators and operators, not the gullible ‘investor’. And as correctly observed by Larry Burkett ultimately force you into 3 fatal errors:
-you get involved with things you do not understand;
-you risk funds you cannot afford to lose, and
-you also make hasty decisions.

Before you venture into a business, familiarize yourself intimately with any risks or pitfalls that you may encounter. This is not to say successful people don’t take risks. On the contrary, they have to. After all, you cannot win if you do not play.
However, they are always prepared and they approach such risks after careful planning and preparation.
“You don’t climb mountains without a team, you don’t climb mountains without being fit, you don’t climb mountains without being prepared and you don’t climb mountains without balancing the risks and rewards. And you never climb a mountain on accident — it has to be intentional.” -Mark Udall

The next rule mandates that you seek out people with actual expertise, experience, and accomplishments in the field. This is of the utmost importance for any type of venture you have decided to be invested in. If you take advice from just anyone you are very likely setting yourself up for a fall.
“Gold clingeth to the protection of the cautious owner who invests it under the advice of men wise in its handling.” -George S. Clason

Read the rest here: https://medium.com/an-idea/5-easily-observable-rules-of-creating-wealth-5ea06f1b8022

The Short Guide To Dealing With Difficult People
Four golden rules for more peace of mind.

Difficult people can be a drag, and they come in a variety. They can be self-centered, controlling, mean, passive, perfectionists…or your boss. You know them by how they affect you, but these simple rules help in dealing with them for happier, more productive living.

1. First, know thyself and what irritates thee:
This knowledge enables emotional distancing, so it’s harder to push your buttons. Therefore, understand what exasperates you, and know that some attitudes you find challenging may not even register with others.

2. Explain thyself:
I always let them know where I’m coming from in case they see me as problematic, and their attitudes are merely reactionary. Communication can bridge gaps and resolve impasses.

3. Understand ye, them:
This is so you navigate them better because trying to change attitudes can lead to resentment. It can also be frustrating and distracting, especially when time is critical. Don’t lose sight of your goals.

4. Avoid their toxicity lest they infect thee:
If all else fails, keep your distance and/or establish buffers. Ignoring them works too if the interaction isn’t necessary.
Obs’rve these rules and thee shall has’t peace of mind.


https://medium.com/@timdahi60

What follows are the 3 sure signs that she really loves you and wants it to work. And by ‘love’ here, I mean genuine love, not the euphoric head over heels love that typically characterizes a phase of romantic relationships.

She understands and accepts you for who you are:

This is the most essential and healthy sign of genuine real-world love. It lets you know that she is really interested in you as you are and not some romanticized/fantasized version of a partner, and she sees you as a real person and not just some object to be admired.

You should, however, know that nothing stops people who accept you as you are from wanting or encouraging you to be a better version of yourself. So, the fact that she nonetheless tries to push you to be better does not mean her acceptance isn’t genuine.

Like in everything else there is always room for improvement, and if someone cares enough to encourage you to begin the journey into becoming the best version of you, then there is a good chance she will also be patient and supportive as you undertake your journey.

Acceptance and understanding also bestow on your significant other the ability to lift you up whenever you are down because they can easily brighten your day instantly with just the right words because they know what makes you tick.

This is the point where you take a breath and thank your lucky stars that you have found someone who accepts you for who you are despite your flaws. You should return some of that acceptance and understanding. And is it not ironic that the acceptance of the flaws you may have been worried about, now help you realize your significant other really cares about you?

She cares about how you feel:

If she is someone who always follows through on her promises to you and also takes the trouble to explain when she can’t, then she really cares about how you feel. People who love you will always care about how you feel.

This is can be reinforced by empathy. Empathy is found at the heart of enduring relationships. Therefore, real love usually involves some degree of empathy. Its presence always enhances the positive ways you react to each other’s feelings. Empathy also guards against excessive hurtful criticism that can corrode the very foundations of a relationship and other inappropriate reactions to certain situations. Empathy makes it impossible for partners to turn a blind eye to each other’s struggles.
Contd: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/3-sure-signs-that-tell-you-she-genuinely-loves-you/

this beautiful piece gave me some clarity on this question:...Forgiving can be difficult
It’s not just you. Forgiving can be hard to do, and then sometimes it may need to be repeated. Though you have every right to feel the way you do after being hurt, you still need to but recognize the value forgiveness holds for you. This makes it easier to forgive.

Forgiveness means more for you
Forgiveness does more for you than for those it is for because even though you have released them form the responsibility of their actions, they still have to live with their memory or shame.
https://medium.com/afwp/do-we-still-forgive-even-when-they-are-not-sorry-c03beab0a92

besofast:
Stop Calling it “Garri”, Check Out What it is Rightly Called.

5.    Kuli -Kuli (Peanut bars).

Kuli- Kuli is another popular meal or local snack that is commonly made in the northern part of Nigeria. It can be eaten alone or can be combined with beverages, its real name is peanut bars.
SOURCE: https://naijacampusjams.com/stop-calling-it-garri-check-out-what-it-is-rightly-called/

are these bars

calculation:

Alright, I understand you better.
NB Your Vehicle share part with Toyota Matrix, Corolla but may need programming.
Your factory vehicle ECM Number is 19204480.
Also am giving you picture sample of the ECM. Incase you are unable to see the exact Number, call me.(My schedule is tight but try your Luck)

Thanks a million. At least now we confirm before they install it.

calculation:

Pls am trying to give you best suggestion, because I feel that your own part number may be difficult to source ( I may be wrong).
Also this service is FREE., so help me so that I can help you. If you feel uncomfortable let me know.

It's not that.
Its just that before the last guy got to the ecu, i saw he had to remove the glove compartment (pigeon hole) then unscrew it....and i cant do that myself to give you that info.

calculation:

Provide the ECU part number of the one installed there. I will reply accordingly at night.

Why all this running around?

calculation:


VEHICLE DETAILS
Make Pontiac
Model Vibe
Year 2006
Style/Body HATCHBACK 4-DR
Engine 1.8L L4 DOHC 16V
Transmission 4-Speed Automatic
Driveline AWD

Sir, your issue need further questioning and explanation. So let start with what happen to your initial Brain Box ( ECU)?
N.B : Your Brain Box Number is already avaialble, but I need some info from you so that the part number that will be provide can be source easily in the market.

I want to but the car from a friend who says the ecu was bad and he replaced it. But now it does hard start and drinks fuel like mad.
Another electrician says we need to buy a ecu with the right part number.

calculation:



UPDATE
Your VIN is invalid. Check the number again.
N.B : I hope your Vehicle VIN was not the Clone VIN type

Sorry, the error was mine. It is:
5Y2SM65846Z411419

calculation:

I will update you at night. Am seriously busy with December round up

alright, thanks.

morning,
@calculation please help with the right brainbox for 5y3sm65846z411419
thanks a million

My client needs a tokunbo 2006 crv or a very clean, no-fault Nigerian used. Delivery in Kaduna.

9jabox:


what year please and any additional features like thumbstart, auto-manual transmission etc.?

2006 up, auto or manual,

We looking for an avensis verso. What's the best price for tokunbo or a very clean registered?

When bad things happen how you respond makes a world of difference.

By Tim Dahi

Have you ever had one of those times when you think you have followed all the rules, took all the right steps, ticked all the right boxes but it just didn’t click? Or when everything that can go wrong does go wrong? I have. I have also come to realize that there are so many things beyond my control that planning for every eventuality is humanly impossible and sometimes even futile.

This does not mean that we leave everything to chance or fate, rather after doing all we can, the best way we can to ensure a good outcome in any situation, accept it that when bad things go wrong it is not necessarily a result of some lapse on our part. Sometimes bad things can just happen because they can.

We do, however, have some influence over what happens in our lives so sometimes we may have to take some of the blame. Things can go awry due to some of our own actions (or inaction). For instance, If you find yourself going from one bad relationship to another it could be that you allow your emotions to overwhelm your thinking. Perhaps you always let your emotional need for relationships to be so great that you disarm your own natural instinct to protect yourself just serve that need, and it will be up to you to break that cycle.

A Unique Perspective

One unique perspective my friend, Samir gave me that I find quite intriguing is that every bad or good thing happens to serve as a test of character. When a bad thing happens, it is a test you pass by patience and perseverance. This will in turn build your endurance to weather the next storm. And there will always be other storms.

On the other hand, when the good happens, it is a test that you pass by exhibiting humility, and a willingness to use your good fortune to better the lives of those that are less fortunate.

My friend, however, agrees that being humble does not mean that you cannot relish or celebrate your accomplishments or good.fortune. Samir believes all this because he believes all man will one day be held accountable for his deeds and misdeeds in good times and in times of adversity.

How You Can Respond When Bad Things Happen
"In the final analysis, the questions of why bad things happen to good people transmutes itself into some very different questions, no longer asking why something happened, but asking how we will respond, what we intend to do now that it happened." -Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

1. You Can Think Positive
You can always choose how you react to adversity, and having a mental attitude that is geared towards finding favorable outcomes even in dire circumstances or the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles in one of such ways. By definition thinking positively entails focusing the mind affirmatively on the constructive aspects of a situation thereby eliminating negative or destructive attitudes or emotions.
Negative feelings are however not to be merely ignored. You will still need to deal with such feelings like hurt, anger, or disappointment, evaluate your situation in the clearest manner possible, then make the choice to move forward in the most effective and productive manner possible in the circumstances. Do this while being confident in your ability to find a solution.
What is more, a lot of health benefits come with positive thinking. Positive thinkers have increased life span, lower rates of depression, better overall psychological and cardiovascular health, and coping skills during hardships.

2. You Should Have A Healthy Dose Of Optimism:
"By being optimistic we can find opportunity in adversity and take actions that our pessimistic friends wouldn’t bother to take. In turn, we create new opportunities for ourselves.” -Margie Warrel- Stop Playing Safe

When I deal with by situations optimism helps but I pay very close attention to the dosage.

Optimists generally assume everything will work in the end. While this is usually an admirable trait, when taken to extremes it can prime us to constantly overlook or minimize the gravity of bad situations and our need to take action. A balance is therefore essential.

Again, studies show that optimism is linked to healthy behaviors and healthier ways of coping with life challenges and as a result, you live longer.

3. You can focus On The Good That Is Also Happening:
Sometimes just need to look a little more closely to see that it may not be all bad. Overlooking all the good things that are also happening to you while focusing only on the bad is what is known in psychology as filtering. Thinking through a mental filter causes you to focus only on the negative aspects of your life ignoring all the agreeable and fulfilling aspects. So the more you filter out the positive the more it looks like everything bad is always happening to you, that the world is conspiring against you. Stop. The world isn’t out to get you.
Rather than ignoring the positives thoughts of your situation, you should also focus on them. As you begin to do this eventually the positive will come to the fore. A good way to escape this negative outlook is to exercise matching every negative thought about a situation with a positive one.
[B]
to read the complete story via friends link:[/B]

https://medium.com/@timdahi60/why-bad-things-happen-and-6-ways-you-should-respond-90557f9d0fcd?source=friends_link&sk=3857d3df743389e0c835f875ba71eeaa

jorion:


AUNTY, NO ONE CARES ABOUT WHO BLAK WOMEN DATE. STATISTICS SHOWS THAT BLACK MEN ARE HOT CAKES AND ARE TWICE MORE LIKELY TO DATE OUTSIDE THEIR RACE.

there you go!
those stats feel very right

ha! blackmen don't cry they're too busy dreaming about white women.

"He who fears he shall suffer, already suffers because he fears” – Michel de Montaigne.

This pandemic has made us all very afraid. The invisible virus that has been stalking the land is leaving suffering and death in its wake. It has shut down cities, countries even. It has strained relationships, making strangers out of friends, and ensuring strangers remain strangers.

This plague has brought us all to grips with our own mortality that we are too scared to do the one thing that makes us alive, living. The authorities now discourage living the hitherto normal and all the things that make us who we were. I also get a sense that they discourage hope under the guise of being realistic. Perhaps they fear that hope will make us reckless but it is in these uncertain times that we need hope most of all; infinite, stubborn hope.

Those not infected are still not completely immune from the effects of this plague. I have not been to work in many weeks. The regular get-togethers I so much cherished with friends and family were we got to enjoy each other’s actual company is now a no-go. Before you say, video chat, I will tell you it is not really the same thing for me.

Life wasn’t perfect before Covid-19 but we lived it best as we could. A distinct sense of dread now constantly lingers in the atmosphere. The designated vulnerable class among us is always contemplating a fate that is best imagined. The fear pandemic has made some of us so “Covid-phobic” that they are avoiding hospitals altogether which has in turn led to an unfortunate rise in incidents of home deaths cases. Recently, New York City was recording 200 home deaths a day.

When or how all this will all end is something no one can say for sure. But it will end, this I am sure. Historically pandemics have ended in two ways: medically, when the rates of infection and death go down either due to treatments, immunizations or herd immunity and socially, when people just shake off the fear, do away with the restrictions and begin to learn to cope. Although the experts say it too early to tell which end will come first, I think the social ending is beginning to manifest with the growing opposition to the restrictive measures from ordinary people, businessmen, and even politicians. Coping trends like “quaranteams” and “Covid bubbles” seem like good examples here.

Facing the fear
For me, the fear is just as bad so I have chosen to vanquish it. We cannot control the events that are unfolding around us but we can at least control how we react to them. The fear will no longer control my every waking minute or how I spend those precious minutes.

One of the most nourishing things for fear is ignorance. So I will stay informed but from trustworthy sources. I will pay special attention to developments in my immediate community so I can always act informed and responsibly. Those over sensationalized social media messages that only seem to just perpetuate negativity are now banished. They feed the fear.

end: https://link.medium.com/dHJrFDx6I6

deaths at home are on the rise across the world

How Conspiracy Theories Work

On Saturday (5th May) Femi Fani Kayode posted a video of a trailer transporting some men allegedly from the north to the south. The voiceover hinted at a conspiracy by northern states to transport large numbers of herdsmen to the south during this lockdown period for a secret unknown mission. The voice went on to implore all southerners to be on alert because “something was going on”.

That was all that was needed to do for the conspiracy theory to have the needed effect. The 3 minute video effectively checked all the boxes — use of selected facts, stoking fear, alluding to government cover up. You need facts in case someone wants to fact-check you. You need fear because you want your target to be in a state of heightened emotions so they would be less logical. You need government cover-up because that’s the best way to get people to take matters in their own hands and act. Whether it’s by burning 5g masts as we saw in the UK or by rushing to buy whatever woke products the conspiracy theorist is peddling as had happened frequently enough to make Alex Jones a very wealthy man.

Now let’s analyze at the video based on our check list.
1. Facts: There were indeed men coming out from a trailer (fact). From the clothing of some of them, they are clearly northerners (fact). The language that can be heard spoken at the background sounded northern (fact).

2. Fear: the narrator called the men herdsmen even though there was nothing that indicated they were herdsmen. But because he knew the “fear value” of that word amongst his target audience, he used it generously to get the needed impact.

3. Government coverup: the fact that interstate travel has been banned by government yet they were able to travel across several states indicate government complicity. Also, the whole thing happening at a time when the country was on lockdown meant someone somewhere is trying to hide something (cover-up).

https:///4WEt5DqWtP?amp=1

Christian's are always telling me religion is a personal matter. now they are told personally worship at home and they are not happy. SMH

Sparkies85:


The illiteracy in northern Nigeria maybe a factor here

You actually think the Head of Communications in the Kano Field Office of UNICEF is illiterate?

So what is the factor in Lagos?

they ignored the "lockdown principle" due to religion? who has been feeding you this rubbish?

Nwadiuto247:
So far we have six governors out of the thirty six.

1. Ebonyi'
2. Enugu
3. Oyo
4. Akwa Ibom'
5. Edo'
6. Lagos

Remaining 30 governors

Borno State paid on the 17th

Jigawa State paid on the 22nd

Borno State paid on the 17th

Jigawa State paid on the 22nd

RillJ:
What of the consent of the bride?

it's implied from the consent of her guardian. it's his responsibility to confirm from her before he gives her hand in marriage. in a Muslim marriage, the bride and groom need not be present; the bride has her guardian, the grom can have a representative.

When Gregory VII became pope in 1073, his first priority was to secure the power to appoint bishops which until then, had been the exclusive prerogative of secular kings. This led to direct conflict with Henry IV the Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire who was equally determined not to give up any of his powers. Over the next few years, the Pope invoking the power of God stripped the king of his title, excommunicated him from the church, and freed his subjects from the obligation to obey him (popes had that kind of power back then). King Henry felt his powers slipping away and became desperate. His future as king hung in the balance and only the pope could save him. So he went to the residence of the pope high up in the mountainous region of northern Italy in the heart of winter wearing plain clothes and barefoot as proof of his penitence. He knelt outside in the freezing cold and begged for mercy for 3 straight days. The pope eventually forgave him but that was not the end of their conflict. Years later, the emperor grew powerful and exiled the pope and appointed in his place Pope Clement III (he’s referred to mostly as an Antipope). Later Pope Gregory gained ascendancy and excommunicated him again and on and on the back and forth continued. Henry was excommunicated a total of 4 times.

In his book “Of beards and men”, Christopher Moore thinks the conflict between the Pope and the king was more than just a tussle for power but was also a “contest of the contrasting masculine styles” of the beardless versus the bearded. The Pope was beardless the King was bearded. Pope Gregory who was considered a reformist pope, instituted two major reforms; enforcing celibacy on the clergy (he was the first to do that) and decreeing shaving off the beard for all priests. And thus the beardless came to dominate the politics of Europe for centuries after Gregory until the time of the renaissance when the beard staged its own renaissance. It became a symbol of wisdom and knowledge because the renaissance philosophers and artists and thinkers began to imitate the looks of ancient Greek philosophers and Muslim philosophers from the Golden Age. To this day, most philosophers are bearded and there is a much higher percentage of bearded people in the arts than you normally would find in other spheres.

So Europe kept swinging between the bearded and the beardless in a way that Nigeria never had. And maybe, just maybe, this over domination of our politics by the beardless is (beep beep beep CRAZY STATEMENT ALERT) the source of all of our developmental problems. I know I can’t prove it, but I certainly can establish a clear correlation. Think about it, every Nigerian head of state since independence was beardless doesn’t that establish some kind of correlation (or at least a pattern) between misgovernance and beardlessness? Of course correlation is not causation but when one compares with the few bearded leaders we have had back when we had regions, one is tempted to be reckless and declare it so. Think of northern Nigeria. The last and only time we had a bearded man (the Sardauna) heading our affairs, we made the most progress and nothing since, has come even close. In the East, the Ikemba another bearded man was their most charismatic leader (it takes a lot of charisma to lead people into a war in which from the get go they knew the stakes were stacked against them). In the West Awolowo was outstanding and I know he was beardless but because we do not have a bearded equivalent to compare him with, his beardlessness doesn’t count for this exercise.

Here’s another thing to think about. Think of all the senate presidents we have had since 1999 and try to remember their faces. Even recent ones like Mark have begun to blur in our memories not to speak of earlier ones like Wabara and Enwerem. But one name and one face that will always stand out is that of Chuba Okadigbo the only bearded man to ever become senate president in Nigeria. He was there only a few months but was so deeply refreshing in his style, that it is difficult to forget him in the way Anyim or Wabara have been forgotten. As for the House of Representatives, we’ve never had a bearded Speaker until a few days ago. So here’s an assignment: over the next 4 years compare the performances of the two leaders of the national assembly – Lawal the beardless versus Gbaja the bearded. At the end of it you’d see why the beard is an essential accessory for effective leadership.

Friedrich Hegel (the German philosopher known for Hegelian Dialectics) thinks hairlessness is a sign of humanity making evolutionary progress. According to him, having hair on our bodies is a relic of our evolutionary past. So for him, women are more evolutionarily advanced than men because they at least do not grow hair on their faces. Even though some thinkers were quick to squash his little theory by pointing out that the Bonobos that happen to be our closest cousins do not have facial hair. But I like Hegel and because this is my blog and I can do whatever I want here, I’m going to assume he was right that having a beard somehow signifies some innate animal-ness.

Don’t we as humans we see the perfection of our most desired features only in animals? Why else do you think that whenever we see perfection in humans, we are always quick to attribute it to some animal. When we see courage that is beyond our comprehension, the only thing that comes to mind are lions. Richard was the Lionhearted, Umar Mukhtar was the Lion of the desert, Hamza bin Abdulmuttalib was the Lion of God (all these men were bearded by the way). When we see the combination of beauty and grace in a lady, we don’t compare her to a Ferrari but to a Gazelle. Fashion models practice for months just so they could have the gait of cats. Strong men are compared not to bulldozers but to bulls.

So Hegel was right. The bearded have the perfection of animals and the intelligence of men – that is the combination that produces the most effective leaders. And that is why throughout history, the most phenomenal leaders were bearded (instead of arguing with this, just start thinking Abraham, Moses,… and you know you can’t win).



End note: We at GBB (the Global Brotherhood of the Bearded) heartily congratulate Hon. Femi Gbaja and his deputy (he’s bearded too) for their inauguration. We implore you both to show Dogara and all your clean-shaven predecessors how this shit is done.

https://gainaako./2019/06/