Oxone:

Big time man but again we didn't know any better

I always imagine if i could go back in time with what i know now, the things i would do eh?

They'll have a monument erected in my name

Naetochukwu: Another one I had was after Waec, I stayed at home for a year before gaining admission. So since I was idlle, all I did was hire films in a video centre and watch.
So the first day I hired an adult movie was the day the devil visited me.
While I was watching the movie Nepa carry light. Jesu! I don't know what to do and my parents will soon get home.
I tried all I could to remove the cassette from the VCD but for where ...
The light did not come till my parents came home. I was restless, I went to the toilet 50 times, I was sweating, waiting patiently for the light to come so I can remove the useless cassette.
Then my dad entered the sitting room and asked them to put on the gen. So he can watch tv. Chei.. I died inside.
How am I suppose to explain that I hired an adult movie when I should be in church or studying for Jamb?
Hmmm I just left the house, my entire body had died and the only thing remaining was to be buried. I did not return home till late when I just entered thinking my dad will kill me only to discover the gen went bad and so nobody could watch anything.
I was awake till late waiting for nepa, and immediately light came, na speed I take remove am. Hid it and returned it the following day. Chei... God dey

echobee: *Spreads mat* sits down,grab pop corn and sobo. Waiting for d next story

Cabinbiscuit: primary 6, I came back from school one Friday afternoon naso rain begin fall, I comot everything go downstairs enter rain dey jolly... About 6 of my female classmates arrived to collect cupboard key from me for whatever blasted reason and they saw their prefect naked and dancing in the rain.
And me being a very shy human, didn't go to Saturday lessons the day after... Was planning to Dodge classes on Monday when one of the gals that saw me naked the past Friday, walked up to me behind the "aboki shop" beside our school and gave me the morale to enter the school compound that day.

BTW, we are now 19yrs old and She is my girlfriend.

Chungchi:

I hope u have straffed her sha....coz if not, then this is not a happy ending

tosyne2much: My worst embarrassing moment frm d opposite sex happened few years ago.... I was in sch den and needed to get food stuffs for the weekend ( Ado-igbeyin ), so my frnd and I boarded a sch bus heading straight to town... We got into the bus and my frnd was seated right beside me.. Shld I say fortunately or unfortunately for me, a lady was seated right in front of me wit her frnd sitting next to her... As a very tall guy ( 6ft 5in tall ), I was uncomfortable sitting in dat tight corner cos my long legs were a barrier to sitting properly... As soon as the bus started movin, my legs wld hit her back at every gallop.. At first, she turned back frowning at me and I had to quickly apologize and told her I had long legs and dat she can see dat I was sitting wit my legs bent.... Subsequently, my legs hit her behind and she flared up in anger saying she wld slap me if I try such rubbish wit her again... She made a false allegation against me saying I was using my JT to hit her frm behind and dat wat did I tak her for...wooooooow !!! Wat an embarrassment, na so me sef vex com begin yab her inside motor... I f*cked her up big tym in a bus consisting of abt 20 software and 30 hardware.. I told her she was not evn attractive and dat even if she's unclad, my JT has right sense of erection only to good software and wld neva rise for a flat-chested and unattractive babe lik her.. And u knw guys now !!! Na so guys begin dey laff.... Few minutes lata, we alighted frm d bus and I was discussing wit my frnd wen she walked up to me wit her frnd sayin al sort of rubbish.. One tin she said dat made me feel guilty and regretted evry word I uttered was dat '' I knw am ugly as u av said earlier and am very very appreciative for makin fun of me in public '''. As I raised up my head. to say sorry, I saw tears rolling down her cheeks... Chaiiii so d gravity of wetn I talk reach dis level? na dia I begin beg her ooooo.... #Fast forward to sunday# I com baff up dey go church as an usher..Lo and behold, We met on the way buh I pretended as if I didn't see her.. Next tin, her frnd tapped her on the shoulder and said, SEE DAT GUY.. Na so I bone ooo and walkd as fast as I could... Few minutes later, could u believe she was my church member ?... Na so I begin reason say, Wetn go happen if dis babe jst go call my pastor begin narrate evrytn wey I talk

Cabinbiscuit: All those kain letters we dey write that time... "the sugar in my tea, the stone in my catapult that will kill the Goliath of my life"

Mehn, guys bleeped up in those days.

MoneySoldier:

Way back in primary school my mates were scared of me cos I was a rough kid, but in primary 4 history was set to be made, as in confirm new record, I should be within 8/9years old

On this faithful day I sat back in class when others went for break cos I had been flogged earlier by my class teacher for issues related to undone assignment, though sited peacefully but angrily, when all of a sudden some girls gathered at a far end of the class who didn't go for break were busy gisting and yelling on top of their voices, so being a King Kong of the class and someone others feared, I was like,

"You people should stop making noise, if you want to make noise better go outside"

But I had forgotten they had the right since it was break time, but to my uttermost surprise, one of them in their midst Tope by name, I won't forget that name till I die, was like,

"Is it not break time?, why ll you tell us to keep quiet?" She fired back at me,

And coupled with the anger I already had in my treasure box, I was like,

"Am I the one you re talking to?"

But I got a bigger shocker when she replied back saying,

"Enn ennhn what ll you do?"

That statement infuriated me that the wires in my brain began to spark, 'see this girl sha, she no dey fear me' I said in my mind,

I left my sit in anger to discipline her but if to say I dey forsee the future I swear I for tanda for my sit, I walked up to her and just as I raised my hand to slap her, omoh nah there the fight take end for me,

I don't know if she played me film trick, I no just fit explain how e take happen cos as she hang my hand, I remember say I see myself for air, and the next thing was a nasty landing with my back, me on the floor and she on me, giving me all the hard punches her hands could gather, while your boy just dey ground dey struggle, that babe wicked ooo, I swear she for finish me if no be my class teacher barge in come save me.

As if that was the end, we were both summoned and this time class don dey full back, as I was trying to explain, I tried my best not to cry, but the stupid tears wouldn't obey me, the thing just begin pour freely by emself as I dey try to explain,, ccchoii, that was E.O.D for me.

Base on popular kid wey I be, that incident was one of the most popular things, spreading like a wild fire in the whole school, it was such an embarrassing and crazy experience, when I remember it I can't help but laugh at myself. Lolz

Rooneyboy:

Are u sure u aren't 4ft ?.

tosyne2much: u must be sleeping on a moving okada.... Is 4ft equivalent to 6ft ?

U raised up ur head and u claim u are over 6ft

The girl on her own part go be giant be that oo .

Rooneyboy:

U raised up ur head and u claim u are over 6ft

The girl on her own part go be giant be that oo .

Lorlaahlozz: Too hilarous..2 be true

Rooneyboy:

Are u sure u aren't 4ft

MoneySoldier: I don laff tire, keep em coming Pals




Back in the days around 2006/2007, I came home to spend some time after the end of a certain session, and we know how it is that when its time to go back to school one tries to go to the market to get some new stuffs.

So on my preparation going back, I went to the market to get some new clothes, Vespa Market Agbara to be precise, so while I was done the shopping and leaving the market my eyes just caught a certain shop that sold pant and bras, it was the ones used in decorating the inside that actually caught my eyes, I been wan pass but one mind was like, guy buy for your babe nah, just blow her mind, and being a guy that always know everything about a girl I call my own, I already knew the size of my babe's pant and bra(amebo make una no ask me Lolz), so I made up my mind to get some for her as a surprise.

I stopped by at the shop, selected a few beautiful ones bought like four apiece paid and left, on my way I had packaged them and kept them at the bottom of my own clothes then when I get home I ll quickly arranged them into my travelling bag.

I got home arranged my bag, two bags actually, one for foodstuffs and provisions while the other was the normal travelling bag, but my parents knew I went to Vespa that day and when my mum came back, she asked if I went and I told her I did.

She asked to see them, I told her I had arranged them in my bag that I would show her when I get back cos as soon as she came she sent me to go buy garri for eba that night, when I told her I would show her when I come she said ok.

But before I came back, I was looking for my mum, checked the kitchen, her room, but as I was walking to my room, I was telling myself,

"Hope say this woman never go dey search my bag to see the clothes wey I buy herself sha"

And when I got to my room my guess was right, she was there and had already searched my bag both the new clothes and the panties and bra wrapped in a separate nylon was on the bed, but I hide am well nah, how she take see am? and as I got in, what I got next was,

"(Called my native name first), who has these pants and bras?"

My voice just seize, my breath seized, am sure my heart stopped pounding for some time as well, it was soooooooo embarrassing. Is still good say nah my mum see am sha, cos if nah my Dad, I don graduate that day be that. I was expecting a hot slap or something from her but got none, but the things wey she use her mouth tell me, e for better say she use my head jam wall, ccos she use mouth finish me.

noskeybaba: ***Mine***


Back then in school, I have graduated, defended my project and was done with clearance. What remains was NYSC. Our names were out and we were to get our original Statement of Result from the office of Exams and records cos it's a requirement from NYSC. We were given a date to come and get it.

That faithful morning, I dressed up, looking fly and bouncing with swagger( as per say intending corp member nau). I got to school, went straight to the Exams and Records office to get the result. On getting there there were a lot of people, clustering the office to be first to get. Many at the door many more through the window. I saw many friends and departmental colleagues. We exchanged pleasantries and waited for our turn while gisting to wind down time.

When it got to my turn, I got in, there were three persons left before me. I noticed one strange thing, the man incharge was taxing every man there, he would tell you to drop something before he hands over the result to you (it wasn't by force though, he was doing it in a friendly way). People were dropping things for him(who wouldn't? Where you are happy to be done with school). And if what you gave him was little, he would search you and if he finds money on you, he would take what he wanted. Everyone laughed about it and moved on.

Before my turn I agreed on what to give to him so I removed any other money on me and gave to my friend who have already collected his. What was left in my wallet was what he would see if he searched me.

"Big boy how far? Wetin you bring for us?" He said as I approached him. I stretched my hand squeezing a 200 Naira note to him. He looked at it and looked at me and said this is too small nau. I told him it's all I had on me now that I would see him tomorrow with better something (I lied) but he isn't buying that. Before I knew it, he dipped his hand inside my back pocket and grabbed my wallet and started searching. Of course he didn't find money but he found something else.

Condoms!!!! He shouted and brought them out showing everybody that was there. A lot of persons there burst out laughing very hard, girls especially. I felt very ashamed and embarased. "What are condoms doing in your wallet" he asked. People there still laughing, those that were far came close to know what was happening, they ended up joining in the laughing party as he was waving the condoms to them. That time I wished the ground would open and swallow me.

"What are you using these to do" he continued. By then I was being filled with rage and anger because I didn't see why he would embarrass me like this, I already gave him money like others, why can't he free me. But out of the anger I answered him, "pls sir condom is not a dual purpose commodity, it has only one single use. So that question you are asking me is not necessary". My answer didn't put him off, he now went on to the next level of his "embarrassment mission" on me.

He started calling one woman from the next office(a coleague of his). "Madam Faith!! Come oo, come and see what I am seeing. Come quick". One middle aged woman appeared, dressed like Deeper Life women with no earrings. He showed her the condoms and narrated how he found it on me. (Mind you this guy was taking this as a joke all these while cos he had other students laughing at his jibes at me. I wasn't finding it funny though). This woman looked at me "pityfully" like someone who was lost and asked me to follow her.

We got to her office, she asked me to sit down, I did, she now brought out a magazine and handed it to me, also brought out her bible, that was when I knew I was in for a long session of preaching and counseling. She preached and preached, telling me the dangers of premarital sex and the rest, quoting bibles and making me to read them myself. I was very calm and only one thing was was on my mind, REVENGE!!! "what evil will I to do that silly man, I need to make him feel what I felt". After the preaching session with the woman, she collected my number and said she would be calling me and texting me detail of their church activities, she wanted me to be attending them for spiritual upliftment. (who go attend? Me? I never see Wetin I go do with my time), I said to my self.

I thanked her and headed to the "silly" man's office to collect my result and get the hell out of there. When I got there he looked at me and noticed u was very angry, he told me that he was only joking that I shouldn't mind the woman that preached either. I didn't even respond to him. He brought our my result, looked at it, and maybe trying to impress me or to right the wrong he did to me, he shouted at the woman, "hey madam, do you know that the boy is brilliant? He made a good result wow!" I didn't even smile let alone responding. He handed my result to me, I collected it, putting it at my arm pit, I stretched hand to him requesting for my wallet and condoms. He gave them to me, everyone was watching. I took them looked at them and shouted back at him, making sure that Madam Faith heard me loud and clear. "Where are the rest?" I asked him. He looked at me in shock. "Where are the rest of my condoms!!? They were four, I'm seeing only two". Everybody there burst out and started laughing. They were dying in laughter, even more than when he did his. The man still shocked, but I wasn't done. "So you want to use it abi, that's why you hid it. Guy man. Anyway you can have it, cos I don't think I will need it again after the preaching, take the rest" I dropped two comdoms on his desk and walked away smiling. His face now changed I guess she was very angry too. But I no send am. I don do my mind. I left on a very high ovation, people were laughing really seriously at the man now.

I met my friend outside who hailed me and exclaimed "WHAT A COMEBACK!!" We left feeling very happy at what I did. As for the man, I knew he wouldn't get me anywhere again as I have graduated and that result was the only thing he could use against me but u already got it.

***the eND***

tosyne2much: Nice one bro... U got me laughin on a movin Okada... Wat a humiliating comeback