Feminism is doctrine that advocates equal right right for women. Most country that practise feminism is not really getting into the root of the matter. I am of the opinion that men, with our egocentric behavior is not going to have a smooth passage with a feminist.
The other day, Chimamanda Adichie was praising the raising awareness for feminism, which I don't see as part of culture where she came from!
Men have been burdened to take over affairs in most of the homes, social gathering etc. he finds himself. I have heard a lot of complaint about female boss and the rest. I believe female voice should be heard and not shut down.
Take a look at a family scenario, where a woman wants to take the rule on the same page with her husband, because of feminism theory.
I agree some women are making headway in various parastatal in the society, but should feminism be given priority and attention?
In this part of the world, where much emphasis is laid on cultural value and belief system; many mind bugging question are: Will a feminist:
1. Make a good wife material,
2. Be a good home manager,
3. Be a good ambassador to the society,
4. Be able to cooperate with the husband etc?
Is feminism part of our cultural value?
Should we allow Education(which brought feminism) becloud and frustrate our cutural system?
Are we not exchanging our moral value system and the basic part of our cultural value system for western culture?
Have you seen a practising and radical feminist make a good home around you?

Let's have your constructive opinions and judgement.

It's so ironic that feminism that advocates equal right is considered immoral.

I wonder why culture has become this supreme-invisible god that dictates what we do as humans over our common sense. Humans create their own culture. As humans evolve, it only makes sense that our culture also evolve.

Egocentric: "thinking only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others; self-centered". I don't think people realize that this is a negative word. A lot of mofos here are proud of it actually.
You mean "our" culture tolerates men and their egocentric behavior but finds feminism despicable? Jeez.

Do you understand that ignorance can also form people's culture? It was your culture to kill twins, it was your culture to enslave people, it was your culture to shave widows heads. Do you understand that culture can support evil ways?

To be honest, I don't even know where to start from with you. Moral, culture, feminism, religion, gender roles, or family institution.

Let me start by asking you this: how does feminism obstruct a woman from being a good ambassador to her society?? How does it make her uncooperative at home?

What is a 'good wife material'?

YES.simple answer.

.

This is too posh a response for the above.
Can you deal?

BananaBender: It's so ironic that feminism that advocates equal right is considered immoral.

I wonder why culture has become this supreme-invisible god that dictates what we do as humans over our common sense. Humans create their own culture. As humans evolve, it only makes sense that our culture also evolve.

Egocentric: "thinking only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others; self-centered". I don't think people realize that this is a negative word. A lot of mofos here are proud of it actually.
You mean "our" culture tolerates men and their egocentric behavior but finds feminism despicable? Jeez.

Do you understand that ignorance can also form people's culture? It was your culture to kill twins, it was your culture to enslave people, it was your culture to shave widows heads. Do you understand that culture can support evil ways?

To be honest, I don't even know where to start from with you. Moral, culture, feminism, religion, gender roles, or family institution.

Let me start by asking you this: how does feminism obstruct a woman from being a good ambassador to her society?? How does it make her uncooperative at home?

What is a 'good wife material'?

Who is a good wife material? Every man is different and so each man would have his own wife material so yes feminist make good wives to men who want that. Chimamanda Adichie is married and there are many men who knowingly choose to marry a feminist because those are the qualities they desire. Some men would die of boredom if they marry a typical wife material by Nigerian standards. My husband tells me that he knew I was the one for him the day I told him I would divorce him if he cheats on me he can't stand the typical doormat some Nigerian men want so to each his own. By the way why do so many threads on Nairaland focus on feminists? If you don't like feminists simply avoid marrying one. There is nothing to be worried about, pick the wife material you want

It depends on the husband.

BananaBender: It's so ironic that feminism that advocates equal right is considered immoral.
I wonder why culture has become this supreme-invisible god that dictates what we do as humans over our common sense. Humans create their own culture. As humans evolve, it only makes sense that our culture also evolve.
Egocentric: "thinking only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others; self-centered". I don't think people realize that this is a negative word. A lot of mofos here are proud of it actually.
You mean "our" culture tolerates men and their egocentric behavior but finds feminism despicable? Jeez.
Do you understand that ignorance can also form people's culture? It was your culture to kill twins, it was your culture to enslave people, it was your culture to shave widows heads. Do you understand that culture can support evil ways?
To be honest, I don't even know where to start from with you. Moral, culture, feminism, religion, gender roles, or family institution.
Let me start by asking you this: how does feminism obstruct a woman from being a good ambassador to her society?? How does it make her uncooperative at home?
What is a 'good wife material'?

NB: I am not here to bash the women folk but to make some stand on living right.
At one time of every man's life, he would have been ignorance of some situation, thereby making him to take some nasty decision. They said:' Ignorance is a bliss'. Killing of twins, shaving of woman's head and some other wrong we have done in the name of culture does not diminish our cultural value.
To your first question: Women definitely play great role in the society but a situation where a woman begins to think more of herself and wanting to make her opinion count by all means whether forcefully or rudely in the midst of men, then you begin to wonder what theory they are defending. Every man is an ego carrier, being egoistic does no make a man self centered but retaining the masculine strength that has been imposed on him.
Second question: A woman is supposed to rise and become whoever/whatever she wants to become under the rulership and mentorship of her husband. But when a you begin to see women folk, not ready to give in to whatever the husband is saying or proposing, you begin to ask questions.
Your last question:
A wife materials is she who holds her husband judgement in high esteem and respect and value his judgement over her own.
She is intent as to giving than upon getting and does it freely and cheerfully.
She is discreet and obliging; every word she says, shows she governs herself by the rules of wisdom and humility. You can reference more in Proverb chapter 31.

cococandy: It's the feminist bashing fest on nairaland once more.

OP come and ask my husband

I respect women of high standard and guarded integrity. I wanna make a stand as to know if feminism is doing us greater good or more harm, whether it is here for good or here for bad.

Grabs suya and a bottle of lacasera

tatiana009: Who is a good wife material? Every man is different and so each man would have his own wife material so yes feminist make good wives to men who want that. Chimamanda Adichie is married and there are many men who knowingly choose to marry a feminist because those are the qualities they desire. Some men would die of boredom if they marry a typical wife material by Nigerian standards. My husband tells me that he knew I was the one for him the day I told him I would divorce him if he cheats on me he can't stand the typical doormat some Nigerian men want so to each his own. By the way why do so many threads on Nairaland focus on feminists? If you don't like feminists simply avoid marrying one. There is nothing to be worried about, pick the wife material you want

I wanna see women who will change the world for a better good, create a change, make their stand on issues(but with respect and humility).
I will always respect women for who they are but when the theory of being equally yoke with men comes to play, then I will not give in to that.
I am a cultural oriented man and I won't subscribe to any act that will bastardize or diminish the cultural standards we are to uphold. Feminism has its good side, no doubt, but I believe their is more to its weak side than the good side.

Mattin:
At one time of every man's life, he would have been ignorance of some situation, thereby making him to take some nasty decision. They said:' Ignorance is a bliss'. Killing of twins, shaving of woman's head and some other wrong we have done in the name of culture does not diminish our cultural value.

@Highlighted: This is one of those times. Moreover, it's stup1d to relegate ignorance to a specific time period in a human's life; as long as we are not omniscience, we are always going to be ignorant.
Cultural values are created by humans, so naturally they are flawed. Civilized humans tend to improve their culture as they also improve mentally, economically, socially and technologically. When we stopped the killing of twins, did our cultural values diminish? Changing something for the better about our culture does not diminish it, it only makes it better.

We have a culture that values egocentric men over equality. We have a culture as of now, that puts the male child above the female child. We have a culture that promotes our patriarchal society and a culture that makes a wife's needs, dreams, and decisions secondary to that of her husband. Is that the type of culture you want? A culture that elevates one gender over the other?

What really are the principles and values our culture is based on/buttressing?

To your first question: Women are definitely play great role in the society but a situation where a woman begins to think more of herself and wanting to make her opinion count by all means whether forcefully or rudely in the midst of men, then you begin to wonder what theory they are defending.

Are you for real? This is scary. Are you saying that a woman shouldn't think herself equal to a man in the society?? I do not support anything that uses force, violence or insolence to achieve it's objective. Feminism doesn't support that either. In fact, feminism is against the oppression of the female gender.

Second question: A woman is supposed to rise and become whoever/whatever she wants to become under the rulership and mentorship of her husband. But when a you begin to see women folk, not ready to give in to whatever the husband is saying or proposing, you begin to ask questions.

Why does a woman need the mentorship or rulership of a man to become whoever she wants to become. Don't you even feel ridiculous and repulsed at the notion you're spouting about?? Why does a woman need mentorship and rulership and a man doesn't?? What does a man possess that makes him qualified to rule and mentor that a woman doesn't possess?
It's only normal that once in a while, couples will differ in opinions. A man's opinion is not superior to that of a woman because on the average, no gender is smarter than the other. Eventually, they'll have to learn to compromise. Her husband's decision also affects her, she has every right to oppose it if she believes it is not in the best interest of their home.

Your last question:
A wife materials is she who holds her husband judgement in high esteem and respect and value his judgement over her own.
She is intent as to giving than upon getting and does it freely and cheerfully.
She is discreet and obliging every word she says shows she governs her by the rules of wisdom and humility. You can reference more in Proverb chapter 31.

What you have up here is not a wife material, you have perfectly defined a slave. Mr Mattin, if you choose to maintain your sick mentality, you would have to buy yourself a slave.

esof1: It depends on the husband.

Depends on the husband to contain and curtail her, should any sign of imbalance in value appear.

BananaBender:

@Highlighted: This is one of those times. Moreover, it's stup1d to relegate ignorance to a specific time period in a human's life; as long as we are not omniscience, we are always going to be ignorant.
Cultural values are created by humans, so naturally they are flawed. Civilized humans tend to improve their culture as they also improve mentally, economically, socially and technologically. When we stopped the killing of twins, did our cultural values diminish? Changing something for the better about our culture does not diminish it, it only makes it better.

We have a culture that values egocentric men over equality. We have a culture as of now, that puts the male child above the female child. We have a culture that promotes our patriarchal society and a culture that makes a wife's needs, dreams, and decisions secondary to that of her husband. Is that the type of culture you want? A culture that elevates one gender over the other?

What really are the principles and values our culture is based on/buttressing?



Are you for real? This is scary. Are you saying that a woman shouldn't think herself equal to a man in the society?? I do not support anything that uses force, violence or insolence to achieve it's objective. Feminism doesn't support that either. In fact, feminism is against the oppression of the female gender.



Why does a woman need the mentorship or rulership of a man to become whoever she wants to become. Don't you even feel ridiculous and repulsed at the notion you're spouting about?? Why does a woman need mentorship and rulership and a man doesn't?? What does a man possess that makes him qualified to rule and mentor that a woman doesn't possess?
It's only normal that once in a while, couples will differ in opinions. A man's opinion is not superior to that of a woman because on the average, no gender is smarter than the other. Eventually, they'll have to learn to compromise. Her husband's decision also affects her, she has every right to oppose it if she believes it is not in the best interest of their home.



What you have up here is not a wife material, you have perfectly defined a slave. Mr Mattin, if you choose to maintain your sick mentality, you would have to buy yourself a slave.

Hey Bannanabender, Every culture in the world has its own flaw at one time or the other, but my stand here is: feminism is an intergal part of western culture. Why should I abandon my own value system and start decorating other people's system?
You can bash your culture for all I care but my stand remains; A woman that is submissive is never a slave but respecting the law of nature.

To your last statement, You don't have to be rude or derogatory when voicing a counter opinion.
Thanks

Mattin:
Hey Bannanabender, Every culture in the world has its own flaw at one time or the other, but my stand here is: feminism is an intergal part of western culture. Why should I abandon my own value system and start decorating other people's system?
You can bash your culture for all I care but my stand remains; A woman that is submissive is never a slave but respecting the law of nature.
To your last statement, You don't have to be rude or derogatory when voicing a counter opinion.
Thanks

True, every culture has it's own flaws and we all must work in correcting them. Feminism was never a part of the western culture initially, equal rights between gender was created because they realized their culture was hurting their women.

If a culture is hurting a huge percentage of the society, it's only logical you change it or adapt it to what is best for all.

You abandoned your own culture when you chose Christianity. You abandon your culture every time you wear a suit to work. You abandoned your culture by typing in English to me. You abandon your culture anytime you chose to order pizza instead of eba.

So Mr Mattin, there is no need for you to be hypocritical and sanctimonious about your culture, you have abandoned and is still abandoning it.
(Btw, improving your culture/values, doesn't translate to abandonment)

A woman that is submissive against her will is a slave. If she has no choice in the matter, she is a slave. If she is submissive because that is what the society has defined her to be, she is a slave. (Write that down)

I wasn't being rude, I was telling you that what you want in a wife can only be found in a slave.

BananaBender:

True, every culture has it's own flaws and we all must work in correcting them. Feminism was never a part of the western culture initially, equal rights between gender was created because they realized their culture was hurting their women.

If a culture is hurting a huge percentage of the society, it's only logical you change it or adapt it to what is best for all.

You abandoned your own culture when you chose Christianity. You abandon your culture every time you wear a suit to work. You abandoned your culture by typing in English to me. You abandon your culture anytime you chose to order pizza instead of eba.

So Mr Mattin, there is no need for you to be hypocritical and sanctimonious about your culture, you have abandoned and is still abandoning it.
(Btw, improving your culture/values, doesn't translate to abandonment)

A woman that is submissive against her will is a slave. If she has no choice in the matter, she is a slave. If she is submissive because that is what the society has defined her to be, she is a slave. (Write that down)

I wasn't being rude, I was telling you that what you want in a wife can only be found in a slave.

If we feel our culture is not favoring women, we should look inward among ourselves and make some adjustment to that effect as no law forbids solving your own problem among yourselves. It is not a must we have to wholeheartedly incucate the western culture into our own culture. Whatever happen to cultural value going into extinction.

For the fact that I speak English, accept Christianity and peruse the western culture etc. doesn't and should not make me a slave to the western culture. I accepted the western culture because I want to be better; I want to study the western culture so as to get a better understanding of how to improve my own culture. No matter the aspect of western I choose to go into, the purpose is to make my culture a better one.

A woman don't have to be submissive to extent of becoming a slave; this is where we say women should be respected and valued.
I realised that we woman degradation is rampant in our culture, which is why should use our western education to profound solution and not exchanging the values and norms.

I have never abandoned my culture and will never do.
BTW, the western culture we are hyping is one way or the other, envying some core values in our cultural system, which you may not know and is not placing much vallue on.

Mattin:
If we feel our culture is not favoring women, we should look inward among ourselves and make some adjustment to that effect as no law forbids solving your own problem among yourselves. It is not a must we have to wholeheartedly incucate the western culture into our own culture. Whatever happen to cultural value going into extinction.

Then, let's make the necessary adjustments. You can call feminism any name you want in Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa if you like. The most important thing is that male supremacy in the Nigerian culture has to end.

I accepted the western culture because I want to be better; I want to study the western culture so as to get a better understanding of how to improve my own culture. No matter the aspect of western I choose to go into, the purpose is to make my culture a better one.

Accepting feminism will make you better. Look at that, we are finally getting somewhere.

A woman don't have to be submissive to extent of becoming a slave; this is where we say women should be respected and valued.
I realised that we woman degradation is rampant in our culture, which is why should use our western education to profound solution and not exchanging the values and norms.

LoL, you defined submission a few posts above and what you have defined, is slavery.

Mr Mattin, asking a particular gender to be submissive not for any productive reason but for the fact that they were born with a vag1na, is oppression. Let me help you move forward, say no to gender inequality!

A woman is supposed to rise and become whoever/whatever she wants to become under the rulership and mentorship of her husband. But when a you begin to see women folk, not ready to give in to whatever the husband is saying or proposing you begin to ask questions.

May my daughters not meet someone who thinks like this

Iseee!

You contradict yourself so much it makes my head hurt trying to put your points together.
Neither here nor there.
If you think women should be respected abd valued,why are you saying a man's opinion should be placed above hers?

I'm not a fan of preserving culture at all cost. I would be dead today if not for Mary Slessor who stopped the killing of twins.
Only good culture should be held unto.

What culture are you talking about? You try to use christainity a western culture to blacklist feminism another 'western' culture?

Whether we like or not.we are imbibing western culture at full speed. The whole world is borrowing culture from everyone else.
Even some african culture has been exported to other parts of the world.
People will always copy a better example.
Stop fighting change.

Mattin:

If we feel our culture is not favoring women, we should look inward among ourselves and make some adjustment to that effect as no law forbids solving your own problem among yourselves. It is not a must we have to wholeheartedly incucate the western culture into our own culture. Whatever happen to cultural value going into extinction.

For the fact that I speak English, accept Christianity and peruse the western culture etc. doesn't and should not make me a slave to the western culture. I accepted the western culture because I want to be better; I want to study the western culture so as to get a better understanding of how to improve my own culture. No matter the aspect of western I choose to go into, the purpose is to make my culture a better one.

A woman don't have to be submissive to extent of becoming a slave; this is where we say women should be respected and valued.
I realised that we woman degradation is rampant in our culture, which is why should use our western education to profound solution and not exchanging the values and norms.

I have never abandoned my culture and will never do.
BTW, the western culture we are hyping is one way or the other, envying some core values in our cultural system, which you may not know and is not placing much vallue on.

BananaBender:

Then, let's make the necessary adjustments. You can call feminism any name you want in Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa if you like. The most important thing is that male supremacy in the Nigerian culture has to end.



Accepting feminism will make you better. Look at that, we are finally getting somewhere.



LoL, you defined submission a few posts above and what you have defined, is slavery.

Mr Mattin, asking a particular gender to be submissive not for any productive reason but for the fact that they were born with a vag1na, is oppression. Let me help you move forward, say no to gender inequality!

I will re-emphasize this: Accepting western should not make me a slave to their culture. Human being are meant to improve and grow everyday. We shouldn't be static.
Whatever way I choose to improve myself or environment does not make it superior to me in any way.

BTW, I'm not against feminism and detest any form of gender inequality, I wanna know if feminism has any correlation with our culture; if it is doing more good than bad.

cococandy:
May my daughters not meet someone who thinks like this

Iseee!

That's your wish and opinion

Yes. And it will come to pass

Mattin:

That's your wish and opinion

cococandy: You contradict yourself so much it makes my head hurt trying to put your points together.
Neither here nor there.

Tell me about it! Jeez.

Mattin:

BTW, I'm not against feminism and detest any form of gender inequality, I wanna know if feminism has any correlation with our culture; if it is doing more good than bad.

What have I been saying since morning?

Mattin:

Hey Bannanabender, Every culture in the world has its own flaw at one time or the other, but my stand here is: feminism is an intergal part of western culture. Why should I abandon my own value system and start decorating other people's system?
You can bash your culture for all I care but my stand remains; A woman that is submissive is never a slave but respecting the law of nature.

To your last statement, You don't have to be rude or derogatory when voicing a counter opinion.
Thanks

Feminism as a movement or word may have been started in the west but the concept isn't. Many societies in Africa didn't know the word feminism but they had equal rights and made decisions for their clans and family. Women aren't seen as lower beings without rights and a voice in other cultures

Mattin:

BTW, I'm not against feminism and detest any form of gender inequality, I wanna know if feminism has any correlation with our culture; if it is doing more good than bad.

This is a reasonable question.

I think that every socio-cultural movement / process / change has its advantages and disadvantages.
The pros and cons of feminism are constantly discussed here from different perspectives.

BananaBender:

Tell me about it! Jeez.

His first sentence.

Feminism is doctrine that advocates equal right right for women.

So I'm like what's wrong with that?
Then he says

men, with our egocentric behavior is not going to have a smooth passage with a feminist.

Making it clear that servicing men's ego is more important than a woman's rights or needs

Then the contradictions begin.

I believe female voice should be heard and not shut down.

Really? But he said

A woman is supposed to rise and become whoever/whatever she wants to become under the rulership and mentorship of her husband. But when a you begin to see women folk, not ready to give in to whatever the husband is saying or proposing,A wife materials is she who holds her husband judgement in high esteem and respect and value his judgement over her own.

So how is her voice not 'shut down' (in his words) if whatever she thinks at the end of the day doesn't matter?

I respect women of high standard and

what's his definition of high standard? Yet to get it.

I wanna see women who will change the world for a better good, create a change, make their stand on issues

How can a woman make her stand on an issue and at the same time discard her stand/opinion and adopt the man's own as superior?

If we feel our culture is not favoring women, we should look inward among ourselves and make some adjustment to that effect

Yet he has a problem with those who are moving for such changes/ adjustments to be made


I could go on and on pointing out the mix-ups But I don't know what he's talking about.

@OP
You lost me bro.what are you talking about?

cococandy: You contradict yourself so much it makes my head hurt trying to put your points together.
Neither here nor there.
If you think women should be respected abd valued,why are you saying a man's opinion should be placed above hers?

I'm not a fan of preserving culture at all cost. I would be dead today if not for Mary Slessor who stopped the killing of twins.
Only good culture should be held unto.

What culture are you talking about? You try to use christainity a western culture to blacklist feminism another western culture?

Whether we like or not.we are imbibing western culture at full speed. The whole world is borrowing culture from everyone else.
Even some african culture has been exported to other parts of the world.
People will always copy a better example.
Stop fighting change.

Cool down and flow with the trend; seems you expect me to start bashing and talk down feminism; no dear, you don't make your opinion look like its the best, you have to weigh opinions, then make your judgments. Don't talk down others; that's what education taught us. We are here to learn.lol

From your comment, you have every right to be mad at culture if not for western intervention no doubt but you should not pray for its death.
You need to know the western culture has its own flaws. Look at what our youths are turning into, due to hyping of western culture here and there.

This western we are talking about is even been adjusted day in day out to match general standard value; why can't we follow suit?
Culture is meant to complement each other like you stated but one should not overshadow the other.

Don't hate your culture, make it better dear.

You're probably more western than I am.
True.
How do you make your culture better if you hold on to out dated norms that don't help your development or the well being of your women just for egotistical reason?

Mattin:

Cool down and flow with the trend; seems you expect me to start bashing and talk down feminism; no dear, you don't make your opinion look like its the best, you have to weigh opinions, then make your judgments. Don't talk down others; that's what education taught us. We are here to learn.lol

From your comment, you have every right to be mad at culture if not for western intervention no doubt but you should not pray for its death.
You need to know the western culture has its own flaws. Look at what our youths are turning into, due to hyping of western culture here and there.

This western we are talking about is even been adjusted day in day out to match general standard value; why can't we follow suit?
Culture is meant to complement each other like you stated but one should not overshadow the other.

Don't hate your culture, make it better dear.

LMAO cococandy!

"tell me about it" : used as an ironic acknowledgment of one's familiarity with a difficult or unpleasant situation or experience described by someone else.

I was agreeing with you

Am definitely in support of equal right, I hope to improve it more in the country.
As a feminist I believe you to be a matured mind that knows what you want and fight for it, so also should be matured to know the role you play as a wife so in my opinion "Yes" they most definitely can be wife material. "some may want to claim" just make to remind her you still the one with the missing rib













Am definitely in support of equal right, I hope to improve it more in the country.
As a feminist I believe you to be a matured mind that knows what you want and fight for it, so also should be matured to know the role you play as a wife so in my opinion "Yes" they most definitely can be wife material. "some may want to claim" just make to remind her you still the one with the missing rib

















pls take my signature serious and always think #positive niaja#

cococandy:

His first sentence.

So I'm like what's wrong with that?
Then he says

Making it clear that servicing men's ego is more important than a woman's rights or needs

Then the contradictions begin.

Really? But he said

So how is her voice not 'shut down' (in his words) if whatever she thinks at the end of the day doesn't matter?
what's his definition of high standard? Yet to get it.

How can a woman make her stand on an issue and at the same time discard her stand/opinion and adopt the man's own as superior?

Yet he has a problem with those who are moving for such changes/ adjustments to be made


I could go on and on pointing out the mix-ups But I don't know what he's talking about.

@OP
You lost me bro.what are you talking about?

The bottom line of my opinion, reinstated is: feminism has its own ups and down. The bone of contention here is, we want to shy away from the cultural truth, which is: whatever a woman want to become, must be under the ministry of her husband. I agree some men need to be lectured on how to bring out the best in their wives.
I think we are foregoing our cultural identity to that of the west. You may not actually flow with me if you rate western culture more to yours.
I don't see any contradiction here; except your hatred for your culture keep rising.