Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,166,091 members, 7,863,821 topics. Date: Tuesday, 18 June 2024 at 07:12 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. (73090 Views)
How My Late Aunt Maturely Dealt With Her Cheating Husband.........ladies LEARN! / Check Out A Post Of How A Wife Dealt With Cheating Husband: cheaters learn / Can You Catch A Cheating Husband By His Smell Alone? (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) ... (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) ... (20) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by babygirlfl: 12:30am On Nov 19, 2014 |
SirShymex: It is difficult for me to post on this thread because to start with, the op believes all men cheat. I do not believe all men cheat. I do believe however that a lot of men cheat. I don't know what to advice the op because it seems like her mind is made up on what she wants to do. Do I support her decision? No Do I understand with her? Yes Sirshymex, men can say they are polygamous in nature as long as they want but one thing I know is that a home with a cheating partner is not a happy home. It is torture, it's painful and things can never be the same in that home. I was born into a happy home where I can boldly say my dad never cheated on my mum and I am married to a lovely man who have never cheated on me (I don't always say this as nairaland is anti- happy home). I love my happiness and forever is a long time to be unhappy. I don't do one leg in and one leg out. If it were me (God forbid) I will PROBABLY go the divorce route but I know this is easier said than done. I read your post where you said it is a phase that will pass. That's true but think of the damage that would have been done. What if the wife gets HIV before the phase goes? I also read where you wrote about staying for the children. An unhappy wife is an unhappy mother and the children will not be happy too. I totally understand and agree that divorce is not the best but sometimes it is the best. 4 Likes |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 12:44am On Nov 19, 2014 |
Yields: Darn!! I need to say AMEN to this cos you're a virtuous woman. And hopefully, you'll make the right choice by selecting a thorough bred who understands what loyalty entails - loyalty above everything and death before dishonour! Amen and Amen-Ra! 2 Likes |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by NobleG1(m): 12:45am On Nov 19, 2014 |
Chiefpriest1: A Cheater is a Cheater. Whether you cheat on your partner once a year or daily, you're a cheater. |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 12:46am On Nov 19, 2014 |
And to those who have been cheated on, and hurt by their spouses (both men and women) - this is one of my greatest R.Kelly tunes. I'm dedicating this tune to all of you! Enjoy it - it's well! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjCYs-tDscQ 1 Like |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 12:47am On Nov 19, 2014 |
SirShymex:That is not from the bottom of your heart, dude! 1 Like |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 12:51am On Nov 19, 2014 |
zeongeon: Heh. You'd be wise to practice your own advice. Fortunately for you, that's easily accomplished in a simple two-step process: Regurgitate. Swallow. That'll be all. |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by zeongeon: 12:56am On Nov 19, 2014 |
EnlightenedSoul:is that all or there is more?? |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 12:59am On Nov 19, 2014 |
zeongeon: Sorry, three steps: Reprocess. Regurgitate. Swallow. |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by zeongeon: 1:01am On Nov 19, 2014 |
EnlightenedSoul:you can do better than this nah don't disappoint me. |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 1:08am On Nov 19, 2014 |
zeongeon: Marinate |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by zeongeon: 1:15am On Nov 19, 2014 |
EnlightenedSoul:are u trying to woo me with food or u like marinate..which one is it?? |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 1:21am On Nov 19, 2014 |
all4naija: From the bottom of my heart, mate. Got love for Yields, and I'll never allow no one hurt her. She knows init. |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 1:21am On Nov 19, 2014 |
babygirlfl: Let me just start records straight. I'm not a cheater, and based on the technicalities of cheating. Hence I don't go into relationships like that, I always look before I leap. And also, with relationships, you can always check in and out - and I maximised that in all my relationships to get around. Then come back to my partners. However, you don't have that luxury in marriage - so I won't be able to tell if I'll ever cheat or not. But I hope when the time comes, what was instilled in me by my mum and nan about never hurting a woman and my mentality about loyalty will always take prominence. That said, not making excuses for no one - my opinions about male cheats has do with experience and what I know. I'm around different married folks from different backgrounds everyday, and it's more or less a norm cos almost everyone does it. The wives might be aware or oblivious to it, but it's more or less part of life for a lot of married men. Kind of like crime/breaking-the-law, where only those who get caught become criminals - but that doesn't negate the fact that almost everyone commits one crime or the other almost everyday. That's the reality. And people hate reality. So, when the reality is like that: why are folks still trying to live in denial? Sometimes, rather than find the easy way out and not think things through - it's always better to look at the bigger picture and try other approaches. Communication? Counselling? Checking yourself and making yourself look new to ya spouse everyday? Re-inventing ya marriage? Etc.. See, marriage is a sacred union, with a loads of ups and downs, and those get to go all the way are those who can perserve and endure a lot of things and imperfections the journey would throw at them. It's a race with so many obstacles, and there's no problem in marriage that can't be fixed. Even if you get unhappy sometimes, time and your undying love for ya kids will heal that. I don't even want to get into details of what happened in my parent's marriage, but my mum is a warrior. Despite everything that happened, she stood her ground, and never ran off like a coward. And together, my parents raised 6 kids through some of the best Unis in this country. Now, they're like siamese twins always together laughing and enjoying each other's company. While all the single mums in her age bracket (her friends) are lonely and still jumping from one man's bed to the other. Only the strong will survive. 1 Like |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 1:34am On Nov 19, 2014 |
Op . If you cant cope just quit ... go watch unfaithful by richard gere , the man never cheated tho . am sorry you may never like the repercussion of your actions .... you may have to deal with blackmails , emotional trauma and loads of it. |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by babygirlfl: 2:06am On Nov 19, 2014 |
SirShymex: You have made some good and valid points. I wish all women with cheating partners have their stories ending in a happy way. Sadly it's not the case. While some will end in a "happy" way, most will not. You might pick up a deadly disease. The mistress might plot her way to take your home or even kill you. The man might father other children. The woman might develop other illness and the children might pick up the cheating habit. I think it's time for men to start thinking about their kids too. For a long time, women have been told to do everything for their kids that they no longer have a life. I dislike when people talk about single mums in a horrible way. I don't understand why people look down on them. A woman that ended up becoming a single mum because the husband was cheating has done nothing wrong. Not every woman can tolerate a cheating spouse and we have to accept it. No one prays to end up as a single mum. Trust me divorce is not the easier way out. It is usually the last option. Most people would have tried all the options above. Divorce is a painful process. I don't usually advice people to go for divorce because it is very difficult especially with kids involved. That is why if my advice in a thread or to a friend is towards divorce, I just stay away from that thread or if it's a friend in real life, I will tell her that that is a decision for her to make. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by marv1: 2:42am On Nov 19, 2014 |
happywife:. My dear op two wrongs can never make it right. U need to sit down with him and talk things out. Ask him real questions. If u follow that route of getting smone else, it may cause more damage than good in the long run. |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 2:44am On Nov 19, 2014 |
babygirlfl: Same here. Call me biased, but that's a gr8 policy. I feel divorce is a conclusion only the member(s) of the marriage should come to, and not something to be directly advised. Especially on the internet. |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 3:05am On Nov 19, 2014 |
babygirlfl: Salient points and interesting perspective. However, women also need to start looking before they leap. Like someone already said: there are serial and passive cheaters. Most of the serial cheaters are either late bloomers or folks who never wanted to get married in the first place. But they were coalesced into, and most times, it's difficult to them to shake off the "single" mentality for a long time. And the common denominator/constant is cheating. So folks also need to stop forcing people to marry them. But regardless, people can change as long as they find peace, and get to a phase where they can have sober reflections, which happens all the time to all humans. I've seen career criminals change. Even personally, when I look back at my life from age 16-19, and look at who I'm today - based on how calm I'm most times (in the real word lol)...it's still mystery to me, and everyone around me including my parents. Life just happened. Hence Western society is about giving people second chances. Divorce might be the best option when the man starts making kids everywhere cos that's an irresponsible and sickening behaviour. However, if it hasn't gotten to that stage yet, try all other options to keep that family structure alive. Yes, I agree that men also need to start thinking about their kids. And the consciousness is fast changing and more dads are doing that now. However, you can't deny the fact that kids tend to look towards their mums more cos there's a natural connection (mother and child) between the two. Hence Mother's Day always get more publicity than the Father's Day. As for single mums: I've got nothing but all the respect in the world for them. But most of them can't raise boys the right way. Even girls need a father figure in their lives, and there's this connection between girls and their dads that mums will never be able to provide. And speaking as a black guy who wants the best for my people and my community. A community where our biggest problem is single parent households - there's absolutely no way I'll support that lifestyle. I should've had at least two baby mums if I wanted to, or make babies with just anyone in the next month or so. But I'll never do that cos I utterly hate that cycle, and I'll never be part of it. We as a people just need to start making the right decisions, and start doing the right thing. Divorce is the easy way out. Do you know what the kids are subjected to during/after the whole divorce madness? It's just sickening. Personally, I hate cowards and quitters. Once you get in too deep, you just have to ride out. Maybe my mentality is different cos I'm somewhat stubborn/tough and I grew up where you've to be tough to survive. But I don't rate quitters. Anyway, like my Tutor in College used to tell us during banter sessions, he used to say, "the biggest reason for divorce is marriage. So, if you're ever going to get divorced, don't ever get married." Regardless, whoever goes on the internet or to never-do-well-scandalous-friends to seek advice about their marriages(s), especially divorce, is definitely setting himself/herself for failure. |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 3:38am On Nov 19, 2014 |
SirShymex:I know you are looking for a way to rock her world, my lyrical man. Bwahaha... |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by lexib(m): 5:01am On Nov 19, 2014 |
ohaleoghene: "talking from experience"? Don't be too sure yet o! |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Sunbellar: 6:20am On Nov 19, 2014 |
happywife: Wow! what if you contract HIV first meanwhile, he was careful using condoms? |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 7:31am On Nov 19, 2014 |
Hurrry and marrry b4 those wrinkles start to appear...u will soon clock 40 jennykadry: |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 7:48am On Nov 19, 2014 |
all4naija: Lol, MJ took "rock her world" to his grave...I can't rock anyone's world. |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 7:49am On Nov 19, 2014 |
naijababe: I missed this yesterday. I shouldn't be doing this, but I'll do it for argument sake. Now let's analyse the logic behind the "bad ar.se," can we? If money is the reason why both Hillary Clinton stayed in their marriages, wouldn't it be logical in that context for them get divorced, and elope with half of their husbands' wealth - rather than stay there, and remain an appendage, while allowing the men to keep their wealth intact? Then if it were the status. Let's leave Monica Lewinsky - Hillary Clinton was already a Senator and prominent figure in US politics when Bill Clinton was cheating with Liz Hurley. And if she had left him, it wouldn't have affected her one bit. Then Victoria Beckham was already a superstar with Spice Girls before David Beckham (though David Beckham had/still-has a higher net worth). And when he was cheating - she had already become a fashion icon. Heck, she was a big name in the fashion world back then, and she also just moved to New York to tap into the US market. So, if she had left him - it wouldn't have affected her brand. Victoria beckham made David Beckham a global brand/icon. So, can you please educate me about the "bad ar.se" in her illogical rebuttals? |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Nobody: 7:52am On Nov 19, 2014 |
desdichando: Look at you. sorry to burst your bubble, she is already married. Stop fantasizing. You lots always using menopause to threaten women since the year 600 BC. Una no dey old too? U don marry urself? |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by AZeD1(m): 7:58am On Nov 19, 2014 |
jennykadry:She's moving on, she doesn't discuss educational stuff with the mum again. |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by gentleuwa(m): 8:30am On Nov 19, 2014 |
I wil suggest u get busy wid ur kids always so as 2 4get abt wat's hapening in ur marital home.busy always even at ur office b busy.den wake him up one night nd talk 2 him in a womanly voice nd c his reaction after wich u give him a hot random sex wich u knw no woman wil eva giv him dat kind outside.but y using condom wen both of u r legally married nd ve kids?if u r not ready 2 born a new baby,i wil advice u go 4 family planning.2 tel u my xperience wen i was stil single,immediately i ve a left over condom in my wallet,it pushed me 2 cheat on my partner because i can't tro it away because i used 2 bed her ones in every 3 mnths.so i don't tink couples need dat ting call condom. |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by GoldCircle: 9:14am On Nov 19, 2014 |
babyosisi:No! it is ekwensu that is speaking. very bad advice! |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by Jyde81: 9:25am On Nov 19, 2014 |
voltron:Wow! A clap offering for this. Very deep and enlightened advice...Nice one 1 Like |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by GoldCircle: 9:26am On Nov 19, 2014 |
voodoo85:Talk is cheap! Nairaland is an anonymous forum. peeps can rant all day, while concealing their true identity. I bet more than half the people who spew these sturvs here can't walk the talk. Don't be deceived. 1 Like |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by MadCow1: 9:28am On Nov 19, 2014 |
[b]My Favorite Professor in School used to tell us: The most important rule of cheating is: NEVER GET CAUGHT.. Many Niggas no dey try at all.. They keep text messages, BB messages, call logs, emails, have the girls on their Facebook and Instagram, pay for hotel rooms with a debit card, come back home after a quickie without showering and freshening up, dont wipe their cars down to remove all fingerprints and jewellry that she may have forgotten in the car, e.t.c.. Then the worst crime is that their attitudes toward their wifes change because of her. What I tell women who find out that their spouses are cheating is; Stay or Leave. Chances are he may be remorseful and never do it again or he may just feel like he successfully dodged a bullet and keep keeping on.. The one thing I dont advice women to do is to get paranoid like the OP currently is. I know its a difficult thing but itcant be helpful for either one of you. That kind of paranoia is what may destroy a relationship that was on a healing path. OP should have a sitdown with her husband (NO PASTORS or FAMILY MEMBERS or any THIRD PARTY).. Talk to him and tell him what is going on in her head. We men can be slippery foxes and may try to get out of the conversation by started a fight or a quarrel.. Its a smart womans role to keep the conversation on point with tact and put all the cards on the table. If there is still some love between both of them, guilt would creep up and a good Husband that strayed would do everything he can to fix his mistake. To those smallies saying my rule is; Once a Man cheats he is out.. All I will say to you is stop counting your chickens before the eggs hatch.. Marriage would show you a whole nother side to life and make you have a new found respect for your Mother and other women who have stayed married for so long. [/b] 4 Likes |
Re: How To Tolerate Cheating Husband. by GoldCircle: 9:40am On Nov 19, 2014 |
Cheating husband + fat pocket = Nagging/wahala Broke husband - cheating = Nagging/wahala Broke husband + cheating = Make the best out of your situation. The grass always looks greener on another man's turf.
|
(1) (2) (3) ... (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) ... (20) (Reply)
Married Nigerian Ladies No Longer Take Shit From Their Husbands (Pictures) / Man Buys Honda SUV For Wife Who Gave Birth (pics) / Wife Storms Church, Scatters Husband's Wedding To Another Lady (Pictures)
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 128 |