OK I have been seeing this guy for a while now in short we are dating its been up to a year close to a year we started dating and I love him yes I do but the issue here is that whenever we are going out maybe to buy something or to chill out around the town it happens that if we run into a friend (his friend) he will ask me to go to the back seat for the guy to seat in the front but for what? the first day he did that I respected him and did exactly what he said but he has been doing this every time we see any of his friends on our way going out and I don't like it,,,,,assuming we all left home at same time including the friend I can seat at the back I don't mind but asking me to come down in the middle of the road just for his friend to enter I don't think I can take it any more and mind u for those of u that will start asking me to go get my own car if I don't like what he is doing I have my own car it won't be nice going out with different cars on a date since we can easily use one either his or mine

another one is that he is a hard smoker he smokes anything smokeable just name it,he drinks too but not much tho I'm OK with that one the worst is that he stays out late almost every night, I have tried discussing that with him on several occasion he always promised to change but for where he is getting worst everyday I really don't know what else to say or do to change him because I think I have done everything possible to atleast to make him reduce it but its not working,am thinking of quitting still having a second thought about it that's y I opened this thread for u guys to help me out

NB:::if u know you have nothing reasonable to say please am begging don't comment matured advice only

So my fellow NL'ers what do u suggest I do?

have u spoken to him about that?

zoeee:
have u spoken to him about that?

countless times

It really beats me when i see a thread like this. You met the guy smoking and drinking, you fell in love with him that way, now you are complaining. What are we expected to do?

As for the car ish, maybe you should talk him about it. Prolly, he doesnt even know he is hurting you

Juliaann:
countless times

move on....

As per the car issues. i don't support that, it just shows he doesn't respect you, about if you two were married? is that how he will tell you(his wife) to get down and go to the back seat? whats wrong with his friend(s) staying at the back seat and gisting? i really don't support that move..
Now concerning the smoking aspect... damn girl i don't think i will marry a guy that doesn't value his health. Smoking is really bad, i have tried smoking before, believe me its not healthy, what i advise is that you should talk to him about everything, Tell him about his smoking habit and the way he treats you when he meet his friends. Am sure if he is a mature guy he will see reasons with you.
But please dont allow it to get into a hot argument.
Peace!!!

here to read comments

Mprex:
It really beats me when i see a thread like this. You met the guy smoking and drinking, you fell in love with him that way, now you are complaining. What are we expected to do?

As for the car ish, maybe you should talk him about it. Prolly, he doesnt even know he is hurting you

Thanks.

OP, you don hear so?

One after the other.

Try this. Always sit at the back of the drivers seat not the 'car owner' side. Insist on this and if he wants it otherwise, let him know that you will not shift from any position he offers you.

does ur father have car? u want front seat u know how much that guy has helped him? think what is it about the front seat? if my big sister or mum wan seat my girl or wife go come drag sit with them?

Mprex:
It really beats me when i see a thread like this. You met the guy smoking and drinking, you fell in love with him that way, now you are complaining. What are we expected to do?

As for the car ish, maybe you should talk him about it. Prolly, he doesnt even know he is hurting you

Nop at first I never knew he is a smoker I later found out but it was kinda late because we don't stay together I can't just leave home because of it then I thought its something I can change but hell no its mission impossible

sexyseun:
As per the car issues. i don't support that, it just shows he doesn't respect you, about if you two were married? is that how he will tell you(his wife) to get down and go to the back seat? whats wrong with his friend(s) staying at the back seat and gisting? i really don't support that move..
Now concerning the smoking aspect... damn girl i don't think i will marry a guy that doesn't value his health. Smoking is really bad, i have tried smoking before, believe me its not healthy, what i advise is that you should talk to him about everything, Tell him about his smoking habit and the way he treats you when he meet his friends. Am sure if he is a mature guy he will see reasons with you.
But please dont allow it to get into a hot argument.
Peace!!!

Like I said I have talked about it with him many times he promised to change but am yet to see the change in him

lordizak:
does ur father have car? u want front seat u know how much that guy has helped him? think what is it about the front seat? if my big sister or mum wan seat my girl or wife go come drag sit with them?

must you comment please if u have nothing reasonable to say just check the next thread thanks

When i see stories like this from ladies i don't spare them. I advise but with lots of criticisms. You met a guy nd u know he smokes nd u go ahead to tell us u ar inlove with him. As if thats not enough, he treats u like any other girl he picks on the road nd u tel us u ar in love with him. Thats the bad habit u let us know o. Because i know such guys have other bad qualities but ladies like u wont leave. To be frank with u, you are in love with his money and when anyone loves money he will get any treatment and call it love. Are there no good guys who dnt drink, smoke nd would treat you like a queen? There are but u wont give them chance cos they walk on foot. Am still waiting for the day u will open a thread telling us he picked up a lady on the way nd told u to go to the back. You are asking us weda to continue or not? Pls continue this is just 1 year maybe by 2 years he would have changed or ur age would hav decreased. There are good men look for them money is not everything. Thanks.

The guy has shown u his true colour about respect. If u can bear it, stay in d r/ship but if u cannot, move out of it. Imagine on ur wedding day sitting at d front as u are going home and he sees one of his friends and he ask u to go to d back seat. U said he can smoke anything, meaning he smokes cigarette, wee wee, and anything smokeable. That means he is addicted to smoking. It is only God dat can deliver him from dat addiction. My question to u is: can u cope wit dat after marriage? Can u cope wit all d risks and sicknesses that are caused by smoking? Can u cope wit ill mental behaviour? Can u cope wit all sorts of women abuse? If ur answer is no, pls move out of d r/ship before u put ursef into another bondage.

MORNDEW:
When i see stories like this from ladies i don't spare them. I advise but with lots of criticisms. You met a guy nd u know he smokes nd u go ahead to tell us u ar inlove with him. As if thats not enough, he treats u like any other girl he picks on the road nd u tel us u ar in love with him. Thats the bad habit u let us know o. Because i know such guys have other bad qualities but ladies like u wont leave. To be frank with u, you are in love with his money and when anyone loves money he will get any treatment and call it love. Are there no good guys who dnt drink, smoke nd would treat you like a queen? There are but u wont give them chance cos they walk on foot. Am still waiting for the day u will open a thread telling us he picked up a lady on the way nd told u to go to the back. You are asking us weda to continue or not? Pls continue this is just 1 year maybe by 2 years he would have changed or ur age would hav decreased. There are good men look for them money is not everything. Thanks.

seriously is that all u can come up with?Some people don't bother to read what I wrote up there before commenting who told you am after his money,like I said I have my own car and am not after his money he knows that himself I might not be a millionaire or a billionaire but am OK so please its better u don't say anything than giving me this nonsense as an advice

Funny because just last week I asked my girl to move to the back seat for my G and she did but we had a serious fight when we got back home.

I didn't know it was a big issue, if we are married I sure will not do that but a girlfriend or fiancee I still feel I will prefer my G by my side and my woman behind.....means nothing though n I can't even explain why I want that.

The difference is I will not do it to her again because I love her, if after telling him about it and he still continues then sure he doesn't love you.

BTW is that you on your profile?

Tell him. Or move On

He will only change if and when he is ready to do so. Do what is best for you, you may have to leave this guy.

Timijo:
The guy has shown u his true colour about respect. If u can bear it, stay in d r/ship but if u cannot, move out of it. Imagine on ur wedding day sitting at d front as u are going home and he sees one of his friends and he ask u to go to d back seat. U said he can smoke anything, meaning he smokes cigarette, wee wee, and anything smokeable. That means he is addicted to smoking. It is only God dat can deliver him from dat addiction. My question to u is: can u cope wit dat after marriage? Can u cope wit all d risks and sicknesses that are caused by smoking? Can u cope wit ill mental behaviour? Can u cope wit all sorts of women abuse? If ur answer is no, pls move out of d r/ship before u put ursef into another bondage.

If I can cope with all that I wouldn't even bother myself trying to stop him but because I can't that's y am trying to know if he can stop it but its not working

Mprex:
It really beats me when i see a thread like this. You met the guy smoking and drinking, you fell in love with him that way, now you are complaining. What are we expected to do?

As for the car ish, maybe you should talk him about it. Prolly, he doesnt even know he is hurting you

God bless u my sister... tell her

adewasco2k:
Funny because just last week I asked my girl to move to the back seat for my G and she did but we had a serious fight when we got back home.

I didn't know it was a big issue, if we are married I sure will not do that but a girlfriend or fiancee I still feel I will prefer my G by my side and my woman behind.....means nothing though n I can't even explain why I want that.

The difference is I will not do it to her again because I love her, if after telling him about it and he still continues then sure he doesn't love you.

BTW is that you on your profile?

why are you opening your eye like what i dont know sef? i tot u jst said u love ur babe? Am sure if d OP give u ukwu, u go damage am....

sexyseun:
why are you opening your eye like what i dont know sef? i tot u jst said u love ur babe? Am sure if d OP give u ukwu, u go damage am....

I love my girl but even she knows looking is allowed

Timijo:
The guy has shown u his true colour about respect. If u can bear it, stay in d r/ship but if u cannot, move out of it. Imagine on ur wedding day sitting at d front as u are going home and he sees one of his friends and he ask u to go to d back seat. U said he can smoke anything, meaning he smokes cigarette, wee wee, and anything smokeable. That means he is addicted to smoking. It is only God dat can deliver him from dat addiction. My question to u is: can u cope wit dat after marriage? Can u cope wit all d risks and sicknesses that are caused by smoking? Can u cope wit ill mental behaviour? Can u cope wit all sorts of women abuse? If ur answer is no, pls move out of d r/ship before u put ursef into another bondage.

God bless u jawe may u live long. tell her more

Thanks guys

Juliaann:
seriously is that all u can come up with?Some people don't bother to read what I wrote up there before commenting who told you am after his money,like I said I have my own car and am not after his money he knows that himself I might not be a millionaire or a billionaire but am OK so please its better u don't say anything than giving me this nonsense as an advice

you have your own car. Thats good now why are you with a guy that have such abusive behaviour? Why don't you look for a nice guy who has got a nice character from the present one u ar witnessing nd giv him the car to carry you in front seat. Do you know u ve not told us why u so much love him maybe that way i can drop my little piece as usual.

Juliaann:
If I can cope with all that I wouldn't even bother myself trying to stop him but because I can't that's y am trying to know if he can stop it but its not working

U said it is not working! So wat are u still doing in d r/ship? If u stay, u might cause more harm to ursef. It is beta to quit now and trust God for a beta man than to quit after 1 or 2 children.

Mynd44:


Thanks.

OP, you don hear so?

Bros, God bless you.

The act of him telling you to step down of the car in the Middle of the road and get to the back seat is disrespectful and unacceptable, you should tell him plainly that you're not so going to any back seat anymore whenever he wants to pick up any of his friends, like you rightly pointed out if you guys started the journey together and he ask you to take the back seat that's understandable but not in the middle of a trip, don't do it next time and let him know.

For smoking and drinking, it's up to you to decide if you can cope and condone such habits, but be told you can't change one's addiction, they change when they decide or want to. If you can't deal take a walk, earlier the better, but if you can deal fine

Its great to love and especially wonderful when the object of our love reciprocates the gesture.

Love, for me, should be given without any strings attached. I don't think there should be a good reason to show love to another.

On that premise, I won't blame you for 'loving' this guy even after noticing some irreconcilable traits in him.

I believe firmly that it is not a must to be with everyone we are demonstrably in love with. There are times when it is expedient that we let go, no matter the hurt.

You know yourself and I want to believe you know those bad traits that you can learn to live with in time.

If your guy's behaviour falls short of the mark, after doing a proper assessment, then by all means leave.

For me, relationships should give a bit of insight into what we should expect in marriage.

If there is anything plaguing your relationship which you know full well you won't tolerate as a married person, then there is absolutely no need to stick around.

It is not your responsibility to change a grown-up. Hoping for a change may bring untold hardships and heartbreak.

Hey OP, sorry about that. Generally, I suppose you really care for him.

Sometimes we're guilty of not paying attention to little things.

Don't be downhearted. You just have to use sense of humor to solve this little problem. Ask him to pamper you a little bit more with regard to sitting in front of the car next time. While his friend goes to be back.

Not withstand though, for the fact that he is so addicted to smoking, it's really going to be very difficult for him to quit. This is because he's already a chain smoker.
Just keep your fingers crossed and hope he changes automatically.