I recently posted my personal opinions on '6 reasons that keep Nigerian ladies above 30 from getting married.'

[url] https://www.nairaland.com/2130732/6-reasons-keep-nigerian-ladies [/url].

I was inundated by personal messages from people who found the post very insightful and helpful - Thanks to all of you. However, there are some people who wanted to know from the side of a lady above 30 how Nigerian brothers can better understand their ladies above 30 in relationships.

These are my personal opinions (but I was there too):

1. Don't Take Advantage Of Them: Ladies mature faster and ready to be wives and mothers at 19yrs, on the other hand economic hardship in Nigeria has moved the eligibility of most bachelors to above 30, as they struggle with unemployment and financial stability. Religious houses (specially churches) cash in on this to draw members teasing ladies that husbands are scarce. In fact, some make it look like being a single lady is a problem, a curse, and an epidemic. Unfortunately, most ladies buy this argument & become desperate, competing for the few 'scarce husbands' rather than pursue other goals. The truth is that it's better to marry at 38yrs to a responsible man and have a peaceful, mature family than rushing in at 23 with an immature boy, living in hell and abuse afterwards. Not all ladies above 30 are desperate to marry just any man. They simply want to settle down with a responsible man. Respect that & prove yourself!

2. Respect Her Time & Schedule Too: You can no longer date a responsible woman above 30 like your under-20 college sweetheart expecting her to come over to your house every weekend to cook, clean your house, and wash your clothes. At above 30+ most ladies are already working, busy and stressed out too. Some are at management positions, doing well financially too. You have to treat them with respect as partners not as your 'little girl'. You cannot shout on them or boss them around because you are a man or demand they be by your side 16hrs a day. You can't be disrespecting them in the public, pinching and slapping their behind on the streets. They are no longer teenagers!

3. It's Not About S=ex: At above 30, bones are becoming stiff. The body is no longer as flexible as that of the teenagers and under 20s, energy is wearing out too. You cannot expect to make love to her 5 times a day turning her in 7 different positions just to fulfill your fantasy at the expense of her health as you did your little girlfriend in school. Give her a break! Appreciate and understand that she may say 'No' sometimes and resist being used to experiment your new styles. It doesn't mean she's stubborn. She's mindful of her health and well-being.

4. They know What They Want: At above 30, most ladies might have been in previous relationships.They might have tasted other men and have basis for comparison. Therefore, they know when you are good or or bad in what you do. Don't take it as a criticism when they make inputs to help make the relationship better even when they try to compare you to their Exs. I know it's annoying but please understand, and pay attention to her suggestions not the man she used in comparison. We like men who listen to us. , Arrogant man is a turnoff!

5. She May Not Be A Feminist: People who say a lot have a lot to say. Sometimes it's from wealth of life experiences, though we may misinterpret them as nagging or being talkative. We learn a lot from women who teach and talk too. Except for people who argue blindly on issues they know nothing about, a lady above 30 is often educated, has life experiences, and knowledge she would like to share too. She's not argumentative, or being opinionated when she airs her views in a discussion. You may disagree with her passions but please don't shut her up, try to lord it over her or call her a 'Feminist' (if she's not) simply because she airs her views and feel passionate about them. She sees herself as a partner and you treat her like a housegirl. It hurts when you do that! As a man control the argument and close it off when it begins to drag & derail!

6. Don't Criticize Her With Her Past Mistakes: She definitely has a past, sometime not too rosy. Don't keep bringing it up, or keep using it to bring her down. Yes! Perhaps she failed in some things/relationships, perhaps married before, perhaps has a baby, perhaps had abortion as a teenager or in college, perhaps slept with a boss or pastor, etc AND SO WHAT! Mary Magdalene did yet Jesus kept her as best friend! She shared them with you to have a closure & feel close to you and not for you to bring them up and use them to judge her when you quarrel. Please never ever call a woman 'Ashawo' (prostitute). This is what you men say that hurt women most. She did what she did out of love or desperation. It's a past! Now it's all about you, give her a chance to love you.

7. Don't Waste Her Time: Finally age is not on her side; body clock is ticking, body parts have started sagging, maternal instincts have kicked in. She wants to settle down and may be impatient when you want to date her for another 3 years without taking a decision. If you don't want her for keeps please don't waste her time either. Please 6 months is enough time to decide if you want her as your wife or not.

Remember if you marry a good woman above 30 you got a Jewel! You marry a woman with maturity to handle marital challenges and mostly likely a woman most likely to bring something to the table to help both of you build a life of your dreams together.


May This Year Be A Your Year of Proposal, Marriages, Childbirths and Career Breakthroughs!!!

well said

oya... i am ready .. let d pms start coming

So on point.

well said. MOST IMPORTANTLY IS THE LAST POINT, a 30 year old lady is not a 22, 23 year old. At 30, her aim of entering relationship is for marriage, so after 5-6 months and you discover that she is not the one please stay away from her. DO NOT waste her time or play around or call her desperate cos u are aware of her age and priority before you asked her for a relationship. You can't eat your cake and have it, you either show and prove, if not go away.

Harmonyemerald:
well said. MOST IMPORTANTLY IS THE LAST POINT, a 30 year old lady is not a 22, 23 year old. At 30, her aim of entering relationship is for marriage, so after 5-6 months and you discover that she is not the one please stay away from her. DO NOT waste her time or play around or call her desperate cos u are aware of her age and priority before you asked her for a relationship. You can't eat your cake and have it, you either show and prove, if not go away.

This was my major problem too. People around called me picky but I was not. I just moved on when I found out that man was only wasting my time and trying to cash in on my age. When you meet a serious man it doesn't take forever. Things happen very fast. Two matured minds know what they want. once they meet each other they click. Even when the man doesn't have everything going, you can pool resources together to get things going. He must pay the bride price (with no assistance. It's tradition). But since you are working you can assist with wedding plans and settling down (aka housing, rent, furniture, etc)

Woged2005:

I recently posted my personal opinions on '6 reasons that keep Nigerian ladies above 30 from getting married.'

[url] https://www.nairaland.com/2130732/6-reasons-keep-nigerian-ladies [/url].

I was inundated by personal messages from people who found the post very insightful and helpful

Loool!!

ileobatojo:


Loool!!

That came out funny to you too?

What is there to understand? but the fact is they don't wish to get married at that age

I weep for Africa.

Stillfire:
I weep for Africa.

Please don't weep for Africa. Think and make Africa work. . Every continent has it's challenges. What we have in Africa is the challenge of identity crises, where people are confused between western and African culture which one to embrace. Many try to eat their cake and have it by trying to combine both cultures and end up in a well of confusion. Otherwise why should a brother travel all the way from Europe to Nigeria to marry a lady he believes will be more African than those in Europe, then turn around to force her to behave and act European (forcing her to work 2 jobs to help pay bills,when African men, by tradition, provide for their wives and children)? Isn't that confusion right there?

Nice post

Stillfire:
I weep for Africa.

Nice post but I don't think I can stand the hassle.

The post is so on point!

striktlymi:
Nice post but I don't think I can stand the hassle.

Anything good is worth fighting for dear. Don't give up.

Summary :
The no1 priority of a lady above 30 is marriage.

And you are re-affirming that to Nigerian men.

3. It's Not About S=ex: At above 30, bones are becoming stiff. The body is no longer as flexible as that of the teenagers and under 20s, energy is wearing out too. You cannot expect to make love to her 5 times a day turning her in 7 different positions just to fulfill your fantasy at the expense of her health as you did your little girlfriend in school. Give her a break! Appreciate and understand that she may say 'No' sometimes and resist being used to experiment your new styles. It doesn't mean she's stubborn. She's mindful of her health and well-being.

5 times a day was an exaggeration i suppose?


Stiff bones you say? Lol.she's in her 30's not 50's

Yaay!!

This thread smells of desperation.

Pun intended

Woged2005:

Please don't weep for Africa. Think and make Africa work. . Every continent has it's challenges. What we have in Africa is the challenge of identity crises, where people are confused between western and African culture which one to embrace. Many try to eat their cake and have it by trying to combine both cultures and end up in a well of confusion. Otherwise why should a brother travel all the way from Europe to Nigeria to marry a lady he believes will be more African than those in Europe, then turn around to force her to behave and act European (forcing her to work 2 jobs to help pay bills,when African men, by tradition, provide for their wives and children)? Isn't that confusion right there?

Still weeping for Africa.
Maybe you can teach me how the average Nigerian female thinks because apparently I don't understand. I need to understand the level you guys operate.

You say 'acting European' and your example was a woman working and paying bills?
Let's talk about this thing we call tradition a bit...
The original Western culture relegated women to the back seat, refused them to work and primitively usurped their rights. It was different in Africa. Women worked and most importantly were not silenced. They knew their rights and their voices were heard. So who copied who?
The African man is backed by tradition that the wife work as well and contribute her quota to the house.

Once a lady turns 30 her chances of getting married declines gradually. Suitors begin to ask questions, "what has been keeping her from getting married all the while?", "hmmn am I missing out something about her?'
"Her past, what has it been like"?

see GOOGLE answer of the most corrupt president in nigeria

1

She has shared it all, now I'm to manage? Ok

another cliche

:-/

WHO CARES I PREFER ALL NIGERIAN GIRLS REMAIN SINGLE. THEY ARE THIEVES LOOKING FOR THE NEXT PREY TO DEVOUR. THEY SCAM MEN IN THE NAME OF LOVE AND MOVE ON TO THE NEXT GUY WHEN YOU PRETEND TO BE BROKE. THEY'RE NOT LOYAL. TRUE LOVE AND PERSEVERANCE IS NOT IN THEIR DICTIONARY. ALL THEY KNOW IS TO GO ON A DATE WITH A NEW CATCH AND ORDER WHAT THIER FATHER CANT BUY THEM AT HOME. THEY EAT WITH GREED AND GROW BELLIES LIKE GLUTTON. VALENTINES DAY IS APPROACHING, IF YOU DOUBT ALL I'M SAYING VISIT A NEARBY EATRY AND SEE THEM FILL THIER TABLES WITH FOODS AND DRINKS THEY CAN'T AFFORD COURTESY OF A NEW MAGA SITTING IN HER FRONT. THIEVES

Woged2005:


This was my major problem too. People around called me picky but I was not. I just moved on when I found out that man was only wasting my time and trying to cash in on my age. When you meet a serious man it doesn't take forever. Things happen very fast. Two matured minds know what they want. once they meet each other they click. Even when the man doesn't have everything going, you can pool resources together to get things going. He must pay the bride price (with no assistance. It's tradition). But since you are working you can assist with wedding plans and settling down (aka housing, rent, furniture, etc)

Hahahahah...see advert.

Ok na..lets date so we can find out if we are compatible for marriage.

Beautiful writeup, I will pick one or two things here.

Thanks.