you are just a fucktool to him.

.

G

kemachuk:


A man who wants to see me soar like an Eagle. Who is always pushing me to greater heights. Who has made me achieve so much despite our challenges, then I'm glad to be his fucktool like u said.
Thank U.

Ignore babe...


Some people are happier if people around them are sad...


Ignore...

That was how i ran away from one doctor like that oh.
Na so the guy go just they look ooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Me i go dey talk cha cha cha. Ah, first time. Second time. Third time. Omo, i run before we even start.



How will you be with a man/woman you are about to date and you cant even carry out a healthy conversation?
Tv-fone-ipad-book-look round-look round- look round again- tv-fone- ipad-look round... na wah oh...

veave:
That was how i ran away from one doctor like that oh.
Na so the guy go just they look ooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Me i go dey talk cha cha cha. Ah, first time. Second time. Third time. Omo, i run before we even start.



How will you be with a man/woman you are about to date and you cant even carry out a healthy conversation?
Tv-fone-ipad-book-look round-look round- look round again- tv-fone- ipad-look round... na wah oh...

lol

You should be wary of men who talk too much.

You trying to relate in fields you don't know might be a turn off.

Imagine some women just to strike a conversation start why don't they use orange football or hears about the country of Jordan in politics and ask if Michael Jordan is the king of the place.

kemachuk:

I really do appreciate ds post. Thank God I created ds thread. We had a talk and I realised I'm trying to change his nature to mine. I've made amends n happy.

Fantastic !!

veave:
That was how i ran away from one doctor like that oh.
Na so the guy go just they look ooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Me i go dey talk cha cha cha. Ah, first time. Second time. Third time. Omo, i run before we even start.



How will you be with a man/woman you are about to date and you cant even carry out a healthy conversation?
Tv-fone-ipad-book-look round-look round- look round again- tv-fone- ipad-look round... na wah oh...

Are u sure you didn't run from the will of God for your life?
Some people are just mild mannered by nature

kemachuk:


A man who wants to see me soar like an Eagle. Who is always pushing me to greater heights. Who has made me achieve so much despite our challenges, then I'm glad to be his fucktool like u said.
Thank U.

dat was all i could think off but now that u have expantiated i withdraw my statement.

fuzzywuzzy:
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! What a bunch of wierdos!

Mutter is an abused woman. Shouldn't surprise you. Can't believe any human being with a brain would take her advice.

My dear it is not strange at all, people are created differently.

Could remember having same issue with my better half till we realised we are wired to respond to issues and discussions in a particular way.

Just understand his type of person and pattern of discussion, you will be amazed how interesting you will find him.

Yours is even better, how will you classify a core introvert who barely associates with people except me.

She is not on Facebook. (She has never facebooked her entire life).
She does not keep friends (not even a best friend).
I forced her to start pinging just last year (she actually have just 4 people on her bbm contact list). Her sisters, my elder sis and me. I bet she has never said hi to my sis before on bbm because I actually added my sis pin on her device.
No one has ever come visiting her except during my birthday party (just one of her colleagues).
She has never dialled my mom or dad's line before.
I am her bestfriend, friend, husband etc.

My dear, just understand your hubby, there are other side of him you must find consoling.

kemachuk:
E-family please advice me on how to make my hubby communicate more. He doesn't like gisting. Prefers watching cnn. Me I like fashion, celebs gist and he isn't interested in stuff like that. I stopped talking about those when he opened up to me that he's not into such gist. Even when I bring up politics his respond is yes, no kind of respond. What do I do about this cos I've even tried talking Football but he isn't interested. Or is that I am the problem? Between we've been married 4 2yrs with a son. I'm not really the talking type too but @least they should be things we should talk about.

Your hubby is a sad basta......rd!

richyblink1:
My dear it is not strange at all, people are created differently.

Could remember having same issue with my better half till we realised we are wired to respond to issues and discussions in a particular way.

Just understand his type of person and pattern of discussion, you will be amazed how interesting you will find him.

Yours is even better, how will you classify a core introvert who barely associates with people except me.

She is not on Facebook. (She has never facebooked her entire life).
She does not keep friends (not even a best friend).
I forced her to start pinging just last year (she actually have just 4 people on her bbm contact list). Her sisters, my elder sis and me. I bet she has never said hi to my sis before on bbm because I actually added my sis pin on her device.
No one has ever come visiting her except during my birthday party (just one of her colleagues).
She has never dialled my mom or dad's line before.
I am her bestfriend, friend, husband etc.

My dear, just understand your hubby, there are other side of him you must find consoling.

A very nice post

Please drop tips on how you were able to communicate with your wife; the OP seems like an outgoing person

@OP, this is also very helpful...

If no prior issues, just imagine your hubby to be the male version of this poster's wife.

obowunmi:


Mutter is an abused woman. Shouldn't surprise you. Can't believe any human being with a brain would take her advice.

That was harsh. Be happy she's happy.

babyosisi:


Are u sure you didn't run from the will of God for your life?
Some people are just mild mannered by nature

If he's the will of God, we'll find our way back together. I pray he changes for good by the time he comes back...
Me i no fit shout abeg...

obowunmi:


Mutter is an abused woman. Shouldn't surprise you. Can't believe any human being with a brain would take her advice.

Obowunmi how observant of you!

So I need to Management you up with more details so you can broadcast them a bit more.
I was in an abusive marriage. I left my husband finally on the 2nd of June 1995.
Came to Germany and started a new life with my kid`s. Got married again three years later.

I am a survive and I am so proud of myself.
Also so grateful to God.

God has showered me with so many blessings.
A saint of a husband that loves me and the kid`s.
Lovely kid`s even though they can be challenging too!
Happiness and peace of mind...

When you and some others make such comments you remind me that I once was married to someone as inhuman as the comments you make and it gives me every reason to be grateful to God.

So please next time you see some stupid thing I wrote feel free to leave your comments.
You see, I have no bitterness in my heart for anything or anyone because there is not enough time for the good things in life.

and because

Hating is like drinking a poison and waiting for the other person to die

and because I know that people only turn to insults and violence when they lack reason or are frustrated.

Have a nice day

babyosisi:

don't let the sissified men on nairaland who gossip and talk like women

That cracked me up!!!

To the Original Post:

I don't think you need two years and one child after to be awakened to the fact that your husband does not engage you in the kinda conversation you want.

If your husband was just quiet but ensures that he discusses important matters that bothers on making decisions that affects the family with you I wouldn't have seen anything wrong there.

But your post seems to suggest that he keeps vital information from you, unless you get to know about it by chance.

That is not healthy from my standpoint. Its an indication that there is a major problem which goes beyond gisting about the next episode of the Kardesians.

kemachuk:
E-family please advice me on how to make my hubby communicate more. He doesn't like gisting. Prefers watching cnn. Me I like fashion, celebs gist and he isn't interested in stuff like that. I stopped talking about those when he opened up to me that he's not into such gist. Even when I bring up politics his respond is yes, no kind of respond. What do I do about this cos I've even tried talking Football but he isn't interested. Or is that I am the problem? Between we've been married 4 2yrs with a son. I'm not really the talking type too but @least they should be things we should talk about.

abeg is the guys name Dozie sounds like one of my uselex ex bf hes married now with a kid if yes then u are in for a very long thing :

mutter:


Obowunmi how observant of you!

So I need to Management you up with more details so you can broadcast them a bit more.
I was in an abusive marriage. I left my husband finally on the 2nd of June 1995.
Came to Germany and started a new life with my kid`s. Got married again three years later.

I am a survive and I am so proud of myself.
Also so grateful to God.

God has showered me with so many blessings.
A saint of a husband that loves me and the kid`s.
Lovely kid`s even though they can be challenging too!
Happiness and peace of mind...

When you and some others make such comments you remind me that I once was married to someone as inhuman as the comments you make and it gives me every reason to be grateful to God.

So please next time you see some stupid thing I wrote feel free to leave your comments.
You see, I have no bitterness in my heart for anything or anyone because there is not enough time for the good things in life.

and because

Hating is like drinking a poison and waiting for the other person to die

and because I know that people only turn to insults and violence when they lack reason or are frustrated.

Have a nice day

Good response. That's why a lot of pple don't share dia stories, cos pple will def use same story to attack them.

jinkees:
abeg is the guys name Dozie sounds like one of my uselex ex bf hes married now with a kid if yes then u are in for a very long thing :

I hope it's not d same dozie that gave my friend HBP, until I practically slapped some senses into her before she left him.

veave:
That was how i ran away from one doctor like that oh.
Na so the guy go just they look ooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Me i go dey talk cha cha cha. Ah, first time. Second time. Third time. Omo, i run before we even start.



How will you be with a man/woman you are about to date and you cant even carry out a healthy conversation?
Tv-fone-ipad-book-look round-look round- look round again- tv-fone- ipad-look round... na wah oh...

mutter:


I was in an abusive marriage. I left my husband finally on the 2nd of June 1995.
Came to Germany and started a new life with my kid`s. Got married again three years later.

I am a survive and I am so proud of myself.
Also so grateful to God.

God has showered me with so many blessings.
A saint of a husband that loves me and the kid`s.
Lovely kid`s even though they can be challenging too!
Happiness and peace of mind...

When you and some others make such comments you remind me that I once was married to someone as inhuman as the comments you make and it gives me every reason to be grateful to God.

Ma'am please pardon me for this question I want to ask but I believe we are all here to learn and also express ourselves so I hope you will oblige me with an answer.

You seem to be a very good natured simple woman even tho I don't agree with all of your ideas, now here's my confusion;

For someone as good natured as u, perfect wife material(nairaland guys will agree with me) and I also believe all these advise you give women on nairaland you put it to practice, how come your first marriage still didn't work

Really it scares me that you could be the perfect wife and yet What hopes do my strong-willed self have then

Marriages get boring at times, seeing the same person everyday.
FIRST, Make a list of topics that you absolutely need him to communicate.
Let him talk when he’s ready. If you need to discuss something that will probably make him uncomfortable and shut down, bring it up calmly and ask, “When would be a good time to talk about this?” This allows him time to think things over, prepare a response, and calm down from the stress of being confronted.
Talk while you are doing something else. Do it while walking, while sitting in the car, or over dinner.
When he does talk, reward him. This is important, especially if he is finally opening up for the first time. Hug him. Say thank you. Take him to the bedroom.
Talk about your loneliness
Don’t ask him what he’s thinking or feeling. You’re just wasting your creative energy on that one. The answer to, “What are you thinking?” is probably, “Nothing.” The answer to “What are you feeling?” is probably “I have no clue.” Instead, ask him very specific questions that cannot be answered with a yes or a no, questions such as:
Tell me about the most interesting thing that happened to you today.
If you could do anything with your life, what would it be?
If you could live anywhere, where would you want to live?

bukatyne:


A very nice post

Please drop tips on how you were able to communicate with your wife; the OP seems like an outgoing person

@OP, this is also very helpful...

If no prior issues, just imagine your hubby to be the male version of this poster's wife.

My dear, it was difficult at first but thank God I applied wisdom.

Initially I was bothered on how she is going to flow with my folks, siblings and neighbours because she barely want to raise any topic of discussion and is not willing to contribute either. But when I realise her environment and up bringing shaped her that way, had no other option than following her gently.

The following steps helped.

1. I paid attention to find out things that intrigues her and ensure I equally get involve or show interest in them. At first it was difficult because she is someone who will hardly even want to tell you what she wants, likes or need.
For instance she is not keen to seeing movies or really pay attention to gadgets etc. But at the same time she love watching TELEMUNDO. So I had to start following the series (Lola, my heart beats for Lola, where is Elisa etc). By so doing I will pretend not knowing the acts so she can fill me in thereby creating an atmosphere for discussion.

2. She is good with animals and their various specie's. So whenever we are home I will intentionally tune Natgeo-wild and pretend I am interested in knowing their various species which will make her open up and start teaching me. By so doing discussion will follow.

3. She is not comfortable with crowd, so I reduced the number of people visiting the house so as to create a conducive environment for her to feel free and discuss with me.

4. Haven noticed she likes Oscar (Chelsea's soccer star) I always ensure she is aware when Chelsea is playing and ensure we don't just talk about just Oscar, but other players which will lead to more topic of discussion.

5. Since she dislikes going out (staying indoor is her best form of relaxing) I will always use her love for SUYA to lure her out. And there is no way we will not interact while strolling to get SUYA.

It is just a personal thing. Once you are committed to making your union a happy, fulfilling, fun filled and interesting one. You will go extra mile to making your partner feel at home.

jadelyn007:
Ma'am please pardon me for this question I want to ask but I believe we are all here to learn and also express ourselves so I hope you will oblige me with an answer.

You seem to be a very good natured simple woman even tho I don't agree with all of your ideas, now here's my confusion;

For someone as good natured as u, perfect wife material(nairaland guys will agree with me) and I also believe all these advise you give women on nairaland you put it to practice, how come your first marriage still didn't work

Really it scares me that you could be the perfect wife and yet What hopes do my strong-willed self have then

I am still looking for the answer to that question.
I was young, full of life and grown up in the east with a german mother. I am not claiming my parents were madly in love but I had a different idea of love and marriage.
He was older grew up in the north, a polygamous home and the youngest, the bread winner of the family. He was the only one with any education in the familly and his family had a great influence on him. Perhaps he was under that pressure.
However that does not explain all the terrible things he did. I asked his other wife`s after me if he ever did that and they all told me he never hit them or tried to dominate them that way but he was constantly comparing them to me. At the end he just grew cold and distanced himself from them. He was also very cruel to them but he never really hit them.
Perhaps because they all came from the same place and their families were influential there.
He keeps apologizing and tells me till today he was jazzed but that is just a ridiculous argument.

richyblink1:


My dear, it was difficult at first but thank God I applied wisdom.

Initially I was bothered on how she is going to flow with my folks, siblings and neighbours because she barely want to raise any topic of discussion and is not willing to contribute either. But when I realise her environment and up bringing shaped her that way, had no other option than following her gently.

The following steps helped.

1. I paid attention to find out things that intrigues her and ensure I equally get involve or show interest in them. At first it was difficult because she is someone who will hardly even want to tell you what she wants, likes or need.
For instance she is not keen to seeing movies or really pay attention to gadgets etc. But at the same time she love watching TELEMUNDO. So I had to start following the series (Lola, my heart beats for Lola, where is Elisa etc). By so doing I will pretend not knowing the acts so she can fill me in thereby creating an atmosphere for discussion.

2. She is good with animals and their various specie's. So whenever we are home I will intentionally tune Natgeo-wild and pretend I am interested in knowing their various species which will make her open up and start teaching me. By so doing discussion will follow.

3. She is not comfortable with crowd, so I reduced the number of people visiting the house so as to create a conducive environment for her to feel free and discuss with me.

4. Haven noticed she likes Oscar (Chelsea's soccer star) I always ensure she is aware when Chelsea is playing and ensure we don't just talk about just Oscar, but other players which will lead to more topic of discussion.

5. Since she dislikes going out (staying indoor is her best form of relaxing) I will always use her love for SUYA to lure her out. And there is no way we will not interact while strolling to get SUYA.

It is just a personal thing. Once you are committed to making your union a happy, fulfilling, fun filled and interesting one. You will go extra mile to making your partner feel at home.

Lovely man.

mutter:


I am still looking for the answer to that question.
I was young, full of life and grown up in the east with a german mother. I am not claiming my parents were madly in love but I had a different idea of love and marriage.
He was older grew up in the north, a polygamous home and the youngest, the bread winner of the family. He was the only one with any education in the familly and his family had a great influence on him. Perhaps he was under that pressure.
However that does not explain all the terrible things he did. I asked his other wife`s after me if he ever did that and they all told me he never hit them or tried to dominate them that way but he was constantly comparing them to me. At the end he just grew cold and distanced himself from them. He was also very cruel to them but he never really hit them.
Perhaps because they all came from the same place and their families were influential there.
He keeps apologizing and tells me till today he was jazzed but that is just a ridiculous argument.

You should thank you stars you took the right step of extracting yourself from the situation.

Anyway I don't see myself in that extreme situation when my brothers are still alive the man would be the one thanking his stars if he gets out of the marriage without telltale scars.

I guess you didn't have a very supportive family that's why.

richyblink1:


My dear, it was difficult at first but thank God I applied wisdom.

Initially I was bothered on how she is going to flow with my folks, siblings and neighbours because she barely want to raise any topic of discussion and is not willing to contribute either. But when I realise her environment and up bringing shaped her that way, had no other option than following her gently.

The following steps helped.

1. I paid attention to find out things that intrigues her and ensure I equally get involve or show interest in them. At first it was difficult because she is someone who will hardly even want to tell you what she wants, likes or need.
For instance she is not keen to seeing movies or really pay attention to gadgets etc. But at the same time she love watching TELEMUNDO. So I had to start following the series (Lola, my heart beats for Lola, where is Elisa etc). By so doing I will pretend not knowing the acts so she can fill me in thereby creating an atmosphere for discussion.

2. She is good with animals and their various specie's. So whenever we are home I will intentionally tune Natgeo-wild and pretend I am interested in knowing their various species which will make her open up and start teaching me. By so doing discussion will follow.

3. She is not comfortable with crowd, so I reduced the number of people visiting the house so as to create a conducive environment for her to feel free and discuss with me.

4. Haven noticed she likes Oscar (Chelsea's soccer star) I always ensure she is aware when Chelsea is playing and ensure we don't just talk about just Oscar, but other players which will lead to more topic of discussion.

5. Since she dislikes going out (staying indoor is her best form of relaxing) I will always use her love for SUYA to lure her out. And there is no way we will not interact while strolling to get SUYA.

It is just a personal thing. Once you are committed to making your union a happy, fulfilling, fun filled and interesting one. You will go extra mile to making your partner feel at home.

Wow!

Perfect

God bless your home

richyblink1:


My dear, it was difficult at first but thank God I applied wisdom.

Initially I was bothered on how she is going to flow with my folks, siblings and neighbours because she barely want to raise any topic of discussion and is not willing to contribute either. But when I realise her environment and up bringing shaped her that way, had no other option than following her gently.

The following steps helped.

1. I paid attention to find out things that intrigues her and ensure I equally get involve or show interest in them. At first it was difficult because she is someone who will hardly even want to tell you what she wants, likes or need.
For instance she is not keen to seeing movies or really pay attention to gadgets etc. But at the same time she love watching TELEMUNDO. So I had to start following the series (Lola, my heart beats for Lola, where is Elisa etc). By so doing I will pretend not knowing the acts so she can fill me in thereby creating an atmosphere for discussion.

2. She is good with animals and their various specie's. So whenever we are home I will intentionally tune Natgeo-wild and pretend I am interested in knowing their various species which will make her open up and start teaching me. By so doing discussion will follow.

3. She is not comfortable with crowd, so I reduced the number of people visiting the house so as to create a conducive environment for her to feel free and discuss with me.

4. Haven noticed she likes Oscar (Chelsea's soccer star) I always ensure she is aware when Chelsea is playing and ensure we don't just talk about just Oscar, but other players which will lead to more topic of discussion.

5. Since she dislikes going out (staying indoor is her best form of relaxing) I will always use her love for SUYA to lure her out. And there is no way we will not interact while strolling to get SUYA.

It is just a personal thing. Once you are committed to making your union a happy, fulfilling, fun filled and interesting one. You will go extra mile to making your partner feel at home.

One of the few good men around.

jadelyn007:
You should thank you stars you took the right step of extracting yourself from the situation.

Anyway I don't see myself in that extreme situation when my brothers are still alive the man would be the one thanking his stars if he gets out of the marriage without telltale scars.

I guess you didn't have a very supportive family that's why.

The family also played a role.
My mum was in a comma for years and my dad was busy trying to pick up his life. I did not even want to add to his problems. My siblings were no longer in the country. My dads family was pretty small and very educated, I just think that they could not start anything with the situation.
When I eventually told my family, my grandfather who was the head of the family said I should come home. They said I was not equipped to deal with the marriage.
What made them take that decision was also because he kept bringing charms and other strange objects into the house. -Amongst others some leather wrapping tied with a red rope and when you un fold it, it was full of bloody daggers

mutter:


The family also played a role.
My mum was in a comma for years and my dad was busy trying to pick up his life. I did not even want to add to his problems. My siblings were no longer in the country. My dads family was pretty small and very educated, I just think that they could not start anything with the situation.
When I eventually told my family, my grandfather who was the head of the family said I should come home. They said I was not equipped to deal with the marriage.
What made them take that decision was also because he kept bringing charms and other strange objects into the house. -Amongst others some leather wrapping tied with a red rope and when you un fold it, it was full of bloody daggers

fetish and cruel!!! I can only imagine, but that nonsense won't happen in my family.

When my aunt just had her 3rd son(she has 5boys now) she had a quarel with her hubby and the man beat her up for the first time, when she told my mum, we went to pick her and the kids but the man wasn't home. For the next 4months she was with us, when he eventually came to beg, we all refused to let her go back( we r close knit like that) and we promised he'll never have his hands on the kids in his life, we were ready for a court case or whatever. It took his dad, mum, and elder brothers going to apologise to my grandparents and uncles n aunts before we let her home.

Till date, that incidence has never repeated itself.

You were quite young and in a disadvantageous position, he took advantage of your helpless situation. Some people are just cruel like that, if you don't give them a taste of their own medicine they'll ride you to quick death.

I think we've derailed this thread enough