baralatie:


Freud was known for sex research and not for child psychology!

In my study on prostitution and child behaviours as a result of abuse.I saw a lot.do you know also there is a research on the destructive behaviour of kids on school facilities.
the one that changed my thinking was on women abuse and its effects.the kind of men that generate such behaviour.

that is why I said my earlier cements.

I was hoping to get an unbiased research on domestic violence but I have not seen.

I do hope the kid will be able to come out of the habit victorious!

.a behaviour was likened to a 1.5 litre clear bottled filled with water and a little sand and later corked tight.if you shake it all the contents become unclear ,if left for a while it returns to its settled state.

carefreewannabe:


I have not said he wants to experiment, have I?

Anyway, I won't say 100% when I don't even know the boy and his family. However, I suppose that the most likely scenario is that he has fallen victim to child abuse and therefore acts the way he does.

What is sad is that adults try to correct him by beating him up when the child needs help. I don't blame them. They don't know better. I am just sad for the child.

sweetcocoa:
This is serious, glad you overcame it.

Hope you don't mind my asking why you told no one?

I bet, I would have told my mum if something like that happened to me. A friend's kid came back from school one day and told her mum, how one of her teachers(a guy)told her to follow him to his house, so he'll give her what he kept for her but that she should not tell anyone about it, she said she asked him why he bought something for her and he said it's cos she's a good student and deserves something, she then told him, she wasn't allowed to go anybody's house without her mum's approval, so he had to ask her mum, after which, he told her to forget about it.

sweetcocoa:
You are saying there's a chance, he has not been abused.

I don't need to know 100%, the one I know based on what he is exhibiting is enough, this is not normal behavior for a 4 years old, he's already exposed to so much sexual activities.

It's really sad his people know no better.

Dheartless:


when I was below 5 years, I didn't know how to say it.

when I was 9-11, I thought it would have been embarrassing on my own part and I was ashamed to tell it to my parents.....because of this "as long as any of their child was around their vicinity my parents never really talked about sex and none of their children dare show any sexual knowledge else you will be tagged a spoilt child"

Dheartless:


when I was below 5 years, I didn't know how to say it.

when I was 9-11, I thought it would have been embarrassing on my own part and I was ashamed to tell it to my parents.....because of this "as long as any of their child was around their vicinity my parents never really talked about sex and none of their children dare show any sexual knowledge else you will be tagged a spoilt child"

carefreewannabe:


I was joking when I called you Mr Freud.

Where did your interest in psychology, abuse and domestic violence stem from, if I may ask?

baralatie:

it was in the university.I was looking for books on marriage,sex and women.
I first stumbled on prostitution,then on child education later child abuse.
then a book on marriage,later a book on women abuse
then about on and on!

it can a guys perception about women,sex and family responsibility.
it is a great read.
I had to face my books though!!!

ileobatojo:


I'm so sorry for what you went through.

ileobatojo:
Where's the OP? Has the mom been alerted of what could be happening? Please tell her to be very gentle with that child. This is not the time to be harsh.

I have a big fear that the older brother may be the perp. (Reason? The boy's doing it to others in the family but not the brother.) If it's the brother, again, it would be a continuing cycle of abuse. Someone must have abused the older brother too.

If it's not the older brother, it's probably a female pedophile since he's only acting out on females.

carefreewannabe:


How did it change or influence your perception?

baralatie:

it was a book"why women kill"
a clear fore runner to research on domestic violence.it analyze everything about what made women kill their husbands
and then came the ' damning' research on their husbands,their childhood history.

I changed from that moment onwards.I would rather be supportive than push a woman to the edge.develop a woman than try to be a superman.
coz I have sistas and years later all of them doing well because they are not afraid but are confident they have a support no matter what!

Dheartless:

in as much as I hate overwhelming emotions, I really do feel some sense of peace but a little ashamed over your sympathy rendered.
thanks a bunch
am really glad I could get well.



that boy needs help
it was such a sad prison/feeling, one has to fight with his thoughts every second

sweetcocoa:
Okay.

This is why parents should educate their kids and be close to them.

If you had felt safe you would have been able to tell your folks, there wouldn't be any need feel ashamed because it wasn't your fault.

ileobatojo:
That boy has been, or is being sexually molested. A 4 yr old will 100% not do all that on his own unless he has been exposed to very bad things. There is a pedophile on the loose around that boy and instead of beating the boy, you all should get him to confide in you who has been molesting him.

sweetcocoa:
You are saying there's a chance, he has not been abused.

I don't need to know 100%, the one I know based on what he is exhibiting is enough, this is not normal behavior for a 4 years old, he's already exposed to so much sexual activities.

It's really sad his people know no better.

grandlexuz:


I am not an expert on child abuse, but I think you can't rule every situation in life based on book theories! Life is so diverse and very funny things happen at times for the weirdest of reasons! As much as it is possible that this child could have have been exposed to sexual abuse, judging by his other comportment I personally do rule out sexual abuse as a 100% likely to be the the cause behind his sexual fantasies..

grandlexuz:
[b]You see in addition to wanting to "DO" his mum and sister this little fella has got a strong character. From what I noticed he is NEVER satisfied with his share of food. I find it a little disturbing that he steals even from the pot. A neighbour gave the mum some stuffs to keep in her fridge and this guy dealt with it. I don’t need to mention that he is the most stingy kid I know.. After this "DO" encounter I became acquainted with the family and would stop from time to check how he was doing. First I noticed he would never share his things with me. He equally would not share biscuits given to him by me.. When I take with force he will cry till thou kingdom come.. I visited them once when he was eating with the sister… You needed to see his pace of eating..Lol All that in a bit to eat more than the sister.. That is common amongst kid. However the little shock was that when he felt like passing out urine, he did right where they were eating.. Why? Because leaving to go outside to pass urine would let the sister eat more.. During the Christmas period I passed around to give them some toys and Christmas dresses. When I got there the door was closed but there was serious crying inside. I peeped from the window and noticed the six month old was on the ground crying. Apparently he had fallen from the chair.. Our fella was sitting on that same chair. Imagine his younger brother crying and falling to the ground with no show of concern from this guy.. He was there manipulating the mother’s phone.[/b]

grandlexuz:


I am not an expert on child abuse, but I think you can't rule every situation in life based on book theories! Life is so diverse and very funny things happen at times for the weirdest of reasons! As much as it is possible that this child could have have been exposed to sexual abuse, judging by his other comportment I personally do rule out sexual abuse as a 100% likely to be the the cause behind his sexual fantasies..

sweetcocoa:
Haa!

I don't get it, why did the OP use 'Lol' at the end? Is this supposed to be funny?

This kid is something else compared to your average 4 years old, the boy is being sexually abused or has been abused to the point he's now addicted.

Imagine tying a 4 years old and threatening to cut his thing, that's inhumane, his mother isn't helping at all, bet, the boy no longer responds to their brutality, hence his behavior, smh.

grandlexuz:


Yeah very inhumane sweetcocoa. You see in my area we are known to be worse than beasts. No one here has affection for children the way people in your area do..We can even kill our kids for stealing a cube of sugar..Lol

sweetcocoa:
How old is this kid again?

This child is the victim here please, with so much tying of hands and beating from his mum/strangers always, what do you expect?

sweetcocoa:
You may not see it for what it is and I won't totally blame you for it, it's what the system gave you.

ileobatojo:


And your judgement is based on no investigations whatsoever. Now imagine this boy is really being abused and this is your judgement. Hasn't the molester hit the jackpot here? A perfect victim. No one will ever believe that this boy is not just being his usual devilish self. Freedom to molest the child at will.

How do you know the child is not behaving this way because he is being molested? You do know it can be traumatic, right? And that trauma can manifest in anger, behavioral problems and what not.

Assume the child is really the spawn of satan like you're saying he is. Does it mean a naughty child cannot get molested?

This 4 yr old child is not a failure. He's just 4. It's the parent and other adults around him that are failures right now.

grandlexuz:


Oh no far from it sweetcocoa. I was only being a sarcastic there! I am a loving and dedicated father no matter the environment I find myself. Agreeing to tie the little fellas hand was the only way of sparing him from getting 100 lashes from the mum. However you must understand that life in rural Africa is different from life in the US, UK, Victoria Island etc. Counselling, Psychologist etc are not part of the system here... In most Government Secondary Schools in Cameroon there is a counselor who gets paid for nothing. They barely make it to work because no one carries their problems to them! To 90% of African families you don't expect them to give their 4 year old a piece of chocolate after trying to insert a plastic container into their mother's V...

grandlexuz:


Ever since this incident I have been spending sometime with this family...My biggest guess is that he might have seen the mum 'DOING" and definitely wanting to experiment too!

grandlexuz:


No one is talking about her sister as the victim too! I do not know where you live, but this is Africa and beatings to most parents is the first line of discipline or punishment. Some parents would cut off a child's finger for stealing a slice of meat! However like I already mentioned, when I moved to this neighborhood I despised this lady because I felt she was over beating on this kid. I barely answered her greetings. However hearing her story did allow me share some of her plight while letting her realise hitting on the child at every offense was never the best..Mind you I was the little guys messiah for tying his hands that night..If that punishment was too much for him wanting to molest his sister so be it! Imagine you were living in this neighborhood and returning from work one day you found your daughter playing with this little guy..The little fella right ontop of your daughter.. Who would you say is the victim.

sweetcocoa:
let's agree this is the reason for his action, how then is the boy's behavior a fault of his? Is his mother not supposed to be the one receiving lashes from a cane? Is she not the one who has failed as a parent to protect her child from such exposure?

sweetcocoa:
For the life of me, please understand that it's not in the least bit normal for a 4 years old to behave that way, you can't hold him responsible for this, he is 4, only 4.

Asking who i'll term a victim, if I saw such, just shows you clearly haven't been understanding what ileobatojo and I have been saying.