ileobatojo:


Unfortunately, I fear you're right. Judging by his moms actions, the OP's conclusions and other comments on this thread, it's clear this poor boy may not get the help he needs.

This has nothing to do with 'school cliques' and what not. The child 100% has been molested as far as I can see. The first step is getting the child to confide in someone. Unfortunately he cannot trust his mom and God knows if theres any other open minded person around him. He needs to be called in confidence,assured of his safety and that its not his fault. He should be assured he won't be punished and they should ask him if anyone has been touching his privates.

I really hope OP listens to this and helps that child. My heart breaks for him.

I also suspect that he has been abused but we cannot be 100% sure.

carefreewannabe:


Preferred what to what? I don't understand your question.

do you know any psycologist who has successfully handled a case like this and achieved success.

baralatie:

do you know any psycologist who has successfully handled a case like this and achieved success.

I know kids who have been treated effectively.

Have you got a better solution?

carefreewannabe:


I also suspect that he has been abused but we cannot be 100% sure.

We only need to be 1% sure to immediately make moves to protect the child. The degree of other people's sureness is not relevant to me. A situation where he is being abused is the most urgent of all the scenarios discussed here and must be excluded first before all others for the safety and wellbeing of the child.

[quote author=carefreewannabe post=30981873]

I know kids who have been treated effectively.

Have you got a better solution? [/quoti know of anger management,alcoholism, child abuse by use of force,and I know of kids treated for fears of the dark.for all this yes!!!!!

but sexual related issues of this kind.the best success I know is foster parenting!

[quote author=baralatie post=30982124][/quote]

Foster parenting is necessary if the mother fails to protect her child but she may not even be aware that her child was molested too, which he probably was. Foster parents do not have the necessary qualifications to handle and treat the boy's problem. Taking him to a different place will not stop him from molesting other kids or even adults.

Here is an interesting article:

http://www.newsweek.com/when-kids-molest-kids-196410

ileobatojo:


We only need to be 1% sure to immediately make moves to protect the child. The degree of other people's sureness is not relevant to me. A situation where he is being abused is the most urgent of all the scenarios discussed here and must be excluded first before all others for the safety and wellbeing of the child.

I have not said that attempts should not be made to protect the child.
However, his mother is probably not aware that his behavior is probably a result of his own experience with child abuse. This must also be considered. The situation is complicated and for the child's good must be handled carefully and take different scenarios into consideration.

carefreewannabe:


Foster parenting is necessary if the mother fails to protect her child but she may not even be aware that her child was molested too, which he probably was. Foster parents do not have the necessary qualifications to handle and treat the boy's problem. Taking him to a different place will not stop him from molesting other kids or even adults.

Here is an interesting article:

http://www.newsweek.com/when-kids-molest-kids-196410

as long as the boy sees himself as the 'father' in the house.no talk is effective.
if he comes with a proper home setting with a proper fatherhood image.the mindset will shift gradually.then he can listen!

baralatie:


as long as the boy sees himself as the 'father' in the house.no talk is effective.
if he comes with a proper home setting with a proper fatherhood image.the mindset will shift gradually.then he can listen!

Who said that the boy sees himself as the father in the house?

carefreewannabe:


Who said that the boy sees himself as the father in the house?

what do you think is his sexual motivation

baralatie:

what do you think is his sexual motivation

PROBABLY he has fallen victim to child abuse himself.

I doubt he sees himself as the father of the house since there is an older brother in the house, who would be rather expected to take on the role of a father, and since he does not only molest his mother but also his sister.

I have just provided an interesting article. It says that over 90% of child molesters have been abused themselves.

Haa!

I don't get it, why did the OP use 'Lol' at the end? Is this supposed to be funny?

This kid is something else compared to your average 4 years old, the boy is being sexually abused or has been abused to the point he's now addicted.

Imagine tying a 4 years old and threatening to cut his thing, that's inhumane, his mother isn't helping at all, bet, the boy no longer responds to their brutality, hence his behavior, smh.

.

carefreewannabe:


I have not said that attempts should not be made to protect the child.
However, his mother is probably not aware that his behavior is probably a result of his own experience with child abuse. This must also be considered. The situation is complicated and for the child's good must be handled carefully and take different scenarios into consideration.

The mother is obviously completely unaware that her child has been abused. The first consideration for the child's safety is uncovering the abuse as it may still be ongoing, the abuser may still have access to the boy etc. first step is separating the boy from the abuser not wasting time trying to be 100% sure.

carefreewannabe:


PROBABLY he has fallen victim to child abuse himself.

I doubt he sees himself as the father of the house since there is an older brother in the house, who would be rather expected to take on the role of a father, and since he does not only molest his mother but also his sister.

I have just provided an interesting article. It says that over 90% of child molesters have been abused themselves.

there is a lot that goes behind sex and its related antiques.
the child being abused does not mean it was a forceful incident.
let me try to break it down.
imagine 10 underage kids come in contact with sex acts.each action afterwards is solely dependent on what,when,why,and how.
in divorced homes the outcomes are more violent based on so many factors.
each child now exhibits the image of the sex character ,either to suppress the experiemce or lose partially or totally.
for me to open everything I learnt about prostitution,child abuse,woman abuse and sex abuse
haba it can't contain here.
so
we both agree there is an element of abuse or misdirected mentoring on the child.
God will help the kid!

ileobatojo:


The mother is obviously completely unaware that her child has been abused. The first consideration for the child's safety is uncovering the abuse as it may still be ongoing, the abuser may still have access to the boy etc. first step is separating the boy from the abuser not wasting time trying to be 100% sure.

And that's why the mother must be informed that such a possibility exists.
You cannot take a child away form its mother based on assumptions.

baralatie:

there is a lot that goes behind sex and its related antiques.
the child being abused does not mean it was a forceful incident.
let me try to break it down.
imagine 10 underage kids come in contact with sex acts.each action afterwards is solely dependent on what,when,why,and how.
in divorced homes the outcomes are more violent based on so many factors.
each child now exhibits the image of the sex character ,either to suppress the experiemce or lose partially or totally.
for me to open everything I learnt about prostitution,child abuse,woman abuse and sex abuse
haba it can't contain here.
so
we both agree there is an element of abuse or misdirected mentoring on the child.
God will help the kid!

Sorry but I don't get what you are trying to say again.

carefreewannabe:


And that's why the mother must be informed that such a possibility exists.
You cannot take a child away form its mother based on assumptions.

When did I suggest taking the child away from his mother?

True! Dat child has been molested. I had same experience one day in church. A lil came to stand in front of me. Aunty tinx o, I tried to carry her. She came dwn, small time she tried to take uop my skirt. She had dis wierd look ppl get when they want to "do bad tin". Na so I jeheli carry myself comot from d hall o. D boy needs prayers n a profsnls help

ileobatojo:



When did I suggest taking the child away from his mother?

The same time I suggested we must wait till we are 100%.

carefreewannabe:


Sorry but I don't get what you are trying to say again.

unless you know:what I know
you won't understand!

carefreewannabe:


The same time I suggested we must wait till we are 100%.

No. I have never suggested the child be taken away from the mother so I have no idea what you're talking about.

baralatie:

unless you know:what I know
you won't understand!

Ok Mr Freud.

ileobatojo:


No. I have never suggested the child be taken away from the mother so I have no idea what you're talking about.

I have never suggested we must wait till we are 100% sure before we take an action.
Anyway, this is not an argument. I think that our both concern is with the child.

Dheartless:
this is pitiful!
its definitely molest originated,
I can testify to it, but how I got out of that distorted mind set, I really don't know, I was just a strong boy at heart and hate public disgrace and I was always attending Church service (m.f.m) with my parents, I guess that was what kept me sane, until I became a grown man who was fully able and wants to keep his integrity

molest can really affect the male child in a terrible way
molest cases I encountered:
by my relations I was below 5 (an older girl child and a boy child)
by my elder brother's girl, I was below 10
by a neighbour ( a single mum), I was 9-10
by my friend's elder sister, I was 10-11
I never told any one, it was really hard to get my mind stable, I was always sad about my feelings and thoughts, I almost became a sex addict ( I was sleeping with so many girls in my secondary school days, I didn't even care who and what they are), if not because I love to keep my pride from a tender age I wouldn't have recovered.
please do find him professional help, cause I don't not think you can deal with this alone and always keep him busy with other good activities he loves, e.g children comedy cartoons, play grounds with other kids,TV games... just to keep his thought away from sex and also to keep him happy.

This is serious, glad you overcame it.

Hope you don't mind my asking why you told no one?

I bet, I would have told my mum if something like that happened to me.

A friend's kid(9)came back from school one day and told her mum, how one of her teachers(a guy)told her to follow him to his house, so he'll give her what he kept for her but that she should not tell anyone about it, she said she asked him why he bought something for her and he said it's cos she's a good student and deserves something, she then told him, she wasn't allowed to go anybody's house without her mum's approval, so he had to ask her mum, after which, he told her to forget about it.

Dude was arrested.

carefreewannabe:


I also suspect that he has been abused but we cannot be 100% sure.

That kid has been abused and is addicted, that's not him wanting to experiment, he's been called out on this so many times without any change, what makes him keep repeating it?

It's been or is being done to him and he can't/don't know how to deal with what he is feeling, the only way he knows, is the way his abuser taught him.

carefreewannabe:


I have never suggested we must wait till we are 100% sure before we take an action.
Anyway, this is not an argument. I think that our both concern is with the child.

You might as well have. While you're being hung up on the 100% number I mentioned and taking everything into consideration, the molester is potentially busy continuing to have his way with the child. It is really very unhelpful to the child to be highlighting my100% number and introducing doubt into the minds of people that are already close minded about the possibility of abuse, which should be the first thing on people's mind in this type of situation.

sweetcocoa:
That kid has been abused and is addicted, that's not him wanting to experiment, he's been called out on this so many times without any change, what makes him keep repeating it?

It's been or is being done to him and he can't/don't know how to deal with what he is feeling, the only way he knows, is the way his abuser taught him.

I have not said he wants to experiment, have I?

Anyway, I won't say 100% when I don't even know the boy and his family. However, I suppose that the most likely scenario is that he has fallen victim to child abuse and therefore acts the way he does.

What is sad is that adults try to correct him by beating him up when the child needs help. I don't blame them. They don't know better. I am just sad for the child.

sweetcocoa:
That kid has been abused and is addicted, that's not him wanting to experiment, he's been called out on this so many times without any change, what makes him keep repeating it?

It's been or is being done to him and he can't/don't know how to deal with what he is feeling, the only way he knows, is the way his abuser taught him.

Exactly.

carefreewannabe:


Ok Mr Freud.

Freud was known for sex research and not for child psychology!

In my study on prostitution and child behaviours as a result of abuse.I saw a lot.do you know also there is a research on the destructive behaviour of kids on school facilities.
the one that changed my thinking was on women abuse and its effects.the kind of men that generate such behaviour.

that is why I said my earlier cements.

I was hoping to get an unbiased research on domestic violence but I have not seen.

I do hope the kid will be able to come out of the habit victorious!

.a behaviour was likened to a 1.5 litre clear bottled filled with water and a little sand and later corked tight.if you shake it all the contents become unclear ,if left for a while it returns to its settled state.

ileobatojo:


You might as well have. While you're being hung up on the 100% number I mentioned and taking everything into consideration, the molester is potentially busy continuing to have his way with the child. It is really very unhelpful to the child to be highlighting my100% number and introducing doubt into the minds of people that are already close minded about the possibility of abuse, which should be the first thing on people's mind in this type of situation.

I am not hung up on the number. In fact, child abuse as a reason for his behavior was the first thing that came to my mind when I read the thread.

I have done some research today. Over 90% of children who do what the boy does have been molested themselves. In some cases, the memory is so traumatic that it has been suppressed and it is not sure whether it's the reason or not so the number is probably even higher.

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, IT MUST BE ENSURED THAT THE CHILD IS PROTECTED IN THE FIRST PLACE WHETHER WE HAVE EVIDENCE OR NOT.

carefreewannabe:


I am not hung up on the number. In fact, child abuse as a reason for his behavior was the first thing that came to my mind when I read the thread.

I have done some research today. Over 90% of children who do what the boy does have been molested themselves. In some cases, the memory is so traumatic that it has been suppressed and it is not sure whether it's the reason or not so the number is probably even higher.

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, IT MUST BE ENSURED THAT THE CHILD IS PROTECTED IN THE FIRST PLACE WHETHER WE HAVE EVIDENCE OR NOT.

Thank you.