Please Who Is More Stingy,
1. The man that you called to call you back
and went to whatsapp to ask you why you said he should call you back?

2. Your girlfriend that you bought credit for that went ahead not to call you but flashes you to call her?

3. Your friend that you went to visit at home and you smell the aroma of egusi soup from his kitchen
yet he still asks you whether you have food on your hand
that he is hungry?

4. Or is it the man that has gotten no money on his hand and is trekking from Ikeja to Yaba under this hot sun and as
he was on the road he picked 5,000 Naira from the ground and still did not enter motor, but still walked to his house with
leg?

5. Or is it the man that is receiving 2 Million Naira a
month and still finds it difficult to drop 50 Naira as
offering in church?

Me: Hi Angel?

Girl: No Reply.

Me: Romantic Angel.

Girl: No Reply.

Me: Sweet angel I love you.

Girl: Thank you. Please do you know how to block person for facebook?

Me: Hahahaha it's a small thing, but why na, you want to block person?

Girl: Yes!, so tell me.

Me: Okay, just click the person timelime, scroll down, you will see where they wrote it.

Girl: Okay!

Me: Na so.

(8 minutes later),

Girl: I'm in your timeline now, but i can't find the place.

Me: You said what? My timeline?

Girl: Yes, you disturb alot.

Me: My sister, facebook people just called me now, and told me they've removed the place.

A man carrying Ak-47 ran into a church.

Who is a child of God here? He said. Let me send the person to Heaven.

The congregation was silent.

The man released one bullet in the air.

The congregation trembled in fear.

Who is a child of God here? Let me send that person to Heaven. He said again, this time shouting.

The congregation shouted back, It's Pastor o. He always say that he is a child of God.

The Pastor interrupted, What, what kind of conspiracy is this? Everybody knows that i'm the son of Onoriode and the grandson of Benson Arerosuo.

I was in a bus going from Benin to Lagos.

Sitting beside me was a guy and a beautiful lady.

The guy was with a laptop on his lap, busy, pressing it, while the Lady's face was focused on the road.

It got to a time that the guy's laptop battery ran down and he closed it and kept it back on its bag.

Now, feeling bored, he decided to engage the girl in a chat.

Hello Angel! He smiled. Enjoying the ride?

Yeah! She replied.

I'm Bruno, and you are? He asked.

Jane! She said.

They talked and talked until out of curiousity, she asked, What do you do?

He replied, I'm a YAHOO BOY. how about you?

I'm EFFC, you are under arrest! She seized him and the rest is now history.

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In church today, we were praying when Pastor cut in, Brethren, may i have your attention please, as the prayer is going on i would want to inform you that Brother Ahmed Azeez from Maiduguri, a member of the Boko Haram terrorist group but now resigned is here with us today to share his testimony and testify the goodness of the Lord in his life. After this prayer session he will be up here in the altar to talk. But in the main time, continue with the prayer.

At the end of the prayer, Pastor said, In Jesus name we pray? No one answered Amen! In Jesus name we have prayed! He repeated. Nobody answered Amen. He stressed, Church, in Jesus name we pray? No one answered Amen. He said again, this time drawing the words, Church oooo, in Jesus name we have prayed. Nobody answered Amen.

Opening his eyes, he was surprised to find the church empty.

He came outside, and sighted us afar, running home.

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"

Mr and Mrs Onos have 3 children, two girls and a boy who was the youngest of the three. The two young girls were being introduced to the world of partying at night
which turned into a habit.

Not long after, Mr and Mrs Onos discovered where their daughters go to at night, so they had to
ground them.

After some few boring weeks, one of the daughters said to her sister, Enough is enough! We need a plan!

After hours of planning, they came up with the plan of making a hole in the roof.

The plan worked smoothly and they continued with their night outings.

One day, their small brother discovered the hole in the roof and told the parents.

After seeing the huge hole in the roof, Mr and Mrs Onos decided to fix the hole. But they had a problem, they did not have anything to climb on to the roof. The husband decided to lift the wife on his shoulders so she could reach the hole in the roof. As she started working, a knock was
heard on the door and they told the son to go and answer it. He went and asked, Hello! Can I help you?

The Visitor said, Yes, you can. Are your parents inside?

The boy replied, Yes, but they are busy. My Mummy is on top of my daddy. They are trying to mend the hole where children came out from.

My Mother usually cook chicken everyday for us, her children. So our last born, a boy and a girl got tired of it.

The girl said, I'm going to tell Mummy to stop cooking chicken.

The boy asked, Why?

I've started growing small feathers down there. She said.

The boy shouted, Eeeeeeeh! I
thought I was the only one!

The girl said, You too! See mine, they are so many! Show me yours.

The boy took his shorts down and said, See what Mummy is doing to us with her daily chicken?

The girl shouted, Eeeeeeh! You don't only have feathers, you
also have the neck of a hen!

The boy said, Hmm! Not only a neck, grab down the neck, you will see two eggs. I'm scared, I'm going to start laying eggs soon.

Ofego on phone calls a technical support and said, My internet is not working properly.

The customer care said, Okay, double click on "My computer".

Ofego said, I can't see your computer.

The customer care said, No, no, click on "My computer" on your computer.

Ofego said, How can I click on your computer from my computer?

The guy said, Listen, there is an icon labelled "My computer" on your computer. Double click on it.

Ofego shouted, What the hell, what is your computer doing on my computer?

The customer care said, Double click on your computer.

Ofego said, On which Icon do i have to click?

"My computer". The guy said.

Ofego said, Tell me where your office is. I will come there and
click on your "Computer."

Ibo no dey carry last

Whatsapp Chat With A Friend;

Ofego: Honourable

Friend: No reply

Ofego: How you doing sir?

Friend: No reply

Ofego: 994537721586532

Friend: Wow which network?

Ofego: Cartoon Network.

In church, Ofego's wife dozed off during the preaching when the pastor decided to change the topic.

Suddenly, she snapped out of her slumber and jumped to her feet.

She noticed that she was the only one standing.

She also noticed the shock on the faces of the entire congregation looking at her including her husband and daughter.

The stares made her confused until the pastor repeated, This is your last chance! If you are a witch, stand up for deliverance!

A girl started noticing a guy who stands in front of her home everyday in the evening.

She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends.

The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just
moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her.

It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings. So, she told her parents. They too saw him and liked him. They discussed with her grandparents about a
likely marriage. But wanted her to make the first move.

The next day, she went to him and said, Hi. I'm Jada.

He said, Hi. I'm Smith.

Hearing this, the girl was very happy as the names were matching like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett.

The girl went on and said, I really
appreciate your patience and decency. You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now. So, I understand that you are in love
with me but too shy to say it. I think i really like you too and would love it if we get married.

The guy smiled and said, Forgive me sister! Actually your home's WIFI doesn't have a password. So, i come here every evening after work to use free wi-fi to chat with my girlfriend!

Ofego's father was trying to get away with not paying for his light bill.

As soon as he saw the light man heading towards his house, he quickly put off the meter in his house and shift a big cupboard to cover it up and hide it.

The light man came, Hello Mr Akpe, I’m here for your light bill.

Ofego's father asked, What do you mean? I do not have light, so I don’t need to pay light bill.

But I can see wire on your roof. The light man said.

Ofego's father said, Hmmm, NEPA, please come inside, I want to show you something.

He led the light man to his fridge and pointed to the jar of milk inside, and asked, NEPA, what is this?

The light man replied, How can you ask me such a stupid question, it’s a jar of milk.

Ofego's father said, Very good, now does that mean I have cows in my house?

A secondary school geography teacher went to drink at a beer parlour, read more here so funny: http://jokes.wapego.net

Two secondary school lovers, Ofego and a girl who went out
together for six years in secondary school were both virgins.

They lost their virginity to each other in SS 2.

When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same university but the girl gained admission to a university in the west, and Ofego gained to a university in the north.

They both agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together.

As time went on, Ofego would call the girl and she would never pick, and when he sends text message, she would take weeks to return the text message.

Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.

Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around.

He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, texts, and emails, trying to win back her
love.

She became annoyed, cause she now had a new boyfriend.

She wanted to get Ofego off her back.

So, what she did was this, she took a picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's unmentionable and sent it to her old boyfriend Ofego with a note reading, I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.

Well, needless to say, Ofego was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed.

So, what he did next was awesome.

He wrote on the back of the photo the following, Dear Mummy
and Daddy, having a great time at university, please send more money! and sent the picture to her parents.

It is said that husband is the head of the family.

But remember that wife is the neck of the family.

And the neck can turn the head exactly the way she wants.

Ofego: Hey

Girl: Hi! What are you doing?

Ofego: Texting the most beautiful girl in the world.

Girl: Aww! How cute!

Ofego: Yes, but she is not replying, so, i'm texting you.

Ofego in New Generation Wedding;

Pastor: Do you agree to change your Facebook Status from Single To Married?

Ofego: Yes!

Woman: Yes!

Pastor: Congratulations! Your profile has been updated successfully. You are now husband and wife. You may now upload your wedding pictures and don’t forget to “Tag Me”.

post more jokes guys ^_^

kongking699:
post more jokes guys ^_^

More jokes on the way honourable, traffic is holding them.

Some men were in the locker room after playing Golf when a phone on the bench rang.

Ofego picked it and answered the call.

All the men in the room listened;

Ofego: Hello?

Woman: Honey it's me, are you at the club?

Ofego: Yes!

Woman: I'm at the mall now, i found this beautiful leather coat, it's only 10,000 Naira, is it okay if i buy it? I took your ATM card.

Ofego: Sure, go ahead if you really like it.

Woman: I also stopped at the mercedez dealer shop and saw the new 2014 model. I saw one I really like, it's 9 Million Naira.

Ofego: Okay, but for that price make sure it comes with all options.

Woman: Great! I love you honey, and one more thing, that house i wanted is back in the market, they are demanding only 200 Million Naira.

Ofego: Well, go ahead and make an offer of 195 Million Naira they will take it, if they don't, then
go the extra 5 Million Naira.

Woman: Thanks, love you so much honey.

Ofego: You are worth every naira.

Woman: Bye darling!

Ofego hung up, the other men in the locker room stared in surprise with their jaws hanging out.

Ofego turned, and laughed, as
he asked, Does anybody know who owns this phone?

My girlfriend told me last night that it's over between us.

I thought about it and i found out that life without her is meaningless, so i decided to kill
myself.

I jumped from my reading table to my bed but i didn't die, i went to the express road and looked carefully before crossing the road, nothing happened to me.

I drank 4 rubbers of lacasera with
plenty suya but nothing happened, i took a lot of mangoes without swallowing the seeds, yet i didn't see hell!

I proceeded to another level of
concoction.

I prepared gizzard and kidney sauce with strawberry juice
and lots of fresh tomatoes, yet nothing happened to me.

I ate cake, chocolate mixed with ice cream, still i didn't die.

I'm so worried now cause i just
finished eating fried rice with chilled maltina and fresh fruit salad but nothing has happened to me.

I'm really upset right now.

Friends, what do i do? Should I
try fried plantain and chicken with fresh milk?

Will it work?

Advice me please,
I'm waiting for your advice.

What concoction do you prescribe?

the rich mess na poor dey perceive am
OBASANJO write a letter to Mr president. Baba himself no buy paper for that day wey carry news of him letter but see how masses dey fight for the paper for new paper stand....so tay some begin chop slap.........lol! follow @suregt for more.

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Ofego had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry.

So he decided to give everyone of them 50,000 Naira and see how they will spend it.

The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She bought new clothes, did a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, and told Ofego, she spent the money on those, so that she can look beautiful for him because she love him so much.

The second one went out and bought a new football and football boot, a DVD player, a television, and a DSTV and gave them to Ofego. She said, she bought the gifts for him with the money because she love him so much.

The third one took the 50,000 Naira and invests it in the stock market, doubled her investment,
returned the 50,000 Naira to him and reinvests the rest. She said, she is investing the rest of
the money for their future because she love him so much.

Ofego thought long and hard about how each of this girls spent the money.

He finally decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.

Ofego's mum: Any where i keep money Ofego steals it. I don't know what to do about this, where do I keep money?

Ofego's dad: Keep it in his books. He never touches them.

Ofego had been going in and out of coma for months, yet his wife stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came out of coma, on the hospital bed lying down, he beckoned on his wife to sit beside him that he wants to tell her something.

As she sat beside him, he said, You know what? You have been with me in the bad times. When i got fired, you were there. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you were there. When my health started failing, you were still there. You know what?

What dear? She asked gently.

He said, You bring me bad luck.