Hmm, Women, see them,

Happiness complained to her friend Joy, She told me that you told her the secret i told you not to tell her.

Well, replied Joy in a hurt tone, I told her not to tell you i told her.

Oh dear! sighed Happiness. Well, don't tell her i told you that she told me.

After Ofego's wife and her best friend, another Comedian's wife, were separated by a move that made the Comedian move from Delta to Lagos for greener pastures in comedy, the two women's handsets became their means of communication.

When the Nigeria mobile telecommunications networks increased their charges per minute to a very high margin that we couldn't afford with our salaries, my friend and i sought relief.

Since we both owned computers, we encouraged our wives to use email.

Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about what they wrote on it to each other.

Three guys were arrested in an adult book store and appeared before a Judge in court.

He asked the first guy to stand on the box.

What is your name? He asked him.

Ogaga, the guy answered.

Why were you arrested? The
Judge asked.

I was by the magazine stand holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke. He answered.

The Judge did not see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one.

What is your name? He asked.

Ogaga, The guy answered.

Why were you arrested? The Judge asked.

I was by the magazine stand holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke. He answered.

Again, the Judge saw nothing
offensive. This so-called adult store is begining to sound more like a smoking club! He thought.

So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy.

What is your name?? No wait, let me guess, Ogaga! He said.

No, said the guy, My name is Smoke.

Airtel has been calling me with strange
numbers that looks like a real person's
number. On answering the call it turns out
to be their miserable adverts. Even when i'm
expecting a business call on picking it i will
be disappointed that it is them. It got so
tiredsome that i started being afraid of
answering calls from numbers that i didn't
store on my phone cause they use different
real numbers to do this. I got tired of this,
really tired. So last week, i decided to do
something about this. I picked up my phone
and dialed their customer care's number. It
took them 25 minutes to pick. When they
finally picked the lady said, Hello, good
evening, thanks for calling Airtel customer
care service, my name is Chidinma, what's
your name and where are you calling from?
Hello! I said. Good evening, my name is
Ofego, and i'm calling from Warri. How may i
help you, Mr Ofego? She asked. I'm looking
for a wife to marry. I said. Is that why you
called this customer care service? She asked,
probably surprised. Yes, I said, and i think
i'm already in love with you. You know you
have a very nice voice. Hello, please, She said,
we only attend to issues about your Airtel
line, okay. Yes o, I said, This is an issue about
my Airtel line, because i spend much credit
calling so many girls asking them about
marriage. Please, She said, i would have to
put an end to this call. Baby don't talk like
that na. I said. I promise to make you happy,
you will be happy with me, can i have your
phone number? She started shouting, Come,
Mr Man, i think something is wrong with
you. I cut in, Hey, hold it there. I hope you
can now feel how frustrating it is to receive
a call and be hearing rubbish? From today,
warn yourself and every other staff there.
Let nobody call me with a funny number
only for it to be an advert or send me those
nonsense messages you guys disturb my
phone with daily like say i am dating Airtel. I
cut the call. Uptil now, they haven't called
with their real stupid numbers, nor sent
their useless text messages.

njuwo:
Three guys were arrested in an adult book store and appeared before a Judge in court.

He asked the first guy to stand on the box.

What is your name? He asked him.

Ogaga, the guy answered.

Why were you arrested? The
Judge asked.

I was by the magazine stand holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke. He answered.

The Judge did not see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one.

What is your name? He asked.

Ogaga, The guy answered.

Why were you arrested? The Judge asked.

I was by the magazine stand holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke. He answered.

Again, the Judge saw nothing
offensive. This so-called adult store is begining to sound more like a smoking club! He thought.

So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy.

What is your name?? No wait, let me guess, Ogaga! He said.

No, said the guy, My name is Smoke.

I wan die of lafftarirosis

njuwo:
Airtel has been calling me with strange
numbers that looks like a real person's
number. On answering the call it turns out
to be their miserable adverts. Even when i'm
expecting a business call on picking it i will
be disappointed that it is them. It got so
tiredsome that i started being afraid of
answering calls from numbers that i didn't
store on my phone cause they use different
real numbers to do this. I got tired of this,
really tired. So last week, i decided to do
something about this. I picked up my phone
and dialed their customer care's number. It
took them 25 minutes to pick. When they
finally picked the lady said, Hello, good
evening, thanks for calling Airtel customer
care service, my name is Chidinma, what's
your name and where are you calling from?
Hello! I said. Good evening, my name is
Ofego, and i'm calling from Warri. How may i
help you, Mr Ofego? She asked. I'm looking
for a wife to marry. I said. Is that why you
called this customer care service? She asked,
probably surprised. Yes, I said, and i think
i'm already in love with you. You know you
have a very nice voice. Hello, please, She said,
we only attend to issues about your Airtel
line, okay. Yes o, I said, This is an issue about
my Airtel line, because i spend much credit
calling so many girls asking them about
marriage. Please, She said, i would have to
put an end to this call. Baby don't talk like
that na. I said. I promise to make you happy,
you will be happy with me, can i have your
phone number? She started shouting, Come,
Mr Man, i think something is wrong with
you. I cut in, Hey, hold it there. I hope you
can now feel how frustrating it is to receive
a call and be hearing rubbish? From today,
warn yourself and every other staff there.
Let nobody call me with a funny number
only for it to be an advert or send me those
nonsense messages you guys disturb my
phone with daily like say i am dating Airtel. I
cut the call. Uptil now, they haven't called
with their real stupid numbers, nor sent
their useless text messages.

Lmao, guess I will be applying dis same format cuz am tired of their sick and bored calls and messages

kingjosephat:

Lmao, guess I will be applying dis same format cuz am tired of their sick and bored calls and messages

Everyone is tired, is too disturbing especially when you are expecting an important call, your phone starts ringing, you pick and lo and behold it is them.

Elparaiso:

I wan die of lafftarirosis

No die o. I still need you to dey read my jokes.

How Nigerians Got English Surnames www.njuwo.com/2015/03/how-nigerians-got-english-surnames-part.html?m=1

How Nigerians Got English Surnames Part 2 www.njuwo.com/2015/03/how-nigerians-got-english-surnames-part_29.html?m=1

THIS MY joke Url [url]laugh247ng..com[/url] thank for your support nl

Why I Was No Longer Allowed To Touch The VCD Player In My Father's House www.njuwo.com/2015/03/why-i-was-no-longer-allowed-to-touch.html?m=1

I did not want to share this before but thought again that i should.

On saturday at my polling unit, When it got to my turn to vote, i collected the three ballot papers and headed straight to the cubicle.

As i made to thumbprint beside the PDP logo, the APC party agent close to me whispered, 2k for APC.

Just immediately, the PDP party agent beside him said, Go ahead for PDP, 3k.

I ignored them totally as they continued bargaining for my vote.

I heard them going on, 4k apc, 5k pdp, 6k apc, 7k pdp.

But when the apc guy shouted 20k for apc, my brain activated and when i looked at him, he nodded back at me, more like we saying, Deal? Deal!.

I went ahead and voted apc in all three ballots and then dropped the papers in the specified boxes.

Then i turned to collect my 20k from the agent and to my greatest surprise, he had disappeared.

I searched and searched but he was nowhere to be found.

Then it down me that i had been scammed.

A man is angry because he has it in his head that someone stole his wallet. He walks into a church to steal so...read more here: http://laugh247ng..in/2015/03/the-theif.html

After the Nigeria Presidential election results
were announced and Buhari won. I boarded
a bike from the viewing center to my house.
I told the Hausa okada rider. Sai Buhari. He
said, Sai Baba. And said i should not bother
to pay. That evening i went to an Hausa man
selling suya and ordered for suya. I told him,
Sai Buhari. He said, Sai Baba. And told me to
forget paying. I was very happy. After the
Hausa shoemaker man polished my shoes
the next morning. I said, Sai Buhari. He
replied by gnashing his teeth, Sai Baba. He
said i should forget paying. Wow! Seems it's
working. I am getting free things just by
saying Sai Buhari. I couldn't wait to say it to
my Oga, the Hausa Alhaji who i was doing
house boy work for. That morning, the
morning after the final election results were
called the previous night, i went to the
Alhaji's house and started washing his
Range Rover. He came to me beaming with
smiles and i said, Sai Buhari. He said, Sai
Baba. And started staring at his car. He
asked, How much is this car sef? Is like i like
it. How much do you want to sell it? I was
surprised at the question and in the process
decided to outsmart him of his money. I
thought maybe the election results and
celebration had made him misplaced his
senses so i replied, It is just 10 Million Naira
Alhaji. But i can close one eye and sell it to
you for just 8 million. No shaking! He said. I
am interested. Your price can not scare me. I
am going to pay you only 6 million. In
whose name should i write on the cheque?
Not for a Range Rover like this one Alhaji. I
said. This Range Rover has a befitting air
condition. It is automatic, economizes fuel,
and has an automatic gear that enables the
car to fly over Nigeria potholes when the
occasion calls for it. Also, the car is well
equipped with an airbag that will lift you
and your passengers to a safe place of 100
miles away during an incoming accident, in
addition..... Okay, okay, Alhaji interrupted, I
have heard, and i'm completely satisfied
about everything you have said about the
car. He went inside his house to his room
and came back with an heavy box and said,
Young man, i had wanted to give you a
cheque but it suddenly occured to me that
somebody came here yesterday as the
election final result were announced and
paid me 8 million naira for a bet we made
so, here is your money. He pointed at the
box and added, If you want to count it,
count it and check if it is correct. It is 8
Million Naira that is inside, which you said
you are selling the car for. I replied, I don't
think i need to count money coming from
you Alhaji, you are a correct man, so, the
money is correct. Does the box go with the
money? I asked in a haste. Oh yes, you can
go with the box as well as with the money.
After you have emptied its contents you can
hang the box on the wall of your house to
remember you of the day you were
admitted into the world of millionaires.
Okay, Alhaji, enjoy the car! I carried the box
and ran off. When i got to First Bank to
deposit the money into my account. They
found out it was pieces of papers that were
inside. I went back to Alhaji to complain, and
he told me to drop his box and leave, never
to return, that my sins had found me out.

Friends please i need you people's help, i left my mouth open for ground as i was sleeping last night and a big rat entered my mouth and ran into my tummy. Now the rat is running around my tummy. I can feel it all over me, it is disturbing me so much. I am planning to swallow a cat to kill the rat or take rat poison to kill it. I need advice friends, what should i really do to remedy the situation?

Akpos and Ofego were having dinner when suddenly armed robber broke into their house. Akpos wanted to run away but he....http://laugh247ng..com/2015/04/akpos-with-army-robbery.html

njuwo:
Friends please i need you people's help, i left my mouth open for ground as i was sleeping last night and a big rat entered my mouth and ran into my tummy. Now the rat is running around my tummy. I can feel it all over me, it is disturbing me so much. I am planning to swallow a cat to kill the rat or take rat poison to kill it. I need advice friends, what should i really do to remedy the situation?

CHAI Brother you can kill a person with you jokes.
My advice is that, dont eat cat rather than take dose for it, am sure u with dose that rat will die in your stomatch. Thank

Shollay20:
CHAI Brother you can kill a person with you jokes.
My advice is that, dont eat cat rather than take dose for it, am sure u with dose that rat will die in your stomatch. Thank

Which kind dose honourable, dose of slap?

Two men appeared before a judge on a battery case. Apparently the complainant had been beaten black and blue by the defendant. On seeing the complainant, the judge was amazed by the extent of his injuries. He asked "how is it possible that a person could inflict this much damage on a person without using a hammer? The complainant said the defendant only used his fists and not a hammer. The judge refused to believe it, claiming the complainant was lying. The scenario went back and forth. "it was a hammer he used". "no, it was his fists". The judge promptly dismissed the case because the complainant couldn't produce evidence of a hammer used in the assault.

Title: God Is Watching

The following below are some of the lies people update on Facebook...
You buy some cheap underwear at a Bend-down-select under market (bootleg market) and on Facebook you write: ”I love Gucci underwear” *God is watching you*
You're a married man with 2 kids and on Facebook you always claim to be single. *God is watching you*
You’re are drinking ice water and you update: “I’m drinking Johnny Walker on the rocks” *God is watching you*
You’re in the house Listening to a radio but you update: “Watching Avengers at the cinemas.” *God is watching you*
You sell retail biscuit, airtime and chewing gums in a grocery shop and you update: “Had a long day in the office.” *God is watching you*
You are waiting for a bus/taxi and you update: “Stuck in traffic. Thank God for the air conditioner in my car.” *God is watching you*
You are using some fake Chinese phone and you update your status: “My laptop is slow.” *God is watching you*
You are in some fake slum and you update your status: “Near Mayfair Garden Lekki” *God is watching you*
Your real name is Bizibu/Kekimirenzyo/Musa/Akpos or some funny names and on Facebook you call yourself 'Mcute Pretty' 'Bootylicious Fly' *God is watching you*

You can add other lies people post on comment box below..
Read more of this on: http://laugh247ng..com

It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home. When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?" The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"

My girlfriend told me yesterday that she haven't seen her period since last month. So i rushed to the nearby police station and
reported about the missing period. They tried their best about the investigations, but nothing was found. Due to the fact that i love her so much, i decided to take the case high place. I then
went to area command Warri and reported the case of the missing period again. They arrested some guys which they thought might be the thieves who stole the missing period, but after everything nothing was found. Since the day she told me about
this missing period, she's been crying her eyes out. So i
asked her, This period you are looking for, is it a gold or diamond? But she told me that
this missing period is more valuable and important to her than gold or diamond. The
question now is, what is period?

During the exam, Akpos kept looking under the table, then he would write on the answer sheet. His teacher saw him doing that & thought he was...read more here: http://laugh247ng..in/2015/04/exam-time.html

I was standing outside the exam hall during WAEC examination as other students were writing the exam inside.

The invigilator walked up to me and the following conversation started,

INVIGILATOR: Are you a candidate for this exam?

ME: Yes.

INVIGILATOR: Then you are suppose to be in the exam hall.

ME: No sir!

INVIGILATOR: Why?

ME: My counsellor said for me to pass this examination, I must stand out in the exam.

5 things Indian movies taught me

(1) One of the identical twins is born evil!

(2) While defusing a bomb don't worry about which wire to cut, you will always choose the right one!

(3) A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up, but will show pain when a woman is trying to clean his wound!

(4) A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended!

(5) If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps.

Laugh247ng' blog bring you this:

Title: Who's fault is it?

DAD: Akpos, if Mr John asks after me, tell him I'm not around. How will you tell him when he comes, cos i know you are funny?

AKPOS: When he comes, I will say my daddy said I should tell you he is not around.

DAD: Idiot! Just tell him, he is not around. Ok!?

AKPOS: Yes daddy.
[When Mr John arrived...]

MR JOHN: Akpos, where is ur daddy?

AKPOS: He is not around.

MR JOHN: When is he coming back?

AKPOS: Wait let me go and ask him he didn't tell me.
(Rushed into the room, shouting, daddy, daddy, when are u coming back?)

TITLE: Biology and Sociology
=================

Teacher: What is the difference between Biology & Sociology?
Akpos: If a new born baby looks like his father, it is Biology but if he looks like the neighbor that's Sociology!.
==================
Happy voting to you all...

My Grandfather was once a hat seller who passed through the forest. One day, the weather was very hot and he decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realised that all his hats were gone. Then he heard some monkeys on top of the tree and looked up. To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys. They had taken all his hats! He sat down and tried to think on how he could get the hats down. He started to think and scratched his head. The next moment, he realised that the monkeys were doing the same thing. Next, he took down his own hat and fanned himself. The monkeys did exactly the same. Then an idea struck him, he took his hat and threw it on the floor, the monkeys did the same too. Happily, he collected all his hats back. Fifty years later, me, his grandson, became a hat seller, and got to hear this monkey story from him. So one day, just like my grandfather, i passed through the same forest. Feeling very hot, i took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. Again, when i woke up, i realised that all my hats were gone. I looked up and found that the monkeys had taken all my hats. Remembering what my grandfather told me, i started scratching my head and the monkeys followed. I took down my hat and fanned myself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of my grandfather's idea, i threw my hat on the floor, but to my greatest surprise, the monkeys still held onto all the hats. Then one bold monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor and sneered, You think you are the only one that have a grandfather?

Hello everyone check out my Blog am sure you all will love it kindly like post if it interests you..........www..Derealworld..com

Hello everyone check out my Blog am sure you all will love it kindly like post if it interests you...........www.Derealworld..com