BREAKING NEWS, IT'S EXPOSED!!!
My people, i saw it with my two naked eyes, i was not told. It was in the open, it was not hidden, i can beat my chest confidently, even to swear an oath, to tell you categorically, without missing words the truth that MANGO IS NOW OUT IN THE MARKET.

MY FRIEND ZINO: You are a fool Ofego, you don't know anything!

ME: Hahan Zino, It's a lie!

MY FRIEND ZINO: It's true! I will prove it. If you see two rays of light on the road at night, what will you call it?

ME: A car!

MY FRIEND ZINO: Ehen, but which kind of car? Camry, Range Rover or Lexus?

ME: I don't know that one o!

MY FRIEND ZINO: You see! Anyway, second proof. If you see a ray of light on the road at night, what will you call it?

ME: A bike!

MY FRIEND ZINO: Which one? Ogbuawa, Skygo, or Yamaha?

ME: Hahan, how i'm i supposed to know?

MY FRIEND ZINO: You see! I've shown you that you are a fool.

ME: Na wa o! This your question self. Let me ask you my own question. If you see a woman on the roadside with miniskirt, big breast, red lips and a big bum bum, what will you call her?

MY FRIEND ZINO: A prostitute!

ME: Okay, but which one? Your mother, your sister, or your daughter?

A friend and his girlfriend were gisting when she asked, Dear, you claim to read novels a lot, right?

He said, Yes dear. Is there a problem with that?

She said, Not at all, i just want you to describe my boobs with the name of a novel.

He laughed and blurted out, THINGS FALL APART!

CHASING WOMEN IS LIKE STARTING A NEW BUSINESS

You saw a pretty girl in your neighbourhood, school or office. You sat down and thought about how that girl will look like in bed. You went home and drew a plan on how to attack. You began to disturb her and finally gets her phone number. This is where the business starts.... You send her recharge cards, you call her in the morning, afternoon and night. You take her out to SHOPRITE, SHOPLEFT, CRUNCHIES, ROMANCE RESTAURANT, MR BIGS, MR SMALL, ISI EWU JOINT, TURKEY JOINT, OFEGO EATERY to name a few. You do all sorts of magic in order to impress this girl. Then finally, you sleep with her and quits the relationship. Bittered, she curses you and joins the category of women that believes that "all men are the same" and finally leaves you. For your mind you've accomplished your mission right? After some days or weeks you saw another girl and decided to start another business. You began to invest in this brand new business financially together with your time. You did the same thing all over again, but this new girl refused to sleep with you saying you should marry her first. After six months you thought about it and feel like giving up then you realised that you've invested so much on her for six months. Going back will tag you a loser, so you decided to invest more on this business with a brand new business plan and finally . . . . . . . . . . .Boomshakata you land her on your bed and after one minute you are done. You've gotten what you wanted right? Then you dump the girl as usual. In anger she say e no go better for you. And finally she walks away with a broken heart. YOU ARE A HAPPY MAN RIGHT? Then You start looking for another business. My brother!!!! is that the way forward? Is high time you invest in another kind of business because no matter how you try to balance your account, your financial condition will not be encouraging at all when it comes to this type of business with women. Why not invest in another kind of business that will give you a positive outcome. Besides, those girls believed that they are in a serious relationship with you because of your sweet mouth but it didn't occur to them that you are in a hunting mission. You spend your money, your time, your energy on different kinds of women. Ah!!! Ah!!! Brother!!!!!!!! ! Are you loosing or gaining? It's only a man without a thinking faculty that will say he is gaining. To all the guys reading this, that girl you are eyeing in your neighbourhood, if you know you won't marry her... PLEASE!!!!! don't waste your time, your money and more especially HER TIME, yes, HER TIME don't waste it. What's the need of going from jss1 to ss3 when you know you won't write WAEC? It doesn't make sense. EVERY GUY KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS FROM A GIRL STARTING FROM DAY ONE. Stick to one girl and establish a nice relationship that leads to marriage. Although not all relationships will work out but just try your best. if its not working out, two of you will know. DONT BE A PLAYER! Be a gentleman and stop this irresponsible and spiteful behaviour.

I will be training 20 people on Fiverr money making on WhatsApp,drop your WhatsApp number to be a partaker

I caught one fine girl on a BBM group last week sunday and we started chatting. She started disturbing me o, to come and see her, since we don't leave faraway. She is the type that is caged at home which i noticed from her chat. She said when i get there i should colonise the gateman if possible i should give him small money so that he will smuggle me into her room because her father is a retired army, a very harsh one for that matter who doesn't tolerate boys visiting his only daughter. When i got there i saw an old man outside the house, he was wearing a short knicker and a tear tear singlet holding a newspaper. I asked if he was the gateman and he said yes. So i said my angel Merriment told me to come see her. Is she available or switched off. He said she is available and that she is inside. What of her useless daddy? Hope say he is not available o? He said he is not. So i said he should carry me to Merriment's room for enjoyment purpose. He said, Okay, let's go in! I said he should wait first, let me go and buy condom at the nearby shop should incase the enjoyment leads to the next level. He said, Okay, make it snappy, I'm waiting! But wait o. I asked. What tore your singlet like this? He said it got torn while they were doing a little sanitation in the compound. I told him not to worry that i will buy another one for him. He thanked me. And i told him he is a correct guy, and that after everything i will give him small thing to hold body with. Again, he thanked me. As i was looking for a shop to buy condom from i saw a guy carrying a dozen of singlet. I then asked where i can buy condom from, in the area. He showed me. I asked if he was selling the singlets, that i want to buy one for somebody. He then told me that they were doing a little sanitation in their house when his oga's singlet got torn. So his oga said he should go and buy a dozen of singlets for him. He poiinted at them Merritment's house and said he is the gateman there. Please, i don't know if i should go back to the house again?

Title: THE Burglar's Secret

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!”

Note: Am not the Original writer of this joke.


Weld0ne broda Njuwo...

Download Ofego Journey Of A Joke 1st Journey @ http://www.datafilehost.com/d/1c1c2847

Shollay20:
Title: THE Burglar's Secret

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!”

Note: Am not the Original writer of this joke.


Weld0ne broda Njuwo...

I greet you Shollay20

Nigerians say free things destroys the tummy. I was thinking it's a lie until yesterday afternoon when i came back from a boring lecture. Hunger was killing me and alarm was stoning me as if i stole it's wife. My roommates were the worst. Their poverty is follow come. So when i entered our room in the hostel i was surprised to see them flexing. They packed meat full ontop big plate eating and using one bottle of fanta each to digest the food. Without wasting time i joined them sharperly. The meat was so sweet that i did not know the time i asked them what type of meat is it? They told me it's python. I nearly ran mad. I did my best to vomit it but it did not come out. They started laughing me, in my mind, i swore i must revenge. This morning i was going to school library to read when i saw one big frog and caught it. I killed it, and ran home, and used pepper to fry it. I then kept it in the room cause i know those yeye boys will come and eat it. I went to class and came back now and saw that they've cleared the pot. My tummy then sweetened me like yale sweetened cabin biscuit. As i was in the room one of them girlfriend sent rice and stew. I settled down and gave it amnesty. I then received a text on my phone. I checked it and saw it was one of them saying, Dear Ofego, hope you are in the hostel, i gave my girlfriend the meat that you fried and left in the room, that she should use it to cook stew for me. If she brings it, help me to keep it please, don't eat it o! I beg you in the name of God! My people, i am now down and confuse. What should i do?

Zipped up.me

As i bounced and entered the WAEC Examination hall there was just one prayer inside my mind which is, God please let me sit down near a person that knows book because the stupid boy i told to send me the answer on my phone looks like who doesn't have sense. God finally answered my prayer, the girl that i sat with was an albino and she wore medicated eyeglass that has rope, so, i knew for sure that she knows book well well. As the paper started, is then that this girl started to misbehave o. She was just covering her answer anyhow but as a sharp guy that i am, i was just spying the answer from one deadly angle. When it remained just 5 minutes to go, is then that this girl caught me copying her answer and started shouting at me. But i just ignored her, considering the fact that i had almost copied finish, the next thing that i heard was my phone's message tune. This useless boy has finally sent the answer. I sighed and then told the invigilator to give me a fresh answer booklet. I then tore the one that i copied from the albino girl and used the paper to stone her. I told her that, In her life, let her not ever talk to me anyhow again, and kept the fresh booklet ontop my table and then used one kind style to open the message. I saw that it was my girlfriend that sent me 'Please call me. I have gist for you'.

Last sunday i woke up very late, so i rushed to take my bath and dressed up quickly so that i wouldn't be late for church. As i reached park, i saw that all the bus were all filled up remaining only one, i then struggled to enter that one. People were many inside. I was begging the guy sitting near me to shift small for me to breath well, he didn't agree. He was forming don gorgon. I had begged and got tired of begging, he was telling me we paid the same money that i should allow him to relax his nerves. I looked at the woman near me at the other side, she looked like someone that was not well, so i decided not to disturb her. As the bus started moving my mind thought of something, that i should threaten this unrepentant guy that didn't agree to shift for me. Let me see if he has liver. I started shouting at him, Shey i was telling you to shift for me you didn't agree abi, just sit down there and be looking like zombie, but if this Ebola that is worrying me catch you, is you that know. God knows that i told you to shift. My people if you see how everybody started to jump out of the bus eh, through the window and door, driver sef picked race. The bus became empty. I then noticed that the woman that looks like someone that is not feeling fine that sat near me from the other side did not run, she just sat down. As i looked her, she said, Don't mind them jor, why did they run, shebi if we that have Ebola is talking to them they will be doing anyhow, by the way my brother which medicine are you using for your own cause the medicine that doctor gave me for my own did not work.

Good day panel of viewers, accurate readers and my co human beings. First of all, i want you all to show support by downloading my new comedy cd Ofego Journey Of A Joke 1st Journey. Download @ http://www.datafilehost.com/d/1c1c2847 It is very interesting, you will laugh and confess you are rich in the Lord. I am still looking for a marketer, if you know one, kindly let me in for negotiations. In the meantime, here is the surprise my brand new girlfriend of recent showed me in her own bedroom. My brand new girlfriend is way far beautiful than Yemi Alade. She is the finest girl that i had ever dated but the only problem is that her daddy is a pastor and she has four brothers, three are in the army and one is a navy officer so we are dating on a lowkey. Our biggest challenge is how to tell her daddy about it. On her birthday night she said i should come over to their place, that if i get there i should pass through the window into her room and wait for her that she has got a surprise for me. I told her i had a big surprise for her and i promised her she will never ever forget that night. That night i strolled into their compound and then used the window she told me to enter into her room. The light in the room was off so the room was dark and i didn't bother to on the light. It would raise suspicion, so i just managed to use my hand to trace where the bed is. I climbed into it. After three minutes i heard her voice inside the room. She said, Ofego i have finally seen how far you can go just to be with me. You've proved to me how much you really love me and i love you so much, so i took the courage to tell my family about you and they saw nothing wrong in me having a truly honest, loving and harmless relationship with a decent young man like you. I want you to meet my family, my lovely dad and my four amazing brothers. Dad, brothers, i want you all to meet the man of my dreams, his name is Ofego. As she on the light, she, her dad and her four brothers stood inside the room looking at me, while i laid completely naked on bed, with red bow-tie on my neck, and lipstick writing 'Happy Birthday Ngozi' on my chest and a condom on my right hand. I was smiling! What should i had done?

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I was alone at home this afternoon so i decided to take a shower but before going into the bathroom i turned on the music system. As i was bathing i heard my favourite track playing and ran out of the bathroom to the parlour with soap on my face to dance to the song. I wasn't bothered cause i knew i was the only one at home only to wipe my eyes after dancing and i saw my sister and her friend i am having a crush on, getting entertained by my mini display, chai!

My daddy told me that this was the last Jamb that he will register me for, because the other 8 Jamb i had written were nothing to write home about. The girl i sat with in this one was very fine and a runs girl, within 5 minutes answers had entered her phone, she then told not to worry, we'll use them together. Within 30 minutes she was through and gave me to copy. As a sharp warri boy i spent 15 minutes to copy. We then submited and went outside. She started gisting. I said, Thank you very much, please what is your name sef. She replied, Lilian! I said, Nice name, i'm Ofego. She said, Cool, so Ofego why do you want to study Medicine? I replied, No o, it's Theatre Arts i want to study o. She said, Ha, but the answers i gave you are for Medicine o. I said, My courses are Literature, C.R.S, History and English. She said, The answers i gave you are for Maths, Physics, Biology and English. I fainted!

After many years of hustling i finally got recognition. I was invited to come and perform at the opening of Infinix Hotel. The guests at the opening event were Tonto Dike, Rita Dominic and Tiwa savage. In my mind i have finally hammered but as a local artiste fear was in me so my friend Efe gave me one advice that if i smoke weed i will have confidence. Sharperly, i accepted the idea. After i smoked the weed the M.C then shouted, Ladies and gentlemen give it up for Ofego. It was then that i climbed the stage. As i held the mic and started scattering the show with my jokes, as i finished Tonto Dike of all people came to meet me personally and told me i was so wonderful that she has fallen in love with me. Is then that i followed her to her house. It wasn't a small thing that happened that day as we entered her room she started kissing me. I then put hand in her breast but then noticed the breast is very strong. I asked her, Why are your breast so strong? Immediately i heard a hot slap on my face and i woke up from sleep. My people i lying down naked on top of a snooker table inside the hotel. I couldn't remember anything at all. I then asked Efe how did the show go, whether i performed well? Is then that Efe told me i did not perform in any show say, as i drew the weed is then that i fainted. The worst of all, the breast that i thought i was pressing was a snooker ball that i held on top the table. My people where will i start from now?

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Title: Missed Call

Husband wanted to call the hospital to ask about his pregnant wife, but accidently called the cricket stadium.
He asks, "How's the situation?"
He was shocked and nearly died on hearing the reply. They said, "It's fine. 3 are out, hope to get another 7 out by lunch, last one was a duck!"

Title: Very Shy Guy
================
A girl started noticing a guy who stands in-front of her home everyday in the evening. She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends. The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her.
It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings. So, she told her parents. They too saw him and liked him. They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marriage. But wanted her to make the first move.
Next day, she went to him and said: "Hi. I'm Radha."
GUY: "Hi. I'm Chris."
Hearing this, the Girl was very happy as the names were matching like Lord Chris and Radha Devi.
The girl went on and said: "I really appreciate your patience and decency. You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now. So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to say it. I think I really like you too and would love it if we get married."
The guy smiled and Said: "Forgive me sister! Actually your home's WIFI doesn't have a password. So, I come here every evening after work to use free wi-fi to chat with my Girlfriend!"
=============
The source: laugh247ng
=============

Pls ff on twitter @yungjahil I ff back or ff this direct link www.twitter.com/yungjahil

Last week friday we closed from school early. As i reached house i then saw that all my clothes were dirty. So i decided to wash them all. The washing took me 6 hours but atlast i finished washing everything. Shirts, trousers, knicker and boxers. The only thing that i did not wash was my towel which i tied on my waist, there was not even boxers under my waist. Because i live in a face me i face you compound i decided to sit outside and look my clothes to dry before this boys in the compound will vanish my clothes like willy willy. I then borrowed mat and a newspaper from my neighbour. I put the mat on the outside of my door mouth and sat down on top of it reading the newspaper. I did not know when sleep carried me off. I just woke up and saw that the towel had loosed off, breeze had carried it away to a far place, and people stood at the tap close to my room fetching water and looking at me like a mad man. Only God knows how many of them who had snapped me and use me to do display picture. I quickly stood up and ran into my room. There was this girl in my compound called Chidinma that has been giving me green light before. I was then praying in my mind that Chidinma did not see me as I laid down like a goat that motor killed on the road. I did not come out of my house for 5 days. Shame did not let me come out. I was just praying in my mind that Chidinma did not see me. Yesterday i heard someone knocking on my door, my people, as i came out, there was Chidinma standing at my door, i smiled at her, and told her i am not feeling well, that is why i have not been coming out since. She then said, No problem that she just came to give me back my newspaper because she carried it with my towel as i was sleeping outside my door mouth. Please, is there vacancy in you people's compound?

When i was in secondary school and about to sit for WAEC, our principal told us that, if any external supervisor catches us with any chip, we should
quickly chew and swallow it, so as to clear the evidence. On the day of biology, i was caught by an External Supervisor with a chip and was asked to stand up, someone called me from behind whispering, chew and swallow it,
even the principal made a signal to me that i should chew and swallow it. I was just crying because i dont know where to
start chewing from because i was caught with NEW SCHOOL BIOLOGY TEXTBOOK.

An ugly woman walked into my store with her two children, shouting at them. I pleasantly said, "Good morning ma and welcome. Nice children. Are they twins?" The woman shouted, "Hell no, they are not. One is 8 years old and the other is 6 years old. Why the hell would you think they are twins, are you blind, or stupid?" I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma, i just can't believe someone would sleep with you twice!"

A runs girl who is a department member of mine but is gapping me with a year told me of what a Lecturer in our department did to her when she was in her first year and new to the school system. She entered into the lecturer's office and went closer to his ear and whispered, ''I will do anything to pass this exam.'' ''You mean anything?" The Lecturer asked. She said, ''Yes, anything.'' The Lecturer looked straight into her eyes and asked again, "You mean anything?" She went closer to him and said, "Yes, anything sir!" Still gazing at her, he asked again, "You mean anything?". She removed her top and said, "Yes, anything sir." He asked again, You mean anything?" She removed her bra and said, Yes, yes, anything sir." He asked, "You really mean anything?" She removed her skirt and said, Yes, yes, anything sir.'' He collected her clothes and said, Okay, run round the school ten times.