Chei
Work don end
Chai

Sophyrocks:


That is how it should be my sister. But No, the men concerned dnt want it that way. They all want drama!! God knew exactly what he was saying when he said a man will leave his parents and stick to his wife and they will become one flesh. Africans disregard that portion. That was why i said the men involved have failed woefully to control the situation, allowed a rift to come up and escalate and therefore are to blame. Being the head isnt about having balls. its about responsibility. They say they are heads so they gotta act like one. Too many wussies and weaklings still s.ucking their mothers' b.reasts posing as alpha males in nairaland that cant face their mothers. shame. Pffft.

...so spot on!..thumbs up to you,coco and babyosisi..

babyosisi:


Nobody said the man is the cause
We are saying that the man is the only one that can squash it.Two different things.
Being the head of the house includes making wise decisions and wisdom entails that a man makes decisions best for his family.

If a man sees that his wife and mother are not getting along and sees out rightly what his mom is doing wrong and fails to address it or fails to mitigate it by apportioning blame fairly and sending his mom back to her house if that is what will bring peace,then he is not helping the situation and if he is not helping ,he is part of the problem.

This still leads to the question I asked earlier which you didn't answer, so I will ask again at the end of this.

Your stance is that the man has seen that his wife and mother don't get along, he has also seen what his mom is doing wrong - you conveniently stopped there.

Let me finish it for you:
He has also seen what his wife did or is doing wrong herself regarding this issue with his mother, but will rather keep mute on it to avoid being caught between choosing sides.
He also knows that his mother will not be staying indefinitely in his house until the day of her death, she will most certainly return to her own house or go visit one of his siblings (her other children) - his wife on the other hand will be there when his mother leaves, and her position as chief-feminine-officer in-charge of the household will be fully restored because that seems to be her major issue with the MILs presence. . . everything will be back to normal.



So I ask, is there any problem most of you women find yourselves in that you can comfortably take at least 50% of the blame?

crackhaus:

Is there any problem most of you women find yourselves in that you can comfortably take at least 50% of the blame?
I mean, seriously?

It's always victim with you lot like you have no sense of responsibility and accountability whatsoever, and then still wonder why men continue to see y'all as nothing or very little more than just an object for sexual satisfaction and gratification.

We are all humans so there must be a rift and there must a mediator for peace. As the Head of the home, when a rift occurs what are you supposed to do? The same way your wife is to protect your image from her family is the same way you are to do when it involves your mother. If anyone is to be corrected over a wrong doing, you must certainly correct the person. But while doing so, as the head, you must act as mediator for peace between your mother and your wife. You are the driving force therefore you have a huge role to play when a rift occurs. That is what headship is about. I am sure you wouldnt want any sort of interference coming from your father in law. should in case that occurs, who is to be mediator for peace here? Your wife! You and your wife are to protect each other. if you cant do that, then you were never meant to be married in the first place. You should have remained with your parents.

crackhaus:

This still leads to the question I asked earlier which you didn't answer, so I will ask again at the end of this.

Your stance is that the man has seen that his wife and mother don't get along, he has also seen what his mom is doing wrong - you conveniently stopped there.

Let me finish it for you:
He has also seen what his wife did or is doing wrong herself regarding this issue with his mother, but will rather keep mute on it to avoid being caught between choosing sides.
He also knows that his mother will not be staying indefinitely in his house until the day of her death, she will most certainly return to her own house or go visit one of his siblings (her other children) - his wife on the other hand will be there when his mother leaves, and her position as chief-feminine-officer in-charge of the household will be fully restored because that seems to be her major issue with the MILs presence. . . everything will be back to normal.



So I ask, is there any problem most of you women find yourselves in that you can comfortably take at least 50% of the blame?

Good, you beat me to it

Sophyrocks:


We are all humans so there must be a rift and there must a mediator for peace. As the Head of the home, when a rift occurs what are you supposed to do? The same way your wife is to protect your image from her family is the same way you are to do when it involves your mother. If anyone is to be corrected over a wrong doing, you must certainly correct the person. But while doing so, as the head, you must act as mediator for peace between your mother and your wife. You are the driving force therefore you have a huge role to play when a rift occurs. That is what headship is about. I am sure you wouldnt want any sort of interference coming from your father in law. should in case that occurs, who is to be mediator for peace here? Your wife! You and your wife are to protect each other. if you cant do that, then you were never meant to be married in the first place. You should have remained with your parents.

The problem with these opinions of yours is that it's too linear and one sided...
If a woman cannot tolerate her mother in law for 3 weeks, it shows a lot of things are wrong with her...
You are all about protecting ones wife from ones mother, how does that statement sound in your ears, what if the wife is actually at fault... Implicit in your thinking, a man should support his wife whenever she's at loggerheads with his mom... Nope...
Why can't you suggest a woman tolerates her husband mother same way he tolerates her.. or you think mothers don't give their sons headache too??

Anyways, I hope your daughter in laws hold the same opinion of you as you do for your MILs

Sophyrocks:


That is how it should be my sister. But No, the men concerned dnt want it that way. They all want drama!! God knew exactly what he was saying when he said a man will leave his parents and stick to his wife and they will become one flesh. Africans disregard that portion. That was why i said the men involved have failed woefully to control the situation, allowed a rift to come up and escalate and therefore are to blame. Being the head isnt about having balls. its about responsibility. They say they are heads so they gotta act like one. Too many wussies and weaklings still s.ucking their mothers' b.reasts posing as alpha males in nairaland that cant face their mothers. shame. Pffft.

+1000 likes, ^10 for the last sentence!

The current situation is so so sad. There is no love, there is no trust, only suspicion and warped expectations. Why get married if you aren't willing to take your spouse seriously? It's so sad seeing some nl comments, it insults ones intelligence repeatedly reading flippant remarks regarding a genuine problem many women (and men) face regarding their in-laws. Marriage really isn't for everyone, don't do it until you're ready to honour your spouse. Seriously shaking my head on here nowadays.

Sophyrocks:


We are all humans so there must be a rift and there must a mediator for peace. As the Head of the home, when a rift occurs what are you supposed to do? The same way your wife is to protect your image from her family is the same way you are to do when it involves your mother. If anyone is to be corrected over a wrong doing, you must certainly correct the person. But while doing so, as the head, you must act as mediator for peace between your mother and your wife. You are the driving force therefore you have a huge role to play when a rift occurs. That is what headship is about. I am sure you wouldnt want any sort of interference coming from your father in law. should in case that occurs, who is to be mediator for peace here? Your wife! You and your wife are to protect each other. if you cant do that, then you were never meant to be married in the first place. You should have remained with your parents.

You know, the thing about you and other females like you on this section is that you actually try to force your intelligence which really doesn't exist. . . You especially are not sharpest tool in the shed, very dumb and utterly dense - pun intended.

I asked you a question, you couldn't answer it all this while because you just can't comprehend any reasoning that's way above your fake-ass weave.
You have a very big mouth but ironically one of the weakest reasoning capacity of any female in this section.
I normally wouldn't engage you for this reason, but I chose to pick on your brain today with my response to your earlier post... not surprisingly, you blanked because you couldn't engage your brain, only for you to return to pour out your demented frustrated predisposition on the thread with rants about wussies, alpha-males, and suckling of mothers brea.sts. I took that shiit personal because I know that in your twisted mind, you were directing it to me albeit in a very cowardly fashion.

I had taken a break from dealing with you skanks on family section, but it seems I will make a lesson out of you to remember what it feels like killing y'all for sport.


For a response to this post of yours, see my response to babyosisi above... everything you said here is irrelevant when the MIL never stays indefinitely, so why can't the wives just be patient?

njokusboy:


The problem with these opinions of yours is that it's too linear and one sided...
If a woman cannot tolerate her mother in law for 3 weeks, it shows a lot of things are wrong with her...
You are all about protecting ones wife from ones mother, how does that statement sound in your ears, what if the wife is actually at fault... Implicit in your thinking, a man should support his wife whenever she's at loggerheads with his mom... Nope...
Why can't you suggest a woman tolerates her husband mother same way he tolerates her.. or you think mothers don't give their sons headache too??

Anyways, I hope your daughter in laws hold the same opinion of you as you do for your MILs

I am not responsible for how you choose to understand my comment. i dnt have time for back and forth epistles. If you men cannot be the true heads that you all clamour for and beat chest for in your homes, dnt expect peace in your homes. A lot of you are wussies coming here to beat chest. You cnt control your homes, you arent worthy of headship.

crackhaus:

You know, the thing about you and other females like you on this section is that you actually try to force your intelligence which really doesn't exist. . . You especially are not sharpest tool in the shed, very dumb and utterly dense - pun intended.

I asked you a question, you couldn't answer it all this while because you just can't comprehend any reasoning that's way above your fake-ass weave.
You have a very big mouth but ironically one of the weakest reasoning capacity of any female in this section.
I normally wouldn't engage you for this reason, but I chose to pick on your brain today with my response to your earlier post... not surprisingly, you blanked because you couldn't engage your brain, only for you to return to pour out your demented frustrated predisposition on the thread with rants about wussies, alpha-males, and suckling of mothers brea.sts. I took that shiit personal because I know that in your twisted mind, you were directing it to me albeit in a very cowardly fashion.

I had taken a break from dealing with you skanks on family section, but it seems I will make a lesson out of you to remember what it feels like killing y'all for sport.


For a response to this post of yours, see my response to babyosisi above... everything you said here is irrelevant when the MIL never stays indefinitely, so why can't the wives just be patient?

And here we go again with this your tantrums!! why are you getting emotional and worked up? i thought men aint emotional and petty? shuooo!! when you peeps have got nothing to say you just end up with usual tantrums. is this how to prove a point?

Sophyrocks:


I am not responsible for how you choose to understand my comment. i dnt have time for back and forth epistles. If you men cannot be the true heads that you all clamour for and beat chest for in your homes, dnt expect peace in your homes. A lot of you are wussies coming here to beat chest. You cnt control your homes, you are worthy of headship.

Lemme help you define headship...
According to ur dictionary, headship means supporting your wife when she acts like a B-it_ch on heat at the sight of her mother in law...
If mil and DIL don't get along, how is it the man's fault, why don't you look at it first as a woman problem before calling out the man..
Why don't FIL and SIL fight so often?

This has never being about headship, it's about a whole bunch of misguided, emotional, delusional and ridiculous women who cannot take responsibilities for their actions and sort out their differences...
Are you kids?

crackhaus:

This still leads to the question I asked earlier which you didn't answer, so I will ask again at the end of this.

Your stance is that the man has seen that his wife and mother don't get along, he has also seen what his mom is doing wrong - you conveniently stopped there.

Let me finish it for you:
He has also seen what his wife did or is doing wrong herself regarding this issue with his mother, but will rather keep mute on it to avoid being caught between choosing sides.
He also knows that his mother will not be staying indefinitely in his house until the day of her death, she will most certainly return to her own house or go visit one of his siblings (her other children) - his wife on the other hand will be there when his mother leaves, and her position as chief-feminine-officer in-charge of the household will be fully restored because that seems to be her major issue with the MILs presence. . . everything will be back to normal.



So I ask, is there any problem most of you women find yourselves in that you can comfortably take at least 50% of the blame?

If you go into marriage with a mindset that your mom will always be right,you won't last long
I am telling you the bare naked truth.
If a guest in your house is making madam uncomfortable,you can never be happy
That is a free advice

I don't care if she came to stay for one day or one month,she has to know that she is a guest in that house for that one month and it is your responsibility to redirect her when she forgets that.

njokusboy:


Lemme help you define headship...
According to ur dictionary, headship means supporting your wife when she acts like a B-it_ch on heat at the sight of her mother in law...
If mil and DIL don't get along, how is it the man's fault, why don't you look at it first as a woman problem before calling out the man..
Why don't FIL and SIL fight so often?

This has never being about headship, it's about a whole bunch of misguided, emotional, delusional and ridiculous women who cannot take responsibilities for their actions and sort out their differences...
Are you kids?

O.k na. if your mother happens to be wrong, what will you do? Please o. leave your mother and your wife to fight o. Thats true headship.

Happy now?

njokusboy:


The problem with these opinions of yours is that it's too linear and one sided...
If a woman cannot tolerate her mother in law for 3 weeks, it shows a lot of things are wrong with her...
You are all about protecting ones wife from ones mother, how does that statement sound in your ears, what if the wife is actually at fault... Implicit in your thinking, a man should support his wife whenever she's at loggerheads with his mom... Nope...
Why can't you suggest a woman tolerates her husband mother same way he tolerates her.. or you think mothers don't give their sons headache too??

Anyways, I hope your daughter in laws hold the same opinion of you as you do for your MILs

Sigh, why does it show something is wrong with the wife? Why do a lot of you like to point out that one day we'll be MIL's, we know FFS! Also, women here acknowledge that it is not every MIL that causes problems in their relationships, DILs are also able to be the villain here.But stick to the issue at hand; we are discussing scenarios where the MIL is destroying the relationship that she brought about by having a son who another woman chose to love and marry. Are you yet another man who'd brush his wife's concerns away; leaving your wife to cope alone, fueling the issue, resolving nothing.

There is no faith in the word of a wife around here, gheez.

*where is the love*

Sophyrocks:


O.k na. if your mother happens to be wrong, what will you do? Please o. leave your mother and your wife to fight o. Thats true headship.

Happy now?

Why some of these talks go round and round is that many of these responders are children who are still drooling on tonto dike and nicki minaj
I wish there was a way to know people's age and maturity when they post
Whenever you see the happily married men who understand the dynamics of a family make a post,you know

Sophyrocks:


And here we go again with this your tantrums!! why are you getting emotional and worked up? i thought men aint emotional and petty? shuooo!! when you peeps have got nothing to say you just end up with usual tantrums. is this how to prove a point?

Are you getting scared and back-tracking already? When you were blabbing about wussies and alpha-males earlier, you seemed to be spoiling for a fight.
Is that how you prove your own point?

crackhaus:

Are you getting scared and back-tracking already? When you were blabbing about wussies and alpha-males earlier, you seemed to be spoiling for a fight.
Is that how you prove your own point?

Wow!! are you wussy posing as an alpha male? was your name mentioned? hehehehehehe. If it isnt guilt then i dnt know what it is. Quit being emotional before you sound like a true wussy. If you aint a wussy you wont react this way. or are you? seriously?

Sophyrocks:


O.k na. if your mother happens to be wrong, what will you do? Please o. leave your mother and your wife to fight o. Thats true headship.

Happy now?

Why don't you just say the man should babysit you guys...
My mom comes to stay over for a few weeks, she tells me what to eat, scolds me in front of my friends, all without me fighting her... after 2 weeks, she's gone...
Any sensible wife should take a cue from me..

Flytefalls:


Sigh, why does it show something is wrong with the wife? Why do a lot of you like to point out that one day we'll be MIL's, we know FFS! Also, women here acknowledge that it is not every MIL that causes problems in their relationships, DILs are also able to be the villain here.But stick to the issue at hand; we are discussing scenarios where the MIL is destroying the relationship that she brought about by having a son who another woman chose to love and marry. Are you yet another man who'd brush his wife's concerns away; leaving your wife to cope alone, fueling the issue, resolving nothing.

There is no faith in the word of a wife around here, gheez.

*where is the love*

In our African society a woman sees her son's home as an extension of her own house
Her own children even see themselves as having more rights to the house than the wife
In many cultures like the Igbo culture,a man dies and his brothers feel his belongings and wealth and account belong to them not the wife
And this is not limited to the Igbo culture I might add
So understand where these people are coming from
It is an ingrained culture where the wife is seen as a stranger in her home
That is the mindset driving the responses you hear
Until that mindset is changed this will never end.

babyosisi:


Why some of these talks go round and round is that many of these responders are children who are still drooling on tonto dike and nicki minaj
I wish there was a way to know people's age and maturity when they post
Whenever you see the happily married men who understand the dynamics of a family make a post,you know.

Exactly! Not only are they children but they are also still struggling to maintain relationships with women. some dnt have women in their lives. Their comments reveal alot about them. Can you imagine here that they have to be coached on what headship truly entails? when they come here to beat chest about head head head, i laff because they dnt even know their roles they have to play. i no dey for all these their back and forth brouhaha to prove a point bo.

njokusboy:


Why don't you just say the man should babysit you guys...
My mom comes to stay over for a few weeks, she tells me what to eat, scolds me in front of my friends, all without me fighting her... after 2 weeks, she's gone...
Any sensible wife should take a cue from me..

That is why you are still a boy s.ucking your mother's b.reast. hehehehehe.

Sophyrocks:


Exactly! Not only are they children but they are also still struggling to maintain relationships with women. some dnt have women in their lives. Their comments reveal alot about them. Can you imagine here that they have to be coached on what headship truly entails? when they come here to beat chest about head head head, i laff because they dnt even know their roles they have to play. i no dey for all these their back and forth brouhaha to prove a point bo.

Sometimes I take the liberty to read some of the post history of the people I am responding to and beat myself up for bothering
Same with some ladies that talk out of ignorance
I tell the person to go and get married,stay 10 years in that marriage then come back let's talk.

babyosisi:


If you go into marriage with a mindset that your mom will always be right,you won't last long
I am telling you the bare naked truth.
If a guest in your house is making madam uncomfortable,you can never be happy
That is a free advice

I don't care if she came to stay for one day or one month,she has to know that she is a guest in that house for that one month and it is your responsibility to redirect her when she forgets that.

Did you see anywhere I said my mom will always be right?
And don't bring my mom into your retorts as I haven't made anything about you so far.

Babyosisi, you are in no position to offer me any advice whatsoever. . . You are neither qualified nor that grey to do so.

I said the wife may also be doing some wrong as well as the mother-in-law, so knowing that only one of them will be staying in that house permanently, what happened to patience and tolerance?
Does a woman need to have her husband remind his own mother that she is only a guest in his home?
What insolence!

babyosisi:


In our African society a woman sees her son's home as an extension of her own house
Her own children even see themselves as having more rights to the house than the wife
In many cultures like the Igbo culture,a man does and his brothers feel his belongings and wealth belong to them not the wife
So understand where these people are coming from
It is an ingrained culture where the wife is seen as a stranger in the home
Until that mindset ends,this will never end

Not to disrespect anyone's culture, but there is so much confusion at present. I see it. It's so sad. I wouldn't even begin to list the contradictions, I just pray for peace

crackhaus:

Did you see anywhere I said my mom will always be right?
And don't bring my mom into your retorts as I haven't made anything about you so far.

Babyosisi, you are in no position to offer me any advice whatsoever. . . You are neither qualified nor that grey to do so.

I said the wife may also be doing some wrong as well as the mother-in-law, so knowing that only one of them will be staying in that house permanently, what happened to patience and tolerance?
Does a woman need to have her husband remind his own mother that she is only a guest in his home?
What insolence!

I will summarize for you by saying that if you and your wife were living in peace,your mother comes and katakata bursts and you had planned to have her spend 6 months,make it shorter,actually much shorter.
Asking your wife to endure it because you can or because it won't be long is not wise.

Flytefalls:


Sigh, why does it show something is wrong with the wife? Why do a lot of you like to point out that one day we'll be MIL's, we know FFS! Also, women here acknowledge that it is not every MIL that causes problems in their relationships, DILs are also able to be the villain here.But stick to the issue at hand; we are discussing scenarios where the MIL is destroying the relationship that she brought about by having a son who another woman chose to love and marry. Are you yet another man who'd brush his wife's concerns away; leaving your wife to cope alone, fueling the issue, resolving nothing.

There is no faith in the word of a wife around here, gheez.

*where is the love*

Most of this things exist only in the minds of the said DILS, many of them come into their matrimonial homes with the mindset that their MILS are evil.... Most of the time, there's actually no issue to resolve... only a bit of patience and common sense is needed..

Sophyrocks:


Wow!! are you wussy posing as an alpha male? was your name mentioned? hehehehehehe. If it isnt guilt then i dnt know what it is. Quit being emotional before you sound like a true wussy. If you aint a wussy you wont react this way. or are you? seriously?

Like I said before, you are not sharp and as dense as they come.
You would dare not mention my moniker in any of your posts, I know this for a fact.

Keep going anyway, I'm sure you already know I am very good at this.

njokusboy:


Most of this things exist only in the minds of the said DILS, many of them come into their matrimonial homes with the mindset that their MILS are evil.... Most of the time, there's actually no issue to resolve... only a bit of patience and common sense is needed..

But you are wrong. Some things are real, so absolutely of this physical earth that to brush it aside offends the order of the universe.

njokusboy:


Most of this things exist only in the minds of the said DILS, many of them come into their matrimonial homes with the mindset that their MILS are evil.... Most of the time, there's actually no issue to resolve... only a bit of patience and common sense is needed..

That is not a proper mindset and to be honest with you most women don't go with that mindset till something happens and they build a defense.
The only solution is to give your mom some advise before she visits but many men won't do that
They are afraid of incurring the wrath of mama and the wrath of their siblings who will accuse him of being controlled by his wife
Many marriage have shattered at the visit of mothers in law
Plenty
I have seen plenty end up in divorce after the MIL moved in and everyone suffers in that divorce
The only solution is to prevent it and the man must play an active role in it
He can't put his head in the sand and expect her to bear it
There is a limit to that

Based on my experiences,I won't even allow myself to be placed in that situation
I will do my own visits from a hotel room with my rental car on the side thank God I can afford to do that
I like my privacy to begin with
I don't even stay in people's houses when I travel,even when they offer ,I always opt for a hotel room or suite
I won't give anyone the opportunity to see me as a nuisance and the moment I smell anything going bad,I will be on my way to the airport in that rental car.
Coming and living in your sons house for days on end is so 1970,not my portion

Another thing a lot of nigerian men do is that they don't even inform their wives adequately before moving their moms in
So in some of these situations,the man is the cause
A man that knows his mom is a pain will insist on bringing her unannounced for long periods
Why would you torture your family in this manner
I know women with their MILs in their homes that are biting their tongues waiting for her to leave so they can exhale.

babyosisi:


I will summarize for you by saying that if you and your wife were living in peace,your mother comes and katakata bursts and you had planned to have her spend 6 months,make it shorter,actually much shorter.
Asking your wife to endure it because you can or because it won't be long is not wise.

Since we are measuring wisdom using your wisdom meter, a man sending his mother away is a much wiser decision than just diffusing the animosity by telling both mother and wife to tolerate each other for 6months?

In your wisdom, you didn't figure that when a man sends his mother away it actually makes his wife look worse in the eyes of her in-laws huh?

Sophyrocks:


That is why you are still a boy s.ucking your mother's b.reast. hehehehehe.

It's a shame, you had to go down this way