crackhaus:

Since we are measuring wisdom using your wisdom meter, a man sending his mother away is a much wiser decision than diffusing the animosity by telling both mother and wife to tolerate each other for 6months?

So in your wisdom, you didn't figure that when a man sends his mother away it actually makes his wife look worse in the eyes of her in-laws?

And if they are not able to tolerate each other what happens?
You insist she must stay 6 months?
You are thinking in a one track way. Is it wise that the first solution would be to send the mom away?

If my mother comes and causes problem between my husband and I or between her and my husband,I will tell her it is time to go back to my dad.infact my dad will be angry with her for causing me trouble in my marriage.She has a home where she is more comfortable and can do as she pleases,my husband is the King of our house and I am the queen.
Did you read me talk about the advise I gave my mom when she visited?
Every man should tell their mom the same things,they need it more
His mom and my mom are strangers in our house and none of them can cause us beef there
Do you get me now?

.

njokusboy:


It's a shame, you had to go down this way

Shame wetin? How old are you? Your mom still tells you what to do, what to eat and what to wear. that makes you what? a little boy still s.ucking her b.reasts.

You aint prepared for marriage. You aint ready to be a Head. you still got some growing to do.

The mother doesn't approve of the wife for whatever reason.

The husband usually sends money to his family before marriage but reduced the amount he sends to his family after marriage.

The DIL gave birth to all girls.

His family has no boundaries. MIL is of the opinion that her son owns the house, so she is free to do whatever she wants.

DIL doesn't believe in addressing her husband's younger siblings as uncles and aunties.

DIL/MIL found out that the other has been speaking negatively about her.

crackhaus:

Like I said before, you are not sharp and as dense as they come.
You would dare not mention my moniker in any of your posts, I know this for a fact.

Keep going anyway, I'm sure you already know I am very good at this.

SO YOU ARE A WUSSY STILL S.UCKING YOUR MOTHER'S B.REASTS Unbelievable!! I call wussies you sef raise hand quick quick. Ndo!

babyosisi:


That is not a proper mindset and to be honest with you most women don't go with that mindset till something happens and they build a defense.
The only solution is to give your mom some advise before she visits but many men won't do that
They are afraid of incurring the wrath of mama and the wrath of their siblings who will accuse him of being controlled by his wife
Many marriage have shattered at the visit of mothers in law
Plenty
I have seen plenty end up in divorce after the MIL moved in and everyone suffers in that divorce
The only solution is to prevent it and the man must play an active role in it
He can't put his head in the sand and expect her to bear it
There is a limit to that

Based on my experiences,I won't even allow myself to be placed in that situation
I will do my own visits from a hotel room with my rental car on the side thank God I can afford to do that
I like my privacy to begin with
I don't even stay in people's houses when I travel,even when they offer ,I always opt for a hotel room or suite
I won't give anyone the opportunity to see me as a nuisance and the moment I smell anything going bad,I will be on my way to the airport in that rental car.
Coming and living in your sons house for days on end is so 1970

Many women actually go into marriage with that mindset... I have seen a few, infact I have seen a lot... I have seen women wish to marry a man whose mother has passed away... Look around you, you know what I am talking about..

Why don't you turn it around, what about the man telling his wife to bear with his mother and the mother to take it easy on the wife.. t
That would have been a more balanced advice, my problem with your prescription is that you placed the blame on the feet of the MIL alone, you refused to admit that sometimes the problem arises because the wife is being too sensitive...
Secondly, you think the man should just kick his mother out of his house even though he doesn't see the source of the problem in most cases.... Most men won't do that and it's not because he's scared of any sibling or army of siblings, it's because nature has made it so, no man can kick his mom out of his house and comfortably sleep at night, infact, I'd question the sanity of any man who does such....
Matter of fact, your solution, creates more problems than it solves..

Sophyrocks:


Shame wetin? How old are you? Your mom still tells you what to do, what to eat and what to wear. that makes you what? a little boy still s.ucking her b.reasts.

You aint prepared for marriage. You aint ready to be a Head. you still got some growing to do.

I actually find this funny... you are a better off as a stand up comedienne than as a debater

njokusboy:


Many women actually go into marriage with that mindset... I have seen a few, infact I have seen a lot... I have seen women wish to marry a man whose mother has passed away... Look around you, you know what I am talking about..

Why don't you turn it around, what about the man telling his wife to bear with his mother and the mother to take it easy on the wife.. t
That would have been a more balanced advice, my problem with your prescription is that you placed the blame on the feet of the MIL alone, you refused to admit that sometimes the problem arises because the wife is being too sensitive...
Secondly, you think the man should just kick his mother out of his house even though he doesn't see the source of the problem in most cases.... Most men won't do that and it's not because he's scared of any sibling or army of siblings, it's because nature has made it so, no man can kick his mom out of his house and comfortably sleeps at night, infact, I'd questions the sanity of any man who does such....
Matter of fact, your solution, creates more problems than it solves..

I hate repeating myself
I don't know what else to say
You win
Happy?
Good

Now we can see another problem with men involved. They do absolutely nothing when a rift occurs. Going by the comments here, the wife is to bear whatever her MIL dishes out even though the MIL is wrong. even though she interferes in their marriage. she is to bear all. But i wonder what their comments would be if a father in law or brother in law interferes in the way they handle their affairs at home or question how they provide for their family.

Shollypopzz:
The mother doesn't approve of the wife for whatever reason.

The husband usually sends money to his family before marriage but reduced the amount he sends to his family after marriage.

The DIL gave birth to all girls.

His family has no boundaries. MIL is of the opinion that her son owns the house, so she is free to do whatever she wants.

DIL doesn't believe in addressing her husband's younger siblings as uncles and aunties.

DIL/MIL found out that the other has been speaking negatively about her.

Some MILs will even get mad to see their DIL tying assorted George wrappers and wearing laces
Husbands that helped with chores around the house will stop doing it so their mom won't be upset
Things like that.
They see their son helping in the house and rain abuses on their DIL for turning their son into a maid
Shouldn't such a woman return to her home?

njokusboy:


I actually find this funny... you are a better off as a stand up comedienne than as a debater

If you say so.

Little boy!

Sophyrocks:


If you say so.

Little boy!

Goodnight, big girl

Sophyrocks:
Now we can see another problem with men involved. They do absolutely nothing when a rift occurs. Going by the comments here, the wife is to bear whatever her MIL dishes out even though the MIL is wrong. even though she interferes in their marriage. she is to bear all. But i wonder what their comments would be if a father in law or brother in law interferes in the way they handle their affairs at home or question how they provide for their family.

Didn't you see the thread where a father in law to be demanded to see what the son in law does for a living and how much he makes to determine if he can provide for their daughter and all men called him a meddling FIL.
It is a slap on their manhood for an FIL to make such demands
But not a slap to my womanhood for his mother to tell me how to run my household

Shollypopzz:
The mother doesn't approve of the wife for whatever reason.

The husband usually sends money to his family before marriage but reduced the amount he sends to his family after marriage.

The DIL gave birth to all girls.

His family has no boundaries. MIL is of the opinion that her son owns the house, so she is free to do whatever she wants.

DIL doesn't believe in addressing her husband's younger siblings as uncles and aunties.

DIL/MIL found out that the other has been speaking negatively about her.

You can see that from all these issues mentioned, if the man doesnt do anything about it, the rift will escalate. these are what make the issue of MIL-DIL relationships complicated.

Sophyrocks:


SO YOU ARE A WUSSY STILL S.UCKING YOUR MOTHER'S B.REASTS Unbelievable!! I call wussies you sef raise hand quick quick. Ndo!

Quit trying Sophy, I had you figured out a long while ago on NL.
This here is the only way you know how to throw insults, by repeating the same shiit over and over and over...it's pathetic.

At least be witty and give me something worthwhile to chew on so we can do the banter. Unfortunately you are only as bright as a lab mouse, this compliment is still an insult on the intelligence of the innocent mouse.

babyosisi:


Didn't you see the thread where a father in law to be demanded to see what the son in law does for a living and how much he makes to determine if he can provide for their daughter and all men called him a meddling FIL.
It is a slap on their manhood for an FIL to make such demands
But not a slap to my womanhood for his mother to tell me how to run my household

You see am now. I remember that thread and how all the males were breathing fire and brimestone, tearing their boxers over the issue. No man will ever allow his father in law or brother in law run his family for him. Now i wonder why heaven must fall if a woman wants to do the same. This is how men help in increasing the rift o. They suddenly become inactive yet they are heads. SMH.

babyosisi:


Some MILs will even get mad to see their DIL tying assorted George wrappers and wearing laces
Husbands that helped with chores around the house will stop doing it so their mom won't be upset
Things like that.
They see their son helping on the house and rain abuses on their DIL for turning their son into a maid
Shouldn't such a woman return to her home?

You watch too much home videos

shollypopz

crackhaus:

Quit trying Sophy, I had you figured out a long while ago on NL.
This here is the only way you know how to throw insults, by repeating the same shiit over and over and over...it's pathetic.

At least be witty and give me something worthwhile to chew on so we can do the banter. Unfortunately you are only as bright as a lab mouse, this compliment is still an insult on the intelligence of the innocent mouse.

Back and forth epistles with you because i aint got better people to converse with? Mbanu! Im not as childish as you are to trade words to score likes or awards of who can insult best. Seun doesnt pay any of us for that. This issue isnt worth tearing your boxers over. You dnt know how to converse with women without being emotional. I CALLED WUSSIES BUT YOU ANSWERED. is it my fault? Nope. Look for someone else to trade words with biko. Anybody expecting merry go round discussions with me will be soooooo disappointed.

babyosisi:


And if they are not able to tolerate each other what happens?
You insist she must stay 6 months?
You are thinking in a one track way. Is it wise that the first solution would be to send the mom away?

If my mother comes and causes problem between my husband and I or between her and my husband,I will tell her it is time to go back to my dad.infact my dad will be angry with her for causing me trouble in my marriage.She has a home where she is more comfortable and can do as she pleases,my husband is the King of our house and I am the queen.
Did you read me talk about the advise I gave my mom when she visited?
Every man should tell their mom the same things,they need it more
His mom and my mom are strangers in our house and none of them can cause us beef there
Do you get me now?

.

That kind of thinking in bold is exactly why problems will arise.

babyosisi:


Sometimes I take the liberty to read some of the post history of the people I am responding to and beat myself up for bothering
Same with some ladies that talk out if ignorance
I tell the person to go and get married,stay 10 years I. That marriage then come back let's talk.

You are so right. I also take time to go through their post history. I didnt do that today and ended up talking with a 16 year old boy in this Nl. #Sigh# I looked at his pic and saw that he was a kid. i had to slap myself.

190theclown:
shollypopz

Hey, "class clown", how have you been?

Sophyrocks:


Back and forth epistles with you because i aint got better people to converse with? Mbanu! Im not as childish as you are to trade words to score likes or awards of who can insult best. Seun doesnt pay any of us for that. This issue isnt worth tearing your boxers over. You dnt know how to converse with women without being emotional. I CALLED WUSSIES BUT YOU ANSWERED. is it my fault? Nope. Look for someone else to trade words with biko. Anybody expecting merry go round discussions with me will be soooooo disappointed.

Lmao... biitch are you taking the high-road now and telling us that you don't throw insults or do back and forth?

I say it again that you are so dense, because for you to confidently try to pass yourself off as one who's all good and clean only means that you either think everyone else on NL is stvpid or you are very much deluded and totally devoid of intellect.
The latter is more likely.

Are you a woman? Lmao. . . Wonders!
I enjoy being childish BTW, that jab carries no weight...weak as fvck.

Flytefalls:

+1000 likes, ^10 for the last sentence!

The current situation is so so sad. There is no love, there is no trust, only suspicion and warped expectations. Why get married if you aren't willing to take your spouse seriously? It's so sad seeing some nl comments, it insults ones intelligence repeatedly reading flippant remarks regarding a genuine problem many women (and men) face regarding their in-laws. Marriage really isn't for everyone, don't do it until you're ready to honour your spouse. Seriously shaking my head on here nowadays.

Thanks dear. The comments you have read so far exposes what exactly fuel the rifts between MIL and Wives. Its a pity that such rifts will continue.

crackhaus:

Lmao... biitch are you taking the high-road now and telling us that you don't throw insults or do back and forth?

I say it again that you are so dense, because for you to confidently try to pass yourself off as one who's all good and clean only means that you either think everyone else on NL is stvpid or you are very much deluded and totally devoid of intellect.
The latter is more likely.

Are you a woman? Lmao. . . Wonders!
I enjoy being childish BTW, that jab carries no weight...weak as fvck.

Hahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha.

[size=18pt]An MIL taking it upon herself to tell her DIL how to cook,clean,care for her children and husband and how to run her home is equivalent to an FIL constantly on his son in law's case for not providing enough for his household.How many men will tolerate that in their homes for one week let alone 6 months?[[/size]
But you want your wife to tolerate an mil out of line for 6 months?
Are you are

njokusboy:


You watch too much home videos

Everything you watch there happens and worse
One girl already recounted on the other thread how her mil poured soup on her and flogged her
You sound like someone that won't even utter a word if your mom did something similar except perhaps to ask the wife why she provoked mama up to that extent
Mchtwwww

Ewuro4:
Women are their own worst enemies. Simples.

An older woman is expected to nurture and care for her son's wife like her own daughter. A younger lady is expected to accord same respect as her parents to her mother in-law.

I wonder what and where the competition is between two and entirely different age group? oshisko

lol.. funny but true..
women are truly their own enemy... very rare to see a son in law and father in law quarreling

Sophyrocks:


You are so right. I also take time to go through their post history. I didnt do that today and ended up talking with a 16 year old boy in this Nl. #Sigh# I looked at his pic and saw that he was a kid. i had to slap myself.

Hahahahaha
Been there
Whenever you are on a circuitous argument stop and do that

cococandy:


That's what I told my mom too.
Most people pretend like they don't know their mothers and expect the new wives to magically please the woman who has been difficult to please all her life.

I know my mother very well.
So if my brother's wife has a problem with her tomorrow, when I hear the story, I will immediately know if she's at fault or not.

Someone like my mom will like a reserved, quiet, not too flashy babe.
She tried all my life to mould me into a good church girl who wears moderate make-up and stays virgin until marriage.
She will complain about make-up,double earrings.
Complain about knee length dress or skirt.
Complain about tight trousers and sleeveless tops.
Hian!

If my bro gets married tomorrow and my mom gives the wife grief over dressing and conduct, I will side with my sister-in-law instead of pretending as if I don't know my mom over reacts to such things.

Sons should know their mothers and keep them in line to avoid friction.

It is not as if there aren't badly behaved daughters-in-law, but the default setting for most Africans is respect for the older folks while the older ones try all means possible to assert their authority.

Easy should do it.

nice

Sophyrocks:
The men who dnt know how to create and maintain boundaries are the cause of the rifts between MIL and DIL. Once mothers are placed above wives, there must be conflict. Men who dnt understand what marriage is about fuel these rifts.

Gbam!!! It is all about boundaries, although I would not place the sole responsibility of boundaries on men alone.

naijababe:



Gbam!!! It is all about boundaries, although I would not place the sole responsibility of boundaries on men alone.

True. Like it was mentioned earlier, women need to know their boundaries and stick to them. Yes, we women get wahala. The men ought to know this. 'Wife stay your lane, mother in law stay your lane'. If you are very observant, the MIL always assumes some sort of power/influence over her child and his wife together. why? because 1) she carried her child for 9 months. thats always the excuse supported by men themselves. 2) because the man is the head and so that automatically gives MIL 'unwritten' rights over your home. Therefore, you as the wife is expected to do a lot of tolerating. Thats the nigerian belief. Its what runs in the subconcious of MILs. She always wanna exert that power because she forgets her child is now married to a woman from a different family and this is where the role of the man comes in. How a man handles it is very important. A DIL is always observed with a 'microscope' in africa because she is seen as the one holding the home and making the marriage work. Therefore, any movement or decision of hers is scrutinized. thus, crossing boundary is very easy. Our beliefs in africa help to fuel the rifts. So the man has a huuuuuuuge role to play here.