I heard this from a friend and want to know your opinion Most yorubas in the house will understand what am saying when you call your brother-in law “brother so so” or sister-in-law “sister so so” as a sign of respect even when you are much older than them.
My husband and i have been married for some years now and he has one sister that happens to be his only sibbling from his parent.she came to stay with us after she finished her school in ghana. when we were living together i notice that she behaves somehow whenever i speak to her using “o”(that’s the inferior singular)unlike “e”(superior singular you use when speaking to an elder or respected person).later my mother-in-law came to spend some weeks with us and right in my present she was ranting that she will not take it if i can’t call her “aunty” while she walked away and to my greatest shock my mil supported her,saying she’s my little mother in law(iya oko)but i told her my youngest brother is not her mate which am 10years older than,i didn’t say it in a rude or disrespectful way,since then my mil has been behaving somehow not picking my calls.i told my husband about it but didn’t take it seriously.
My question now is,who do you support?and to the ladies in the house will you call your brother or sister-in-law bro or aunty even when you are older than them?

Call her aunty and let sleeping dogs lie. It won't make you any lesser

ArchEnemy:
Call her aunty and let sleeping dogs lie. It won't make you any lesser

u be man na.person wey u use 10yrs old pass.

teekay213:
u be man na.person wey u use 10yrs old pass.

guy, you ve to choose between peace and hard feelings. Call them aunty and move on.

ArchEnemy:
guy, you ve to choose between peace and hard feelings. Call them aunty and move on.

omo na olden dayz things o,this is 2015.how many wives dey call their sil ''aunty" again.

ArchEnemy:
Call her aunty and let sleeping dogs lie. It won't make you any lesser

Na like that e dey start. Aunty ko, brother ni.

First rule of being married, CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES. No be everywhere person dey claim right

Shebi they are staying momentarily and not living with your for life. If aunty is what would bring peace right now then call her aunty until she leaves

Do you know in Yoruba land some people even older than you would use "e" for you not because they dont know your age but to remove any form of isolenu.

I have been known to call people even 10yrs younger than me "my chairman", "Bros I am loyal o". It doesnt do anything to me

In my family it isnt an issue but if you married to a family where its an issue would you rather call the aunty or risk marital problems?

raumdeuter:
First rule of being married, CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES. No be everywhere person dey claim right

Shebi they are staying momentarily and not living with your for life. If aunty is what would bring peace right now then call her aunty until she leaves

Do you know in Yoruba land some people even older than you would use "e" for you not because they dont know your age but to remove any form of isolenu.

I have been known to call people even 10yrs younger than me "my chairman", "Bros I am loyal o". It doesnt do anything to me

In my family it isnt an issue but if you married to a family where its an issue would you rather call the aunty or risk marital problems?

true talk..,

You dont have to call her "aunty" shes not your aunty. Always address her as sister xyz after all shes your new sister by marriage.

If she doesn't like it she can go and die,that's immaturity of the highest order.

One of my uncle's wife who's 15 years older than me calls me aunty shewa and uses e for me and I'm always like o puleasssee


we all know It's hypocrisy. I told her to call me directly by my first name and leave all this aunty sh1t because you and I know you can't refer to me like that behind my back. Seriously I don't know why yorubas encourage hypocrisy and fake insincere respect


Anyway different family different rules. If aunty will make her feel good call her aunty and then sometimes use e for her sometimes use o for her

Give her a nickname or call her madam jokingly...personally if I was in your shoes I'll just laugh it of...some ladies dou na aunty she wan chop ni or u don piss her off before

@Op please let her know that in Yoruba land as far as I know, her sister in-law is referred to as iya oko mi and her brother in law is referred to as baba oko mi.

Also let her be aware that the title(s) iya/baba oko mi is not now only meant for her husbands Mum/Dad. In most instances, the wife also now calls her husbands' siblings iya/baba oko mi.

Even if she is 20 years older than her sister/brother in-law, out of courtesy, it is wise to refer to them as either aunty/uncle or sister/brother before their names.

A piece of advice for the wife in question; please let her allow peace to reign in her home. If calling her sister in law by either aunty or sister before their name is what would bring peace then what is the fuss all about?

Let the wife avoid allowing something as trivial as this to escalate into something big. It is not everything that we have to be stubborn about or claim “I am right and I WOULD not change”

To note, there are far more challenging issues in a marital home than for this little issue to cause the wife in question sleepiness nights. If that is the norm in the family she is married to (different strokes for different folks); then please advice her to succumb for peace to reign in the family.

I rest my case

lovaleenny:
Give her a nickname or call her madam jokingly...personally if I was in your shoes I'll just laugh it of...some ladies dou na aunty she wan chop ni or u don piss her off before

i think since she is the last born(no younger ones 2 call her aunty) to find person to call her aunty dey hungry am.

lovaleenny:
Give her a nickname or call her madam jokingly...personally if I was in your shoes I'll just laugh it of...some ladies dou na aunty she wan chop ni or u don piss her off before

i think since she is the last born(no younger ones 2 call her aunty) to find person to call her aunty dey hungry am.

[quote author=toksbisola post=34562393]@Op please let her know that in Yoruba land as far as I know, her sister in-law is referred to as iya oko mi and her brother in law is referred to as baba oko mi.

Also let her be aware that the title(s) iya/baba oko mi is not now only meant for her husbands Mum/Dad. In most instances, the wife also now calls her husbands' siblings iya/baba oko mi.

Even if she is 20 years older than her sister/brother in-law, out of courtesy, it is wise to refer to them as either aunty/uncle or sister/brother before their names.

A piece of advice for the wife in question; please let her allow peace to reign in her home. If calling her sister in law by either aunty or sister before their name is what would bring peace then what is the fuss all about?

Let the wife avoid allowing something as trivial as this to escalate into something big. It is not everything that we have to be stubborn about or claim “I am right and I WOULD not change”
no doubt,u're a typical yoruba lady.

ArchEnemy:
Call her aunty and let sleeping dogs lie. It won't make you any lesser

Taaah! What is this one talking about? Are you well at all?

teekay213:
I heard this from a friend and want to know your opinion Most yorubas in the house will understand what am saying when you call your brother-in law “brother so so” or sister-in-law “sister so so” as a sign of respect even when you are much older than them.
My husband and i have been married for some years now and he has one sister that happens to be his only sibbling from his parent.she came to stay with us after she finished her school in ghana. when we were living together i notice that she behaves somehow whenever i speak to her using “o”(that’s the inferior singular)unlike “e”(superior singular you use when speaking to an elder or respected person).later my mother-in-law came to spend some weeks with us and right in my present she was ranting that she will not take it if i can’t call her “aunty” while she walked away and to my greatest shock my mil supported her,saying she’s my little mother in law(iya oko)but i told her my youngest brother is not her mate which am 10years older than,i didn’t say it in a rude or disrespectful way,since then my mil has been behaving somehow not picking my calls.i told my husband about it but didn’t take it seriously.
My question now is,who do you support?and to the ladies in the house will you call your brother or sister-in-law bro or aunty even when you are older than them?

I don't know how you yorubas do ur thing, but in igbo land, age is what matters more, not being small mil or big mil.
As a woman, if you have a bil that is 1-2-3yrs younger than you, you should give him all the respect as "one of your husbands". If it's a sil, you only call her 'sister' and she can call you sister too, or 'our wife' depending on how she likes you.
But if na person wey you give 5-10yrs, be it a man or woman, he/she owes you the respect. Shikena

OP, toksbisola and San Barry are right. It's a Yoruba thing and it isn't worth the battle. My cousin woke up and pulled the same stunt on me somewhat. I resisted but then maturity made me ask myself "how many times do you see her and is this a fruitful battle to fight? "

Even now, one of my sisters is digging a trap based on this for my sis in law (who is a few years younger than me but calls me by my first name). I've told her to keep me out of it.

Just do it and move on with your life. At least now you have a better understanding of your SIL and MIL and where you stand with them. Adjust your behaviour accordingly (smile but know you're not in their sweet spot and just be more careful and draw boundaries with them internally).

....I honestly do not get the idea behind calling someone you are 10years older than 'aunty and uncle'
...Surely if those titles should be used,it should be from the younger person..so that the whole respect thing would make sense!

You guys are kidding right?
You mean if I married a Yoruba man I'll call his 15yr old baby sister aunty?

As in really?
Will I also call the 10yr old baby brother uncle too?

I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

Culture is nice and lovely when it is.

But when it is plain degrading, it is time to do away with it. My humble opinion

I totally disagree with any advice for you to call her aunty or use "e" for her as long as you are older. Otherwise it should be at your discretion and not them insisting.

Some families make it seem like you are so privileged to be married to them, hence you must be of your best behavior even to hypocrisy.

I'm glad she is also a woman and will marry too. You won't sow Lime to reap Apple.

...this is part of the reasons I have reservations for marrying outside my region.

SAMBARRY:
One of my uncle's wife who's 15 years older than me calls me aunty shewa and uses e for me and I'm always like o puleasssee


we all know It's hypocrisy. I told her to call me directly by my first name and leave all this aunty sh1t because you and I know you can't refer to me like that behind my back. Seriously I don't know why yorubas encourage hypocrisy and fake insincere respect


Anyway different family different rules. If aunty will make her feel good call her aunty and then sometimes use e for her sometimes use o for her

...15years?? ....i can imagine you mentally rolling your eyes and muttering 'aunty fire'

Jamean:
I totally disagree with any advice for you to call her aunty or use "e" for her. Some families make it seem like you are so privileged to be married to them, hence you must be of your best behavior even to hypocrisy.

I'm glad she is also a woman and will marry too. You won't sow Lime to reap Apple.

...this is part of the reasons I have reservations for marrying outside my region.

That's what I think too when I see some ladies championing the traditions that humiliate them.

Thank you very much...

cococandy:
You guys are kidding right?
You mean if I married a Yoruba man I'll call his 15yr old baby sister aunty?

As in really?
Will I also call the 10yr old baby brother uncle too?

I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

Culture is nice and lovely when it is.

But when it is plain degrading, it is time to do away with it. My humble opinion

Pettiness

That lady has an inferiority complex and want to exhibit it on her brother's wife.

Aunty kor!

cococandy:


That's what I think too when I see some ladies championing the traditions that humiliate them.

It is not about any bloody culture. Most likely something else happened to annoy them, the MIL is siding with her SIL and they saw this opportunity to look for a way to start a fight and cause some humiliation and small drama with the wife. They don't give 2 Shi.ts about the culture. That is why we are telling her to do it. My sister going to do this to my SIL is not doing it on my behalf, it's because the babe pissed her off and she saw an opportunity to deal with her small.

If this was your office and your boss was younger than you and was looking to score some cheap points to annoy you, will you carry your battle flag and call for a war (that even if you win, will cause additional wahala down the line for you, in other words a Pyhrric victory) or will you give yourself brain, neatly sidestep, play the fool and lose the battle and then later on win the war?

one of my SILs is over 10 years younger than me (Chei I'm old o ) and the babe is such an awkward not polite young woman. I took it up with my hubby and the fight it started that night was not it. Over a small girl whom I have seen not upto 10 times in my life and won't even see her more sef. I realised that instead of spending energy dwelling on crap, I'd rather fight my hubby over important matters such as financial planning, buying a home and where our kids are going to school (things that concern me).

Seriously what is important here? They should make warfare planning a required lesson in marital class.

You're right about the bold.

As per picking battles, I do know to pick my battles too but I guess it's each to their own.
The last thing I'll do is call a person I'm older than aunt or uncle.
To me that's a proper battle to fight. How degrading:
From calling her aunty what next? I'll be serving her meals and running errands for her too?

Mind you I'm not ageist as I can even greet a very much younger person first if I see them before they see me. But being forced to call one aunty or uncle against my wish won't happen.

I prefer to ignore the so called bigger battles like where to buy a house and face this 'small' one.

Onegai:


It is not about any bloody culture. Most likely something else happened to annoy them, the MIL is siding with her SOL and they saw this opportunity to look for a way to start a fight and cause some humiliation and small drama with the wife. They don't give 2 Shi.ts about the culture. That is why we are telling her to do it. My sister going to do this to my SIL is not doing it on my behalf, it's because the babe pissed her off and she saw an opportunity to deal with her small

If this was your office and your boss was younger than you and was looking to score some cheap points to annoy you, will you carry your battle flag and call for a war (that even if you win, will cause additional wahala down the line for you, in other words a Pyhrric victory) or will you give yourself brain, neatly sidestep, play the fool and lose the battle and then later on win the war?

one of my SILs is over 10 years younger than me (Chei I'm old o ) and the babe is such an awkward not polite young woman. I took it up with my hubby and the fight it started that night was not it. Over a small girl whom I have seen not upto 10 times in my life and won't even see her more sef. I realised that instead of spending energy dwelling on crap, I'd rather fight my hubby over important matters such as financial planning, buying a home and where our kids are going to school (things that concern me).

Seriously what is important here? They should make warfare planning a required lesson in marital class.

It's always women making a big deal out of things like this...

Lol. SOme people dont know there are bigger battles in life than small ego trips

A small story.

========================================================================
One of my uncles told us a story
2 friends John and Fred got a job in a bank in the 90's after they had worked in many other organisations

It now happened that one of their junior in school was the Head of their department. Like they was in final yr when the girl was in year 2 one of his coursemates babes those yrs

Later she insisted everyone in the dept call her "Ma". Both guys were so shocked and insisted they wont call her Ma

So she staged a drama at the bank

She started calling from her office

John!!

John answered YES.

Fred!!!!

His friend answered YES

Later she told them to wait now started calling other people in the dept

Ade!!! , Ade answered: Yes MA!!, Obi!!! Obi Answered Yes MA!! Steven!! Steven answered Yes MA

She now told both friends to go back out and she recalled them. John just answered even though reluctantly YES MA. Fred his friend refused and insisted on YES

They started a mini silent war. She wrote him up for insubordination gave bad appraisals and finally got Fred fired

over a yr later she was transferred out of the country.

And John today is a top shot at the bank while Fred after his sack only got a teaching job and struggled

Now think about it who lost on the long run

Yorubas usually say something about calling Malu(a cow) brother to allow us pass or call a mad man the groom so he would give us peace

Yeah right. Call her aunty so piss sorry peace can reign, right? Right.

Thats how it starts. Tomorrow she'll be wiping their arses with her hair.

Peace! Like Lazarus Long once said, "'Cooperating with the inevitable' means 'roll with the punch'... it does not mean 'stooling for the guards.'" If she fails to stand for this, she will fall for everything else.

Ngokafor:




...15years?? ....i can imagine you mentally rolling your eyes and muttering 'aunty fire'

exactly. I was like save yourself the stress. What's the point but you know in some families you have to call them aunty this brother that for their body to come down



op just call her aunty to her face and call her directly by her name at her back since its in yoruba culture to encourage eye service and fake love. Or better still you can find a nick name for her like if for example her name is abiodun you can call her aby

no b only sil or bil case... if ur dad marry a small new wife,so far she meet u 4 house.she's expected to put bro or aunty join ur name.