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I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE - Family - Nairaland

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I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by thelish(f): 2:36pm On Jul 07, 2015
please I need advice on my marriage. my husband is lazy and always dependents on people for survival. Am tired of supporting a man who is not ready to stand. At a time, I had to start selling food for us to cope n pay our son's school fees. we are both graduates. He got depressed and discouraged after applying for several jobs. he graduated since 2008, and still jobless till now. I don't know how I can cope any longer. please matured people of nairaland should advice me. chair cover, efemenaxy, greatgod2012, its a pity osisi is not around anymore, cococandy, tallesty n many more I can't mention. thank u all.

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by kolatobs(m): 2:36pm On Jul 07, 2015
GO AHEAD

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by MosakuAW(m): 2:36pm On Jul 07, 2015
Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by raumdeuter: 2:38pm On Jul 07, 2015
Please go ahead and divorce him. I thought your marriage vows included "In riches in poor". You should have included your caveat that you dont do poor broke men.

WHy did you marry him when he was jobless

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by balogundayo(m): 2:40pm On Jul 07, 2015
i'm sorry to say this...buh i see no future with a man who prefers to live off other people's pockets and cant work to feed his family....


run!!! before he starts venting his frustrated self at u.....

but...you can stay o...if u wanna be regretful all ur life and eventually become a punching bag....

choose wisely..my opinion!

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by marshalcarter: 2:40pm On Jul 07, 2015
#listenin to shaggy-the strength of a woman#













Ok...afffinish listenin







Op...u're tryin ooo...u're really tryin...feedin the family...takin care of aboy's sch fee....mehn...not all women would do dat...but I'll advice to keep the gud work up nd always pray....GOD would see y'll through
Amen

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by nifemi25(m): 2:41pm On Jul 07, 2015
Don't divorce him instead advice him to lay his hand on something and always support him with prayer. Õoº°˚ ˚°ºoo shi ma da.

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by ArchEnemy(m): 2:41pm On Jul 07, 2015
Looks as if he tried all possible means to secure a job but couldn't. You said he got depressed and you wanna add to his depression by leaving him?

Common marriage is for better for worse o. Why do you think they put the word 'worse'

Be a pillar unto him, encourage him, love him, keep believing in him.

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by ArchEnemy(m): 2:45pm On Jul 07, 2015
raumdeuter:

WHy did you marry him when he was jobless
Nice observation

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by efemenaslectura: 2:52pm On Jul 07, 2015
Op you're already a Mrs. You've won yourself the Grammy award of being Mrs somebody so please continue paying the school fees and other expenses. Quit complaining.if on the other hand you want divorce. Get it. Nl doesn't have to know. Afterall when you get outside, you pretend and smile that you're in a blissful perfect marriage. Lobatan

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by Slimzjoe(m): 2:52pm On Jul 07, 2015
First, you married a Jobless Man.....let's let that Slide.

In Your marriage Vows you Proudly said with Smiles in your face that You'll Be It him in Rich and Poor, for better For worse.... So sis, Just continue doing what you're Doing until He Finally Decides to the Right thing and Make sure you don't get Pregnant again!

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by thelish(f): 2:54pm On Jul 07, 2015
ArchEnemy:
Looks as if he tried all possible means to secure a job but couldn't. You said he got depressed and you wanna add to his depression by leaving him?

Common marriage is for better for worse o. Why do you think they put the word 'worse'

Be a pillar unto him, encourage him, love him, keep believing in him.
I have always done that. he is a very nice man. I married him because I believed in him n his future. he stood for me at a bad phase of my life. his love gave me a reason to live n quit suicide. Though before our marriage, his brother promised him money to start a business , which we have even secured the shops. But he disappointed him after our marriage. He is my best friend n lover but how long can I wallow in poverty?? I just need someone to talk to. cos my heart is heavy .

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by ArchEnemy(m): 2:58pm On Jul 07, 2015
thelish:
I have always done that. he is a very nice man. I married him because I believed in him n his future. he stood for me at a bad phase of my life. his love gave me a reason to live n quit suicide. Though before our marriage, his brother promised him money to start a business , which we have even secured the shops. But he disappointed him after our marriage. He is my best friend n lover but how long can I wallow in poverty?? I just need someone to talk to. cos my heart is heavy .
that is okay
Don't give up then.. just encourage him with the job application stuff. You could even make contacts for him.God uphold your home

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by raumdeuter: 2:58pm On Jul 07, 2015
thelish:
I have always done that. he is a very nice man. I married him because I believed in him n his future. [size=14pt]he stood for me at a bad phase of my life. his love gave me a reason to live n quit suicide[/size]. Though before our marriage, his brother promised him money to start a business , which we have even secured the shops. But he disappointed him after our marriage. He is my best friend n lover but how long can I wallow in poverty?? I just need someone to talk to. cos my heart is heavy .

The bolded are a lesson for men who are blinded by love and give selflessly in a relationship

Once you are broke, most women would forget those act and leave you. When you were down he stood by you, when he is down you feel like divorcing him

You are not at fault he is the one to blame

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by Beremx(f): 3:04pm On Jul 07, 2015
....And your life would be better if you divorce him? Please remain in the marriage and build it.
May the lord see you through

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by thelish(f): 3:08pm On Jul 07, 2015
raumdeuter:
Please go ahead and divorce him. I thought your marriage vows included "In riches in poor". You should have included your caveat that you dont do poor broke men.

WHy did you marry him when he was jobless
my dear, I know that was a mistake on my part, but I thought by now, everything should be settled cos he had great potentials in him. I love this man to pieces cos he is almost a perfect husband if not for this delay in his job. I don't even know if I can actively cope without him but current condition is frustrating me to think otherwise. I feel pity for him at times, at the same angry with him.
Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by poshest(f): 3:11pm On Jul 07, 2015
why not advice him to look for a teaching job, maybe in a secondary school. From there i pray bigger doors will open as he continues to apply. He should stop relying on empty promises from his family members.
Most importantly if you are a christain you can switch to MFM. That yoke of stagnation will be broken by the power of ressurrection. it is well.

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by jaybee3(m): 3:13pm On Jul 07, 2015
Have you asked him what interests him or you are trying to project your ideal man on him?

A man should not be lazy and that's a no no for me but he might genuinely need all the help he can get.

If it helps, divide your responsibilities and ensure you take care of your portion so you can at least force him to sit tight

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by yorubadelta(f): 3:15pm On Jul 07, 2015
Since 2008 no job, no one should fault you for being frustrated.. however there are other things he can do for a living.. have u suggested any business ideas to him?

He stood by you in your worst, therefore you should also support him .. never lose faith in him.. build him up with kind words

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by ronald4lif(m): 3:16pm On Jul 07, 2015
poshest:
why not advice him to look for a teaching job, maybe in a secondary school. From there i pray bigger doors will open as he continues to apply. He should stop relying on empty promises from his family members.
Most importantly if you are a christain you can switch to MFM. That yoke of stagnation will be broken by the power of ressurrection. it is well.

Super story. There's no such thing as yoke of stagnation. Life is what one makes out of it. If the man wants to be useful with his life he will and if he doesn't want to, his cross. He mustn't wait for white collar jobs and mouth-watery offers. A graduate can easily get employed to teach in secondary schools. No one is making him stagnant.

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by Nobody: 3:19pm On Jul 07, 2015
@OP

Great people are always known for their ability to better any environment they find themselves . Believe you me , if you have not been able to better the live of your husband since you met him in the unemployment condition , then you are worse than him . Maybe you can start now to assume responsibility of a breadwinner of the family , after all you are not a destitute .

On the flip side , may I know your husband's acquired special skill(s) if any . Been a graduate does not guarantee one a good live especially when one is not among the best of the best in a chosen discipline . To be rich you got to do things you were not taught in the classroom , else everyone who graduated who become rich .

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by cococandy(f): 3:21pm On Jul 07, 2015
Don't divorce him.

I think many posters have already said valuable things you can adopt and see if it works for you.

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by eagleccentric(m): 3:23pm On Jul 07, 2015
Whoever put the thot of divorce in your head is your worst enemy, and anyone hear advising you along that path does not wish you well.

Everyone has a cross, and if its yours, the grace to bear it will always be there.

He stood by you yesterday, and he's even the reason you are alive today, so you just stand by him today and be the reason he will be alive tomorrow.

It is well!!!

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by thelish(f): 3:23pm On Jul 07, 2015
raumdeuter:


The bolded are a lesson for men who are blinded by love and give selflessly in a relationship

Once you are broke, most women would forget those act and leave you. When you were down he stood by you, when he is down you feel like divorcing him

You are not at fault he is the one to blame
my dear I never said he was my lover, he is still my lover, I have never stopped loving him. am just confuse n angry. when I said he stood by me, I never mentioned cash or money. if I dont love him, I will not assist with his school fees while we were in school. my ATM was for the both of us. it pains him that after all what I have done for him, I have not really enjoyed money wise. even the money I realized from my sales still belong to d both of us. neighbors n friends had laughed at me severally, that how can a beautiful young lady like u degrade yourself to sell food. but I don't answer them. am just scared that for how long will I continue like this? he is the only man I have known all my life.

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by thelish(f): 3:26pm On Jul 07, 2015
Empero1:
@OP

Great people are always known for their ability to better any environment they find themselves . Believe you me , if you have not been able to better the live of your husband since you met him in the unemployment condition , then you are worse than him . Maybe you can start now to assume responsibility of a breadwinner of the family , after all you are not a destitute .

On the flip side , may I know your husband's acquired special skill(s) if any . Been a graduate does not guarantee one a good live especially when one is not among the best of the best in a chosen discipline . To be rich you got to do things you were not thought in the classroom , else everyone who gradated who become rich .
Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by cococandy(f): 3:28pm On Jul 07, 2015
Pls stop listening to those friends. And what neighbors are you even giving face to say such about your husband to your face?

Your problems should be between both of you. Sadly he's not here as he's the person who needs the most advising and encouragement.

He needs to sit up at least for your child's sake.
thelish:
my dear I never said he was my lover, he is still my lover, I have never stopped loving him. am just confuse n angry. when I said he stood by me, I never mentioned cash or money. if I dont love him, I will not assist with his school fees while we were in school. my ATM was for the both of us. it pains him that after all what I have done for him, I have not really enjoyed money wise. even the money I realized from my sales still belong to d both of us. neighbors n friends had laughed at me severally, that how can a beautiful young lady like u degrade yourself to sell food. but I don't answer them. am just scared that for how long will I continue like this? he is the only man I have known all my life.

2 Likes

Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by thorpido(m): 3:29pm On Jul 07, 2015
thelish:
I have always done that. he is a very nice man. I married him because I believed in him n his future. he stood for me at a bad phase of my life. his love gave me a reason to live n quit suicide. Though before our marriage, his brother promised him money to start a business , which we have even secured the shops. But he disappointed him after our marriage. He is my best friend n lover but how long can I wallow in poverty?? I just need someone to talk to. cos my heart is heavy .
If he did the bolded at a phase in your life,then it's payback time.You can't leave him now.
He should stop looking for a white-collar job and do something hands-on.He can start by teaching,a school or a jamb center.

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by NifemiOlu(m): 3:32pm On Jul 07, 2015
On a scale of 1-10, how can you rate his hustling for jobs?

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by thelish(f): 3:34pm On Jul 07, 2015
[quote author=thelish post=35591693][/quote] I have really tried to push him to secure a job. though I meet people on his behalf which had also produce result in the past. but I mine suppose to be looking for job for him? he is very versatile in knowledge. he is good in computer operating, electrical n electronics, he is jack of all trade. but why not start from somewhere?

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Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by thorpido(m): 3:37pm On Jul 07, 2015
thelish:
my dear I never said he was my lover, he is still my lover, I have never stopped loving him. am just confuse n angry. when I said he stood by me, I never mentioned cash or money. if I dont love him, I will not assist with his school fees while we were in school. my ATM was for the both of us. it pains him that after all what I have done for him, I have not really enjoyed money wise. even the money I realized from my sales still belong to d both of us. neighbors n friends had laughed at me severally, that how can a beautiful young lady like u degrade yourself to sell food. but I don't answer them. am just scared that for how long will I continue like this? he is the only man I have known all my life.
Can't your hubby sell food too?
I think your hubby should get off his butt.Times are tough for a lot of people but when you sit waiting for manna from heaven then it is worse.He's a graduate as you said so he should make use of the knowledge he got from his education.He should be creative and do something.
You chose to stick with him and support him while in school and married him.Whatever made you do that,don't quit now.

10 Likes

Re: I Feel Like Divorcing My Husband: UPDATE by limamintruth: 3:37pm On Jul 07, 2015
thelish:
please I need advice on my marriage. my husband is lazy and always dependents on people for survival. Am tired of supporting a man who is not ready to stand. At a time, I had to start selling food for us to cope n pay our son's school fees. we are both graduates. He got depressed and discouraged after applying for several jobs. he graduated since 2008, and still jobless till now. I don't know how I can cope any longer. please matured people of nairaland should advice me. chair cover, efemenaxy, greatgod2012, its a pity osisi is not around anymore, cococandy, tallesty n many more I can't mention. thank u all.


Please dont ooo.
He needs your words of encouragement more now than ever cos of the serious challenge he is presently in.

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