TV01:

Competition can certainly be unhealthy. But it's not only competition - an equalist mindset can do harm as well. They have the first child, the mother takes a year off, perhaps her career suffers because of it.
They have the second, she insists he takes paternity so she can go straight back to work. Afterall, her career is equally important - and she took the hit last time?

This is some kind of unhealthy competition...

So, some men have raised expectations about a womans financial contribution? But expects to not do anything - or more than if say she was a housewife - domestically?

I don't think there are men with that mindset here or preaching that. In as much as they exist, women should be mindful of marrying them. The flip side of that coin is women who think marriage is about wealth redistribution or a vehicle for them to actualise their selfish dreams. So men need to be wary as well.

I would say men like that may not even be aware they need to do much more. So it's not like they are some kind of beast who want to intentionally kill their wives with the chores. Looking at Carrin's example for a minute, her husband should be able to do much more but even she takes pride in doing it all and has somehow accepted her fate that her life is supposed to be that way. But again, she recognizes that she is clearly being overworked and could do with more support.

Plus, biblical headship is not re-negotiated based on a wife financial contribution - otherwise she could well be head of the home if her income is greater. Again, be wary and marry accordingly

agree, marry right and pray it stays right.

As commander I am concerned about everything . If the two main priorities are satisfied and there is additional income generated by the wife, less a reasonable amount for pin money, it should also be spent on the family' behalf. Be that charity, extended family, luxury items, or long-term investments.

this would only work if both parties maintain a joint account. Don't see how else it will work with some form of resentment from either party.

These are issues of immaturity, lack of understanding or selfishness of the individuals within marriage. Foundation, foundation, foundation. Marry right and marry well and this kind of thing will rarely crop up. A woman would marry a man without him having articualted his vision for his marriage and home?

And there was a comment about marrying in "hope/faith". Not sure baout hope, but I married in faith. Faith demanded I conduct myself in a certain way, apply clear biblical principles, submit myself to my family and be humble before God. Faith is not blind.
TV

I agree with this but like I told thorpido, sometimes, you think you marry north, but it goes all south after the wedding. One cannot continue to lament for ever over his/her poor choice of spouse. You would just have to move forward with solutions.

areamama12:



mai dia, ignore edwife as u cn c she clearly av no lyf apart 4rm nl as she cum hia to seek sef validation.
she came 4rm a bitter home and yew cn c her attackin pipul dt disagrees wit her wit an alternate.
Dey hate men dt respects women & yew cn see aw her fwnd kimoni attacked sinizia.

she is old & barren hence kumin hia to beg 4 a beta dick.

Who the fvck are you?

You don't need to be stupid, gay. Any smartass can see that you are he

oreos:


You know that is not true.

I am not really against the traditional approach however I believe that flexibility is the key. Some men have refused to be flexible when needed (educated o). Also, I am not supporting selfish women, there is nothing demeaning about house chores. My problem is with men who consider house chores demeaning to their status.

The traditional approach was perfect until people started abusing it.


@ the last highlighted comment of yours ....We've been saying the same thing all along.

What's the big deal in house chores when you have almost all manual handling being taken care of by machines and utensils ?

In fact with the advent of machines for almost every little house chores men are more likely to face risky house chores that ranges from unblocking your minor sewage problems ,fixing bulb lights at heights, lifting of heavy household equipment et al.

Some women would even wait for their husbands to come back from work and help them kill a cockroach or a giant spider spotted in the house....abeg make women go siddon for corner joor.

oreos:


Who the fvck are you?

You don't need to be stupid, gay. Any smartass can see that you are he

Best bet is to ignore them - They have nothing to offer but curses unless you are also ready to roll in the mud with the pig.

Truckpusher:
Any one of the parents can send their kids to school depending on their different schedules.

Most of these women that are making noises here are simply lazy girls that wants to hide under the cover of equality to mask their lazy nature - Why not show yourself completely and stop pretending to your man ,after all I know some men that does everything for their wives simply because they understood that she is simply lazy but they love their women and it's not a crime to be lazy and I have also seen men that their wives clean up after them like kids because she knew that he's a lazy dude and so they compliment each other somehow ....Isn't that what marriage was meant for ? Tolerance and compliment?

cc
edwife..

LOL

By sending I mean school fees not even dropping the kids off

Some say it is the mans child ..

Truckpusher:
Best bet is to ignore them - They have nothing to offer but curses unless you are also ready to roll in the mud with the pig.

I was hoping my reply would be a conversation stopper.

pickabeau1:


LOL

By sending I mean school fees not even dropping the kids off

Some say it is the mans child ..

Really? and they think it's the man's sole prerogative ? That's a warped mentality I tell you.

Truckpusher:
The traditional approach was perfect until people started abusing it.


@ the last highlighted comment of yours ....We've been saying the same thing all along.

What's the big deal in house chores when you have almost all manual handling being taken care of by machines and utensils ?

In fact with the advent of machines for almost every little house chores men are more likely to face risky house chores that ranges from unblocking your minor sewage problems ,fixing bulb lights at heights, lifting of heavy household equipment et al.

Some women would even wait for their husbands to come back from work and help them kill a cockroach or a giant spider spotted in the house....abeg make women go siddon for corner joor.

Truckpusher:
Really? and they think it's the man's sole prerogative ? That's a warped mentality I tell you.

https://www.nairaland.com/2127247/concern-more-us-based-nigerians-murder/8#30397900

https://www.nairaland.com/2127247/concern-more-us-based-nigerians-murder/8#30398020

I can get more but no time

its expressed time and time again
The child is the man's responsibility

oreos:


I was hoping my reply would be a conversation stopper.

The first response is the lifeline they needed so badly to get your attention - The attention they crave for.

Sometimes I do give them the attention and end up compounding their woes and making them to end up more miserbale

pickabeau1:


https://www.nairaland.com/2127247/concern-more-us-based-nigerians-murder/8#30397900

https://www.nairaland.com/2127247/concern-more-us-based-nigerians-murder/8#30398020

I can get more but no time

its expressed time and time again
The child is the man's responsibility

edwife:
Let me start by saying this,i do not believe that men wants someone he can share the bill with especially african men,what they want is someone who can support them and not be a liability.

eddy, isn't this the same thing? I think you are just putting it mildly

A woman who wants to reach the pick of her carreer and do it all needs to weigh her options,You can't have it all.It either you compromise or you choose one.You want a husband and kids,you need to compromise in every aspects.One who combines a successful career giving her financial independence with an effective motherhood raising a child needs to realise that it is important to understand that both these jobs are extremely demanding, and to do justice to each without neglecting the other is a formidable task.

A working woman, wife, mother needs to be able to multi-task effectively and make necessary sacrifices. So, I'll rather say she can have it all as long as she is able to make these sacrifices (for some reason, I am more comfortable using the word sacrifice rather than compromise). Extremely demanding... I'll come to this shortly

Do you truly believe there are men that will see their wives overworked and turn a blind eye? Unless he is a beast then we are no longer talking of husbands,lovers,partners. we always talk about house-chores as if we were talking about hard labour or something.We are two adults in the house,both working-what to do?

The husband might not even be aware he needs to do more in the house while the wife, though aware she is doing much more and is clearly struggling with it, prides herself that she is able to multi-task and thinks it's not an issue. The case of Carrin and other surveys done in the opening post describes this. But also, in extreme cases, he knows he should help, he can clearly be of help, but he just believes that any home chore is not his to do. We could attribute this to his upbringing or....

@the bolded - reconcile the bolded(house work is not hard labour) with what you said initially (house work is extremely demanding) and see the contrast. Personally, I think house work is more demanding than even a full time office job. I would rather take the latter than the former. #my opinion though

First a working couple have little time at home,except on weekends.Even with the presence of kids,you can easily try to manage the house without many brouhaha.
This is where her salary will come handy,she can buy every necessary house equipments ranging from(vacuum cleaner,rice cooker,blender,washing machine,dish washer) name it if she thinks it is too much for her.I don't think a husband will have a problem with that and i am very certain he will willingly help .Some of these men where raised like that,not an excuse but it's a fact and you don't expect him to change because he has kids and a wife.Women know it,she dated him knowing that,instead of bringing the roof down,why not seek some other alternatives.

are we saying here it's okay for her to take up all the house work even if she is contributing financially? And if she is stressed out, she should resort to modern gadgets? I am trying to understand the context this whole paragraph is made from

I see housechores as an habit,if you are not use to a messy place-you will clean it.Some women will have no problem saying that they do not like washing clothes or dishes but you expect your husband to like it,because he needs to share house-chores responsibility.It is simple,get a washing machine,that will do.
I always say it,there is no way one will do house-chores around the clock,it is impossible.Unless you both are pigs.Women are good at multitasking,even if you are not-you can always organise your chores especially when you work.

I noticed my dad is not good with chores but one thing you can't take away from him is organisation.The man clothes and bedroom is neat any day ,any time.He takes time folding,ironing his clothes.he can't stand a piece of paper or anything on the floor.There is always something good they do and don't compromise. Many of the stories we read here are just dramatise to make it look like women are being enslaved. Kimoni do you really think that a child will be crying and disturbing the mother while cooking,the man will comfortably sits on a sofa and enjoys his soccer without enquiring or helping?Unless the baby needs food,he will gladly pick that baby until the woman finish whatever she is doing.If you ask me,that was before not presently.

again eddy, we are not just talking about a woman complaining of house chores even when she is a full time house wife, we are talking of working women contributing significantly to the financial upkeep but still taking up the whole house chores.

Truckpusher:
The first response is the lifeline they needed so badly to get your attention - The attention they crave for.

Sometimes I do give them the attention and end up compounding their woes and making them to end up more miserable

LOL.

I give the attention when I am bored or I have got a raging headache

jaybee3:


We actually don't split bills but employ adopt a formula where i take care of the core bills and she handles the rest. It probably works out to 70:30 or there about

The chores are evenly split

Jaybee, no woman will complain of this naa. This is fine by all standards.

oreos:


LOL.

I give the attention when I am bored or[b] I have got a raging headache[/b]

You must be a witch in your former life

Truckpusher:
What's wrong with the traditional old way ma'am?

I hope you're not mistaken the ideology being promoted by chauvinistic men for your traditional old way?

Nothing wrong with the traditional model sir. If you read my post from the beginning, you'll notice it's actually my preferred model. It works fine as long as there is a good balance.

Truckpusher:

You must be a witch in your former life

You wish

It happens frequently when I am in school.

coogar:


things haven't changed.
women worked in the days of our parents as well even though i can agree men still shouldered the bulk of the expenses. these days, more women are working and men still shoulder more responsibilities than the women. women still get to keep the bulk of their salaries for their own selfish purposes while using their favourite slogan...."ain't you the man of the house?" the only difference i see is that women have become more smarter to scheme men and squeeze his pockets till the last penny drops out of it.

Coogar, you dey vex o
You always leave me confused on where to start my response from

Let me take you to my opening post and the surveys/research that were carried out. It says working women are contributing more than ever financially but still taking up more if not all of the chores at home. Isn't this a worrying trend? How do we sensitise men to do more chores at home, if you agree with the results of the surveys.

Truckpusher:
Best bet is to ignore them - They have nothing to offer but curses unless you are also ready to roll in the mud with the pig.

Anybody will know that it's the teenage boy seeking admission in Lasu...

That boy will die here one day o,you people should help him....he thinks he is smart but we know it's F....

edwife:


Anybody will know that it's the teenage boy seeking admission in Lasu...

That buy will die here one day o,you people should help him....he thinks he is smart but we know it's F....

And you still pretend not to like trouble?

Truckpusher:
And you still pretend not to like trouble?

I still don't but smell vermin....

edwife:


I still don't but smell vermin....

Ok oh! fire down

[quote author=Kimoni post=37777984]

eddy, isn't this the same thing? I think you are just putting it mildly

It's not,sharing means 50-50 no? supporting means i can help where he couldn't but i might not be obliged to do so.Some months i might not even spend anything while he can,that is not sharing.

A working woman, wife, mother needs to be able to multi-task effectively and make necessary sacrifices. So, I'll rather say she can have it all as long as she is able to make these sacrifices (for some reason, I am more comfortable using the word sacrifice rather than compromise). Extremely demanding... I'll come to this shortly

How many are willing to make those sacrifices?When i said you can't have it all,i am saying you need to sacrifice,abandon some of those dreams if need be.Because if you are willing to make sacrifice,you will know that you can't have all at the same time,rather prioritize.

The husband might not even be aware he needs to do more in the house while the wife, though aware she is doing much more and is clearly struggling with it, prides herself that she is able to multi-task and thinks it's not an issue. The case of Carrin and other surveys done in the opening post describes this. But also, in extreme cases, he knows he should help, he can clearly be of help, but he just believes that any home chore is not his to do. We could attribute this to his upbringing or....

Yes upbringing but don't you think that it is silly to do more while you clearly can't?What kind of pride is that? And is it the husband fault that you are proud to admit that you need help?And again i still don't believe modern men don't at least help in one chore or another especially in the West and if in Nigeria,what is a maid for?

@the bolded - reconcile the bolded(house work is not hard labour) with what you said initially (house work is extremely demanding) and see the contrast. Personally, I think house work is more demanding than even a full time office job. I would rather take the latter than the former. #my opinion though

Not for me,office job can be as stressful to some as house-chores.Attending meetings,trying to meet the deadline and preparing reports are also mentally stressful which can easily attack you physically.When your brain is paralysed,your body can't work

are we saying here it's okay for her to take up all the house work even if she is contributing financially? And if she is stressed out, she should resort to modern gadgets? I am trying to understand the context this whole paragraph is made from

If she is contributing financially except she is in the west which i know men help,she might require the services of a help because she can afford it.You can't force a horse to the stream,if you marry such a man,all you need to do is to seek other alternative that will alleviate you of all the possible stress house-chores can bring.So will she bring the house down because her husband can't help?Can't we find a solution?They are both making money so?

again eddy, we are not just talking about a woman complaining of house chores even when she is a full time house wife, we are talking of working women contributing significantly to the financial upkeep but still taking up the whole house chores.

Working women contributing significantly should hire maids to help.I have never seen in my life,a well to do woman(couple) without help.Even housewives in Nigeria have help,so?

The help is to take some of the chores you might not have time or strength to do,cooking should be a wife priority and anything concerning their bedroom.(my opinion).

edwife:


Let me start by saying this,i do not believe that men wants someone he can share the bill with especially african men,what they want is someone who can support them and not be a liability.

A woman who wants to reach the pick of her carreer and do it all needs to weigh her options,You can't have it all.It either you compromise or you choose one.You want a husband and kids,you need to compromise in every aspects.One who combines a successful career giving her financial independence with an effective motherhood raising a child needs to realise that it is important to understand that both these jobs are extremely demanding, and to do justice to each without neglecting the other is a formidable task.

Do you truly believe there are men that will see their wives overworked and turn a blind eye? Unless he is a beast then we are no longer talking of husbands,lovers,partners. we always talk about house-chores as if we were talking about hard labour or something.We are two adults in the house,both working-what to do?

First a working couple have little time at home,except on weekends.Even with the presence of kids,you can easily try to manage the house without many brouhaha.
This is where her salary will come handy,she can buy every necessary house equipments ranging from(vacuum cleaner,rice cooker,blender,washing machine,dish washer) name it if she thinks it is too much for her. I don't think a husband will have a problem with that and i am very certain he will willingly help .Some of these men where raised like that,not an excuse but it's a fact and you don't expect him to change because he has kids and a wife.Women know it,she dated him knowing that,instead of bringing the roof down,why not seek some other alternatives.

I see housechores as an habit,if you are not use to a messy place-you will clean it.Some women will have no problem saying that they do not like washing clothes or dishes but you expect your husband to like it,because he needs to share house-chores responsibility.It is simple,get a washing machine,that will do.
I always say it,there is no way one will do house-chores around the clock,it is impossible.Unless you both are pigs.Women are good at multitasking,even if you are not-you can always organise your chores especially when you work.

I noticed my dad is not good with chores but one thing you can't take away from him is organisation.The man clothes and bedroom is neat any day ,any time.He takes time folding,ironing his clothes.he can't stand a piece of paper or anything on the floor.There is always something good they do and don't compromise. Many of the stories we read here are just dramatise to make it look like women are being enslaved. Kimoni do you really think that a child will be crying and disturbing the mother while cooking,the man will comfortably sits on a sofa and enjoys his soccer without enquiring or helping?Unless the baby needs food,he will gladly pick that baby until the woman finish whatever she is doing.If you ask me,that was before not presently.

Haba!!!! Nne, nwayo nwayo. Eddy, seriously, I'm single.

*coughs*

Idowuogbo:
*coughs*

Ki lo se iwo l'ofun?

Timbuktou:


Ki lo se iwo l'ofun?

Sore throat ni o

Idowuogbo:

Sore throat ni o

Pele. Try bitter kola, palm oil, honey and baba blue. That should help

Timbuktou:


Pele. Try bitter kola, palm oil, honey and baba blue. That should help

Which one is Baba blue? Alabukun?

Idowuogbo:
Which one is Baba blue? Alabukun?

Nah, that's Vicks Blue.