Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. - Family (6) - Nairaland
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| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Nobody: 7:39am On Dec 11, 2015 |
nairalander2015:This is one of the issues DT arise when we present religion as a do or die affair. Religion shud be purely seen as a personal relationship wit ur God, nd shud b a journey in self discovery. Let me share a Lil bit from my experience. I am a Muslim, but I see myself as a very liberal one. I used to have issues over my religious views wit my mum b4 my university days cos she saw me as a nonconformist. Every litl ting, she will beat me, do dis do DT...I endured, but one day cudnt tk it no more. I rained all hell b4 she nd my dad one morning, told her she can nva dictate for me nd trit me anyhow cos of my religious views. Talked crios sense to her head. She beat me,beat me,yet I didn't bulge. I was just talkn,nd my dad was just lukn. At some point she evn said she myt disown me, I told her to do wat she likes.She knew DT I was Rilly off limits to av acted DT way cos I was an unusually quiet chap. Well she got sobered,changed nd we became gud friends 2da she stands by me and absolutely respects my views. Now dis is my advice, sit ur parents down, bare out ur mind to dem, don't b afraid of d consequences. There z notn in dis lyf lyk standing ur ground nd shedding ur yoke. Blv me, u will always find a common ground. Just b bold. And if its abt ur upkeep, in d varsity,God will always pave a way for all dose who trust in him. I managed mysef truout university wit litl hep from outside. Gudluck. U can send an email @ solufunminiyi@gmail.com. 3 Likes |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by omakay(m): 7:39am On Dec 11, 2015 |
pato405: GBAM GBAMMER GBAMMEST  I just hope say the op go fit take the bold step. Cos parents will either MAKE/BREAK you. They will be no more tomorrow and you will be left to reap whatever kind of seed that have being sown. Youths of today should learn how to be REAL PARENTS tomorrow. |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Edusouls(m): 7:40am On Dec 11, 2015 |
247notire:why should he embrace pain and sorrow from a wicked,vry foolish and vry hardened parents.. 1 Like |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by dazzlingd(m): 7:40am On Dec 11, 2015 |
Edusouls:chai 1 Like
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| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Samsonklin(m): 7:45am On Dec 11, 2015 |
Bantino:Absolutely right... Some ppl, just because dey pay ur fees n feed u makes dem wanna lay down all d rules nt minding whether u can do dem or not. Like dis Man said, just endure, don't do anything rash, finish ur university education, get a job. Believe me, money is respect, money boosts confidence, even if u decide to attend cele, u parents go only grumble on code. So just take it easy man... "The best revenge is to be successful in life" wish u all d best., MERRY CHRISTMAS! 1 Like |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by smada13(m): 7:46am On Dec 11, 2015 |
@Op, I think I need to meet you one on one...... agreed your mum is harsh but the sad truth is she wants the best for you and don't know how else to go about it but being direct.... I'm a deeper lifer too...and my mum has been a choir up till now and added to that, she is a woman coordinator....she was kinda direct in bringing us up (4 of us)....and guess wat, I came out d better for it... See these people telling you to rebel don't know what they are saying cuz d Bible said, a child left to himself will be a disgrace to his father...its a fact your parents cannot allow you do things your own way, but you know adults now, they'll want their decision to be your actions... and another thing is, if you are a real deeper lifer, you'll understand that we the children of leaders don't have a life of our own because the progress of our parents in the church is tied to how well we the kids are living the "proper" life we are meant to live...and as you know, it will be a disgrace if your parents are suspended from being a worker just because of your own "wayward" attitude...I can understand them but its not the perfect way for them to curb your excesses....... Guess what, from the four of us, I chose to follow my mum's hard teaching....and with all humility, I'm better off than my siblings... I'm working now with a six figure salary, my own apartment, and I'm getting married in the church, presently sorting things out with the marriage committee.... You see, I found a way round that while not loosing focus...I do "things right"....what made me follow her was not because I want to but because of the discipline she got several times cuz of my siblings...and I don't want to toe that line..never ever...I sacrificed my comfort and Life for my mum's hapiness... it was tough but I'm fine now....in fact people are wondering how I'm managing to cope in deeper life...but I'm doing great.... you can call me up 08025838714 let's talk...you are my brother and I won't let you waste away 2 Likes |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by stepo707: 7:47am On Dec 11, 2015 |
[quote author=nairalander2015 post=40889155]tanks alot... The first option.. Is a no no.. It seems itz normal.. Spoke with youth pastor.. Only said itz "out of fear".. But i wonder.. I dnt look like a badboy or one who will[/quote Why don't you stay on campus or rentca room outside your home. |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Daziz(m): 7:52am On Dec 11, 2015 |
Young man laylow get ur degree if possible get a job then u can now show them the ak47 in u |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Vikky014(f): 7:52am On Dec 11, 2015 |
pato405: |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Vikky014(f): 7:53am On Dec 11, 2015 |
pato405:Nairalander2015 use dis |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Nobody: 7:53am On Dec 11, 2015 |
The solution is simple Bro! its not like you are a Bad Boy so why they stressing you...I'ld suggest you develop a Jekyl and Hyde personality. when you're in school feel free to express yourself and when you're at Home do as your parents say Afterall They say when you're in Rome you act Like the Romans |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by interleukin(f): 7:54am On Dec 11, 2015 |
latitidejavu: 100 likes for this. Most sensible thing I'v read so far on this thread. The thing is, most of the people commenting here have no idea what it feels like to be in the OPs shoes. Op, you didn't say whether or not you school in the same town where your parents live. If you don't, then these steps might be helpful. That's how I went about it when I was in school. Pick a good day, call your mum, tell her how much you appreciate how sge raised you, and that you are a better person as a result, then go ahead to explain how you feel to her, dont raise your voice, be calm and respectful, and emphasize the fact that you'd very much like to attend another church. Of course she'll not support you. This step no just formality. Choose a church you are comfortable with in school and start attending. Of course they'll hear and call with all manner of threats, pick the call, hear them out, even if they talk for 2days, stay on the phone. Don't say anything other than "I'm hearing you",and yes ma/sir ( why I said you shouldn't say anything is because such parents have their principles set in stone. Whatever you have to say doesn't change anything or how you feel will never change their perspective. So no point talking too much). After the call, keep going to your chosen church. And try to be happy. Mind you, no need saying sorry. Cos you will do it again. Don't be wasteful o. You know your parents now! Manage the hell out of whatever they give you. Cos they will want to punish you for the above step by freezing your finances. It'll help if you have friends to leech on for a while. If not, be ready to go hungry for a long time and be doing " I waka well" to your classmates house. Truth is you'll have to endure a whole lot of other issues. That's life. Our problems don't just disappear. They're often replaced. Despite all this, don't joke with your studies. Cos excelling in school or whatever your doing is the only way to ensure that this freedom you're fighting to get remains. Harness the good side of your parents strictness. Plan, plan plan ahead. One thing I benefitted from being raised by such parents is that I always always have a plan to escape being chained down and dictated to. I don't argue with them too much. What are you studying in school? When you're not having lectures, go and volunteer in the kind of industry you'd like to work when you graduate. Learn a skill. Start planning to be free from them not only when you're schooling but even after. Cos if you don't have a plan, and you graduate and are jobless, you'd have no choice than to go back and stay with them as a graduate which is a worse feeling than what you're feeling now. They will use you do yeye. Don't look compare yourself to other students o. Dont be Feeling big boy up and down. Your life dynamics are very different from theirs. Face your life, your future.Learn anything. You can learn aluminum work. Windows, show glass and all that. Its the kind of work you can do as a graduate and still feel proud. It doesn't dirty you like mechanic work. Plus you'll have change in your pocket to pay your bill and even choose not to go back home after graduating. However, when you're at home, play completely by their rules. As a student, you're at home for less than 2 months in ayear if you plan well. You have endured all this for years. What is two months compared to what you've been through. So you have 10 months to yourself to do the things that make you happy, discover yourself and walk out of your parents shadows. (I am not bothered/scared that doing thus will make you go completely wayward. There's too much of your upbringing in you already). I don't argue with such parents, I simply do what I feel is right, and when I make mistakes, I take full responsibility for it and can live with my mistakes. You'll also make mistakes, but you'll learn from them and find your true self. All the best. This advice don too long sef 2 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by LastSurvivor: 7:56am On Dec 11, 2015 |
My candid advice: patience, finish school and tell them how u have been living their lives instead of urs.. but make sure you have graduated. |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by iceberylin(m): 7:56am On Dec 11, 2015 |
Vig86:Believe,nothing socially Good comes from DL parents...
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| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by doveda: 7:58am On Dec 11, 2015 |
M4gunners: I can see why your country is so better than theirs 1 Like |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by saintbeckie(f): 7:59am On Dec 11, 2015 |
OP,I really feel ur pain....It can be so frustrating to co-habit wit a fanatic,they kill ur morales,makes u feel dat there is nofin gud abt u and dat u are d worst sinner dat God is preparing d hell for.... Self righteousness dat will not even lead to anywhere. Its so unfortunate dat they happens to be ur parent,if not breaking off from such a rlship wud av been d best option. Nevertheless,to every problem,there is a solution.I will like to speak wit u one-on-one,if u don't mind.U can send ur number to this line- 07037211015 |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by janejive(f): 8:00am On Dec 11, 2015 |
My dear, most over religious parents act like urs, some parents aren't even christains but want to force teachings on u. My candid advice is try to stay happy, do things dt make u happy if its music u like listening to buy a headfone and play some nice music, go jogging n do some fun activities ep whn u are in sch, bt once u are at home try to live by their rules, don't worry it might seem too long but all this will soon pass away once u're done wt schooling n u're serving, try then to be on ur own n visit them once awhile. I will advice u learn a skill dt can keep u so u stand on ur own quickly once u're done wt sch so u can rent ur own apartment when u start serving, but pls don't disrespect then or report them to any one. God will see u thru, lots of love, and never u think of sucide, dis world is a beautiful place. |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Abbey2sam(m): 8:02am On Dec 11, 2015 |
nairalander2015: I've been through worse, though not under my parent ........................I've never contemplated on committing suicide be strong, always do things that takes your mind off everything, that's what i do and it help me, today by Gods grace im a man of my own #suicide is never an option bro, if you have endured this for the past 20yrs, then you can surely make it through theres always a light after after the tunnel i learnt deeper life now own television in their houses now? how true is this bro |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Missmossy(f): 8:03am On Dec 11, 2015 |
Awww know of some of my friends parents who are like this, as they grow older it gets better. Its best you don't get depressed over this but forge ahead after all there is more to life than religion and ones parents. Being happy is one of the best feelings ever, don't let anyone deprive you of that. Be strong for yourself and always be optimistic. |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Dirkcoyt: 8:03am On Dec 11, 2015 |
You all are disgustful hypocrite with sham advises! Someone is contemplating sucidal option you all are talking about,discipline,african way, that he would later apreciate them later after committing sucide? Lazy heads everywhere! Dude, don't go home for holiday breaks, go do car washing to feed yourself, don't remember them, don't even think of going home, your parent are too stupid to cope with, don't let them blackmail your emotions cause of school fee! Dude you still in school the realty is you will still have another 2-3yrs before total financial freedom, and no way you can cope with them for this long. I recall then,when my mum nags,I tell it to her she nags,and I slam the door and leave the house. When I return she respect me, I don't take shii from anyone,especially the one that can ruin me, the african way is good but don't over push it cause we all have a threshold to this bullies! 4 Likes |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Nobody: 8:09am On Dec 11, 2015 |
Best thing is to rebel against them,if u can't then u have to play to the tune |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by meraki(f): 8:10am On Dec 11, 2015 |
I truly understand what you are going through and have been going through all this years because I grew up in DLBC too and in my case both my parents made life difficult. And yes I was depressed and angry for years. I can tell you it is worse if you are a female member; Well, my mama made sure I shaved my head because I had my hair relaxed some weeks before resuming my first year in the university and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Oh! the stories I can tell you! The good news is you will survive, I did. Its not easy but you will. Send me a mail at sunsetinafrica2003@yahoo.com and I will do the best I can to help you through. |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by M4gunners: 8:12am On Dec 11, 2015 |
doveda:The people who obeys law and instructions here are elderly people and few 1/4 % of youths simple. The 1/4% only did that because of what they stands to lose if they disobeyed. Eg social welfare and so on. |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by saintkel(m): 8:14am On Dec 11, 2015 |
Op I think ur parents abi ur mum is too over protective, believe u me she wants d best 4 u but she is acting on d wrong part, try talking to ur mum, but b4 u do make sure u have other options like u have a business doing, other places to live, u can somehow take care of urself. If u meet dis tell ur mum u wnat to have a talk with her, tell her u love her but u can't take d way she treats u anymore, if she continues u may b forced to 1 stop attending deeper life, 2 stay away from home 3 forget abt u. Pls note dat number 1 is just to threaten her o. Deeper life is one of d best churches in Nigeria bro, I wish I was born dia. D teachings r pure truth, I dnt look at dia life styles or dia members, I just follow their teachings |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by unphilaz(m): 8:18am On Dec 11, 2015 |
Comfort for your soul |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Benoxvals(m): 8:19am On Dec 11, 2015 |
sonofananimal: Change denomination??he is still under his parents wings and they still provide for him. Being a black sheep does not solve the problem rather it adds more stress to the one he has. I still advice he endure it until he is independent enough to make his own decisions and back them up. |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Memyselfu2009(m): 8:20am On Dec 11, 2015 |
Tell them how you feel. Make them understand you are not a kid and you could different between right and wrong. If them no listening safe your money in school after vacation do not go house, go to your friend house switch off your phone for like 2 weeks then after then go house if they ask you where you are coming from tell them you are tired of there attitude. That you went to a house where the family respect there children wishes. Them get luck say them no born person like me. 1 Like |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by interleukin(f): 8:23am On Dec 11, 2015 |
smada13: What is this one saying? So you were born to live for your parents? I won't be surprised if you grow up and raise kids in a completely selfish manner , giving birth to kids into a full time/lifetime job of protecting your reputation at the expense of their own life and happiness. What a depressed and unhappy lineage that will be.SMH. You probably don't have an issue with the way your deeper life parents raise you, but this Op does. 2 Likes |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Apreel(f): 8:23am On Dec 11, 2015 |
I understand what the op is going through. .This kind of situation can make you hate God..deeper life and chosen is one church that will destroy a family..I have my reasons. .I've gone through this same bs and believe me it's not a funny something |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by Emodeee: 8:23am On Dec 11, 2015 |
Missmossy: missmossy the adviser |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by interleukin(f): 8:25am On Dec 11, 2015 |
Apreel: Lmao but so true. |
| Re: Help Me... My Mum Is Making Me Depressed. by alexory23(m): 8:26am On Dec 11, 2015 |
Dont tag it to Deeper? you ve been treated like a boy when you a man should not be tag to being in Deeper?....though most of the parent are not too sensitive enough to notice their boy is now man......but you have failled to inbuilt the trust they needed in time pass,their some uneccessary things you ill purposeful do to creat an impression in them about you,.....i have being decoding my dad since when i was 8 or 10. |
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