raumdeuter:
Kimoni

I saw this post by a female handle on a thread on homepage
What do you think about that viewpoint

oyb:


OUCH

Kimoni:
I agree totally with the first paragraph. A man is the natural provider in the home and he shouldn't push that responsibility permanently and/or totally to the woman.

When a man stops providing due to uncontrollable reasons, it doesn't reduce or stop the woman's love; in contrast, she'll gladly step into the man's shoes to cover her husband's "unclothedness". But it becomes a problem when she is not getting the required support from her husband esp. as regards to her wifely duties. Taking up a role meant for 2 persons would put pressure on her and if she is the type that cannot soak in pressure for too long, she starts to react. And the world would see it as pride Again, the man too would start to feel insecure about himself and pass the frustrations on to the already pressurized wife. Result - two disoriented persons = scattered home.

Kimoni:
Dayo, I just saw the T square pix. This is the primary reason I believe they'll get back together. They have this deep and genuie love for each other. It's just some character flaws here and there and yes, the guy needs to get a job.

Kimoni:
Dayo, I just saw the T square pix. This is the primary reason I believe they'll get back together. They have this deep and genuie love for each other. It's just some character flaws here and there and yes, the guy needs to get a job.

TV01:

Listen, one doesn't know enough to become married, one is mature enough to. One does not need to overly worry about people changing, if one marries based on character.

What I said first time holds; be a person of character, understand marriage and have a vision for your home. Find someone who is mature and understanding. She should hopefully be of like mind, or at least grasp your vision and embrace it. It's that, and a studied commitment to the union - from you both - that will mean you skip over any hurdles.

Lot's of people have a myriad of fears making them hesitate, and there are so many myths and notions that put doubt in peoples mind. I know, because I had to be freed from a number of them . While there may not be a template, there's a well worn roadmap and some essentials that will stand you in good stead.

Not only do you not really need luck, like a fight, you can do all the hard work before the get into the ring, and it can be plain sailing. People talk as if getting married is the start of a demanding and extremely hard task, it's not, it can be deeply fulfilling and blissfully happy - I know because I live it. See it and get yours.

All the best dude.


TV

^{...almost all the woes and issues you hear about in marriage will stem from character, understanding or vision. Get those right and half-arsed reasons and sorry-ass excuses will be far from you...}

A40:
Thank you Sensei. I think character is important and also someone that shares your ideas or is at least tolerant to them. Two cannot walk unless they agree that quote I hold am very tight. You would be suprised to see the people that don't agree eventually and this is what really scares me.

A40:
The person might be everything you thought you would ever need physically and even emotionally but certain issues come up and they just fall your hand

A40:
I had a very interesting debate with two ladies on Twitter about the roles of a man and woman in marriage as regards their financial responsibility. Which is amusing because neither one of us is married but their stance kind of hinged on how it went in the days of their fathers. Cute busty and supposedly exposed girls I might add

A40:
As a married ninja do you think the financial roles should overlap? Should there be a strict rule on who spends where? To my dismay I saw a woman say she would never pay or contribute school fees or rent in the marriage. This was the origin of the debate btw. I was called T-BILLZ hehehe even though I have never collected a babe's penny

A40:
I was genuinely alarmed though that a woman would be proud in this modern day and age to say they did not contribute a penny to their children's education

Kimoni:



I agree totally with the first paragraph. A man is the natural provider in the home and he shouldn't push that responsibility permanently and/or totally to the woman.

When a man stops providing due to uncontrollable reasons, it doesn't reduce or stop the woman's love; in contrast, she'll gladly step into the man's shoes to cover her husband's "unclothedness". But it becomes a problem when she is not getting the required support from her husband esp. as regards to her wifely duties. Taking up a role meant for 2 persons would put pressure on her and if she is the type that cannot soak in pressure for too long, she starts to react. And the world would see it as pride .

raumdeuter:


Actually many threads have been open in the family section with working women questioning and upset that they have to contribute to their own children school fees

Ask them their idea of modernity its to take the benefits and leave out the responsibility

TV01:


Important for general understanding, but in a sense, a moot point. The only one who counts is "her".

TV01:
Financial roles are subject to discussion - your headship is not . Whatever their income, I suggest couples pool and jointly plan (I'm leaving out nuance here).

TV01:

Funny, that's what we do , but it's situationally driven, not due to tradition. My wife knows everything I have, all that comes in and where it goes. I always put her and the kids first. Consequently she can't and doesn't pressure me. And in the sense that we utilise both incomes to our maximum benefit, the roles overlap.

TV01:

The burden to perform, the expectation to deliver is always the mans - don't ever think otherwise.

TV

raumdeuter:


I agree with you.

If your husband for whatever reason cant get a job where you are, Would you prefer to be the provider and have him home or rather have him travel and come home 3 days every 3months but still send money home

raumdeuter:
My view about finances is always that 2 is always better than 1. If alone I can afford 3 bedroom in Surulere and a above average school, I would expect my partner to add to it regardless and up our standard to Lekki and to a very good school. Thats why I married a working woman and not just a stay at home. Thats why both of us went to school and have careers

Dont wait till I cant afford Surulere again before you now pitch into Surulere rent.

The improved standard of life is to both of our benefit and to the kids we have jointly. Alone I can afford Surulere, Alone she can afford Gbagada, now if we combine together both finances should be able to afford a place greater than Surulere and Gbagada.

TV01:

There has been a lot of water under the bridge. Harsh and wounding words have been said - and in public. some of those allegations eh?How mature and composed are the couple to see this?

Are the people who surround and advise them more concerned about the brand or the union? As bad as it is, could it escalate still? And most of all, "when a womans mind is made up"...

Hmmm...
TV

A40:

Was a real eye-opener. One even said she can loan the money but I would have to pay her beck. For our child's SCHOOL FEES

So if man no dey their children will not go to school?

With these kind of women around marriage go dey alright

damiso:


Aunty e rora o

TV01:


Financial roles are subject to discussion - your headship is not . Whatever their income, I suggest couples pool and jointly plan (I'm leaving out nuance here).

Funny, that's what we do , but it's situationally driven, not due to tradition. My wife knows everything I have, all that comes in and where it goes. I always put her and the kids first. Consequently she can't and doesn't pressure me. And in the sense that we utilise both incomes to our maximum benefit, the roles overlap.

TV

raumdeuter:
My view about finances is always that 2 is always better than 1. If alone I can afford 3 bedroom in Surulere and a above average school, I would expect my partner to add to it regardless and up our standard to Lekki and to a very good school. Thats why I married a working woman and not just a stay at home. Thats why both of us went to school and have careers

Dont wait till I cant afford Surulere again before you now pitch into Surulere rent.

The improved standard of life is to both of our benefit and to the kids we have jointly. Alone I can afford Surulere, Alone she can afford Gbagada, now if we combine together both finances should be able to afford a place greater than Surulere and Gbagada.

tearoses:
[center][/center]

Please don't believe everything you are told
Some just say silly things to form "enlightened"
If the man is going through financial difficulty then Let the kids stay at home if they wont put their money towards their own kids school fees.
Are they not her kids too? or are they my kids? as if on graduation day wont she tie her gele and say my son, my daughter?
If I was a man, I would never respect a woman who cant stand in the gap when I am unavailable.

Kimoni:


You married a working woman with her earnings as part of the consideration Nope, her earnings is a bonus to the family. Bonuses are solely at the discretion of the receipent. If any woman hears that statement from a guy before marriage, she should run as fast as her legs can carry her.

Kimoni:


Hahahahahahaha I have not read and don't know where A40 is coming from but just want to quickly make this distinction.

Tearoses, 'enlightened' women are the ones who actually believe a woman can step into a man's role, temporarily or permanently. They don't mind being the breadwinner while their husbands become househusbands. I'm sure this is the new generation way of thinking. However, women who still believe in role segregation are termed 'traditional' and 'unenlightened'.

Kimoni:



I agree totally with the first paragraph. A man is the natural provider in the home and he shouldn't push that responsibility permanently and/or totally to the woman.

When a man stops providing due to uncontrollable reasons, it doesn't reduce or stop the woman's love; in contrast, she'll gladly step into the man's shoes to cover her husband's "unclothedness". But it becomes a problem when she is not getting the required support from her husband esp. as regards to her wifely duties. Taking up a role meant for 2 persons would put pressure on her and if she is the type that cannot soak in pressure for too long, she starts to react. And the world would see it as pride Again, the man too would start to feel insecure about himself and pass the frustrations on to the already pressurized wife. Result - two disoriented persons = scattered home.

tearoses:


Sis mi, no ooooooo
The ones who are stepping in the gap are old fashioned ruth aboko ku
The jet age ladies dont take any nonsense
Their money is their money
Let the man go and do overtime and die from exhaustion
none of their biz
They no send

edwife:


Are you sure about this? I got different opinions tho.....I can direct you to a blog and read what nigerian women have to say about this.

Kimoni:


Edwife, but you suppose recognize say me sef get A1 for Naija blogs naa
Where you see 8 women say the contrary, you will see 10 women affirm the above.

Com'on guys, no sane woman wants her marriage to fail naa, na experience dey teach everybody. Like Tiwa said, she is being accused of not cooking; while she denies it, she stresses the fact that there was no iota of motivation to cook even if she wanted to. Where is the motivation to cook for someone whose hotel bills are littered around the house? Where is the motivation to cook for someone who is getting knocked out by edible caterers? Or someone stealing and lying to you while you are dealing with him with a pure heart? let's ask if she started off like that.

Abeg let's be real o

tearoses:


I disagree ma
What are her earnings for?
Dayo has talked about accommodation and kids school fees
Accommodation that she will live in and enjoy and throw house parties
......and school fees for her own kids, not dayos brothers kids
If He said he wants her money to buy designer shirts and a rolex, then that's different.
She is putting money down for a lifestyle that she will enjoy.
What is the point of keeping money in her account if they are living in gbagada but if she puts something down, they can all live in Lekki?
What is her money for?
Lipstick?