Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

guy so na u make girls Dey tru way pikin dem for Drainage guy if I b d gal I no go marry u self

Nerdg:


Why did she voice it out?

She is just trying to soften the consequences. Nothing more...

Don't marry her if I were you. The moment you have sex with her, you will discover that you don't love.

Too many good ladies out there.
Don't settle for less.

Nerdg:


You're capturing the part you like. However, I wish you can understand the theme rather than a paragraph. Let me help, we had many break-ups only because I tried to have sex with her. Meanwhile she's already sexually active. That's the problem not the stillbirth

I don't really see that as the problem you are going through right now, the current problem which is very dangerous considering your marriage plan is that she doesn't really love you, you are just convenient for her. She's not a virgin and has slept with other guys while you guys quarrel and break up over sex, sounds like something I'll do to a guy i'm just managing or someone i'm with out of pity or cos he loves me. The sooner you realize she's just settling for you the better.
Now that marriage is on the table, she is likely to sleep with you but its not cos she really wants to but cos she might find it necessary. If you are confident i'm wrong, you can think of a brilliant way to test her feelings for you, there are risks involved so avoid ridiculously outrageous ways to test her. I wish you the best.

Nerdg:


I don't think she's trying to test me



My worry is why she had always refused me sex whereas she's this exposed. Could it be because of this she accepted my proposal?

just because a lady is not a virgin doesn't mean she goes to bed with men freely. Sex for a woman involves emotions,besides she may have decided to wait,some people who aren't virgins can also be celibate.

hisMrs:
I can only view this matter from one point. from d beginning when d girl said she doesn't want sex, she was probably still a virgin, naive and scared that's why she denied u sex from genesis. Now, fast forward to when u guys started dating till d point of proposal. it could b that a sharp guy was able to sweet talk her to loose her virginity and along d line while enjoying herself she got pregnant and had a still birth, I believe she denied u sex at dis point because she doesn't wanna make d same mistake over again.

I see no reason why this matter should b a topic for discussion on NL and also see no reason as to why u cannot marry her.
the fact that u both have started sharing secrets shows u are both bonding well and its a good sign.


......my opinion tho

IFFA HEAR!!!!!

OVER AND OVER AGAIN HE ASKED FOR IT SHE DENIES HIM BUT bleeped A CAMPUS GUY FOR FOUR FUCKING YEARS IN BETWEEN FUCKING THE CAMPUS GUY, GOT PREGNANT FOR ANOTHER MAN!!! JESU!!!! THEN FALLS BACK TO HER FOOLISH FIRST BOY FRIEND (OP), CONTINUED DENYING HIM SEX AND THEN "CONFESSED" ALL HER SINS WHEN SHE HEARD MARRIAGE!!!! OP MUST BE A FOOL FOR NOT HAVING DUMPED HER SILLY ASS BY NOW!!!! HOES EVERY WHERE FORMING CONFESSION AT THE SOUND PF MARRIAGE PROPOSAL. BEEN ACTING CELIBATE TO D OP BUT FUCKING TOM DICK AND HARRY

Nerdg:


Why did she voice it out?

Well may be she is ready to give into wat u have bn ask of her all this while(getting into her pa^nt)but she also want u to knw she's gone on d ride already so that u won't be in 4 a surprise when u find out dat d gate is already open.nw dat u knw maybe u needn't ask her anymore or she may still play had to get so as nt to lose u 4 fear of bn dump.both of u shud Repent and give ur life to christ stop 'fornication'....i doubt if ur relationship is ripe 4 marriage yet.

@Op
First of all ask yourself, what love is, then may be you will get the answer you seek.

Love is something that covers multitude of sin.
No one is without a dark past not even you.

Your story is similar to what happened to me and my fiance but he forgave me and even love me more than he used too, not because it didn't hurt him but because he loves me he decided not to even worry himself about it. Instead he told Me never to mention it again and that I should try and forget it. And then he told me the most important thing is the fact that we have now decided to be with each other again till the end and never to repeat the same mistakes we made before.

@OP, do you really love her and does she loves you as much?. if you answer is yes then take her to the alter.

MrHonesty000:


I dont know why the female folks here are defending the girl, well why am i suprised, birds of a feather flock together, many of them here are worst than the girl.

Pretending to be holy while banging all available tout everywhere, the guy cheated blc she didnt give in ,simple...

1. Not giving in to sexual demand IS NOT forming holy...she just does not want that time/that person/a thousand other reasons.
2. Not giving in does not allow a guy to cheat...it's still cheating.
3. The girl broke off clean and at the time she had those "experience" was not with the guy.
4. It's not like the guy pocketed his thing all the while too...

ritababe:


wetin concern arsenal with this matter?

mtchewww looking for cheap like

And i got it

Some dont even realize thatOp was trying to have sex with the girl . When they were quite yonger,and the girl might be a virgin....After over 4 yrs u still expect the girl to be same virgin when u already treated her like trash...


op u are the cause of why the girl behaved wayward...


watch Madea 2....i think same scenarion happened there


Op alsoknow that this is public forum where 80% men here aee fukk boy and the rest just want someone to like thier post.

If you really truly love this girl you won't ask this question and have doubts, a still birth is no dark secret it's a very common problem that happens to many women unfortunately but an abortion is a choice to kill an unborn soul. Fine she refused to have sex with you on many occasions so what? Move on if you feel you can't then best you let her go rather than be mentally cruscifiying yourself and her because she use to refuse you sex. She is not perfect and neither are you!!

Don't care if she has aborted 57 children .

My worry is that she was having sex with other men and refused to have sex with you .

This girl does not love you enough to open her legs for you trust me .

Now to all those who would say sex is not love how do you explain her sleeping with other men and not this guy ?

Nerdg:


Did you read the part I said all our break-ups were because she refused sex with me. Why do she do this? My problem is why we had issues because of sex and she's getting it somewhere else?

To be honest, I feel she doesn't love you enough to desire sex with you, so that could be the reason why she did it with others, but not with you.
Women are not like men, take yourself as an example, you claim to love her, yet slept with her neighbour. However with women, the feelings must be present. She might like you but am sure she isn't physically attracted to you. Hope when you guys eventually settle she won't have one excuses or the other to avoid getting intimate with you.
You are the one in love I guess.

To me there's no dark secret here . The only dark secret is the fact that she was having sex with other men .

Bro don't marry her .

whitebeard:
Op u also aborted a pregnancy, abeg both of u are the same, I don't know if u should marry but the way u guys are revealing secrets to yourselves is also a good sign.

The difference is that the guy made no pretences of wanting to have sex. The only reason he couldn't with the girl was because she refused.

What's so special about the two men she slept with while at school? I will run back to the girl I aborted pregnancy with and make amends if it's not too late.

She denied you sex and was pretending abstinence and 'holiness' while giving it to other men! Having still birth wouldn't be an issue but the disappointment of not finding you worthy of the explore the garden of Hidden.

Na I wouldn't even live in same house with her.

Frankyboy1:
I pray you scroll down enough to read my message! Forget what kids are saying down there, I am a man who has been in the game long enough to advise you. DON'T MARRY HER! You have always loved her and she has been ur childhood crush and your kind of ideal woman all along, but she is not who you thought she was all this while! She is not and has never been in love with you neither is she naturally attracted to you! She likes you enough to MARRY you, cause as a woman you foot the bill and the time is right, but for her withstanding you sexually all these years,but was dishing it out to someone else and even insisted on keeping the child outside wedlock! Ogbeni that is the man she really loved! A woman that loves you and is sexually active,can't withstand ur advances for years even when she knows you were genuine about her! Find a girl who loves you for you, and has good moral standards,but her knees grow weak at ur touch or advances! If not you 're marrying a woman whom after a while ur sexual advances might even irritate her! Sexuality and raw chemistry is a big ingredient in marital relationship

Nerdg, listen to this guy and follow his advise in your best interest.

Ignore the people pilloring you here and making you look like a PRURIENT fellow who is all about the sex. You are the one getting married to this girl and you should be concerned. Your girl's refusal to have sex with you isn't borne out of some high moral rectitude on her part. That much is clear as she's been doing with other guys, even unprotected.

It looks as though she finds you unattractive and I would hesitate to marry such a woman. After marrying her, trust me, this lack of attraction will rear it's head on your matrimonial bed. You'll see.

Go ahead if you really love her and mind you your words should be your bond !!!

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

Funtan:
OP, no be person go marry the one wey you abort for? Una two go have perfect life based on similar experiences, that's if she's not lying about it.

But seriously, if she didn't lie about the abortion, na nemesis catch up with you be that o. Lol

Stillbirth not Abortion

Frankyboy1:
I pray you scroll down enough to read my message! Forget what kids are saying down there, I am a man who has been in the game long enough to advise you. DON'T MARRY HER! You have always loved her and she has been ur childhood crush and your kind of ideal woman all along, but she is not who you thought she was all this while! She is not and has never been in love with you neither is she naturally attracted to you! She likes you enough to MARRY you, cause as a woman you foot the bill and the time is right, but for her withstanding you sexually all these years,but was dishing it out to someone else and even insisted on keeping the child outsi
de wedlock! Ogbeni that is the man she really loved! A woman that loves you and is sexually active,can't withstand ur advances for years even when she knows you were genuine about her! Find a girl who loves you for you, and has good moral standards,but her knees grow weak at ur touch or advances! If not you 're marrying a woman whom after a while ur sexual advances might even irritate her! Sexuality and raw chemistry is a big ingredient in marital relationship

He has said it all. She has no physical attraction towards you and that is a no no for marriage.

I wont jugde her...likewise i wont judge d op........logically op didnt have fault on dis issue, (my opinion) the first person to break this seceret is d guy..... That show that he is nt after sex but true love (long lasting relationship) the girl come with her own side of d story bcorz she no that she can deffend herself by pointing out the guy fault(his past mistake by inprenating a girl and later abort it) in common sence the op is at fault corz the girl no already that the guy love sex but she refuse to streghten there relationship, while the girl always forming saint when she is nt, by declining her responsibility in d relationship, she is sexually active and she deny it, that is nt fair enough in a relationship, and who said that d girl wont have sex with another guy after d marriage, she wont change becorz she has already taste d diffrent type of divk, i will like op to investigate further to no if d girl is tryin to test him, if not. Then she dont deserv ur love, before u conclude OP PLZ ASK CALL HER DOWN AND ASK HER" WHY DID SHE ALWAYS DENY U OFF SEX" its important u no dis. She might have a reasonnable reason for dis

Jiang:


Make i add one thing, za girl is a hypocrite dat pretends to be born again saint

If Nerdg my bro, i will never agree for him to marry her

She might not necessarily be a hypocrite else I don't think she would have told him.




It could just be one of those mistakes that happens in someone's life....... Just saying though.

Nerdg:


You're capturing the part you like. However, I wish you can understand the theme rather than a paragraph. Let me help, we had many break-ups only because I tried to have sex with her. Meanwhile she's already sexually active. That's the problem not the stillbirth

Then fvck her and dump her. If she doesnt allow you go into her pant, still dump her. She doesnt deserve you. She was getting serviced by some dirty guys and refused you sex, she now wants you as a husband after you have gotten a good job, still refusing you sex. Marry her at your own peril.

The girl is a real mumu sorry ooo.... And u,,, I know one day u will use it against her, u were angry she didn't give u the cookie to eat & she has given it to someone else, don't u know that she's trying to open a new chapter of her life.

Ladies not all secret u are suppose to expose,some secrets are meant to follow u to the grave.

I know why many girls are drinking panadol on this and think its suitable for them to call the guy names
now let's remove sentiment from this and look at it from the real angle, You're a girl into a relationship, your guy constantly deny u sex on the ground that he wants a sex free relationship giving you the impression that he doesn't want to have anything to do with sex,u even had to break up with him on different occasions on the account of sex ,in the long run u got to find out that he was having constant sex with other ladies that he even got one pregnant.How will u feel being the lady here? why can't he give her the sex thing and save the relationship if he truly love me like he claims since he's already into it with other girls ,why not me ? this is the question that will ring in ur head always .This is what I call hypocrisy of the highest order,setting false standard .

Secondly, did she see it fit to tell the guy about her past life in school how she got involved with a guy and got pregnant for him? No!
that should've been the first thing to do since they're both planning on starting a new life,but she decided to keep it until the guy told his story first,
Do you think she would've opened up if the guy didn't start the revelation? ,in my own opinion, she only opened up to level the ground so the guy won't hold it against her if he finds out in the future .

Coming to the guy,he got sex from other girls and even got one pregnant then aborted the pregnancy, that's wickedness .
In conclusion, both parties are hypocrites but the lady is the BIGGET HYPOCRITE here

my advice to the op,marriage and relationship is not all about sex,do ur calculation well,you know her more than any of us here on this thread do,after all ur calculations and u find out the sex thing is the only place she's found wanting then go ahead and marry her and put the past behind u. If u both still love each other that much and can accommodate ur diffences then marry her ,but if u find out that she's also faulty in many places ,like attitude and the rest and u both can't accommodate each other then call it off,broken relationship is better than broken marriage.
Don't rush things ,get closer to her more to get ur facts .

She should be the one asking whether to marry you or not. You are a bad person for sleeping with her relative. Men can be such hypocrites at times, gosh!

Nerdg:


Did you read the part I said all our break-ups were because she refused sex with me. Why do she do this? My problem is why we had issues because of sex and she's getting it somewhere else?

saasala:


Then fvck her and dump her. If she doesnt allow you go into her pant, still dump her. She doesnt deserve you. She was getting serviced by some dirty guys and refused you sex, she now wants you as a husband after you have gotten a good job, still refusing you sex. Marry her at your own peril.

See them....this one sef na man?

rosalieene:


I wonder why you are just on about the sex!!

When you finally get married to her, you would do it and get tired.

if ur problem is sex, hasten the marriage process

You know nothing about sex and marriage. She does not find him attractive.

This Nigga didn't just sleep with anyone. He slept with her relative. If he could sleep with her relative then he can sleep with her sister or cousin. This guy is worse than a hypocrite.

Sterope:
She may not have been ready initially. You were so desperate that you slept with another because of it, that is a red flag to refuse you many times over. However it does sound suspicious for her to refuse you again especially if she was sexually active in a preceding relationship before this one but then it is a bit understandable given your history.


Aren't you a Christian? Isn't premarital sex a sin?. Keep your body holy for God. If you want sex, marry her.

Sometimes secrets are better left untold just to avoid issues like this.

---

cococandy:
How exactly do you imagine yourself better than her or in a position to judge her?
Please explain your thought process to me.

She didn't even have an abortion. She had a still birth. so you're judging her for having had sex before she met you meanwhile you've been a hoe about town? Explain yourself sir.

. The contentious issue to my believe is not both being hoes but the fact she as been a hoe denying him what she dishes out on a platter. I think she find him unworthy or undeserving of it only to realise those she trusted with it were actually undeserving. No twisted reasoning here just straight out facts for facts. She's now want to dump the cookie on the OP when it is of a lesser value.

madridguy:
From your write up I think she's trying to test you and see how you will react to her dark side too. She might as well be hurt to hear the dark side of you and maybe she cooked something up to see your reaction too.

My observation though.

I thread your path... V possible!