@JustIyke4u:
What boyfriend in his right senses would call another girl for hours, in my presence?
If he does that, I will take it to mean the relationship is running its due course, shikena. I would feel disrespected, not jealous.

Of course, people wanna protect their territory. But in a situation where a person will ban another from living their life out of jealousy and insecurity, that's a no-no.

MRbrownJAY:

YEP sista, thats exactly what i am saying. as hard as it may sound, there are no other explanation as to why someone would be intimidated by their partner's actions. what other explanation could there be?!

if someone was SECURE within their r/ship (and themselves), then they would look at whatever action their partner was doing, and they would have no concern about it.

anyone who is jealous because their GF/BF talks to another guy/gal.......INSECURE!!!!!
anyone who is jealous because their GF/BF receives attention from strangers or admirer......INSECURE!!!!!
and the list goes on.....

PLEASE, when you're done ranting (apologies pls) you can quietly RE-CLOSE the thread as earlier suggested.

@TOPIC,
NOOOOOO!!!! GBAM!!!

NO SIR, IF THERE IS NO JEALOUSY THEN THERE IS NO LOVE. WHERE THERE IS LOVE THERE IS THE GREEN EYED MONSTER A.K.A JEALOUSY

MRbrownJAY:

so being insecure is NO more human nature?! lol some people out there are insecure BY NATURE, and there is nothing wrong with that. you are going around the subject being afraid to call a spade A SPADE.



abeg, leave God out of this matter, i am referring to relationship and nothing else.....as i said earlier, if you are jealous of your neighbour's new car, thats another matter, BUT, being jealous because your partner speaks to some opposite sex person is nothing more than insecurity......and ONE THING is for sure, jealousy has absolutely NOTHING to do with love, like the OP is trying to claim.

How can you say 'abeg leave God out of this'Because you created yourself ba?Talking like starl illiterate &foolishness.God is love, &
God who is love is a jealous God. Interpret it from any angle, if you are in love, you must then jealous. Never talk about neighbour&car because its a different matter from this thread.

if your spouse stops crying over you,then someone is making him or her happy.

jealousy is part of love,but too much should be avoided.

I have carefully read all th comments and I am blessed, enlightened and well educated. This is why I love members of NairaLand. Dem dey always use their head before their fingers

Mrs.Chima:


let me share you something personal...when a man approached me at the market my husband didn't do anything until he saw the man getting beside himself and he simply called my name asking me to meet him over where he was at. He quietly asked me if I was okay or do he need to check him?

In America, people can be arrested for public disturbance so my husband didn't want to cause issues unless imperative. I gave my husband the okay and he handled it. That was an act of love.

My husband may been jealous when the guy approached me but he balanced it by behaving maturely and asked if he needed to step in. That's balance between jealousy and love. I expected my husband to be jealous since I am his wife and I would have felt the same way but react maturely. No need to act a fool with a fool.

I grew to respect and admire my husband more so therefore our bond strengthened and we had a good time.

What do you think of the analogy?

I love it.
Means that One's reaction to a particular situation will tell if it stems from jealousy or love.
As in, if one behaves in a disordely,unprotective and violent manner, just to get his message across,it's obvious what the root cause is.
thanks

jealousy should not be misunderstood as insecurity. After all God was not Jealous When he said tHERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY OTHER GOD EXCEPT ME. THAT MEANS REQUIRES EXCLUSIVE DEVOTION IF WE MUST LOVE HIM. IN THE SAME WAY, ANY WOMAN WHETHER BY SOCIALIZATION OR FLIRTING WHO WILL COME AROUND MY HUSBAND TO DISTRACT HIM, I SHALL CONSUME HER BY MY ANGER.

2 an xtent i agree wit mbj true love goes wit faith trust n undastd these virtues mak u blive dat ur woman or man is also virtueous like u cos it goes 50-50 in both man n woman n 2 crown it BabaGod cannot be 4gotten if nt u r wastin ur time cos wat is bound on earth is bound in heaven spiritual is physical @freecocoa Dat statement 'God is jeolous' is cos ungodly people leave their creator n ask trees mountains 2 save dem is dat nt lust cheers pple

The answer is yes. I see no reason to be jealous if there is love and more especially trust. I wouldn't do anything that would get my husband "jealous". And he doesn't go checking my fone,email or watching to see if I stare to long at that guy.
I agree that jealousy equals insecurity.
My husband attend some events I host. When he does,he sits in a place and leaves me to do my thing. Sometimes I sit for long minutes gisting with people (including men) and he doesn't fuss cos he knows am doing my job.
If we were not comfortable in our relationship,I know the dust he could raise just by watching me chat and laugh with men.
So you don't need to be jealous to show you love me. I don't need the drama,thank you.

Jealousy is inate in evry being... Ma ansa is a capital NO!

lola.luv:
@JustIyke4u:
What boyfriend in his right senses would call another girl for hours, in my presence?
If he does that, I will take it to mean the relationship is running its due course, shikena. I would feel disrespected, not jealous.

Dat means he has been usin u though u didnt see it cos u were carried away n he's bout 2 use anoda person sory dear

Beync: jealousy should not be misunderstood as insecurity. After all God was not Jealous When he said tHERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY OTHER GOD EXCEPT ME. THAT MEANS REQUIRES EXCLUSIVE DEVOTION IF WE MUST LOVE HIM. IN THE SAME WAY, ANY WOMAN WHETHER BY SOCIALIZATION OR FLIRTING WHO WILL COME AROUND MY HUSBAND TO DISTRACT HIM, I SHALL CONSUME HER BY MY ANGER.

then u will go 2 prison 4 murder or molestation be wise my frnd

@ op, trust me, there can never be true love without jealousy. However one can draw d line when ur spouse gets jealous over issues that dont warrant such.

True love is probably impossible without feelings of jealousy, although one must distinguish between genuine jealousy and the maniacal possessiveness displayed by some individuals with serious self-esteem issues. The latter has little to do with love and much to do with psychcological disturbance. Anyways.

Some people say jealousy is the same thing as insecurity. They're right. However, they also need to understand that insecurity is not always a bad thing, considering that there can be no real love without insecurity. To understand what I mean, we need to be sure what 'insecurity' and 'security' really mean in the context of romantic relationships.

Insecurity/jealousy means that you're not confident about your position - you think there is a possibility of losing your partner or sharing him or her with someone else. You take stock of your shortcomings and wonder whether your partner considers you 'sufficient' for him or her. You need frequent reassurances from your partner that your position is safe, and that you are capable of being/doing enough to make him or her happy.

On the other hand, security means that you are complacent/self-satisfied/indifferent about your position. You believe you are 'sufficient' for your partner regardless of your shortcomings or whatever anyone else has to offer him or her; or you assume that it does not matter whether you are sufficient or not. You take your position (and your partner's love) for granted, and you do not need any reassurances. It is essentially a 'take it or leave it' state of mind.

Now, looking critically at these two states of mind, which one do you think is the 'love' state of mind? Before you answer that, you need to remember that love is an emotional feeling (perhaps one of the strongest emotions), and that jealousy/insecurity are also based strongly on emotions.

Insecurity/jealousy often stems from emotional attachment, whereas security stems from either apathetic aloofness or self-centred detachment. Against this basic premise, one can argue that love (which is a concerned, attachment-based state of mind) is incompatible with security (which is an apathetic, detachment-based state of mind).

What this further suggests is that jealousy/insecurity implies an active expression of concern about one's partner, whereas security implies a passive expression of indifference about one's partner. It stands to reason, therefore, that it is almost impossible to be 'secure' and 'in love' at the same time. Then again, this is only an academic postulation.

pendo89:

I love it.
Means that One's reaction to a particular situation will tell if it stems from jealousy or love.
As in, if one behaves in a disordely,unprotective and violent manner, just to get his message across,it's obvious what the root cause is.
thanks

Yes. I also want to add that jealousy and envy are two separate things because jealousy is something that you have but you don't want others to have it. Envy is longing something that you don't have and will do whatever to get what you are longing for.

There was an incident that happened in my area where this man killed a woman that he has been stalking for some time and when he approached her, she rejected him. You know what happened next. That was envy.

My cousin's friend likes my husband and every time there is a function...she is always there to see if my husband is around. She would try to dance with him and make flattering comments to no fault My cousin asked her to pass out food to people that were sitting down and she made sure she served my husband first and even asked him how did it want it. Now as his wife, I was a bit jealous because that is my husband no biatch serve my husband BUT ME! That was jealousy.

Now don't get me wrong I take great pride in my husband getting compliments but when it is over the line then I have an issue with that. My husband handled the ho by saying that he has a wife and no thank you. I was grinning like a Cheshire cat! I was like that my baby!

MRbrownJAY:

YEP sista, thats exactly what i am saying. as hard as it may sound, there are no other explanation as to why someone would be intimidated by their partner's actions. what other explanation could there be?!

if someone was SECURE within their r/ship (and themselves), then they would look at whatever action their partner was doing, and they would have no concern about it.

anyone who is jealous because their GF/BF talks to another guy/gal.......INSECURE!!!!!
anyone who is jealous because their GF/BF receives attention from strangers or admirer......INSECURE!!!!!
and the list goes on.....

YEAH and anyone who is jealous because their BF/GF kisses an admirer......INSECURE!!!!!
anyone who is jealous because their BF/GF spends most of their time with an opposite sex, all in the name of friendship ......INSECURE!!!!!
and the list goes on.....

I have to share my opinion on this o,my own definition is that jealousy is a two face spirited feeling we as humans possess whether anybody likes it or not,you can be jealous for good reasons too......is the degree @which we show it,insecurity is a trait in all us humans,so let's not forget we were created by a supreme being and last I checked,we aint perfect!!!!.....lol

I think its to the extent@which we showcase our insecurity that is the point though,we can't vehemently evade our flawed characteristics as humans,who says we can't be jealous?? Bro please!!! You lying to yourslf mehn!.....lol

Yea I agree to some extent that jealousy depict insecurity,however, I could be the not jealous type doesn't mean I can't get jealous .....and for this,I don't have an answer!!...LMAO

@Justyke4u
IMHO, there is no line between insecurity and jealousy, they are one and the same. You have to be insecure to be jealous (and vice versa)

@all who are talking about God being jealous
Again, who cares about that since the r/ship we have with God (and vice versa) is NOT a romantic one. So, can you guys stop talking about stuff that is clearly irrelevant to this discussion? The OP is talking about romantic jealousy, nothing else.

I will contribute at a later time but I am likely to debunk the notion that jelousy is insecurity,I will attempt to define the two terms and expanciate from there, again like others i will bring in God for though God does not have a sexual relationship with us,he does have a larger contextual love relationship towards us within which w e humans are able to exhibit romantic love which should stem from true love

odehaj: How can you say 'abeg leave God out of this'Because you created yourself ba?Talking like starl illiterate &foolishness.God is love, &
God who is love is a jealous God. Interpret it from any angle, if you are in love, you must then jealous. Never talk about neighbour&car because its a different matter from this thread.

Don't mind Mrbrownjay,he's confusing envy with being jealous.You jealous because somebody you love and care for íڪ probably not replicating your love and care while envy íڪ entirely evil.Lack of understanding of simple English by some people íڪ what íڪ putting some folks @ loggerhead here.

Mrs.Chima:


let me share you something personal...when a man approached me at the market my husband didn't do anything until he saw the man getting beside himself and he simply called my name asking me to meet him over where he was at. He quietly asked me if I was okay or do he need to check him?

In America, people can be arrested for public disturbance so my husband didn't want to cause issues unless imperative. I gave my husband the okay and he handled it. That was an act of love.

My husband may been jealous when the guy approached me but he balanced it by behaving maturely and asked if he needed to step in. That's balance between jealousy and love. I expected my husband to be jealous since I am his wife and I would have felt the same way but react maturely. No need to act a fool with a fool.

I grew to respect and admire my husband more so therefore our bond strengthened and we had a good time.

What do you think of the analogy?

mrs chima always come off as a mean person on Nland, but sometimes, when she post replies, she is always sweet.
na wa o
anytime i am at school, and i see a nigerian lady with her laptop, i always conclude that is mrs chima, hence i am always scared of saying shit to the lmao

abifoluwa: mrs chima always come off as a mean person on Nland, but sometimes, when she post replies, she is always sweet.
na wa o
anytime i am at school, and i see a nigerian lady with her laptop, i always conclude that is mrs chima, hence i am always scared of saying shit to the lmao

To be frank with u dis is d first time i would be impress with her comment they sounded different from our normal mrs chima comment,i believe d lord is taking her to a beta ground..it was so matured and explanatory

collinsn007: Dat means he has been usin u though u didnt see it cos u were carried away n he's bout 2 use anoda person sory dear

My quote was an hypothetical answer to justiyke4u.


The word 'used' is not in my dictionary. I practice abstinence, and I'm employing my time to better myself apart from just waiting for a knight in shining armour.
If a guy comes my way looking for somebody to use, he's on a long thing.

Omogbhollahorn:
To be frank with u dis is d first time i would be impress with her comment they sounded different from our normal mrs chima comment,i believe d lord is taking her to a beta ground..it was so matured and explanatory

SO RIGHT...Especially the 'mature' part.

Nnekacherry: Well, i don't think jeolousy is only bourne out of insecurity..
When it comes to relationships,even in marriages, people tend to start feeling uneasy when their spouse start showing undue attention to somebody...
It's part of human nature no matter how much we try to deny it...
It has simply got nothing to do with insecurity...

Exactly the Insecurity that is been referred to. If Being jealous because ur spouse is showing undue attention to someone else is not jealously then I don't know what is.jealousy is human nature, true, but we can do without it.

MBJ is really on point.. Love is patience nd kindness nd so on, buh not jealousy. Jealousy is an act of insecurity. When u knw dat ur partner loves u, nd dere is trust, y wud dere be jealousy

[quote author=collinsn007] then u will go 2 prison 4 murder or molestation be wise my frnd[/quote ;Das long as am going with my husband. On a serious not moderation is the important. being too carefree or overly jealous is not good. If u truly luv ur partner, u'll definitely keep an eye on the person, it not out of insecurity but out love. It's unrealistic to say u don't care about what's happening around ur partner no matter how trustworthy he/she is becos no body is perfect yet. So let's not pretend that we don't care while dying inside in the name of confidence.

MRbrownJAY: ^^^^thread reopened.
YES love can exist without jealousy, because not everybody is insecure like that. if a man is fully comfortable with who he is and who his partner is then he has no reason on earth to be jealous, duh. jealousy is a WEAKNESS that many people possess because their insecurities in that r/ship make them automatically believe that something is foul (when it probably isn't).

jealousy is NOT always a sign of love, it could also mean envy, resentment, bitterness etc, so automatically assuming that someone jealous LOVES you is the OP's first fail of the day.

Get the definition of jealousy:
1. envious resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself 2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, or the like 3. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something 4. jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.
Let us take 3. Vigilance in maintaining or guarding something. When you don't have this, its an indication that you are willing to loose the partner at anytime.

donigspain:
SO RIGHT...Especially the 'mature' part.

Make sure you practice what you preached, Drama King.

Omogbhollahorn:
To be frank with u dis is d first time i would be impress with her comment they sounded different from our normal mrs chima comment,i believe d lord is taking her to a beta ground..it was so matured and explanatory

To be frank, many of my blunt posts isn't for the faint hearted and you liked the "mature" post because it has "serve" in it. There are hundreds of posts similar to the one above and you must "trend" the ones with me checking manbitches. It is okay many people like reading drama and forego the rest.

You speak about maturity and i hope you are not just the talker but also the doer.