damiso: Just to add one reason i am not too comfortable with people marrying someone they have never met.I see people say am going home to get married but they have never met the person.I think its weird on both ends. .

damiso:

So if he was abroad,he would buy a plane ticket to go and observe him in his office?

What happened to believing that you raised a rational and logical child with her head screwed on right?Cos if she had her head screwed on right and its not about how wealthy he is,would she not know that he was claiming to be what he was not.

When i met hubby,he was studying and was working part time in a supermarket.He was upfront about it and i never looked down on him cos of it.I even respected him for studying and working at the same time cos me i am lazy and cant do the both of them at the same time.Most girls will look down on such a man but i realised it was not where he was then but where he was going.

damiso: Coogar i agree with you.I met hubby while i was on holiday in the uk and i lived in Naija.We courted for three years travelling back and forth.Am sure some people might not have been able to travel like we did but at least you said spend some time to woo. Am talking never ever met and going straight to wedding.

And i am serious i know someone who did this.He told his sister to look for a wife for him.The girl said she was in Yabatech.Ase all na lie.Homegirl could not even pass the english test now required for spouses of Non Eu nationals.

coogar:

that's douchebaggery!



you mean the girl cannot read/write? at's kinda odd! what kinda mgbeke babe is that one? the dude should be flogged too - asking a sister to help look for a wife! why can't be do the job himself? is he on a wheelchair?

the dad of the girl insisted that he must visit my cousin in his office or company and monitor the office for some time before he will give his daughter out to him.

coogar:
ok, let's flip the script, how many of today's women would follow their mother in law to a clinic to have a virginity test or fertility test?....... if women have nothing to hide, they should follow their mother in law to such clinics and have the test.
i rest my case!

COOLDUN:
Bill Gate dropped out from school to face his job, can any of your generation be compared to him? If he came that time and told your father that he was a school drop out, would your father allow your sister to marry him?

COOLDUN:
these parents are looking for men that will carry their liability families.Some of them do have fully grown up men who are not doing anything, just there waiting for a man who will be their victims as an in-law. Financial status of a man is not supposed to be the first question in these greedy parents interview lists of questions.

amiso:
When i met hubby,he was studying and was working part time in a supermarket. Most girls will look down on such a man but i realised it was not where he was then but where he was going.

vanitty: Why this whole outcry? Is that not how it is done? so you just expect to say ok I want to marry your daughter and that is it? If you are of that opinion that you should believe what I say, just pray your leg never reach our family house o. Even the small ones still in nappies are investigating you, asking you questions, who are you? What do you want? Hehehe. Everyone just turns CIA and we won't have it any other way.

I suspect the girl has no brothers because usually it is the brothers doing the investigation on the pretence of trying to know our new in-law better!

The main thing is you are what you say you are. If you are what you say you are, then you have nothing to worry about now do ya?!

damiso:

Of course not.Anybody wants the best for their child and i sure as well dont want my SON marrying a psycho too.Cos i hope people do realise not only men pretend to be what they are not.Of course the old system even meant there would be an Alarina(in yoruba culture) and this broker as you may call it would be the one to broach the issue of marriage.After which covert or lets be more modern coded runs are now done.And lets even be factual here,despite all the checks,do we factor in some of the issues in marriage which are actually compatibility and communication.There is only so much you can do to GURANTEE that your child will be happy in marriage.

I do get now as a parent though wanting to protect your child from the evil world we live in.But i would still prefer it done in a more not in your face kinda way.

Vikin: Anyone for water melon ?

vanitty:

We are talking cross purposes
This is not about any guarantee that your child will be happy etc
This is SOLELY are you who you are research!
At the end of your text, you agree just you will not be upfront about it huh, you will rather do it on the sly! The man decided to take the bull by the horn. If something so trivial like that will make a man even have two minds about marrying the lady, then good riddance to bad rubbish.

coogar:

i don't disagree with the kind of world we live in - i am saying while the father in law is screening my history and what i do, the bride should also submit herself to the scrutiny my mum would subject her to. all checks must done on both sides of the coin!

Vikin:

I type with only one finger for now and would give you a very brief answer.

Calling my family gold digger doesn't stop us from doing background check before marriage.
Btw, you sound like a frustrated fellow!

Kpele o! Keep struggling, God will see you throughb

Anu nkpam!

Ilekokonit:





If you dig deep, you may find that the father in law may only have female children and he is carrying over the way he bullied his wife and daughters onto his son in law without knowing that the way you deal with a male child or Son in law is COMPLETELY different from how you bullied your daughters.

If his daughter was already pregnant and his "monitoring" revealed that his prospective son in law was jobless, would he tell his daughter not to marry him ?

biolabee: meerkat?

biolabee: meerkat?

Sisi_Kill:
I believe there is a lesson to be learnt here - We all think Daddy is being a big boar, when he really is just a big teddy bear!!

Ayep! Case closed!!!

Find Out!:


As in ehn, the more I think about the matter and read responses of those in support, the more it doesnt make any sense to me.

Now let us assume that the father is the type who always likes to check things out himself or/and is overly protective. In that case, a time will definitely come that even he will admit that, ''ok, well, this girl is old enough''. Then he sits the girl down in private and asks her critical reasonable questions, if the girl is even unable to provide satisfactory answers, all he has to do is tell her that ''look here young lady, this is a move that can make or mar the rest of your life, you need to go and do your homework more. Find out about this and this and get back to me before I give my approval''. If the girl is smart (& not a dumb brazillian hair twitter only no brains kinda girl), then she must be able to get those answers.

If the man is still curious, then he can make some cladenstine enquiries on his own (thats what our grandparents used to do), without of course embarassing his son in law or make him feel unworthy.

Many women out there too are scammers and gold diggers na who seek to get married to rich guys just to ''end the poverty line in the family'' and to train their younger ones through school. Should a rich guy's rich dad also seek to know what his future daughter in law does for a living and ask if all her parents can afforf to train her siblings without placing burdens o their son?! Yeah, even the asking of such question ALONE is embarassing!

Most responses on NL here simply prove that some women can choose to be rational when they feel like it and choose to be biased when it appears convenient for them. Na the guys i pity sha, coz i wont be surprised if many guys supporting the request here won't find it funny if such request is made to them by a future father in law, even though they are clearly planning how to render same treatment to their own future sons in law when the time comes.lol

COOLDUN:

If you really know the meaning of frustration you would have known that your family is looking for a matrimonial victim as a Son-In-law. I saw it in your comment that you have only one medical doctor graduate in your family. And that was why you attached all your problems to unsuspecting suitors. One question: If the young man was James Ibori or Lawan Farook , will your Saint father demand for flight Ticket to go and investigate his office/job? I believe that they are the type your good for nothing family is looking for.

I am not a rich man, but a well contended and happily married man from a God fearing and free family. I married my wife when I was nobody; her parents are one in billions, their source of inspiration is one of the blessings in my marriage. I am not here to praise anybody, but to call a spade a spade. The disguised manner of exploiting the young man was very bad and humiliating. There are many ways to investigate the family background of a suitor, which financial status shouldn’t be the first. There are many hidden criminals in very good positions and jobs in the world, so if the young man is a criminal with a good job then your father will bless the marriage without knowing well his family background? Common.

The best investigators of any marriage are the partners, because they are the people that will live together and not their parents. Apart from the couples any other person is an outsider in every marriage, take this or leave it. This is one of the secrets of my happy and enjoyable marriage. The best couples are the ones that never share their matrimonial problems with anyone.

I know you are still single, going to all the traditional marriages buying your own asoebi clothes, looking for the sons/daughters of Bill Gates, and Dangotes to marry. Wait till you begin to say that AGE IS ONLY BUT A NUMBER. Anu Mpama.

Then when a suitor comes and introduce himself as a Miner, your father will ask for a ticket to go into the ground to investigate/supervise his job.
Now I am proved right in my suspicion about your tribe, your family is one of the families that make people to see us the Igbos as people who sell our daughters instead of marrying them out.

Proper investigation is very necessary, but not in a way your father went about it. Family back ground matters first, Character, second, Financial status is never necessary because it is never permanent. Marriage with love is for better or for worst. While the material based marriage is for better and not for worst.

Get a life before you become NNA GA ALU, God is the head of every marriage, with sincere prayers God makes marriage to be pleasant , not STATUS.

COOLDUN:

You are as sensible as BABE, I have taken my time to read all the comments here and seen that both of you are very wise and prudent fellows. Some claim they type with one finger/hand, I wonder how many hands/fingers one would use to type on a China stolen phone. Some are showing off with Water melon as if they are eating it in their families, but still laying traps for unsuspecting SUITORS to their female children/siblings.

In Nigeria mostly these free social network/forums; you will see different species of apes in human forms. Some just argue for arguing sake, while some think that every fellow here are like them and belongs to the same levels with them. It is true that when you play with children you have to keep a clean cloth apart, in case you have another appointment with the elders later. I love making longer statements because I have the time and as i am not using phones, secondly to make my points so clear. Though it is said that the ear that hears well,is not as wide as an umbrella.

When any couple want to go into marriage, they first thing they do is to agree with each other after being satisfied with their commitments of being husband and wife. When the man proposes to the girl, and she accepts to marry the man, the first thing the girl will do after being sure that the ,guy is serious and meant his proposal, is to discuss it with her mother if she is still alive, then after that she will talk to the father, that day the father will ask her many questions about the man, from then the parents will be sitting with her till the man comes to talk to them about his intentions towards their daughter. Some questions will follow as usual,but not an intimidating/humiliating ones, but in a very polite manners. Then after that day, the girl’s parents will wake their daughter early in the morning and repeat all their questions, if she stand on her ground that she will marry the guy, then her parents will begin to go into secret and quiet family investigations about the guy. When they are satisfied with their findings, they will then tell the guy to bring his parents/kinsmen if he is serious about his mission to their family. If they are not they will talk to their daughter to stay clear, sometimes girls who are madly in love ignore their parents disapproval to still marry the man, which sometimes works in their favors or opposite.

Not all investigations are favorable to all the marriages at times, some work for while some work against. The way this young man was intimidated at first visit will never make him happy with father in-law if at all the marriage worked out. This is why you see some guys change their attitudes towards their in-laws after their marriages.

This writer Vikin, never expected what she is getting now because she taught that everyone will dummynly buy to her trash about the young man. If you can go back to her first comment, you will see where she wrote that her father never liked the young man, with this you would see that the young man was not welcomed in the family, so the proposal was already dead on arrival. Her Health Minister Sister as a lioness hunter maybe just saw the guy on the way and brought him home for feasting as usual, because I know that no young man will ever propose marriage to a girl first in the presence of her parents for the first time. So if she was proposed before she brought the young man home, what was her answer to the guy then? At least I know that a Girl will first say yes before taking a man home to her parents. Or did she take the guy home for her parents to say yes or no for her? It was for financial reason that she took the young man home for an embarrassment, because she is a medical doctor.

The way the girl’s father conducted the interview was very, very, wrong if really he is an educated man, though education is an acquired knowledge while wisdom is pure natural. Qualification is only an academical crown;AS wisdom is a free gift from God. You cannot judge someone from his/her appearance, for no one is perfect. The first impression matters much in any meeting. Please keep up your good works, say the truth and be saved. Some people on this nairaland are like cats with many lives, they impersonate with many names to comment and support evils just to free their already dead consciences.

Stop wasting your times with OTO NA AKA NNEHA , NNA GA ALU LADIES. ABUJA BIG GIRLS after destroying their futures with greediness and stupidly,

I am very happy that our Lord Jesus Christ is no longer interested in marrying such ladies, but only after their souls if they can repent before they die.

They have a popular song is in Igbo language which goes like this: OBURU N'UWA JUM ELIGWE AGAGHI AJIM NA EMESIA, Meaning: If this world people reject me, Heaven will not reject me at last.Truth is bitter , but it is sweeter than lies.

baby_123: Hugry family. Your cousin should hold his ears and flee. To prevent stories that touch which will wreck him in the future. He will most likely be taking care of this mans responsibilities. . God forbid any of my brothers marry into such.