Thank goodness, i've reached where u guys are.
It's a very long story.
@Flow, i know the papa u're talking about, he owns one old mercedes benz.
Could you imaging that we drives all the way from Futo to umuerim those days jus to come and buy weed from him.

flow1759:

Blue diamond, how market?

dis guy no go kill me,Flow which market u send me go?abeg i no fit shout o.lolz

Jst coming bac 4rm hospital, flow!!! I gt 3cracked ribs because of u

We boarded the same canoe we boarded while going. Just that we were the only passengers this time around.

"guy una dey make money well well for this una canoe business oh" Man said to the canoe attendant. "naso oh, na God dey do am oh" the Canoe attendant replied. "e be like say i go come follow una dey do the business oh" Man teased. "u never do kponkpon business finish, u wan enter canoe business" i said.

We had barely crossed to the other side of the River when Baba jay brought out the money he had made and said, "omoh mehn! Money dey for dis kpokpon business oh, see as i make 2100naira today. "shebi when i tell u make u follow me go do kpokpon, u tell me say u be old man" Man said.

I had never seen Baba jay that happy since i met him. "mehn see money oh!!" Baba jay said showing us his money.

He still held the money in his hands when a drama started unfolding.

Baba jay started shaking like Banana leaf.

And he graduated to shaking like a Jelly fish.

"which kin play be dis one? u dey f''uck up oh" I said thinking he was trying to f'ool us.

It was no joke. It was real.


Baba jay was experiencing Epilepsy attack.

I could see from the corner of my eyes that Brainbox was dead scared, he almost jumped out of the canoe.

As Baba jay continued shaking like someone that had been electrocuted, he let go of the money he was holding. And sea wind blew the Money from his hands. Not all the money, but some.

It was raining of money, as wind blew the Money to unreachable height, but not beyond the reach of Brainbox.

I saw the rest of the money the wind didn't blow close to my feet, so i picked it. Not for keeps, but i pleged i would hand them over to Baba jay once he becomes well.


I saw Brainbox jumped to catch two 500naira notes that was flying with the wind. I was tempted to try my luck to see how much i could catch, "but why Baba jay go get shaky shaky disease i go com dey jump catch him money?" i asked myself.


"wetin dey do am!! E don dey die oh!! Pour am water na" The canoe attendant shouted. "e no go died, Flow bring water make we pour am" Man said.

"where water na? Water no dey here? Na when we reach house we go see water" I said in a limbo. "u be mumu, we dey on top water and you dey ask me where water dey?" Man replied.

Baba jay continued shaking like a patient of Parkinson's disease for a while. Maybe it was Parkinson's disease, or maybe it was its elder brother named Epilepsy, so i tot.

Then he stopped shaking.


I tot he was dead. because he didn't move his body for about 10minutes.

I hurriedly poured plenty of water on his face.

The water did the magic.

Baba jay coughed back to reality.

He was healed. Healed by Otammiri water.

A song came to my mind at that moment. Fela's song, "water!! e no get enemy!!"

Badest flow.omo I dey enjoy u badly keep up d gud work.
P.s first to comment after an update,dancing etigi

I respect u broda @ flow, wit a picture frm my guy Osta.

flow sebi baba jay don cook before?? Hope he never pour his siliva on top food. I get the reason wey nobody wan do mouth-mouth with him when he fainted after collecting hard punch from Tupac

ifeolad8: I respect u broda @ flow, wit a picture frm my guy Osta.

i respect you back. Thank you so much

Happy sunday to you flow, you be christain or so i tot.

uwlc boss

Flow, u dey try for all these your sweet lies.
Keep it up.

Flow u 2 much

Bigflamie: Flow, u dey try for all these your sweet lies.
Keep it up.

better than some boring truth

We walked home after the near death of Baba jay.

Baba jay was struggling to walk. He looked as "handsome" as a bird that fell into a bucket of water.

"na your money wey remain be dis" i offered Baba jay the 600naira left of his kponkpon money. "where the rest na?" Baba jay asked. "omoh, some of ur money don swim go oh, maybe dem the fish wey dey the river go use the money buy something wey dem go chop dis night" I replied.

Brainbox winked at me and i winked back. My winking meant i would later ask him for my share of the money he caught.


As we got to our compound's gate, we met Tega discussing with Tupac.

"guy, i don go beg Haruna oh, but him no wan hear me. Him say na untill all of us come beg am together nahim him go forgive us" Tega said.

"I no dey go anywhere, that Aboki no fit do anything abeg" Brainbox said.

What Brainbox said provoked anger in me, and i said, "if u talk that thing again i go blow ur mouth, you dey mad? We dey talk how we go beg person wey we chop him fowl, u dey talk r''ubbish".

"u dey mad, na ur Papa dey talk r''ubbish" Brainbox insulted.


I was raging with anger. Water was boiling in my chest.

"Na my Papa u dey curse? Na my Papa u dey curse?" I let out a hot blow to Brainbox's jaw.


"na me u blow?" He held his jaw.

He suddenly dashed towards me to attack me, but he was held by Man and Tega.


"Flow you blow me because i say i no go follow una go Haruna place? Flow u go see wetin i go do u? Make una come carry me go beg na?" Brainbox said and walked out.

I knew even if Man and Tega hadn't held Brainbox, he wouldn't still be able to fight me. because the Brainy Brainbox wasn't Brainy when it comes to fighting. But Flow was.


"Flow na me u blow abi? I go show you" Brainbox threatened from a distance.
"wetin u fit do me? U no fit do anything abeg" I replied.


"him fit do u so many things oh" my mind told me.

True talk! There were a hundred and one dangerous things Brainbox could do to me.

Things like adding excess salt to my food. Like adding sugar to my beans. Like pouring Kerosene into my bath water at night. He had done all these evil act to me when we were at Umunkoto. Even more.

Taking trouble to Brainbox was like taking Coal to Newscastle. He had trouble as his concubine, and he gives it to whoever wanted it just for the asking.

At that moment, a song came to my mind. The song of the late Fela, "when cat sleep, rat dey go bite him tail, wetin him dey find?............. WAHALA e dey find, WAHALA e go get oooh". I was sure i would get Wahala from Brainbox, what i prayed for was a mild Wahala.

"make una go beg Brainbox oh, Haruna say na all of us wey thief him Fowl nahim go beg am oh. Him say if one person no come, all of us go run mad by tomorrow morning" Tega said. "no worry make i go beg am, him go follow us, no worry" Man said and walked out.

"what of Bigie na?" Baba jay asked. "na since morning wey Police come ask us some question, na since after then i no see am till now" Tega said. "him go Ilya du Neked wire joint go drink pammy, him go soon come" Tupac assured.

"ehen Police wey come today say make everybody wey dey dis compound no comot for the compound tomorrow, say dem dey come ask us some questions" Tega informed.

"we don enter Police case oh" I tot.

Wel, like the slogan goes: "Police is your friend".

What i never knew was that a wierd friendship would soon spark up between one of us and one of the Police Officers.

Bigie, so i tot

Bigflamie: Flow, u dey try for all these your sweet lies.
Keep it up.

Dear Nairalanders,
Inasmuch as you are laughing to my funny story doesn't make it a lie.

Bigflamie, that you are experiencing a boring life doesn't stop another person's life to be eventful.

For me, my life is eventful and fun, because am living it to the fullest.

E be like say i go stop this story oh. because some people don dey make me vex. Wetin be sweat lie na?

If the story were a figment of my imagination, i would have said so na.

Mtchewwwwwwww!!!

Dear Nairalanders,
some of u say words like, "Flow i dey gbadun you", "Flow u too much" , while in their mind they are saying, "Flow u are a big lier".

I have said it before. This story is real.

Even the characters are real. Some of them are still in Nekede.

Some people dey make me vex big time.

Oga flow! no vex, dont mind bad belle people. some of them no read your previous work, make them write their own stories na. keep flowing.

flow1759:

Dear Nairalanders,
Inasmuch as you are laughing to my funny story doesn't make it a lie.

Bigflamie, that you are experiencing a boring life doesn't stop another person's life to be eventful.

For me, my life is eventful and fun, because am living it to the fullest.

E be like say i go stop this story oh. because some people don dey make me vex. Wetin be sweat lie na?

If the story were a figment of my imagination, i would have said so na.

Mtchewwwwwwww!!!

Dont let it get to you, Some people are just like that...whenever they never experience fun, others having fun isn't real.

If I have the gift of writing, I would have shared my experience in Lautech, whereas others find it hard to believe. Some people are natural sceptics.

Oga flow, u knw its impossible to please evrybdy. Just do ur tin

Flow..

U̶̲̥̅̊ can't bring U̶̲̥̅̊s this far.. Only to abandon us all because some elements dey vex U̶̲̥̅̊ ooo

Do good or bad... People go talk abeg

To all da haters... If you don't like a man story, write yours...na who talk again self?

Flow...free dx shitx pls....ya rockxs

flow1759:

shey u no know as small children dey do? They are always forward.

Thank you Edmanpumpin. What a name? It sounds like "head na pumkin". Shey ur head resemble pumkin?

[quote author=flow1759]

Yo flow, edman is a derivative of the name edward. The pumpin is from my sexscapades here in CA . I pump em gurls up with my mic.

Sex sells.....bia nwoke nmadu add some actionz to dis tin na

We pleaded with Haruna, including Brainbox of course. With Man speaking Hausa to Haruna, it was not as difficult as i expected.

Haruna forgave us and threw away the fetish blood stained feather. Only God knew if the feathers were actually fetish, or Haruna just wanted to scare us with the feather and the Babalawo story.


That night we went to Paapa's place to take a stick or two.


I slept like a Baby that night, Maybe it was because of the weed i smoked.


And i woke up late.

The next morning as we sat under the Mango tree massively brushing our teeth, a beautiful lady walked towards us.


"pls am looking for Chinonso?" the lady said.

I mistakenly took a glimpse at her cat-like eyes, and it instantly blurred my vission.

"who be Chinonso?" Brainbox asked Bigie, "i no know oh, Flow na ur Ibo name be Chinonso?" Bigie asked me.

"no oh" I replied. "pls they is no one by that name here" I said to the cat eyes lady.


At that moment Man walked towards us, "there he is" the cat eyes lady said pointing at Man.


Damn!! I had forgotten that Man was Chinonso. Brother Chinonso.

The beauty to behold was putting on a dress that shone like the petals of a forget-me-not.

But not as shiny as her skin.

I was wondering how a guy as u'gly or rather not too fine as Man could have a beauty queen as a sister, so i mistakenly said, "Man u sure say na ur sister be dis?". "no, no be my sister, na ur sister" Man replied me. "how she go be my sister, wey i wan marry her? Abi person dey marry him own sister?" I said and i saw the cat eyes lady smiled in response.

"Flow, so u wan marry my sister, but u no get money na" Man replied.


He should thank his stars he didn't mention that i was a kpokponist by profession.


She introduced herself as Chiwendu or Sophia. I preffered Sophia.


She also told us that she was a 100level student of FUTO. "Man your junior sister don enter sch, you dey here dey do kponkpon" I almost said.


Man and her younger sister were speaking Hausa as if they were Hausas. Only God knew what she was telling him.

That was one thing i envied Man for. He could speak Hausa. In his phone conversations sometimes he would switch from Ibo to Hausa, to English, to Pidgin English.


As Man and his sister walked into the room, i saw three Police officers entering the compound.

Two Male officers and a Female officer.

yemi2plus2: To all da haters... If you don't like a man story, write yours...na who talk again self?

the late Chinua Achebe said that.

sambroose: Sex sells.....bia nwoke nmadu add some actionz to dis tin na

Hope u guys can now see what i was saying. This Fellow wants me to sell sex.

Sambroose, so because i wan sell sex, i go yan the one wey no happen join the one wey happen?

If u want where they sell sex, why don't you go to a'shawo house.

flow1759:

Dear Nairalanders,
Inasmuch as you are laughing to my funny story doesn't make it a lie.

Bigflamie, that you are experiencing a boring life doesn't stop another person's life to be eventful.

For me, my life is eventful and fun, because am living it to the fullest.

E be like say i go stop this story oh. because some people don dey make me vex. Wetin be sweat lie na?

If the story were a figment of my imagination, i would have said so na.

Mtchewwwwwwww!!!

flow if u stop dis storey, me go para ooo, u knw all dos butter no dey get eventful lyf. If dem dey here ghetto man storey dem go dey para bcoz dem no say ghetto man get yarnings yapka

Stil he flows,..haters sud go and baff on top transformer

Just to tease you a little bit and you then termed my life as boring one.
Hmmm! Flow, i no knw say u dey vex like this o, abeg no vex if i've offended you.
Flow, i deserve an apology for that boring statement you made there.
FYI. I love this thread die and can't just stay for 5 minutes without clicking for updates.