Amelian: A close friend of mine sent me, this message:
There's no Absolute Finish line for everyone in the race of Life.
Our tracks are different and Durations are different. The only thing We have in common is the Empire.
For instance, One person graduates @ age 20 and struggles for another 5 yrs to get a job;
Another might graduate @ 27 and get a job immediately.
One can marry a Virgin and wait the next decade to have the blessings of children, another lady probably after taking series of pills not to get pregnant after sexing different series of guys in her past becomes A mother almost immediately after 9months of marriage.
A fellow becomes MD @38 and dies @56... Another becomes MD @ 55 and lives to 90...!
What a Life!....life is full of twists, turns , ups and downs with many more surprises and disappointments .. It's up to us to each one of us to prepare patiently , wait , recognize and utilize every opportunity.. We learn on the way.. No one knows it all OR has it BETTER, no one .
There's a reason why we all don't fall or rise at the same time. It's so that when one is down, weak and discouraged , The other who is Strong can encourage and Lift the other person

Happyness_Chima:

[size=18pt]Jihofa!! Jehovah!! What kind of rest-less married woman are you biko?[/size] You said no salary in Nigeria will afford 5 trips to the UK? that shows ur financial level. i have nothing to say but whats so special about this UK that has been biting you this woman since. I even apologized that I want others to understand what I do with my life and how I spend my time so they can advice because its biting u seriously. Flight ticket to London is only 90K. You claim to know everything abt wild girls and their lifestyle. How did you know all these if u were not one of them? I passed out from unijos by the age of 23. I'm not baby for you to boss around online. Is this how you treat your single friends. Show me one woman that has never had a suitor abroad. What have I done to warrant all this insults?

coogar:

Danfo: @OP,

I have reviewed your initial post and subsequent comments and I think I have an apt response to your statement: but I don't know what I’m doing wrong.

From your comments you gave ample indications, thus I will use extracts from same comments to highlight what you are doing wrong, in my view.

Here we go:

1. I have a good job and travel to the UK often. (Deduction: Pride)

2. All the men that approach me either are unsettled yet or one problem or the other. (Deduction: Pride)

3. Sorry if I offended anyone by mentioning UK. What I meant to explain is I'm always on holidays to London to relax and expand my search for a husband. I work in rotational shifts so when I get 4 weeks off, I like to use it to travel which is like 5-6 times a year. I'm not bragging or showing off. I don't even go for shopping or live lavish when I visit there. Maybe it wasn't worth mentioning so I'm sorry. (Deduction: ….even in apologising for showing pride you convey pride)


4. Jehovah!! What kind of rest-less married woman are you biko? You said no salary in Nigeria will afford 5 trips to the UK? that shows ur financial level. I have nothing to say b[i]ut whats so special about this UK that has been biting you this woman since[/i]. I even apologized that I want others to understand what I do with my life and how I spend my time so they can advice because its biting u seriously. Flight ticket to London is only 90K. You claim to know everything abt wild girls and their lifestyle. How did you know all these if u were not one of them? I passed out from unijos by the age of 23. I'm not baby for you to boss around online. Is this how you treat your single friends? Show me one woman that has never had a suitor abroad. What have I done to warrant all this insults? (Deduction: Your reaction to criticism is self-justification and loss of decorum; Pride is present)

5. Is it wrong that I mentioned UK? I even came back to clarify. She wants to ridicule me for no reason. If I knew how inconsiderate people can be, I won't open a topic like this. (Deduction: your reaction to criticism is self-importance and loss of decorum ; Pride is present)


6. When you meet a man that's not settled, they usually bring their baggage to me and as a single woman I don't think I should be feeding any man. (Deduction: Pride)



My sister, I can deduce from this distance that you are a very independent young lady. Let me even go as far as saying that you are been modest when you say you are employed, I would say you are self- employed. You are worth millions of Naira and you certainly have a large circle of friends at home and abroad. This standard of living has made you become prideful and given you a sense of high expectations in your relationships and quest for a husband.

I can surmise that you have an ideal man in mind, and the ideal man has to be successful, perhaps ‘settled’ like Tyler Perry but definitely not a Spike Lee type because looks is also very important to you. Your social status has made you create an elusive Eldorado (a man in shining armour riding a resplendent white horse). But know those are the stuff fairy tales are made of. An elusive Eldorado only blinds girls, temporarily, to present realities and the result is rancour and wistfulness at age 30+.

I sincerely think that you have this instinct and pride which have made you to build a secure unit/prison around yourself. So you exist in a state of schizophrenia where you are both the guard and the prisoner. And having been lobotomised by these double roles (unreal duality) you no longer have the capacity to leave the prison that you made, or even see it as a prison.

Thus I bring you release today. I bring you release by saying set it free! Set pride loose in the name of Christ Jesus! Damn it, let it go!

You are not in this world to live to no one’s expectations. Stop thinking people expect you to manufacture a perfect man to marry because there is no such. If you are sincere in talking about marriage you cannot be prideful or boastful regardless of your success so far. Your search for a lifetime partner should not be based on material success. Rich people have been known to become poor and vice versa. For marriage you must look for someone who will love you for who you are and not for your money or popularity, and you also must do the same. Presently, your expectation seems too high. Too high that you even went international in the search. Forgive me if I am wrong, but most likely your father was not wealthy when he met your mother, and yet your mother loved him enough to marry him, and look at what they produced, an independent and prosperous lady.

If you find a man with a good heart and love for you, you can build him up if he has nothing of his own, and he in turn can bring you satisfaction and peace, and happiness in ways that money can never do.

I want you to know that if your desire for a man is guided by GOD then the ideal union will arise between you and a worthy man. But if you choose by what dominates you now (materialism); then you might regret it.

Finally, know that all things have their time and from hurry comes harm. So take your time, let prayer, humility, due diligence, and sincerity guide you in your search. Do not disregard any suitor just because they are not ‘settled’, but by means of prayer let GOD reveal the heart and mind of the suitors to you so you can make a creditable shortlist of suitors to work on to find the man for you.

I pray that my words will be meaningful to you.

I close by saying that, I sincerely wish you the best. May GOD hear your prayers and bless you with a good man that will truly be a worthy lifetime companion for you under all circumstances as you journey through earth-life. Amen

biolabee: I love your analytical methods though feel you were too hasty in adjudging her prideful
20/20 for effort!

Vikin:

And you have to type all this while deducing?

Danfo:

@biolabee,

Thanks for the 'effort marks' (20/20).Professionally I am an high level Analyst.

Personals apart, no there is no hastiness here. You see, the instrumentation or tools for identifying a problem is constantly provided by means of words.In other words, when you start talking/commenting an expert will identify your core/central issue(s) right away.

And if I identify pride as the issue here why do I have to wait to state my honest opinion. Wait till when? Shey you understand?

As far as I know the OP is here for frank and honest opinions not some stupid, sycophantic, nursery, and senseless comments people makes which has no impact on her desire for a solution.

Danfo:

@Viking,

I am an human not a robot, so yes I did type all of that because I care enough for a troubled mind seeking answers from strangers she might never ever meet in real life.

I know your type; intellectually bankrupt , lethargic in mind, never contributing anything meaningful, yet criticizing those who makes an effort.

I beg comot make I see front...

babyosisi:

I hope there is a settled young man here to take the bull by the b.alls

Danfo:

@biolabee,

Thanks for the 'effort marks' (20/20).Professionally I am an high level Analyst.

Personals apart, no there is no hastiness here. You see, the instrumentation or tools for identifying a problem is constantly provided by means of words.In other words, when you start talking/commenting an expert will identify your core/central issue(s) right away.

And if I identify pride as the issue here why do I have to wait to state my honest opinion. Wait till when? Shey you understand?

As far as I know the OP is here for frank and honest opinions not some stupid, sycophantic, nursery, and senseless comments people makes which has no impact on her desire for a solution.

Dreamflyin:

Abegii, u self get d pride, even a bigger one. U tinks dat u ar on a higher moral/intelligence pedestal above everyone.
Bro, pride is an innate tin in every human being. We all got it. Who wants to knw if u ar a professional wat.(analyssss, abi analysian, someone shuld pls teach me gud englisss).
We all got PRIDE!

Vikin:

See ur head!
Also using your methodology to deduce that I never contribute anything meaningful and intellectually bankrupt!

Nothing you said here that has not been said by previous posters even your so called deduction.

What you fail to see is that pride can be negative and also positive.


Def: Pride is an inwardly directed emotion that carries two common meanings. With a negative connotation, pride refers to an inflated sense of one's personal status or accomplishments, often used synonymously with hubris. With a positive connotation, pride refers to a satisfied sense of attachment toward one's own or another's choices and actions, or toward a whole group of people, and is a product of praise, independent self-reflection, or a fulfilled feeling of belonging.ref. wiki

From the way she was going, she meant no harm! I don't see why she should not celebrate her success.

Let those that cannot fit into her lifestyle give way!

Except she is ready to endure most things

But u should be shot with this your deduction method, even God himself have pride in him.

steph7: I read @danfo's analysis and I was about to say it is all hogwash, but I understand that is the way a typical Nigerian male will evaluate a woman with a well paying job. They'll probably see the poster as high maintenance, too proud and she'll struggle to wear the pants in the family. Judging her without getting to know her.
I heard a story years back abt a woman in her 30's too with a good job in an oil servicing company, sha had a nice SUV et al, when the whole marriage issue started disturbing her too much she parked her SUV and bought a kia Picanto and moved back in with her folks and men started coming.
Long and short of what I am saying is try to be as modest as you can, smile and enjoy your single life your Mr right is by the corner.

StateOfMind:

You are indeed a very restless woman. What do you stand to gain by mocking this poster. You think your life is better just because you claim to be married?

You keep going on and on about her preference for someone settled. Is there a crime in that? She has worked hard enough to become settled in life and she deserves a good man to complement that.

In as much as she has been advised to lower her expectations and be more open minded, which I agree with, I do no wish her a marriage to any unsettled guy just because she wants to be a mrs. She has to be wary of irresponsible unsettled guys who will just come into her life to squander her money.

Don't make it seem as if all unsettled guys are good and responsible while their settled counterparts are not.

Op, live your life and be on the look out for good, decent and responsible men, settled or unsettled. Your priority should be making yourself happy and approachable. Be open minded and very observant too.

All the best.

Happyness_Chima: I'm 31 And Nobody Is Asking My Hand In Marriage

Good day nairaland. I'm 31 years old female, single and unmarried. I want to get married by the end of this year by Gods grace. All the men that approach me either are unsettled yet or one problem or the other. At first I wasn't desperate, but I don't know what im doing wrong. I have a good job and travel to the UK often but still haven't met any man that's prepared for marriage. When I go out to have fun, my siblings start complaining that im attending parties and staying out late too much. Is it in our parlour a man will marry me? I'm trying to enjoy life by looking on to the bright side but still feel empty inside of me. What else can I do to get married at least by the end of the year? Any others I my shoes can input as well.

hisableplc:

Will you marry me ....am single around that age too and willing to marry this year...but..............

oyeyipo w: On a lighter note, please I'll like to see ur picture b4 I can comment OP

Happyness_Chima:

please what else can I do. When everyone in ur family is getting married. If I step outside they say i'm perambulating everywhere. Party, wedding, nightclub is a problem. Im thinking maybe I should rent my own place since I can afford it. I haff tire for the matter.