remember, the wife may also be a nairalander

Am not sure we have the whole truth from the OP. We cannot really advise unless we know why she did it without telling him.
Tell me, if she asked will u allow her and support her to build the house. Am very sure there are trust issues involved.
The houses u builr are in Mr and Mrs Adedeji (say). If you guys divorce, the next wife will still be mrs Adedeji isn't it.
I've been in this kind of issue though I always tell my husband but men are nt always happy especually when they want to buy lambogini and the wife wants something more concrete.
Never say never. She would not intensionally pull down her marriage, am sure she counted the cost before going ahead to do this. She is ready if it ends in divorce. Think and talk to her and find out what the insecurities are. At this point, love her more and let her be sure of ur absolute love for her.
Be weary of those advising you to divorce. They wount do same if in the situation. I once advised a woman to leave her husband. Thank God she didn't because then, I didn't know better.

obadiah777: or you dont want a wife period lol. this whole marriage thing is life imprisonment. apostle paul said it is better for a man to be single

that was aftet he was jilted

ATMC: that was aftet he was jilted

Sorry, I do the jilting
I call the shot because I know Jesus
I can back it up and I have the resources thank you Jesus

1 FORGIVE FORGIVE AND FORGIVE(its a must for a christian... this helps you and the state of your heart with God. Not beacuse she asked for it but because that what Jesus told you to do ALWAYS)


2 BE GENTLE AS A DOVE but AS WISE AS A SERPENT!!!(is it when you caught her that she suddenly realised its a mistake? she has always known what shes doing is wrong and she went with it anyway with almost pretence and secrecy...dont be fooled she totally aware of her actions and the consequences before she even started...but she didnt seem to care. Bottom line is that it takes the same guts and effontery to do you harm...every adult is responsible for there actions. Influence or no influence and the fact that she even did it with a priest show you the level of conspiracy against you.)



[/b][b]

Wait o. You be Isoko man?

Things like dis make me say, I will never get married... Go And Play With Your TOYS

@ EDNUT1...Things like dis make me say, I will never get married... Go And Play With Your TOYS

Silverb: u just said it all, most men these days can be really greedy, 1- dey register all their property in their names alone forgetting abt their wives coz dey feel women are just after wealth. Things are changing, a lot of women are wiser nw, 2 - I dnt see any reason y his wife would go behind his back to build a house if he actually included d wife's name in his property, yeah d wife is wrong for doing it secretly but there's always 2sides to a story.

1; OP says he included his wife in all registered assets, would you like to have a meeting with him to verify this? Maybe he'l show you the docs

2; He doesn't understand her action(s), that's why he has brought this to public glare

IT A PITY BUT LIKE YOU.I am married but MARRIAGE God is still alive. There are many cases that women, or most women complain of infidelity and women lament of which most of we men who advice divorce don't know their future as if its easy. Are you as a man going to keep yourself to your wife who has been faithful to you are you as a woman going to submit to a husband who has been faithful to you These happen most often when Husband has enough and to spare and is not God fearing. THINK THESE... coming to the issue, i can observe that God loves you and blessed with all these you mentioned. DOXOLOGY

(2) All the advice people are bringing in you have almost explored, means you are God fearing if am not wrong that's why u are organized to this extent, I Love that

(3) Its painful and you have taken the issue to ur people out of annoyance cos you cant bear it alone. But make sure your people are not jealous of your progress cos some will try to exploit the opportunity to know more about ur wealth, This is where you should be more careful before you create more enmity unknowingly. I support the idea, it is when a woman or wife deals with some good men that they remember there kinsmen but its only favorable for an organized and contented family. This is the best move you have taken cos it will go a long way to make your wife , your mother in law, the Reverend Father and other negative advisers that you hails from somewhere and that you have people. It will also instill Fear and respect in your Wife in future.

(4) I saw where you wrote that[b] she knelt down and begged when you confronted her[/b], i don't know how go into this but let me ask some questions (a) Has she been remorseful whenever she Errs or is it on this situation? If yes check this, Is there a reason she as a RESPONSIBLE AND EDUCATED ADULT took such risk without your consent and considering the implication that she may lose the husband and the kids trust or Divorce in her family. (b) She may do so out of one or two things as; the poor standard of living in there family OR to compete with other women in their family as advised by the mum and her colleagues OR that she has been chipping in some things about building a house for her family and you turned deaf ear OR that the mother social promiscuous attitude and diabolical moves is affecting her. There might be a well laid plan between the Reverend and the Mother on how to kneel and beg you when you finds out. But in this be careful with what you eat before...

SOLUTION FORGIVE AND FORGET IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYBODY BUT DO THIS...
(1) DONT DIVORCE, HOLD ON UR FAMILY MORE TIGHT

(2) HUNGRY MEN ABOUND, YOUNG AND OLD UNLESS YOU WANT TO GO CONTRARY TO YOUR FAITH IE INFIDELITY

(3) YOU WILL WITH DEAL THAT REVEREND AND MOTHER IN LAW WITH UR FAMILY TOGETHER. HOW? PETITION WILL COME FROM THE FAMILY TO THE BISHOP AND POSSIBLY TAKE SOMEBODY AND REPEAT THE VISIT TO THE REV AND USE PHONE TO RECORD EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION WITH HIM , ADD IT TO UR PETITION. (THEY ARE SENDING HIM INTO THE REMOTE VILLAGE SOONEST) AND ALL THESE WILL BE IN CONFIDENCE SO THAT THE CHURCH WILL NOT SEE IT THAT YOU ARE FIGHTING THEM BUT YOU ARE SAVING YOUR MARRIAGE.

(4) AS FOR THE MOTHER IN LAW CALL A MEETING WITH UR IN LAWS, UR KINSMEN, UR WIFE THE BISHOP, AN UNKNOWN LAWYER AND REVEREND AND HIS FAMILY MEMBERS SO THAT YOU WILL HUMILIATE HIM MORE AND DECIDE ON THE ISSUE. BUT KNOW IT THAT IF THE HOUSE WAS BUILT AT THE VILLAGE OR CITY THEY MUST GIVE YOU THE PAPERS.

(5) THE REVEREND FATHER AND HIS PEOPLE , UR WIFE, MOTHER IN LAW AND HER PEOPLE ie is Brother MUST TENDER APOLOGY AND UNDERTAKING IN WRITING TO YOU AND YOU DOCUMENT IT SECRETLY.

(6) YOU MAY EVEN THREATEN TO EXPOSE YOUR WIFE IN HIS OFFICE, BUT DON'T DO IT, I REPEAT DON'T CARRY OUT THE THREAT BECAUSE WOMEN HATE DEMOTION.... BY THE TIME YOU EXECUTE PLAN 1 TO 4 EVERYBODY WILL RUN HELTER SKELTER AND UR WIFE WILL CHANGE HER TONE TO'' DARLING I AM SORRY IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN'' '' WHY ARE YOU TAKING IT TOO FAR''? BUT AFTER THESE BE PHILANTHROPIC

IT WILL WELL WITH YOU. BEST OF LUCKS
EMMANUEL 08060036824

dasparrow:

Honestly, here is my take on this. Was your wife wrong to have not informed you of her building project? Perhaps. But here is the thing, a lot of Nigerian-bred men become intimidated when their wife decides to build a house. They feel that she will no longer be submissive to them as before. The same train of thought occurs when an average Nigerian-bred male finds out that his wife earns more money than he does. All of a sudden, their ego feels bruised and katakata starts in the home. So, your wife probably felt that if she told you she wanted to build a house, you might not have agreed and would have used the excuse that you people already have properties scattered all over and there is no need to start acquiring or building another house. In addition, building a house someday might have been your wife's childhood dream and she does not want anyone getting in the way of her fulfilling that dream.

Next, I am going to look at this scenario from a different point of view. Nigeria is a country that sadly does not protect women. In the western world, should a man pass away, the wife by default inherits any property the couple shared except the couple had agreed otherwise before the spouse's demise. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard true life stories of Nigerian women who stood and struggled with their husbands till he became rich. But as soon as the man died, his family - both immediate and extended - came along and threw the woman and her kids out on the street leaving her with nothing. Sometimes, the family of the man will come up with outrageous theories that insist that the wife killed their son and hence she cannot retain any part of the properties the man ever had. This is even though both husband and wife worked very hard side by side to acquire all they had gotten. That is the reality of things in Nigeria.

Nigeria's judicial system is equally nothing to write home about because they don't protect the widows of this society. In fact, Nigerian society is against the woman and women are against their fellow women as well. When a woman get's thrown out of her matrimonial home or becomes a widow, she generally has nowhere to turn to. So, I cannot blame your wife for coming up with a plan B. This is Nigeria and not America where in the event of a divorce, properties are split equally between the couple - as long as no prenuptial was signed - or in the event of spousal death, the woman and her children keep the property. So any Nigerian woman married to a Nigerian-bred man and living in Nigeria will do well to protect herself from any eventualities.

You may think your wife is being evil but the truth of the matter is that Nigerian society is wicked to women and do not protect them. If I was a Nigerian woman married to a Nigerian-bred man and raising a family in Nigeria, you best believe I will pull a similar stunt. No woman wants to build a home with a man and then when he dies, the man's greedy family relations who never contributed anything will come from the village and start talking crap about how the culture says that the properties of their late brother is now theirs. This is Africa and African women should wake up and do whatever is necessary for their survival and the survival of their offspring. My 2 cents.

Standing fecking ovation!!


Yes. I had to quote the whole damn thing just to say that!!

benjibabs:

Good that you forgave her. For trusting her again, it might take time to re-build the trust; however, I believe you can speed up the process. How? By getting to the root cause of the issue. When you understand why she did it, and both of you walk through it, trust should not be far away any longer.

If she has not told you why she did yet ? Sit her down, and ask for the whole truth. While she is at it, ensure she maintains eye contact with you, and read her body language. Hopefully, she will tell you everything and both of you can deal with it. Meanwhile, be prepare for the truth; it might be deeper than you thought. Come what may, try and work it out with her.

Shalom

Cosign.

@ OP, you are making a vague superficial assumption that her friends are advising her wrongly. If you really want to understand, you have to probe deeper and get her to open up.

*By the way, I see how you have deftly skirted around some solid questions asked of you. The answer you're looking for may just be in the mirror*

And all this talk about sleeping with one eye open because she built a small house with her own money is a bit over dramatic imo. It's not like she colluded with others to steal your money to do it. Resolve the trust issues, the security issues and move on.

Nashville: My brother, my advice is that you forgive her. Sounds silly but forgive her. From your story, you have alot to thank God for, a beautiful family, good health, properties all over and you have been a great husband. If your wife decides to betray you, it is not your fault but hers alone. As hard as it is, look around you and thank God. Sit her down and tell her you know she has built the house. Tell her how disappointed you are but let her know you have already forgiven her.

Life is too short. I know you are disappointed but please let it go. I can bet you she may have serious background issues or she is moving with the wrong friends. That is the only thing that can explain her behaviour. Her background is outta whack (broken or polygamous home) or her advisers are just plain stupid. But I will tell you to change churches fast. You cannot be confessing to that traitor of a priest amd please make sure nothing more than the ordinary is going on between the two. God bless you.

... She's a blessing in disguise

Heck: Op. Am already growing white hairs that my wife started clothing biz without consulting me first. Her sis in US has been sending them. I have had nothing to do with d biz or the clothes so far. Meanwhile I have been foolishly open to her, even faithful to her. Because of God though. Still thinking a reaction. Yours is a tougher call. D catholic church is dying by d day.
Prayer is not enough. Forgiveness is out of it. If it is me, divorce cannot be an option because of d kids. Not sleeping with her is easy but not eating her food is a real tough call. Eating her food is invitation to known death. Will you have your own kitchen. For how long. Sending her away is licensing her into promiscuity. How about bonding with your children. If you are a jealous kind, then d untimely death you fear will still come. Women are Devil we cannot do without. Am yet to hear sorry from my wife lips. But I can bet it, the one your wife said is acting and premeditated. Remember too God is interested on how you handle this matter. Your ideas are good.

May I suggest this: visit her father or whoever represents him if d dad is death. Go with an elder in your own family. Do not plan the visit. Go to him and say what happened. Do not say your plan to anybody. Do not entertain discussion on the matter with anybody thereafter. As you have requested, the documents must be given to you before any further talk until then cut her off your life. If any of your kids is up to ten call that one and explain events. When the document comes sell off the building & give d money to charity. It is not foolishness, that is the condition for the marriage to go on as though nothing happened. If she is like my wife she will refuse & say over her dead body. Then grow up & rent a place without her knowledge & move her things there. She on her own may repack to wherever she wants. By this you have not divorced her. You have separated from her. Keep her off your home. Your kids can stay wherever till they mature. But harden up to face any man that comes close to her, the priest inclusive. Take care. A tough call.

And don't listen to a word of this shyte!

zomby: On a serious note, when a woman is bold enough to team up the family priest to build a house without the knowledge of her husband, there is nothing this woman can't do.
Therefore she can no longer be trusted.

If she is not ready to sincerely change her shady ways from A to Z, I say give her a red card.
It makes no sense to be with someone you can not trust.

You think it's easy to just throw things away and start anew with a new wife because of one small mistake
Do you know how much he spent in wedding and bride price and countless gifts
Go and marry half a wife let me see if you think it's eating beans
She erred and she has apologized
End of story


If Ifeoma my friend is still happily married to her man after setting all the contents of his wardrobe on fire
I don't see why this man will not put this behind him so the marriage can move on
We all err

GoodFaith:
Sorry, I do the jilting
I call the shot because I know Jesus
I can back it up and I have the resources thank you Jesus

so yhu jilt coz u know jesus? see ur mouth...anyway, i's referring to paul in my post

That woman did not just change overnight. There lots u r'nt telling. She's enduring lots of things from you before she eventually decided to live like that. To her understanding that's the best option. If I may ask, when you earning 8x her salary what did u do with it? Where u planing with her? Where u giving her room for her opinion on how ur incomes (both of u)should be spent?

funkybaby:

which yeye mistake? STFU and speak for yourself.

do i look like wunmi allen? who made you my PA

Nice one..... you bust d guy,,,,, though everyone has a right to their opinion

chaircover: I am a late comer so please can someone fill me in on the reason the wife gave for building her house without letting her husband know.

Still no reason as I type. She was remorseful initially, but suddenly becoming aggressive and incommunicado right now.

Any man that takes it upon himself to fund the marriage solely is a fool that's only thinking with his ego.. even if you make 10x more than your wife you better make sure she contributes just as much of her own salary to the marriage.. there is a know fact that one doesnt cherish what he doesnt invest in.. those days that men are supposed to be provider and sole contributor are gone, this women believe they are independent women..

personally i believe its difficult for women in general to love, be submissive to a man who they make more than.. its not in their dna..its reason why a man can go to the village to marry a lady while a woman can never... go ask Oprah why upon her wealth she is one lone miserable lady!!

I woke up in the middle of the night with my wife by my side and suddenly, the thought of "she could have killed you while you were sleeping" or "she could have set the house on fire", etc, etc, filled my mind! The only thing that didn't make me jolt out of bed in horror was that when I looked at her face, she was fast asleep! In fact, I am more confused now than I was when I created this thread. Aahh! NLers, una don drive me paranoid . But funny as it may seem, the issue is really not a laughing matter!

@Op
so your wife is the villain in the story? How many men consult their
wives when buying houses and cars for the other woman/girlfriend? thank
God you know the source of her income we wud have been hearing a different
story by now.

If she is bad she wouldnt have involved a man of God, she would have involve any other person but not a man of God.

some men do make a mistake of allowing their wives to shoulder the whole responsibility in the house the moment they know she has money.

SHAAWA: @Op so your wife is the villain in the story? How many men consult their wives when buying houses and cars for the other woman/girlfriend? thank God you know the source of her income we wud have hearing a different story.

All I needed from her was just to be notified and nothing more. There is no reason on earth that would have made me not to grant her my approval eacept may be I don't have the money readily available which doesn't apply in this situation. The building took her exactly one year to complete and she never bothered to inform me until I found out myself. The main issue there is that she has betrayed trust and loyalty in my marriage that I now deeply fear for my safety. If I have assurance that she means no harm, then I have no issue with the building or any of her other investments that I may not be aware of. But unfortunately, she's not talking and some key members of the family who are trying to savage the situation are saying she is neither picking no returning their calls as well. We can't make any meaningful progress here without communication.

2ndChance: I woke up in the middle of the night with my wife by my side and suddenly, the thought of "she could have killed you while you were sleeping" or "she could have set the house on fire", etc, etc, filled my mind! The only thing that didn't make make jolt out of bed in horror was that when I looked at her face, she was fast asleep! In fact, I am more confused now than I was when I created this thread. Aahh! NLers, una don drive me paranoid . But funny as it may seem, the issue is really not a laughing matter!

Don't let anyone confuse you. Some people are unhappy in their homes and are out to wreck other homes through bad advice. Its obvious you've been listening to some of these poor advises. What she did hurts no doubt but don't do anything you will later regret. Probe to the heart of the matter. There is something she is not telling you. Its only when you understand he true situation of things and why it happened will you be able to heal and move on. Now is the one to show more love. Who knows this may end up being a blessing in disguise.

If you continue like this,over flogging this issue,the remorse she felt wud just vanish.You better make peace in your home.

CC... na u i dey wait since o...
d@ was y i said... U R NOT TELLING THE WHOLE TRUTH. wen u were earning more than her, i'm sure u hardly slept @ home. scaring and intimidating her... i will send u back 2 ur pipo, dis, d@... now the tables r turned, you become a saint... its ur attitude befor she hit jackpot that prompted this reaction now...

BTW: this sounds like w@ i'll do.

CC... ME NO GREE O. NO HANDING OVER OF KEY O... NA IM MONEY?

Dt woman has a looooooooooot on her mind. Try nd get her to open up nd u can move forward from der!

[quote

author=2ndChance]
All I needed from her was just to be notified and nothing more. There is
no reason on earth that would have made me not to grant her my approval
eacept may be I don't have the money readily available which doesn't
apply in this situation. The building took her exactly one year to
complete and she never bothered to inform me until I found out myself.
The main issue there is that she has betrayed trust and loyalty in my
marriage that I now deeply fear for my safety. If I have assurance that
she means no harm, then I have no issue with the building or any of her
other investments that I may not be aware of. But unfortunately, she's
not talking and some key members of the family who are trying to savage
the situation are saying she is neither picking no returning their calls
as well. We can't make any meaningful progress here without
communication.[/quote]

Good to hear, this is not enough reason to break up your home. Ask
yourself how many of such trust have you broken without her knowing.
Just tell her how you feel congratulates her on her achievement.

Let her be assured that she will always have your support and lastly, live up to your responsibility take care of her and the kids the way you have been doing before, forget the part she is earning more than you.

2ndChance:
All I needed from her was just to be notified and nothing more. There is no reason on earth that would have made me not to grant her my approval eacept may be I don't have the money readily available which doesn't apply in this situation. The building took her exactly one year to complete and she never bothered to inform me until I found out myself. The main issue there is that she has betrayed trust and loyalty in my marriage that I now deeply fear for my safety. If I have assurance that she means no harm, then I have no issue with the building or any of her other investments that I may not be aware of. But unfortunately, she's not talking and some key members of the family who are trying to savage the situation are saying she is neither picking no returning their calls as well. We can't make any meaningful progress here without communication.

Have you stopped to consider that may be she feels too embarrassed to pick those calls?
I once had a situation where very Tom, dick and harry wanted to phone in and find out the state of affairs in my house. You can never know how embarrassing it is to pick tons of calls from people in a day all in the name of settling family dispute. Don't be surprised that some of these people only wants to hear stories they would later spread to their friends. Not all family members are your friends! Some are looking to gossip and spread more rancor. Tell will even come back to you will stories of your wife' response to them and how she was slandering your name.

I can tell you from experience that this is a matter better resolved tenderly with your better half. Don't let people fill your head with rubbish. For all you know some of these people may be envying you as we speak. Think what wil happen 1-10 years down the line after you separatedrom your wife and you begin to see things clearly and wished you never allowed outside inference. Nothing kills a marriage faster than interfering family.

As for your mother in law this is a good opportunity to show her the way out. Let me remind you that mannerof approach matters. The way you approach your wife for explanation matters. Don't approach her in an aggressive way. Be gentle and show superior character. You will be surprised at what a gentle voice will do.