2ndChance: I have confronted her already and she went down on her kneels begging for forgiveness immediately. But then, trust once lost is difficult to gain back in a relationship. So even though I have forgiven her, I really don't trust her any longer because I now have this strong feeling that she has some unterior motives. I have also confronted the Priest too and he was speechless and in shock as to how I manage to find out.
As for the paternity issue, I have no doubt the children are mine as they are my carbon copies both the male and female ones. Besides, where I hail from, I would have been a dead man by now if I wasn't the biological father of my children. So, that's sorted.

GoodFaith:
Sorry, I do the jilting
I call the shot because I know Jesus
I can back it up and I have the resources thank you Jesus

pickabeau1:

Nice one..... you bust d guy,,,,, though everyone has a right to their opinion

chaircover: You better not listen to Nairlanders . . .me included EXCLUSIVE sef.

dasparrow:

Honestly, here is my take on this. Was your wife wrong to have not informed you of her building project? Perhaps. But here is the thing, a lot of Nigerian-bred men become intimidated when their wife decides to build a house. They feel that she will no longer be submissive to them as before. The same train of thought occurs when an average Nigerian-bred male finds out that his wife earns more money than he does. All of a sudden, their ego feels bruised and katakata starts in the home. So, your wife probably felt that if she told you she wanted to build a house, you might not have agreed and would have used the excuse that you people already have properties scattered all over and there is no need to start acquiring or building another house. In addition, building a house someday might have been your wife's childhood dream and she does not want anyone getting in the way of her fulfilling that dream.

Next, I am going to look at this scenario from a different point of view. Nigeria is a country that sadly does not protect women. In the western world, should a man pass away, the wife by default inherits any property the couple shared except the couple had agreed otherwise before the spouse's demise. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard true life stories of Nigerian women who stood and struggled with their husbands till he became rich. But as soon as the man died, his family - both immediate and extended - came along and threw the woman and her kids out on the street leaving her with nothing. Sometimes, the family of the man will come up with outrageous theories that insist that the wife killed their son and hence she cannot retain any part of the properties the man ever had. This is even though both husband and wife worked very hard side by side to acquire all they had gotten. That is the reality of things in Nigeria.

Nigeria's judicial system is equally nothing to write home about because they don't protect the widows of this society. In fact, Nigerian society is against the woman and women are against their fellow women as well. When a woman get's thrown out of her matrimonial home or becomes a widow, she generally has nowhere to turn to. So, I cannot blame your wife for coming up with a plan B. This is Nigeria and not America where in the event of a divorce, properties are split equally between the couple - as long as no prenuptial was signed - or in the event of spousal death, the woman and her children keep the property. So any Nigerian woman married to a Nigerian-bred man and living in Nigeria will do well to protect herself from any eventualities.

You may think your wife is being evil but the truth of the matter is that Nigerian society is wicked to women and do not protect them. If I was a Nigerian woman married to a Nigerian-bred man and raising a family in Nigeria, you best believe I will pull a similar stunt. No woman wants to build a home with a man and then when he dies, the man's greedy family relations who never contributed anything will come from the village and start talking crap about how the culture says that the properties of their late brother is now theirs. This is Africa and African women should wake up and do whatever is necessary for their survival and the survival of their offspring. My 2 cents.

ileobatojo:

Standing fecking ovation!!


Yes. I had to quote the whole damn thing just to say that!!

Ishilove:
Buzugee you don start

ATMC: that was aftet he was jilted

funkybaby:

***rubs baby bump while flashing fourth finger on the left hand with 18carat diamond ring***

Chillisauce:











At post, OP has already consulted family ASAP. I see that the woman is scared of tomorrow.

Okija juju also nailed it, for one to build a house is not a days thing. OP, check yourself

2ndChance:
You don't know how these things are done.
Woman resumes in the office, sends money into Priest's account with clear instructions on how to go about the job and she retires home to her family without any call from the Priest until the following day may be. The buiding is located away from the city where she lives with her family and she doesn't visit to see progress but relies on pictures from her mother and the Priest (may be) and you are here saying "check yourself" . If you were in my shoes, how would you have checked yourself? Mind you, this is a woman that has blatantly refused to let you know how much she now earns or how much grants, loans, etc that she has in her possession saying you're are trying to poke nose into her finances.

obadiah777: or you dont want a wife period lol. this whole marriage thing is life imprisonment. apostle paul said it is better for a man to be single

2ndChance: @chaircover
I have tried to respond to your questions to the best of my ability with the bolded comments below.

Have you given her any reason to doubt your faithfulness to her and she feels that she can be traded in for another model any time soon.
Well I am always blunt on issues but not to the extent of threatening her with another mistress except may be in her imagination.

When you were earning 8X than her, was she given any say in how you spent your money and was she involve in decisions and did she have free access to that money or she had to justify or ask you for money severally for each penny you gave her.
The money was "our" money, that was the policy and I made sure she had equal say in the whole decision making process. We always agree on the best decision together.

When you were purchasing/building your own properties was she involved in it even though she wasn’t putting money down to give her a sense of belonging. Was she able to pick and choose things, eg colour schemes so she sees it as "our" house rather than "your" house?
She was fully involved. She always signed as my witness on all our deeds of conveyance. She decides on most things while I execute

Do you say things like “my house” “ I will chase you out of my house” “ I don’t want Jack or Jill in my house”?
It's always our house, our money, etc. But when she became more financially bouyant, she introduced the concept of "my money" which devasted me the very first day I heard it from her. That was about the first time I used the phrase "I will not take this in this house". I think I have used it freely anytime I notice any untoward behaviour ever since

In what names are your current properties? If God forbid you die today, will she have compete access to all those properties or will your family tussle it with her and make her homeless. Who is your next of kin?
All in our names i.e. Mr & Mrs Lagbaja I kept the documents in an open place where we both have access to them. We don't have tussle over properties in my family. It's not a polygamous home and I have a lot of landed properties from my parents that I even don't know some. I advised my father the other time to sell off some of them I am not sure I can trace them if he's gone. My son from my wife is the heir apparant to all these properties including the one my wife and I have jonlty acquired. She is my next of kin on all my documents till date.

Does she get on with your family?

Of late, she doesn't get on well with my family because of some issues that emanated from the actions of some of these Priests around her in the past.

As her husband what have you encouraged her to do with all the money that she is now earning? or did you expect it to just sit in the bank or to be used on frivolities.
I have engaged her severally on the need to maximize the opportunity presented by her new financial status all to no avail. I stopped raising the issue the day she blatantly told me I was "poking nose" into her finances.

What is the general health state of your relationship until now?

It's been very smooth until like 2yrs back when I started challenging some of her changes in attitude

Does she feel comfortable and relaxed within the relationship ie she has given you both male and female children?

Yes she has

If she had come to you and asked for permission to build the house, would you have agreed

Of course I would have agreed and would have even handled the job because I have a lot of good builders that I have used in tha past. She knows most of them as well

Re the pastor issue . . .that I don’t subscribe to and that man shouldn’t have gotten involved in that or found a way to let you know from the onset. Men of God should not take sides and definitely shouldn’t do anything that will jeopardise a marriage. They should be fixing and not breaking.
Thank you. Surprisingly, the same Priest declared us husband and wife about 10 yrs ago proclaiming "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder". Hilarious! Isn't it? I wish it was possible for me to vomit the communion and wine he gave me that day on his face now.

You say that she has asked for forgiveness. Is it genuine? If it is genuine have you asked her to honestly tell you why she took those steps.
Initially, she sounded genuine with her pleas for forgiveness. But right now perhaps after some consultations she's cooking up lies to justify her action, not willing to discuss the issue and becoming aggressive at the same time

You need to know the “why” so you know what you are dealing with. If you are satisfied with her answers, then you both bridge the gaps and move on.

She's not talking yet. Have engaged her like four times since I raised the issue. She was remorseful and apologetic at first with a promise to open up later but now, is becoming aggressive and keeping mute


I would however say to watch what she does with the house. If she is genuinely sorry, she will hand over the keys to the house and tell you to take over the maintenance/collect rent/look after the house even though the house remains in her name.

Really not interested in the building but just want to know that rational behind her not informing me cos I fear she may have some more shockers in the waiting especially with her now aggressive approach to the issue

2ndChance:
You don't know how these things are done.
Woman resumes in the office, sends money into Priest's account with clear instructions on how to go about the job and she retires home to her family without any call from the Priest until the following day may be. The buiding is located away from the city where she lives with her family and she doesn't visit to see progress but relies on pictures from her mother and the Priest (may be) and you are here saying "check yourself" If you were in my shoes, how would you have checked yourself? Mind you, this is a woman that has blatantly refused to let you know how much she now earns or how much grants, loans, etc that she has in her possession saying you're are trying to poke nose into her finances.

mz mariah: Hmmm.marriage is now beginning to scare me.lord have mercy

2ndChance: I have seen similar threads on this topic before but never imagined it could happen in my marriage.
My wife and I have been married for about 10 years now and we have been blessed with both male and female children. For the first 7yrs of the marriage, I earned about 8x my wife's salary and everything was sweet and rosy. We were the envy of most families with houses and landed properties both in the village and the city where we live. But about 4yrs ago, my wife got a better job which made her salary slightly higher than mine. But more importantly, the new job gave her access to bulk money by way of loans, grants, etc and ever since, my family has never been the same again. My wife suddenly became unruly, she doesn't consult me on any issue concerning the family again. I have sat her down on countless occasions to know what the problem is but she refused to say what is responsible for her sudden change in attitude. Even when I seek her opinion on projects concerning the family, she shows indifference most times. I then resolved to continue to engage her and be as open as I can hoping that things would improve and indeed I really noticed some slight improvement. But when I was about to settle down and relax, I got the shocker of my life -my wife had built and completed a building without my knowledge! As if that was not shocking enough, I later found out that the man who has been fronting for her on the said project is the same Priest (Reverend Father) that joined us in holy matrimony!!!
I am really confused right now, having mood swings between laughing and angry at the same time. I just don't know how to handle this.

obadiah777: yup. he was jilted by the association of pharisees. so he decided to be a saint instead

GoodFaith:
Sorry, I do the jilting
I call the shot because I know Jesus
I can back it up and I have the resources thank you Jesus

jesus must really be your house boy or body guard

jp philips:


At your age you don't know that a Nigerian woman runs amok as soon has she is financially liberated? if you don't know this ABC of Nigerian women, what exactly do you know? why will it come to you as a shock? you should be expecting it.
you don't need any advise, you just need to grow up and summon the temerity to stand up to the realities of life.

what is the big deal in your wife building a house anyways? oh! she didn't consult you, ah! perhaps you don't have anything to offer, yes! a lot of men have failed in their decision making capacities, what do you expect your wife to do? continue seeking the opinion of a nematode because you are the man of the house, with no economics? lol! you really over rated yourself.

Mintayo:
what are you saying sire,you are not making any sense(no offence).
Can you try and read the last post of the Op?
@Op,it is a serious issue,with your mother-in-law involve,with her being aggressive even after apologizing,it is a serious issue,something is not right somewhere,you need wisdom to resolve,I hop it has not gotten to the point where you will tell your wife to choose btw you and her mother+the building+the priest.
God will give you wisdom,i am seeing a redlight o.

ATMC: so yhu jilt coz u know jesus? see ur mouth...anyway, i's referring to paul in my post

jp philips:


At your age you don't know that a Nigerian woman runs amok as soon has she is financially liberated? if you don't know this ABC of Nigerian women, what exactly do you know? why will it come to you as a shock? you should be expecting it.
you don't need any advise, you just need to grow up and summon the temerity to stand up to the realities of life.

what is the big deal in your wife building a house anyways? oh! she didn't consult you, ah! perhaps you don't have anything to offer, yes! a lot of men have failed in their decision making capacities, what do you expect your wife to do? continue seeking the opinion of a nematode because you are the man of the house, with no economics? lol! you really over rated yourself.

roselynbas:

You know Jesus and "you do the jilting"?

GoodFaith:
I am protected by getting jilt because Jesus will always show me the way out
The Lord is always protecting me from all evil
You Meant Peter not Paul

king100: [b]Do not send he[/b]r out.But do not ever trust her any more.Some women are so callous to the extent that they can do anything to hurt you.The reason being that they are weak-minded species, they do not think deeply before doing anything, they are more emotional than being logical.All the children she has for you, may not all be yours.If a woman have children for you and have been in a marriage for many years, she can still poison you.I read recently a married pregnant woman having a sexual relationship with her in an hotel.How do you explain that.

Mintayo:
what are you saying sire,you are not making any sense(no offence).
Can you try and read the last post of the Op?
@Op,it is a serious issue,with your mother-in-law involve,with her being aggressive even after apologizing,it is a serious issue,something is not right somewhere,you need wisdom to resolve,I hop it has not gotten to the point where you will tell your wife to choose btw you and her mother+the building+the priest.
God will give you wisdom,i am seeing a redlight o.