chineloSA:

"There can never be two bulls in one kraall" - African proverb.

In any company there is one CEO.

If you can provide all those things for yourself, marry yourself then. If you go with that mentality in marriage, u will divorce earlier than Kim Kardashian

My dear don't get it twisted, the man us the head but not because of material things he can give me. It is because I choose to follow God's word and accord him that respect. So bride price or no bride price, rent or no rent a woman he is the head. So I agree with you that a man is the head but never because of the things you stated.

Afam4eva:
So, do you suggest the Man now submits himself to his wife instead? There's really nothing wrong with that as long as everybody takes their role and stop trying to usurp someone else's position.

Of course you won't see anything wrong with the idea that women are supposed to be subservient to men because you are male and the misogynistic laws of your bible favour you. Why is it always incumbent on women to submit to men?
What if she's married to a poor decision maker? Or a sadist? Or sociopath?
She should always submit to him because the ancient jews that invented your religion said so abi?

chineloSA:
I am a self proclaimed feminists, but I am against woman turning man into their wives

A woman is married to a man and therefore takes after his surname, so man should not be deprived of that last right that is left for them please.

Yes we are equals, but he paid the bride price, provided shelter and name to be used for that house. So please, this is Africa.

This type of feminism dey fear me ooo.

gothrones:

There is no equality in the Nigerian culture; in particular, there can be no equality if a bride price is paid. Where I live, you simply marry anyone you want to. You don't buy them. How can you claim equality if you are paying?

In some marriages there is equality, hence I said men should not be deprived of that last right left of them. Men are not our wives, They are our husbands and should be given that opportunity to be husbands.

De Beauvoir:

Of course you won't see anything wrong with the idea that women are supposed to be subservient to men because you are male and the misogynistic laws of your bible favour you. Why is it always incumbent on women to submit to men?
What if she's married to a poor decision maker? Or a sadist? Or sociopath?
She should always submit to him because the ancient jews that invented your religion said so abi?

Allah knows best.
You must b submissive for peace to reign in the household

Afam4eva:
Can you tell us what is not backward? Causing unnecessary confusion that will lead to divorce? It's because of people like you that the average human being now marries up to 5 times before they die(i made this up sha). When God created man, he apportioned roles to each of them. It's when one tries to take up the other person's role that problem starts and it can eventually lead to the end of the marriage.

Afam4eva:
There can never be equality in marriage the way you mean it. That's where you live, in their attempt to make marriage equall, they keep running into problems that lead to divorce. The reason why most of our parents have been married for decades is because they respected each other's role and not try to usurp the other person.

Afam4eva:
Can you tell us what is not backward? Causing unnecessary confusion that will lead to divorce? It's because of people like you that the average human being now marries up to 5 times before they die(i made this up sha). When God created man, he apportioned roles to each of them. It's when one tries to take up the other person's role that problem starts and it can eventually lead to the end of the marriage.

My dear bros, I totally support ur line of thinking, but d problem I just av wit u is d usage of d word "roles". My broda make we talk true, roles change. But let us look deeper into "purpose" e.g why does the female av a womb while d male doesn't? Of course d answer will be "Because she is meant to bear/carry the children". Roles change e.g don't women av careers today? Think about it.

chineloSA:

In some marriages there is equality, hence I said men should not be deprived of that last right left of them. Men are not our wives, They are our husbands and should be given that opportunity to be husbands.

there's no equality in anything, we only seek for equity, if we weren't meant to be equal, Allah would have made us the same

De Beauvoir:

Of course you won't see anything wrong with the idea that women are supposed to be subservient to men because you are male and the misogynistic laws of your bible favour you. Why is it always incumbent on women to submit to men?
What if she's married to a poor decision maker? Or a sadist? Or sociopath?
She should always submit to him because the ancient jews that invented your religion said so abi?

Why must she marry a poor decision maker, sadist or sociopath. I can't phantom how a woman will see all these negative qualities in a man and still go ahead to marry him and go about complaining later in marriage and complaining why a man should be the head. It's incumbent for a man to be the head because popular culture dictates so. That does not mean it's cast in stone. Anybody can be the head and anybody can submit imo but both parties have to agree. Marriage is about agreement. You don't go marrying in a church where you took an oath to submit to your husband and now later have a problem with doing what you swore to do. if you can't submit then don't swear by that oath or don't marry at all. Marriage is not by force.

Mujah1deen: Allah knows best.
You must b submissive for peace to reign in the household

Abi ooo!

Allahuwakbar!!!

Masha Allaaahhh!!!!!

enigmatique: My dear bros, I totally support ur line of thinking, but d problem I just av wit u is d usage of d word "roles". My broda make we talk true, roles change. But let us look deeper into "purpose" e.g why does the female av a womb while d male doesn't? Of course d answer will be "Because she is meant to bear/carry the children". Roles change e.g don't women av careers today? Think about it.

women have always had careers. Stop misleading people
Anyway why don't they have d1cks?

Don't mind the feminazi

Afam4eva:
Why must she marry a poor decision maker, sadist or sociopath. I can't phantom how a woman will see all these negative qualities in a man and still go ahead to marry him and go about complaining later in marriage and complaining why a man should be the head. It's incumbent for a man to be the head because popular culture dictates so. That does not mean it's cast in stone. Anybody can be the head and anybody can submit imo but both parties have to agree. Marriage is about agreement. You don't go marrying in a church where you took an oath to submit to your husband and not later have a problem with doing what you swore to do. if you can't submit then don't swear by that oath or don't marry at all. Marriage is not by force.

The best Post among all today. Broda you got wisdom. Finally tomorrow the child will go back to Esan and if he can't fit in over there, he will be rediculed and call a lost child and then he will hate the mum for depriving him Esan Language

yellowpawpaw: To some of us saying the guy has a complex problem, I wonder why such comment. I hv seen igbo, yoruba, edo, or rivers men insist their kids learn their language first.
It also depends on where d couple resides. If its lagos, he don't need his mum to teach him yoruba language. His mum being yoruba is an added advantage.
If u both r outside the country, I wonder which language u will teach him honestly.
An igbo lady friend of mine is havin problem right now over this same issue cos the children speaks only ibo.Hubby is yoruba. She takes the kids to her hometown but never d hubby's. The day I asked the son where he came from and he mentioned umuahia, I then knew she has over done it. Hubby is d cool type but has been complaining, that's how it starts .small small.

enigmatique: My dear bros, I totally support ur line of thinking, but d problem I just av wit u is d usage of d word "roles". My broda make we talk true, roles change. But let us look deeper into "purpose" e.g why does the female av a womb while d male doesn't? Of course d answer will be "Because she is meant to bear/carry the children". Roles change e.g don't women av careers today? Think about it.

With the way the world is going, roles are changing so fast. That's why i said, irrespective of what role the man and woman will take, both of them have to be in agreement. When the bible said a woman should submit to a man, it meant that a woman should submit to a man's authority. That invariably means that a man makes the final decision in marriage after due consultation from his wife.

Triciana gal:

My dear don't get it twisted, the man us the head but not because of material things he can give me. It is because I choose to follow God's word and accord him that respect. So bride price or no bride price, rent or no rent a woman he is the head. So I agree with you that a man is the head but never because of the things you stated.

If a man fails to provide, or is not gainfully employed, woman are the first ones to cry foul. They never dare date that man, talkless of marriage and you are telling me that does not matter.

That absolutely untrue. No woman can date a man who is unemployed and who cannot provide. Hence some men postpone marriage until they are financial stable because they are meant to provide You yourself wont date an unemployed men

Personally I dont want to marry my wife, I wanna marry my husband

Afam4eva:
Why must she marry a poor decision maker, sadist or sociopath. I can't phantom how a woman will see all these negative qualities in a man and still go ahead to marry him and go about complaining later in marriage and complaining why a man should be the head. It's incumbent for a man to be the head because popular culture dictates so. That does not mean it's cast in stone. Anybody can be the head and anybody can submit imo but both parties have to agree. Marriage is about agreement. You don't go marrying in a church where you took an oath to submit to your husband and not later have a problem with doing what you swore to do. if you can't submit then don't swear by that oath or don't marry at all. Marriage is not by force.

@bold, Oh please.
Human beings really know how to pretend to get what they want. If theman really wanted to marry the girl, maybe cos she was a virgin or a good cook or a very good looking person then he could have pretended to be an angel just to marry her thus keeping her from knowing his dark side
@ rest of your post; the Bible clearly says that wives should submit to husbands, it doesn't say husbands should submit to wives. I don't know what religion it is you are following that teaches you that men can also submit to their wives.

De Beauvoir:

@bold, Oh please.
Human beings really know how to pretend to get what they want. If theman really wanted to marry the girl, maybe cos she was a virgin or a good cook or a really good looking person then he could have pretended to be an angerl just to marry her thus keeping her from knowing his dark side
@ rest of your post; the Bible clearly says that wives should submit to husbands, it doesn't say husbands should submit to wives. I don't know what religion you are following that teaches you that men can also submit to their wives.

Then you can't blame anyone for the fact that a man pretends to you that he was an angel because it means you failed in your job to know him. That's what courtship is for. In courtship, there are no emotions. You investigate the person properly before agreeing to marry.

I know what the bible says but not everybody is a Christian and the bible does not apply to everyone.

chineloSA:

If a man fails to provide, or is not gainfully employed, woman are the first ones to cry foul. They never dare date that man, talkless of marriage and you are telling me that does not matter.

That absolutely untrue. No woman can date a man who is unemployed and who cannot provide. Hence some men postpone marriage until they are financial stable because they are meant to provide You yourself wont date an unemployed men

Personally I dont want to marry my wife, I wanna marry my husband

That's untrue, with today's economy more and more women are becoming the main breadwinners. Women are constantly marrying men who make less than them as long as those men can show that they are not lazy. Talking about dating unemployed men, truth is most men theses days also won't date an unemployed woman. It is because everyone wants someone who adds value. So on your own world once a woman had more money the man becomes a wife .

De Beauvoir: Wonders shall never end. In the minds of Nigerian men, wife=slave.

After suffering through pregnancy, giving birth and then spending her entire life taking care of the child, the man still decides every single decision they take concerning the child because one fabricated book said that women should be submissive and men must always be the head regardless of whether they have leadership skills or not.

Women have really suffered.

De beuviour you have a valid point tho women shouldn't be slaves to men because they are married to the man and paid bride price. Both of them are parents and they should both speak their language to the child. But still a wife should be submissive/obedient to her hubby while the hubby should give the wife some respect.

@OP The Father should speak his language while the mother speak hers to the baby, she's the one that carried the baby for 9 month why banning her from speaking her language to her baby?

I get the hubby drift I think it is because they live in yoruba land that's why he wants the child to learn esan, don't worry op your child will grow up speaking yoruba because of the environment but you should let your child know about his father language very important. Lol I have an half igbo-yoruba friend living in SW his dad ibo and mum yoruba but he speaks yoruba very frequently infact have never seen him speaking igbo.

@Op: Many pipu av given u good advice. What I will just say is that try and persuade ur hubby to at least make ur child understand the Esan lang! It mag sound weird but see, let him know that ur child is not oyinbo, he is Nigerian! Just like som1 said, if u don't knw d language, u r a stranger to any tribe. So the child will be a stranger to BOTH Yorubas and Esans and, guess what, he will also be a stranger to Oyinbo people if he meets them. So ur child will end up avin NO ROOTS! Do u knw d agony such people go thru? Why do u think som Americans, Britons etc com back to Naija to see if dey can find dia family? U tink sey dem dey look 4 somtin wey no important abi? God forbid!
All in all, commit d matter to God. I pray that He helps u resolve it. After all, one of the oriki of Jesus is "Prince of Peace". May that peace rain supreme in ur home, amen.

Afam4eva:
There can never be equality in marriage the way you mean it. That's where you live, in their attempt to make marriage equall, they keep running into problems that lead to divorce. The reason why most of our parents have been married for decades is because they respected each other's role and not try to usurp the other person.

And what about in Nigeria? We have many marital problems as other Western countries. I lived in Nigeria till I was 19 and so many women in Nigerian marriages are not only unhappy, but they cannot escape their prison because of societal disdain for divorce. It is easy for you to hold your position because you are a man.

If a woman told me that she was the head of our family because some god said so, I'd be pissed too. God did not appoint any roles to anyone. They are all societal constructs.

Some women thought at marriage they owned it all. I can deduced this frm d way u're quick to react to every comment posted on ur topic. Ok, u want to silent his esan lang while u dominate d house wit yoruba? Do u also realise he is an esan b4 u married him? So wat stops u frm learning fast to speak his lang nd in turn use it as d lang of d home whil passively introducing urs since u hv d advantage of leaving in ur cultural environment? It shows one thing-'Dat u want to have dominion over d man Pls b submissive in order to kip ur marriage

greatgod2012: When this man knew he wouldn't want his child speak Yoruba, why did he marry a Yoruba woman.
Can we say he's suffering from inferiority complex or is he just insecure or is he a tribalist?

To settle this, @op, sit him down and discuss gently and humbly with him, let him realise that, even if you dont speak this Yoruba language with d kid, he will still eventually pick it up in the enviroment while growing up. Or betterstill, tell him to communicate with his kid in his language while you also speak with him in your language, afterall, you also have half of your gene in your kid.

What is good for the goose is also good for the gander.

Pls call a spade a spade not a farm tool. Hence the lady is married to an Esan automatically, she becomes one of them. She should stop being stupid and pushy or she will break her home. She should have married Yoruba then. One thing about nairaland is that people speak not the truth because everyone wants to protect their tribes..@ OP, i want u to start thinkin like an Esan because U are now one of them. Learn how to speak the language and solidify ur new family. Remember, a good woman maketh her home. Shekinah!

Triciana gal:

That's untrue, with today's economy more and more women are becoming the main breadwinners. Women are constantly marrying men who make less than them as long as those men can show that they are not lazy. Talking about dating unemployed men, truth is most men theses days also won't date an unemployed woman. It is because everyone wants someone who adds value. So on your own world once a woman had more money the man becomes a wife .

Woman breadwinners in Nigeria?

No, once I financially take over the responsibilities of a man, then to me he is my wife. Even if I earn less, he still needs to honour his responsibilities.
I wouldn't take over a mans responsibility, as I would be denting his ego. He will eventually go and look somewhere where he is useful.

chineloSA:

Woman breadwinners in Nigeria?

No, once I financially take over the responsibilities of a man, then to me he is my wife. Even if I earn less, he still needs to honour his responsibilities.
I wouldn't take over a mans responsibility, as I would be denting his ego. He will eventually go and look somewhere where he is useful.

So according to you, it is money that makes a man. Thus whoever earns more in a relationship is the man!

tintingz: De beuviour you have a valid point tho women shouldn't be slaves to men because they are married to the man and paid bride price. Both of them are parents and they should both speak their language to the child. But still a wife should be submissive to her hubby while the hubby should give the wife some respect.

Is that what the Iman preached in the mosque yesterday?

Anyway I don't agree with your biased and sexist opinion. Women are equally as intelligent as men so there is no reason why they should throw away their decision making abilities and start "submitting" to another person and letting that person decide how they live their lives.

Marriage should be about understanding and agreement and couples should discuss anything they want to implement in their marriage instead of following ridiculous laws about how the women must always submit to what the man says.

gothrones:

And what about in Nigeria? We have many marital problems as other Western countries. I lived in Nigeria till I was 19 and so many women in Nigerian marriages are not only unhappy, but they cannot escape their prison because of societal disdain for divorce. It is easy for you to hold your position because you are a man.

If a woman told me that she was the head of our family because some god said so, I'd be pissed too. God did not appoint any roles to anyone. They are all societal constructs.

The reason why people are having problems in marriage in Nigeria is due to the same reason. We're trying to copy the westerners in their warped definition of equality in marriage, that's why the divorce rate is increasing in Nigeria. Tell me why our parents were not divorcing like no man's business. It's because they understood that there's no such thing as equality in Marriage, the way it's defined.

De Beauvoir:

Abi ooo!

Allahuwakbar!!!

Masha Allaaahhh!!!!!

Allahu Akbar

gothrones:

And what about in Nigeria? We have many marital problems as other Western countries. I lived in Nigeria till I was 19 and so many women in Nigerian marriages are not only unhappy, but they cannot escape their prison because of societal disdain for divorce. It is easy for you to hold your position because you are a man.

If a woman told me that she was the head of our family because some god said so, I'd be pissed too. God did not appoint any roles to anyone. They are all societal constructs.

Wow, this is quite nice nice to read.

Kudos for showing objectivity in your opinion.

chineloSA:

I understand the guys point of view. Is he married to you or you married to him You giving your son a Yoruba name should just be plain negotiations and him being a nice guy.

I ask if you are pregnant because, from my perspective I think you overreacted. In my culture, that is not negotiated, especially if you are married. So, i expect you to understand such.

Chinelo, which culture? Pls speak for yourself. I assume you are igbo. No igbo culture dictates that. Wake up from your slumber and stop being myopic. So you are telling me you are a slave to your hubby just because he married you? I pity such mentality. Its women like you that makes men treat them like trash!!

De Beauvoir:

Is that what the Iman preached in the mosque yesterday?

Anyway I don't agree with your biased and sexist opinion. Women are equally as intelligent as men so there is no reason why they should throw away their decision making abilities and start "submitting" to another person and letting that person decide how they live their lives.

Marriage should be about understanding and agreement and couples should discuss anything they want to implement in their marriage instead of following ridiculous laws about how the women must always submit to what the man says.

Women are/can(be) intelligent in their own things. They mustn't try to do exactly what their husbands are dfoing to show that they're equally intelligent. God created everyone with a role in mind. Everyone has a mission in this world. A banker does not go about doing the job of a lawyer. A husband cannot go about telling his wife the amount of maggi to put in a soup, so why should she tell him what to do in his own line of work? Isn't that what causes conflict in marriage?

De Beauvoir:

Is that what the Iman preached in the mosque yesterday?

Anyway I don't agree with your biased and sexist opinion. Women are equally as intelligent as men so there is no reason why they should throw away their decision making abilities and start "submitting" to another person and letting that person decide how they live their lives.

Marriage should be about understanding and agreement and couples should discuss anything they want to implement in their marriage instead of following ridiculous laws about how the women must always submit to what the man says.

You should embrace Islam, it is clear that you are not a virtuous woman, I pity your future husband.
The submission of women to their husbands is not something we negotiate or you should challenge, all religions and cultures agree on that.